I recently became the manager of a very small group of people and I want to set a positive tone, while at the same time establishing my role as leader. This is my first management position and I would like to start off right and deal with the situation effectively.
My position was vacant for a long time before I got here - that's a different story - but in the meantime there is a person here who has appointed herself the boss. She bullies the other nurses by being rude and abrupt. When they confront her she retaliates so everyone is afraid of her. She acts like a martyr - "I do everything around here!" - and anything that goes wrong it's a REALLY BIG DEAL! Every morning starts off with her fuming about something, stomping around, rolling her eyes, slamming things around and being physically and verbally intimidating. She works hard and she does a good job but she is making everyone miserable.
She is brown nosing me like crazy. I've only been there about three days, and every day when I first walk in she jumps at me, ranting about some horrible problem or other. She is trying to get to me before everyone else and try to be the "beta" person. Sort of like teacher's pet. She wants me to see what's going on from her point of view and try to stay in control and keep everyone from having access to me. I know the rest of the staff are watching her brown nose me and they don't know, or aren't sure, that I can see through it.
I need to do is get her to back off and at the same time, build up the morale of the rest of the staff. I know this person is seething with envy that she didn't get the job, but they wanted someone with a BSN, which she doesn't have. i feel that once I start exercising more control and coordinating things she's going to get really angry and try and retaliate against me somehow. I'm not too worried about it except that she might go to HR and try and make me miserable too. I'd rather have her cooperation if possible, but that might not happen. I want to work on building up the confidence of the rest of the staff. She will see that as me undoing all her hard work of getting them in line. I'm afraid she'll go behind me and try and tear them down again. I want there to be open communication but that's going to take time. They don't trust me yet. I want the team to feel empowered to do their jobs because she has them feeling like they're incompetent and she's the only one who can do anything right. Hopefully she'll let go of the illusion that's she's the boss and let me run the department, but I doubt it. I might have to let her go.
What at are you thoughts? Can this situation have a happy ending or am I expecting too much?
I went to to my supervisor and asked if she had a history of taking things to HR. And she said "well, even if she did, if you discipline her and she wants to make an issue about it, you just say she's not doing her job. If you have to get rid of her, get rid of her". So basically she has given me full control to do whatever I need to do to get the situation under control.
A couple of things worked against me to keep my from getting this under control sooner. The second week I was there, my supervisor was on vacation and this left me without a resource to figure out how things work. The second problem is that the bully is taking advantage of my not understanding how things work to plow over me and make decisions and control the environment. The third problem is the week after that , we moved to another location. So I barely understood how things worked at the old building, and now I have to make decisions about how things work in the new building.
it didn't help that she was more or less training me, and she's very condescending. And again, she's taking advantage of my lack of experience to talk over and around me. She confuses me and only gives me bits of information so I can't figure out what's going on. I'm trying to deal with this by asking anyone but her if I have a question. What emerged is that she's done a good job of controlling the flow of information so she's the only one that has all the information.
One other issue is she has a toadie who has made it clear that he sees her as the leader and openly flaunts my authority. I plan to take care of this by having a talk with him about going to her with questions instead of me. But he has to because I don't have all the infomation yet. But anyway, he was very blatantly disrespectful to me the other day and I need to address it. Another thing he did was no call, no show. So I can write him up for that and get his attention. I may be wrong, but my sense isn't he is loyal to her because she would make his life miserable if he didn't. Once he sees that I'm the authority he'll shift his loyalty to me. But again, I'm not sure. I just have to try it and see.
I hope i can can get on top if this soon. My sense is there is no playing nice with her. She is not a team player and will not give up control without a fight. So I'll have to fight her. I have to make sure I do it effectively without breaking any rules.
This is is a new experience for me. I've never been a manager before. I have to learn this quick before it gets any worse.
My recommendation would be to deal with it head on. Write up each infraction...eventually they will have to make a choice whether or not they want to change or leave (voluntarily or involuntarily). I don't usually recommend this extreme level of dealing with difficult employees without giving them an opportunity but it sounds like you have reached that point where they are making a clear choice. As hard as it is, try not to look at it as them vs. me. Look at it as "are they positively contributing to our goals"...if the answer is no then address each individual behavior/action that is not positively contributing to the goals. Good luck!
Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.
Some people don't take things seriously until they are put on paper. Management is a tough enough job without subordinates actively working to undermine you. Addressing it directly is the best way to get ahead of it.
Paper, paper, paper!!!! Write up everything she does that is not according to policy such as behavioral guidelines or her job description (and anyone unresponsive to verbal direction). You are building a case to fire her, and do so.
I agree with the above, it sounds like you are going to need to document EVERYTHING. it's a pain but it's necessary. I would also suggest that you meet with HR to find out what suggestions, if any, they have for dealing with the whole situation- for example, if there is a union to contend with, HR will make sure you are doing everything according to union specs. I would also put distance between the two of you, and when she comes to you first thing, tell her that you have things that need to be done and that she can check with you at a later time.
You advice is so helpful. Thank you all for you input.
What has happened so far is that her toadie stepped up his disrespect - not looking at me when I talk to him, no call-no show, flat out refusing an assignment - so I called him into my office for a chat. He was completely stunned that I did that. But it had the desired affect. It sent a message that I am the supervisor and not following rules will be taken seriously. He did what I knew he would do - ran right to her office and shut the door. After that the bully's attitude toward me was completely different. The sarcasm stopped. Her tone is friendly. She is cooperative and helpful. She might keep trying to do things behind my back, but at least she isn't trying to dominate me to my face anymore. Meanwhile the things I've done to build up the rest of the staff has worked wonders. My boss came to me and said she has seen one of the nurses turn completely around. In the past she was withdrawn, stayed at her desk and wouldn't talk to anyone unless she had to. Now she comes out and interacts with everyone and offers to help. I made her feel useful and important and got the bully off her back. We had a group meeting last week and things got a little heated. I gave everyone a chance to vent and kept the meeting under control when things threatened to blow up. The bully blew up biggest of all but I let her. She complained that she went to a lot of trouble to write up a training procedure on her own time, and she felt unappreciated. I told her in front of everyone that I appreciated her or doing that and it made it easier for me to catch on. That calmed her right down.
I concluded by saying that we can communicate but to make it work we have to treat one another with respect. A few days later she was in my office complaining that someone said something sarcastic to her and if she does it again she's going to call her lawyer. So right away, I reminded everyone that we must be respectful when we talk to each other. I don't know how true it is that someone disrespected her, but she has made it clear that she will not hesitate to start trouble. I made sure and put a note in her file about her complaint.
Meanwhile I did meet someone from HR who might have had a suspicion that this one would be a problem. She approached me so I think she was letting me know that she knows the history of the department and that we might want to get to know each other better. You know. Just because. This was before the bully complained to me, so I don't think it has anything to do with her talking to HR.
Oh, let me back up. My boss told me a couple of weeks ago that the bully got into an argument with someone in another department, and went over the person's boss' head to complain. They sent word back through my boss that that was a bad move, and that I needed to tell her that from now on she should bring her conflicts to me to solve. During the meeting I explained it as "management team has asked me to let you all know that if there are any disputes with other departments that you should bring them to me to solve". The bully sneered "other departments? Like who!?" I repeated "the management team would like it that if you have conflicts with other departments, like case management or clerical or social work, to let me be the mediator between our group and theirs." So maybe the HR person took a little field trip to follow up on how that was being handled.
I am not being forceful but I am being clear that I am the supervisor and I will make the decisions. I will include them whenever possible, but if there is a decision that they don't want to make, then I will make it. I've had to make a few that they didn't like, but that's what I'm there for. I want to stay out of people's way and let them do their job as much as possible. But I can apply pressure if I have to. But if I don't have to I won't.
Anyway I am benefitting from your advice and experience. I don't know how things would have gone if I hadn't come here for advice. I can't thank you enough.
And there's your ace in the hole: saying thank you. As a lifelong underling (you couldn't pay me enough to take a management job!) I have to say that controlling bullies and deadwood is only half the job. The quickest way to build loyalty, morale and get the best out of your crew is an honest "thank you" when they go the extra mile.
Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.
There should be no "fight". You are the administrator, and it seems that you have the backing of those who hired you. My guess is that your predecessor (and perhaps more than one) was probably too timid to address the situation, and now that has fallen on you, unfortunately. I have been in that situation. It isn't pleasant, and it isn't easy, but it's worth the effort. You will have a much improved work atmosphere when it is done.
There should be no "fight". You are the administrator, and it seems that you have the backing of those who hired you. My guess is that your predecessor (and perhaps more than one) was probably too timid to address the situation, and now that has fallen on you, unfortunately. I have been in that situation. It isn't pleasant, and it isn't easy, but it's worth the effort. You will have a much improved work atmosphere when it is done.
Well, sadly, there was a fight. And I lost. I ended up getting fired. The nurse filed a harassment complaint against me. No wonder this person gets away with bullying. She runs to HR whenever they hire a manager that steps in to take care of it. She must have this routine down pat. Also makes me understand why the position was vacant for so long.
Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.
Well, sadly, there was a fight. And I lost. I ended up getting fired. The nurse filed a harassment complaint against me. No wonder this person gets away with bullying. She runs to HR whenever they hire a manager that steps in to take care of it. She must have this routine down pat. Also makes me understand why the position was vacant for so long.
All I can say about that is that your ex-employer is getting exactly what they deserve. If any effort at correction is going to be considered harassment, then any manager who comes in there is defeated before they start.
I have been in that situation before. I inherited a nurse who had terrible attendance, made repeated mistakes, yet when confronted about all of this claimed that she was doing nothing wrong. She accused me of "bullying" and "harassment". She even reiterated this in her resignation letter, which she filed just as I was about to reject her from probation. Fortunately everything that I had advanced was documented, and our HR department saw through the ruse.
As for your situation, despite the less-than-favorable ending, I believe that you gained something from it. Just from what you have posted, I have seen personal growth in you. You were well on the way to turning the place around and getting your various situations managed when for whatever reason, management sided with the bully. It may not seem like it now, but this will help you down the road. You now know that you can be a manager and an effective one. All you need now is the right employer who will back you.
I know of places where the CNAs basically decide what happens (mostly long term care, because they have been there longer than anyone else because nurses won't stay). If a nurse manager ever tries to correct their behavior, or dares to try to get them to actually work, they run to ownership to complain and the nurse manager is gone. In one place that I personally know of, a friend was appointed as nurse manager. When she reported to ownership that she saw CNAs taking stuff out of the supply room and loading it into their cars, she was let go because no one dared criticize their beloved CNAs. They will get exactly what they deserve.
At first I was traumatized and felt like a failure. And thank you for noticing personal growth, because I do believe I came away from the experience knowing more than when I went in. I did make mistakes right from the start, but I think everyone fails at something new until they get the hang of it. Management is the same way. I only hope I get another chance.
Next time I would be serious. I tried too hard to get them to like me. I don't know why I did that. I'm not that insecure that I need to be liked. And I surely didn't need them to like me. Maybe it's something we are trained to do as women, so we do it out of habit. The second thing I would have done is played it closer to the chest. I would have kept notes and observed more before I talked to anyone about what was happening. Another thing I didn't know I should have done, and didn't find out until it was too late, was to have a performance plan that included expectations. There wasn't one in place and I was in the process of putting one together, and I might have made it if I had a few more weeks to work on it.
It was an awkward situation where I didn't know how to do their job and they had to teach me, which put them in a power position right from the start. Once I lost that power I never got it back.
I'm disappointed that my boss didn't do more to try and coach me through the process. She's been there forever so she obviously knows the history of the problem and things that people have done to try and fix it. She could have worked with me on finding a plan of action that would stick. Or maybe she knew I was dead in the water right from the start. Maybe she was pressured to hire someone for the position, and she knew that whoever got the job would wind up failing. Maybe she was helpless to do anything about it and had to just stand by and watch it happen. Again.
Thanks for your support and coaching. I feel that it was a valuable experience. Hopefully I'll find something else. Right now I'm under pressure to find a job because I need to pay bills. I don't have the luxury of looking for just the right job. I might have to take what I can get and keep looking.
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Natkat, BSN, MSN, RN
872 Posts
Thanks everyone.
I went to to my supervisor and asked if she had a history of taking things to HR. And she said "well, even if she did, if you discipline her and she wants to make an issue about it, you just say she's not doing her job. If you have to get rid of her, get rid of her". So basically she has given me full control to do whatever I need to do to get the situation under control.
A couple of things worked against me to keep my from getting this under control sooner. The second week I was there, my supervisor was on vacation and this left me without a resource to figure out how things work. The second problem is that the bully is taking advantage of my not understanding how things work to plow over me and make decisions and control the environment. The third problem is the week after that , we moved to another location. So I barely understood how things worked at the old building, and now I have to make decisions about how things work in the new building.
it didn't help that she was more or less training me, and she's very condescending. And again, she's taking advantage of my lack of experience to talk over and around me. She confuses me and only gives me bits of information so I can't figure out what's going on. I'm trying to deal with this by asking anyone but her if I have a question. What emerged is that she's done a good job of controlling the flow of information so she's the only one that has all the information.
One other issue is she has a toadie who has made it clear that he sees her as the leader and openly flaunts my authority. I plan to take care of this by having a talk with him about going to her with questions instead of me. But he has to because I don't have all the infomation yet. But anyway, he was very blatantly disrespectful to me the other day and I need to address it. Another thing he did was no call, no show. So I can write him up for that and get his attention. I may be wrong, but my sense isn't he is loyal to her because she would make his life miserable if he didn't. Once he sees that I'm the authority he'll shift his loyalty to me. But again, I'm not sure. I just have to try it and see.
I hope i can can get on top if this soon. My sense is there is no playing nice with her. She is not a team player and will not give up control without a fight. So I'll have to fight her. I have to make sure I do it effectively without breaking any rules.
This is is a new experience for me. I've never been a manager before. I have to learn this quick before it gets any worse.