I like learning about diseases but hate nursing

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Specializes in Float.

I'm in my fourth semester of nursing school going for my BSN. I'm a 22 yr old male. I've been working in the hospital as a CNA night shift for 6 months now. I can honestly say I hate my job. I get sad on the days that I have to go to work. I feel like a part of me as a person is being taken away whenever I go to work. I hate the way the hospital looks, and when i'm inside a patient's room getting vitals; I get depressed when i look out the windows at the mountains seeing the sun set and my day is basically gone. The other day i was sitting for a patient who was elderly and confused post surgery. I decided to take him to a big window outside his room on the unit and look at the clouds and mountains. He said Wow! And did'nt want to go back to his room, luckily his medicine wasn't ready and I didn't want to go back in there either. We stayed starring out the window for and hour. I felt connected with him more than a simple "can i get your vital signs" type employee. I felt like i could get away mentally, but the days when i'm at the nursing station or running from room to room just completing tasks, I think about the world outside the hospital and the laughter, people walking through the malls, parks, friends sitting at the dinner tables catching up, or even a slow paced office job sitting by a window answering phone calls looking a glittering lights in the distance. With most patients im too focused and busy to get to know them and I lose touch or maybe never grasp it in the first place. Some patients like the elderly guy above i'm able to talk to and feel some type of empathy for their current state of being despite all their years of hard work and relationships lost. I also fear if I will too end up in their condition or similar once I am old. Sick, lonely, weak, tired, unheard, dependent. When i'm working my twelve hour shifts I find myself lost and functioning as a robot by midshift and sometimes I turn on music to bring me together. Then i look at the nurses and see them running around sweating like me, constantly worried about everything and I worry about my health and stress level in the future. I get tired of feeling this way.

My hate for my job has began to spill over into my enthusiasm for nursing and nursing school. I am still passing, but I just do not have an interest and the mere fact of just finishing nursing school has become a "task" to complete because i've invested so much time thus far. I wonder about other occupations like accounting, teaching, singing, etc. BUT when im spending a little "me time" i like to read about diseases, medications and their mechanisms of actions. When i am being taught to tell a patient to avoid grapefruit juice or green leafy veggies i'm usually sitting in classed bored and feel like it's a joke. I hate how i'm being taught more about nursing implications than the disease itself IT DRIVES ME INSANE because the implications aren't thought provoking enough. At least most of them. I feel like I just don't know enough about diseases and illnesses themself and to be honest thats all I truely like. I'm in debt with stafford loans so I have to finish my degree because I do not like to owe anyone. I'm so lost now and sometimes I feel like I may have made a mistake going for nursing but i like learning about diseases and treatments. My mom and friends say its normal to be depressed when you are almost done with NS. But i view it as false assurance because nobody feels my emotions. I get tired of feeling this way.

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I felt this way too and I stuck with Nursing. I tried outside employment, but always come back to Nsg cause of the money issue. (I'm at the 20+ years mark). It's ok to think of Nsg as your money job and find something else you want to do. Just don't say at work, it's your "money job" (a lot of musicians, artists have to have money jobs so they can do what they do.) Some people will judge you harshly, and as long as you do a good job, there is nothing wrong with not being in love with what you do for a living.

I do find being an RN much different than working as a CNA. It's not as back breaking. I get more respect and have more control over my day.

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How about trying all the different areas of nursing? There are areas one really doesn't like and can't get out fast enough and there might just be a few areas where inside is just as great as outside. Have you ever worked in pediatrics? Completely different world. Or community nursing where you drive around lots of the day. Nursing is such a huge area - of you don't like one - try another and don't get stuck wishing you wouldn't have to be there.

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Specializes in Med/Surg/Tele/Onc.

First of all, finish the degree and take the Nclex. You only have a few short months to go. Having that piece of paper is very important. If you decide to do something else, go for another degree, then you can. Have one under your belt already will be so much better for you. You will also be employable and be able to make more money, so you can pay those loans back faster.

Next, start looking at Masters Programs. Maybe research is more up your alley. Maybe physical therapy or pharmacy. I think having a nursing degree and license will help you more than you realize, even if you don't work as a nurse. I had a girl in my class who wanted to be the coroner. She said in our state, nurses could do that.

Lastly, it isn't shameful to realize nursing isn't what you want. Just be smart about setting your short term and long term goals.

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Specializes in Med/Surg/Tele/Onc.
How about trying all the different areas of nursing? There are areas one really doesn't like and can't get out fast enough and there might just be a few areas where inside is just as great as outside. Have you ever worked in pediatrics? Completely different world. Or community nursing where you drive around lots of the day. Nursing is such a huge area - of you don't like one - try another and don't get stuck wishing you wouldn't have to be there.

Ooo. Home health might be a great place for hom to start or work towards.

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hi there

you sound quite down and overwhelmed.. hang in there.. you are almost finished your schooling, once you have that you will have many more options... you may want to consider a nursing career in mental health... in the meantime you could look for some different type of work... i would find something else to bring in some money right now...

i know what it's like to go to a job you hate- i did it many years ago- i could only take it for a few months before i quit (i did not have another job lined up, but found one easily as there were many available). what a relief that was to be rid of that horrible feeling....

you are young with your whole life ahead of you- you need to find something you will love...your mental and physical well being are too important to put at risk by doing something you dread....

i wish you all the best

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Sounds like "floor" nursing may not be for you. I agree with the other posters that you should look into other areas of nursing. The great thing is that there are so many opportunities to do different things with your degree. For instance, if you're interested in disease and their treatments, maybe you should look into something like research like a previous poster recommended or maybe look into being a nurse practitioner. Good luck!

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
First of all, finish the degree and take the Nclex. You only have a few short months to go. Having that piece of paper is very important. If you decide to do something else, go for another degree, then you can. Have one under your belt already will be so much better for you. You will also be employable and be able to make more money, so you can pay those loans back faster.

Next, start looking at Masters Programs. Maybe research is more up your alley. Maybe physical therapy or pharmacy. I think having a nursing degree and license will help you more than you realize, even if you don't work as a nurse. I had a girl in my class who wanted to be the coroner. She said in our state, nurses could do that.

Lastly, it isn't shameful to realize nursing isn't what you want. Just be smart about setting your short term and long term goals.

It's so close......hang in there. YOur have na compassion that I believe can best serve this profession. Remember this is a Bachelor degree and you can do different things with that. YOu like diseases and pathology? Be a pathologist, a veterinarian, a MD or DO (doctor of osteopathy) a CRNA (nurse anesthestist) Nurse practioner. a perfusionist (runs the heart lung machine) There are many different areas of nursing other than floor that may feed your thirst of pathology like critical care, open heart, emergency,trauma flight, research,pharmaceticals

Just finish and explore. I wanted to quit the first 5 months into my schooling many, many years ago......we were at a nursing home that had elderly with bedsores the size of craters (just a different time then).....the instructors felt it would give us good wound care experience. One day I had a meltdown.....I was quitting. A very wise insructor talked me out of it reminding me that there were so many specialtied areas in nursing so stick with it just may suprise you......

Good luck;)

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Specializes in Oncology.

Any job you have you'll find yourself thinking about all the places you'd rather be than work.

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Sounds like you need to find a way to be outdoors as part of your day....you could work at a camp or amusement park, or perhaps even for a sports team. Spend some time thinking about what you WANT to do and COULD do.

BTW, accounting is the most soul-sucking job out there....stop thinking about that IMMEDIATELY :-)

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Oh My! Your post is perhaps the most original, thoughtful, and truthful of the many wonderful posts I've read on AN over the past few years. It describes the impact of floor nursing on one's soul to a tee. I do the same thing...looking out through the windows at the sky and thinking that I am missing a beautiful day. Stepping onto the floor in the am at 6:30 and getting hit by that indescribable Med-Surg smell and knowing it will be 8:00 at night before I smell fresh air again is depressing. Your description of feeling like a "task completing robot" is all too true. I do not have time to connect with my patients in any kind of real way...my phone rings so often and my pager buzzes nonstop to the point where my patients say to me: "How can you stand it? I would go crazy." I am at month 9 in my first nursing job and have been depressed about it since day 1. Last night I was crying before I got into my car.

In retrospect, I realize I loved A and P and Micro and probably should have taken a different turn than entering nursing school. Some of my instructors were military types who were not scientific in their thinking and borderline stupid. Nursing has so far proven to have been a mistake for me. And I didn't go into it for the money...I am a hardworking, pretty caring person.

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Specializes in Psychiatry.
Any job you have you'll find yourself thinking about all the places you'd rather be than work.

:yeah:

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