Actually, I lost all respect for two colleagues today. One is a brand new grad, about 21 or 22 and gorgeous in one of those fresh, "girl next door" ways. She gets her scrubs tailored so they fit her just so, her hair is long, shiny and falls in loose lustrous waves. She could be a model, so we'll call her Heidi. The other is a married neurosurgery fellow, whose wife is pregnant with his first child. We'll call him Dr. Dick, or just Dick.
Heidi didn't do anything to seriously endanger a patient: she didn't slam in Lasix, for example, or trickle in Adenosine. She didn't miss a run of VT (although, to be fair, the Clin Tech noticed it first and pointed it out to Heidi). She didn't ignore post-op pain or bleeding, and she wasn't the one sitting at the computer at the nurse's station, headphones on and watching a hockey game while ignoring monitor alarms and call bells. Nevertheless, I've completely lost respect for her.
It was a slow night for a Friday night -- half of our surgeons were out of town for a conference and of the remaining four, one just lost his mother and isn't back from the funeral in Asia. There's a new sushi restaurant near the hospital, and they deliver if you can put together a lucrative-enough order. The folks I work with are crazy about sushi and even the Respiratory Therapists and the X-ray techs were ordering $20 worth of sushi.
We were all sitting in the back -- well, not ALL of us. Half of us were sitting in the back, having drawn the long straw and were enjoying our sushi while the other half watched all of the patients. Heidi was sitting next to Dick, something that really didn't register with me at the time, and Dick was regaling us all with a tale about how his wife's incredible morning sickness caused her to toss her cookies in the waste basket of a patient's hospital room while the patient described in great detail the "unusual" nature of his poop. (Only nurses -- and surgeons, RTs and X-ray techs can sit around enjoying a good meal while describing poop and someone's vomiting episodes.)
And then I went back to relieve Steve, my substation partner so he could eat his sushi. While Steve was gone, his patient's attending surgeon stopped by and asked a question I couldn't answer, so I popped into the break room to ask him about it. Both Heidi and Dick were still there, only this time they were sharing a single chair. The sexual tension was palpable, and Steve looked thrilled to be interrupted. He shot out of the room as though he'd been fired from a cannon.
Heidi, it seems, has been sleeping with Dick since her arrival on our unit in July. She knows all about the pregnant wife . . .
Heidi may be a good clinician one day, she may be a compassionate and caring nurse. She may be a hard worker. But I will never again respect a woman who could sleep with a married man, a man whose wife is pregnant with their child and who is a sometimes-colleague on a consulting service. And the fact that they made no attempt to be discreet makes them even more contemptible. I've lived through the drama on a unit when an affair goes bad, witnessed a famously and flagrantly unfaithful surgeon's wife storm into the ICU demanding "which one of you ugly ******* is ******* my husband?" and making a good attempt to castrate the man in question. I've seen the aftermath of the DON being found going at it with the Medical Director of Emergency Medicine and I've lived through more nurses breaking up with doctors on our service than I can even remember. I've been the cheated-upon, and it was more painful than even I can describe. Why would you put someone else through that deliberately?
Keep it out of work, people. And if you cannot do that, at least be discreet.
Look, I don't expect many women to understand this but I get where he is coming from and why a man would seek a FWB situation with a "Heidi". I belive he is using poor judgement when he seeks that out at WORK. The "Heidi's" of the world can be VERY attractive to a man, _IF_ you understand her nature from the beginning and don't get sucked in beyond the "fun zone".
And why is Heidi suddenly a gold digging whore? Good God why is all the blame on her shoulders? Like Dick was just an innocent bystander until trashy Heidi got him in her sights! He was just unable with withstand her attack, it's not his fault!! It's ridiculous.
Oh they certainly CAN! It is just my observation than often they don't. Exceptions abound!
Oh, I can understand wanting a FWB relationship perfectly well. I think it's a recipe for disaster 90% of the time, but that's another discussion.
What I don't understand is someone that isn't even a nurse yet worrying about finding a nurse to sleep with at work. I don't understand how a discussion about alleged adultery and broken homes is the appropriate place to ask advice on getting a piece of that action.
I don't understand a lot of things.
Maybe Heidi genuinely LIKES that physician. Maybe she's young and dumb and thinks it'll turn into something more. Maybe it is something more. Maybe it's nothing and they both know it. Maybe a bunch of things.
I don't care whether Heidi is too inexperienced to know better, too in love to see the probable consequences, or too self-absorbed to care about any consequences. I don't particularly care about any mitigating circumstances in the MD's life, either. Sleeping with a married man is a trashy thing to do; being married and sleeping with another woman is equally trashy.
I never thought I'd actually witness people having a serious, drawn-out discussion on whether or not adultery is OK. That's like discussing whether or not it's OK to set fire to your house.
I don't care whether Heidi is too inexperienced to know better, too in love to see the probable consequences, or too self-absorbed to care about any consequences. I don't particularly care about any mitigating circumstances in the MD's life, either. Sleeping with a married man is a trashy thing to do; being married and sleeping with another woman is equally trashy.
I never thought I'd actually witness people having a serious, drawn-out discussion on whether or not adultery is OK. That's like discussing whether or not it's OK to set fire to your house.
As far as I know, no one is saying adultery is okay. The resounding theme is that it's none of our business what consenting adults do, and if someone is breaking their marriage vows that's on them, no one else.
Look, I don't expect many women to understand this but I get where he is coming from and why a man would seek a FWB situation with a "Heidi". I belive he is using poor judgement when he seeks that out at WORK. The "Heidi's" of the world can be VERY attractive to a man, _IF_ you understand her nature from the beginning and don't get sucked in beyond the "fun zone".
The way I look at is, it would be an ideal arrangement if both individuals are new grads with busy schedules, have many skills to hone/learn, and are also both working towards goals involving graduate school that will also be very time-consuming (GRE studying, etc.). I notice that most women look at males with intentions such as mine as being selfish and out-for-themselves and looking to "take advantage of" a girl, but what they seem to fail to realize is that one of the... stipulations, if you will, of the arrangement is that BOTH people want the same thing, and with the same limitations.
@Stephalump, the reason I decided to ask about my own viability for establishing one of these relationships is, as I was reading through the thread, the idea simply popped into my head. I'm not really familiar with the dynamics of nurse-nurse social/sexual relations, so I have no idea how common it actually is for co-workers to engage in nothin-but-hawt-seks FWB arrangements with each other. Believe it or not, it is fairly common in some work settings, such as restaurants, for male & female waitstaff to become so comfortable/accustomed to the level of attraction they may have for each other that they actually establish casual, purely sexual relationships all the time.
Hedgehog, it's a horrible idea. I'm sure you'll brush me off and jump at the chance if it's ever offered, but in time you'll think....man, she was right.
The way I see it, in order for a NSA relationship to work, you both have to be mature and you both have to be benefitting from the arrangement. A mature woman looking solely for sex would, I hope, be smart enough to not seek it at work.
This is not a job at the local Red Lobster. This is a career with a surprisingly small circle of people in it. You know those dreams of CRNA school? You need letters of recommendation for that. All it takes is one night with the wrong coworker and you could kiss those letters goodbye.
Specializes in burn ICU, SICU, ER, Trauma Rapid Response.
I never thought I'd actually witness people having a serious, drawn-out discussion on whether or not adultery is OK. That's like discussing whether or not it's OK to set fire to your house.
I am wondering if you have posted to the wrong discussion, or maybe you haven't read this discussion? I haven't seen anyone make the argument that adultry is OK. If I have missed anyone making that argument please enlighten me.
Specializes in burn ICU, SICU, ER, Trauma Rapid Response.
The way I look at is, it would be an ideal arrangement if both individuals are new grads with busy schedules, have many skills to hone/learn, and are also both working towards goals involving graduate school that will also be very time-consuming (GRE studying, etc.).
I am starting to worry about your reading comprehension skills. First you come on here asking about hooking up with a "Heidi" at work, then in the above you are talking about hooking up with a coworker who has similar goals as you, someone obviously NOT a "Heidi".
Look man you have been warned dozens of times by people who know exactly what the hospital social enviroment is like. You simply do NOT understand what it is like to work in an acute care unit. You continue to ask questions that would never even occure to you if you did know what it was like and ignore all the warnings. Fine, do whatever you want. Do so knowing (becuase we have told you a bunch of times) that you are putting your stated plans for the future at great risk.
moti=PMFB-RN;8133844]I am starting to worry about your reading comprehension skills. First you come on here asking about hooking up with a "Heidi" at work, then in the above you are talking about hooking up with a coworker who has similar goals as you, someone obviously NOT a "Heidi". Look man you have been warned dozens of times by people who know exactly what the hospital social enviroment is like. You simply do NOT understand what it is like to work in an acute care unit. You continue to ask questions that would never even occure to you if you did know what it was like and ignore all the warnings. Fine, do whatever you want. Do so knowing (becuase we have told you a bunch of times) that you are putting your stated plans for the future at great risk.Don't worry, I get what you're saying. I was primarily talking about finding someone who represents the purely aesthetic traits of Heidi, and not her motives, personality, why she became a nurse, etc. I still have a year to go before I graduate, so it's all just talking/fantasizing at this point. Also, when I talked about doing the FWB thing with someone who has similar goals to my own, what I meant was that since we both would have busy schedules, very little time for a formal relationship, and a mutual understanding of the work and dedication required to become a CRNA, the advantages to engaging in such a relationship would be readily apparent.
Yeah we all got what you're saying. What you're still not getting is how weird everything you're saying is coming off. You just keep digging that hole deeper and deeper. I have to think this is just a very long elaborate troll. At least I hope so, cause basically you said you're looking for s hot chick at work to bang and don't care anything about her as a person, as long as she is hot. I seriously don't understand you at all.
SionainnRN
914 Posts
Uh why couldn't women understand that?