It is now 1:00 am and I just want to make a post. I graduated in Dec 13 and I just took my NCLEX 13 hrs ago. I ran out of time and only made it to 200 questions. I immediately knew that I did not pass when my test ended. I went home and cry and cry and cry my eyes out. Then I checked the PVT and cry again because what I predicted was right. I did not even have the gut to tell my parents, but they knew anyways because they saw me moping on my bed and crying my eyeballs out. My face is aching from all the crying. I should not have made the mistake for waiting this long to take this test.
I actually got my ATT at the end of March due to the whole change of system from the board. My parents was pushing me to get a job, and I guess I was lucky to get offered a part time as a caretaker for an elder woman. I was thinking that I can earn a little bit of money while studying for this test. I registered for my test in early May, but things got in the way and I continued to push back the date until now. It was clearly a mistake because I actually did not fully study until the last three weeks before the test. I actually took the Kaplan class course back in January and felt it was very helpful. The Kaplan QBank and trainers made me feel comfortable enough that I know I am ready for it. I am a very bad test taker and to tell you guys the truth, I struggled a lot in nursing school. I did not have high hope to pass at 75 questions, but was hoping to pass this test.
Now that my mind has clear, I have several things I want to ask. Firstly, can someone tell me the process of reapplying? I look at it briefly, but not sure yet, from what I know, I need to pay both the exam fee and the BRN app fee again. However, do I have to go through the whole process of getting transcripts and finger printing for the application again? Secondly, how long would you recommended to wait before the next test? I know that we cannot take it again until 45 days after, but is it too soon? Lastly, I really want to know how you guys can cope with this. I feel like a major dumb, studpid, failure! My school has the NCLEX passing rate of 98% every semester, and I happen to be that 2% who failed. I know that soon enough, my classmate will find out. How do you guys deal with being so embarrassed for not passing? I don't have much close friends in my class, and my besties passed on their first time. I have no one to talk to because my friends does not understand how I really feel, and no one in my family understand the hardship of being a nurse and taking the freaking NCLEX. I doubt myself so much that I don't know if I can do this. I don't have much family support either because I just cannot get my parents to understand how hard it is for me. For them, they want me to pass this test quickly and get a job as fast as I can so that I can buy them a house and get my family out of the situation we are living in. I know it is my responsibility to care for my parents because they have been supporting me through out my entire college years, but the pressure just make it worse. I felt like I committed a crime and now feeling so guilty when I think about my parents. I also don't know how to talk to my relatives when they ask "Did you have a job yet?" "Did you have your license?". I don't know what to say because failure in my family seems to be such a big thing. Now, everything is just delayed while all of my friends are happily working at their dreamed job.
I love this profession so much and I am committed to it. Though, today, for a moment, I felt that may be Nursing is not for me. I felt that the world just ended or fell of top of me and I am forever doomed!
I know that Nursing is what I chose and what I really love. However, I just wish I have the support that I need. I just wish people can understand.
