I'm in my fourth semester of nursing school going for my BSN. I'm a 22 yr old male. I've been working in the hospital as a CNA night shift for 6 months now. I can honestly say I hate my job. I get sad on the days that I have to go to work. I feel like a part of me as a person is being taken away whenever I go to work. I hate the way the hospital looks, and when i'm inside a patient's room getting vitals; I get depressed when i look out the windows at the mountains seeing the sun set and my day is basically gone. The other day i was sitting for a patient who was elderly and confused post surgery. I decided to take him to a big window outside his room on the unit and look at the clouds and mountains. He said Wow! And did'nt want to go back to his room, luckily his medicine wasn't ready and I didn't want to go back in there either. We stayed starring out the window for and hour. I felt connected with him more than a simple "can i get your vital signs" type employee. I felt like i could get away mentally, but the days when i'm at the nursing station or running from room to room just completing tasks, I think about the world outside the hospital and the laughter, people walking through the malls, parks, friends sitting at the dinner tables catching up, or even a slow paced office job sitting by a window answering phone calls looking a glittering lights in the distance. With most patients im too focused and busy to get to know them and I lose touch or maybe never grasp it in the first place. Some patients like the elderly guy above i'm able to talk to and feel some type of empathy for their current state of being despite all their years of hard work and relationships lost. I also fear if I will too end up in their condition or similar once I am old. Sick, lonely, weak, tired, unheard, dependent. When i'm working my twelve hour shifts I find myself lost and functioning as a robot by midshift and sometimes I turn on music to bring me together. Then i look at the nurses and see them running around sweating like me, constantly worried about everything and I worry about my health and stress level in the future. I get tired of feeling this way.
My hate for my job has began to spill over into my enthusiasm for nursing and nursing school. I am still passing, but I just do not have an interest and the mere fact of just finishing nursing school has become a "task" to complete because i've invested so much time thus far. I wonder about other occupations like accounting, teaching, singing, etc. BUT when im spending a little "me time" i like to read about diseases, medications and their mechanisms of actions. When i am being taught to tell a patient to avoid grapefruit juice or green leafy veggies i'm usually sitting in classed bored and feel like it's a joke. I hate how i'm being taught more about nursing implications than the disease itself IT DRIVES ME INSANE because the implications aren't thought provoking enough. At least most of them. I feel like I just don't know enough about diseases and illnesses themself and to be honest thats all I truely like. I'm in debt with stafford loans so I have to finish my degree because I do not like to owe anyone. I'm so lost now and sometimes I feel like I may have made a mistake going for nursing but i like learning about diseases and treatments. My mom and friends say its normal to be depressed when you are almost done with NS. But i view it as false assurance because nobody feels my emotions. I get tired of feeling this way.
To the OP - You have written a very thoughtful description that shows good observational skills and excellent personal insight. Many people are not fortunate enough to have this combination at at early age or ever, for some people. You have your whole life ahead of you, so take a deep breath and relax. You need to use your critical thinking skills to plan ahead.
First, you need to finish your degree so you need to decide if you want to be "done" in a few months and have a degree in nursing or change specialties right now and put in more time. There are pros and cons to both, so you need to make a list and consider carefully. If you choose to stay with nursing and pass the Boards, you will need to get a job you don't like for at least a year to have the experience under your belt. But, once that is done, you will have unlimited choices in nursing, including entrepreneurship. There are nursing jobs (like home care) that give you the freedom to enjoy good weather more than if you had an "inside" job. From what you describe, I suggest staying away from any longterm jobs where you would be indoors all the time or focusing on the patient's illness or something specific like sales all the time (no hospitals, no nursing homes, no private duty, no school nursing, no pharmacy, no pharmacy or device reps) as it sounds like you have some wanderlust and need to stay somewhat unfettered. Once you get your experience, you can explore Travel Nursing (which has short-term contracts) or simple Per Diem work or just have your nursing as a foundation which will always be beneficial. Just be sure to keep in mind that probably any other profession you choose will also have the requirement to "put in your time" before you can be independent.
Secondly, (once you decide whether you are going to get that BSN), you need to really put the puzzle pieces together to figure out what career you would like. It sounds like you might be well suited to a job where you make appointments with clients (like Physical Therapists or Social Workers) so you can schedule your time effectively. Depending on your personal interests and geographical location, you may also consider Alternative Care therapies. In California and the Southwest, these are more prevalent, however they do exist all around the country. In that specialty, you could establish your own business with clients and either create your own schedule (to have that all-important freedom) or shift to focus on a flourishing business (if the wanderlust subsides). Once you imagine your "perfect" job, you can uncover the steps to reach that goal - probably requiring a Masters (or certification) in a Specialty that will meet your needs.
I have personal mixed feelings about your situation. I'm a little jealous that you are young and thoughtful and can set it up any way you want. I wish (in a way) I could have a do-over. I started a little late and followed a slow and winding road and now I'm a little too old to start something completely new. However, I'm very happy because in small ways I did follow my heart and did have a wonderful career with more freedom than many nurses had (in my 21 year research job) and, honestly, I don't want to relive some of the hardships nursing students and new nurses face, so I'm satisfied to leave it to those of you who are just starting out.
I am now working Per Diem and have discovered (to my great surprise) that my best job is with the hospital I worked in for over 27 years so I'm grateful that I did "put in my time" but there are other ways of handling a career and your have the option to create a world for yourself.
I do recommend you finish what your started including graduation, NCLEX, and 1 year of in-hospital nursing experience.
I also felt like nursing was not for me because of the constraints of working on med/surg. I took almost a month off after my first 8mos working on tele as a new nurse. I had accepted a position in surgical services and before I started I needed to think about things. For me, I just wanted to quit nursing period, but financially I couldn't do it. So I started the PACU/OR position and what a huge difference!!! I've loved it ever since. It's an entire different planet in the OR. Have you thought about CRNA? It really is a well respected, high paying career where you have to know about the disease process.
Also maybe working nights is zapping your energy more than you think. Nights is a rough shift on the pysche without also being in nursing school.
not a psych nurse but sounds like depression to me. :twocents:since i'm not a psych nurse, i'll tell you what would help, though :). get out-- outside of the building, of yourself, of school (finish first-- you'll have the degree, and that's your ticket to a lot of good alternatives). get some physical exercise that helps you clear your head.
find another area of caring for others where it's easier to care for yourself. there are sooooo many.
if sitting with this elderly fella and watching the sunset was good, consider seeing if an elderhostel might want an overnight staff.
take a wilderness first aid course and get outside and learn alternative ways to provide care using what you have on hand (it's a gas!), and then be a guide on a river-rafting or kayaking company.
look into cardiac rehab and fitness-:heartbeat- you'll have the opportunity to learn a boatload of amazing physiology, get some exercise, help others get better while they exercise and learn, and you can wear comfy clothes doing it :).
volunteer to be a camp nurse at a scout camp or other youth-serving org for a summer. :clown:the eight hole-in-the-wall camps for handicapped kids are a fabulous opportunity, or find a place that does hippotherapy (therapeutic riding) and help them.
if you can afford it, volunteer, and if you like it and they like you, you can parlay it into a fulltime job.
check out the thread that says, "do you love your job?"
ask every nurse you see why s/he does what s/he does, and, more importantly, why s/he doesn't do what s/he doesn't do-- you will find some resonance in there, and it will help you see a new direction.
whatever you do, cut yourself some slack. you're going thru a tough time here but look around -- there are literally hundreds of thousands of people with nursing education who do like what they do, and they don't all work in soul-sucking venues, even if many of them did at one time or another (i sure did, lol). you will find your niche, really. and look around here-- don't you see people you'd like to call your colleagues? huh? ok, then:yeah:.
I felt exactly the same way when I was in my third semester (ADN). I felt like I had made a huge mistake and was going to hate my job. I got through third semester, and as soon as fourth started I suddenly felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, I hit the ground running and actually enjoyed myself. I got into nursing basically because there was no law school in town, and because I loved my science classes. I was way more interested in the anatomy/physiology rather then the leadership roles and so on. However, when I got into my critical care clinicals I fell in love, I felt that there was a lot more focus on the disease process. I wanted to quit so bad bc I felt that I didnt have a niche..I felt like the if we were voted most likely to succeed and such for our graduating class, I would have been "most likely to not be a nurse". I still feel like I would have made my choices differently if I could go back, But stick it out. If you really hate it, work until you pay off your loans, then go back to school and find something different to do.
You guys are so awesome and have offered some great advice. This is why I come to AN because I know people will understand or at least try to empathize with me.
NURSING IS THE MOST DIVERSE JOB around even within a hospital building itself. In the OB ward you get to usher in new life. Gerentology you get to comfort old life. In ER you get to save a life. Oncology makes you contemplate life. If Pathophys and A & P are strong areas that is what is really needed for any critical care unit. Get some experience on the floor then transfer to a critical care unit where thinking on your feet is needed.CCU/ICU nurses garner more respect from docs than any other unit. Independent thinking is a must. If you like it stay if not that can be a steppingstone to other jobs. Specialty bed companies Like Hillrom have nurses travel to hospitals to inservice their product. Pacemaker companies need nurses to check or "interrogate" pacemaker defibrillators when their is a defib episode or perceived malfunction. Trips to hospitals and Docs offices are the most common visit site. Siemans, Hewlitt Packard needs people to inservice staff in a facility that has just purchased their equipment. As do other manufacturers. American heart Association employes nurses. Insurance companies employ nurse to travel and audit charts. The ultimate might be a nurse on a cruise ship. They are mini floating cities with their own unique problems. Since many employes are of foreign nations you might get to see some diseases nurses in american hospitals do not. Im sure they have well stocked and well equipt infirmaries ( if not please someone correct me). There is such a diversity of thing to be done but basic skills are needed then the rest is a journey of learning.
I agree with some of the posters who suggest you may want to consider whether you're depressed or perhaps stressed out to the max. That's not to say there's anything wrong with you nor how you're feeling; you just may want to consider your mental state prior to making any permanent decisions. I know that when I was working 1/2 time & going to school 3/4 time that I was tapped out emotionally and mentally.
The reality is that we all need to do something for a living and all jobs have their drawbacks. A nice thing about nursing is that you can usually work 3ish days per week and have the rest of your time to do whatever makes you happy.
I recommend that you finish the education and then avoid med-surg jobs like the plague. No offense intended toward folks working med-surg, I have the utmost respect for those who do it well.
While it's true that in nursing we often focus less on the science and more on the touchy-feely stuff there are plenty of jobs in which there is a more palatable mix of science and fluff. If you decide that there really isn't a place in basic nursing for you, you could pursue graduate education to become an NP, CRNA, or the like.
I work in a combined inpatient/outpatient PACU. I absolutely LOVE the mix of diagnoses and surgeries. You have to know a lot to do a good job in the PACU. You have to be able to identify changes and interpret what they mean, and if necessary act immediately and decisively. Honestly though, the part of my job that I love the most is relieving patients' pain. That of course requires solid knowledge of safe opiod titration, with specific consideration of the patient's comorbidities.
I imagine it's largely the same in the ER, though the malingerers, whiners, and idiots would kind of drive me nuts. Hospice, home health, and the like have the advantages of being out cruising in the community, which can be very cool. As mentioned above,however, those jobs can be quite overwhelming in terms of paperwork and such.
So finish the BSN and position yourself to be in a specialty where your knowledge will be appreciated. We need more smart, scientific nurses to continue to advance this profession and to provide sound, evidence-based care. If after a while (i.e. a few years, ideally in a couple of different settings) you decide you really don't like it you can go to graduate school in whatever discipline you like and likely have some very useful skills and knowledge that will help you in whatever you decide to do.
Get the degree. Nursing is a flexible profession that will give you ample opportunities to get outside. NP sounds like a good potential goal for you. Get some experience tho' and try to figure out if any specific area really attracts you, i.e, cardiac, gi, er.
Unfortunately in my neck of the woods all of the nursing areas you mention (school, home health, community) require a minimum of 1 year med-surg (home health) and two years med -surg (community/school) to even be considered.
It might be a good idea, like people are suggesting, to get a little expereince under your belt to make sure that it isn't for you. It sounds like you are philisophical by nature and inquisitive. These are all great traits that will take you far in any profession. Nursing needs more forward-thinkers. It is really common for healthcare workers, especially new grad nurses, to go through a period of "burnout". There are all kinds of articles out there about "nurse burnout". In my research, I found that the number one cause of nurse burnout is fatigue and poor nursing support in the hospital. My best advice is to find a really good new-grad program at a hospital for your first job. Or there was a person in my nursing school that went right from BSN to get her phD. Some hospitals also have on-going research programs that allow nurses to participate in in-house research regarding an certain issue. If there isn't one at your local hospital, maybe consider starting a program?
I also had a time where I felt "what the heck am I doing? This is insane. How can poeple be reduced to a diagnosis. How can they be mistreated like this?" The fact is you want to work for a healthy employer. If the empoloyer doesn't have happy CNAs, it probbably doesn't have happy nurses or doctors. A lot of times it was my personal struggle with the fact that the hospital willingly put patients at risk by putting high patient loads on nurses. It is disheartening and depressing sometimes to have to see people suffer. As you implied, it brings our own fate into focus when we realize how others are being treated. I think all your feelings are normal but don't ignore problems in your unit. I hope you don't give up! :)
Do you think it's being on night shift? My world changed for the worst on night shift.
Honestly, its a good chance that the lack of daylight and sunshine is what is causing you to feel depressed. Seasonal affective disorder maybe. I worked straight nights as an RN and it is hard because you don't have the staffing or the support from all the different disciplines as you do during the day. Plus you are just plain tired...
1. You sound depressed, maybe talk to your doc about that
2. Work is usually well work. there aren't many jobs that let you be outside, play, relax.....Life is not all mountains and sunsets. I wish it was but that doesn't pay the bills.
3. If you like the science not the care be a teacher/professor? How about a research nurse? How about a doctor! Sooo many options in nursing
Guest27531
230 Posts
To the OP - You have written a very thoughtful description that shows good observational skills and excellent personal insight. Many people are not fortunate enough to have this combination at at early age or ever, for some people. You have your whole life ahead of you, so take a deep breath and relax. You need to use your critical thinking skills to plan ahead.
First, you need to finish your degree so you need to decide if you want to be "done" in a few months and have a degree in nursing or change specialties right now and put in more time. There are pros and cons to both, so you need to make a list and consider carefully. If you choose to stay with nursing and pass the Boards, you will need to get a job you don't like for at least a year to have the experience under your belt. But, once that is done, you will have unlimited choices in nursing, including entrepreneurship. There are nursing jobs (like home care) that give you the freedom to enjoy good weather more than if you had an "inside" job. From what you describe, I suggest staying away from any longterm jobs where you would be indoors all the time or focusing on the patient's illness or something specific like sales all the time (no hospitals, no nursing homes, no private duty, no school nursing, no pharmacy, no pharmacy or device reps) as it sounds like you have some wanderlust and need to stay somewhat unfettered. Once you get your experience, you can explore Travel Nursing (which has short-term contracts) or simple Per Diem work or just have your nursing as a foundation which will always be beneficial. Just be sure to keep in mind that probably any other profession you choose will also have the requirement to "put in your time" before you can be independent.
Secondly, (once you decide whether you are going to get that BSN), you need to really put the puzzle pieces together to figure out what career you would like. It sounds like you might be well suited to a job where you make appointments with clients (like Physical Therapists or Social Workers) so you can schedule your time effectively. Depending on your personal interests and geographical location, you may also consider Alternative Care therapies. In California and the Southwest, these are more prevalent, however they do exist all around the country. In that specialty, you could establish your own business with clients and either create your own schedule (to have that all-important freedom) or shift to focus on a flourishing business (if the wanderlust subsides). Once you imagine your "perfect" job, you can uncover the steps to reach that goal - probably requiring a Masters (or certification) in a Specialty that will meet your needs.
I have personal mixed feelings about your situation. I'm a little jealous that you are young and thoughtful and can set it up any way you want. I wish (in a way) I could have a do-over. I started a little late and followed a slow and winding road and now I'm a little too old to start something completely new. However, I'm very happy because in small ways I did follow my heart and did have a wonderful career with more freedom than many nurses had (in my 21 year research job) and, honestly, I don't want to relive some of the hardships nursing students and new nurses face, so I'm satisfied to leave it to those of you who are just starting out.
I am now working Per Diem and have discovered (to my great surprise) that my best job is with the hospital I worked in for over 27 years so I'm grateful that I did "put in my time" but there are other ways of handling a career and your have the option to create a world for yourself.
I do recommend you finish what your started including graduation, NCLEX, and 1 year of in-hospital nursing experience.
I wish you all the success in the world.