I hate being in a monitoring program

[dancinginthedark]

Can I say that? It feels taboo to say. My therapist gives a report to the board. I can't tell them or give any less than a smile and positive vibes in support meetings. I'm constantly worried I will blurt out one day: I hate it here. 

I hate monitoring. It sucks. It gets on my nerves that I should feel grateful for the one size fits all approach. I wouldn't resent it if I wasn't constantly told that I am being given a second chance, the not-so-subtle pressure to look at the bright side of things. 

I self-reported. I didn't read the fine print. I didn't have a court case, or a referral from my employer, but wish I did. In a moment of weakness, I called a hotline and before I knew it, I signed away 3 years of my life. Yes, that's right. 3 years. The flowchart that makes all the decisions said I needed 3 years. 

I hate so many little things about this program.

Check in everyday between 4am-4pm - Why not just call me on the day of? 

Weekly support meetings - Why not have weekly office hours in case of questions/concerns instead of another support group on top of everything else?

Random drug screenings - Why not limit this to participants with substance use disorders? 

Night shift - It is so hard to get a day shift position! Is every participant a night shift nurse or something??

Overtime - At some point, monitoring ends, so why not allow participants to make the same choices that they would make when not in monitoring? Why not allow people that chance to make ends meet?

---

I hesitate even posting this on here. I feel this urge to defend myself against the people who will be quick to say how it saved their life, we should be grateful, you wouldn't be here if you didn't have a problem, etc. And listen, you saved your life, OK? You made the choice to get your life in order. And while most days, I can delude myself into seeing the glass as half full, I feel often like I'm going to burst because I always have to give some preamble about how this is a great opportunity. It feels like groveling, and if I don't get this out then I am going to end up bitter. 

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!

[dancinginthedark]

Erin1984 said:

I've been in California's monitoring program since December 2020. I was supposed to be done in April and have been working in dialysis for 2 years. In January I got a call from my case manager saying the California BRN that in order to 'graduate' from the program you need to have at least 6 months of passing narcotics. Why, I don't know. I was devestated. I went out and quickly got a job in a snf. So ridiculous. So now I'm not getting out until July. The hoops they make us jump through....

I'm sorry, damn that's so wild. I feel paranoid being in this program because I now my case manager would do something along those lines. It's stressful when you're expected to know things that are not written or communicated anywhere! Thankfully it's almost July! I'm happy you're almost near the finish line, may you never return LOL

[dancinginthedark]

Healer555 said:

In my state you see  their people for the evaluation and every 3 months, definitely a conflict of interest.  Hopefully their faux providers don't find a reason to keep me longer. We can miss the occasional group therapy and I am so relieved when the weekly faux group therapy gets canceled. I couldn't be one of their faux providers.  It's so corrupt 

You're a saint in my book because I could not stomach that. Is the group therapy for nurses or are there regular patients in your group? Can the therapist tell the board you need more time in monitoring? In our program, the therapist fills out a monthly evaluation, but it's like 4 yes/no questions. They don't have any say in our contract length or anything like that. They could notify the board if something is wrong, and the case manager could ask but I don't think they have much sway other than a serious problem 

[Healer555]

dancinginthedark said:

You're a saint in my book because I could not stomach that. Is the group therapy for nurses or are there regular patients in your group? Can the therapist tell the board you need more time in monitoring? In our program, the therapist fills out a monthly evaluation, but it's like 4 yes/no questions. They don't have any say in our contract length or anything like that. They could notify the board if something is wrong, and the case manager could ask but I don't think they have much sway other than a serious problem 

Faux therapy is for providers. The faux therapist or providers can say we aren't competent to practice..they can say we need to test more so im overly nice to all of them. I just smile and nod..  I want to keep my license.  That's all this is doing for me in a positive way. Counting the days until it's over. 

[jadedRN04]

Erin1984 said:

I've been in California's monitoring program since December 2020. I was supposed to be done in April and have been working in dialysis for 2 years. In January I got a call from my case manager saying the California BRN that in order to 'graduate' from the program you need to have at least 6 months of passing narcotics. Why, I don't know. I was devestated. I went out and quickly got a job in a snf. So ridiculous. So now I'm not getting out until July. The hoops they make us jump through....

Was the fact that you need 6 months of passing narcotics part of the contract that you signed? If that is something that they just now came up with and made it a requirement I would be irate. Of course, being irate does no good because they can do what they wish but to tack on another 6 months is complete BS.

[Erin1984]

The 6 months of passing narcotics is something they just came up with. There was no grandfathering in people that literally only had days left in the program. They won't even consider letting anyone out of the program that don't have that 6 months. I've been irate, depressed, traumatized, all of the emotions. Just another stupid pointless hoop

[Healer555]

Erin1984 said:

The 6 months of passing narcotics is something they just came up with. There was no grandfathering in people that literally only had days left in the program. They won't even consider letting anyone out of the program that don't have that 6 months. I've been irate, depressed, traumatized, all of the emotions. Just another stupid pointless hoop

I'm so sorry.  I'm seriously upset that leap year is this year and it's an extra day, not kidding.  I'm in a state where the average sentence is 3 years and worry they will extend it to 5 years for everyone. 

They have all the power and if we want to keep our licenses we have to jump through the hoops.  It's ridiculous. 

Erin1984 said:

The 6 months of passing narcotics is something they just came up with. There was no grandfathering in people that literally only had days left in the program. They won't even consider letting anyone out of the program that don't have that 6 months. I've been irate, depressed, traumatized, all of the emotions. Just another stupid pointless hoop

I'm so sorry.  I'm seriously upset that leap year is this year and it's an extra day, not kidding.  I'm in a state where the average sentence is 3 years and worry they will extend it to 5 years for everyone. 

They have all the power and if we want to keep our licenses we have to jump through the hoops.  It's ridiculous. 

Erin1984 said:

The 6 months of passing narcotics is something they just came up with. There was no grandfathering in people that literally only had days left in the program. They won't even consider letting anyone out of the program that don't have that 6 months. I've been irate, depressed, traumatized, all of the emotions. Just another stupid pointless hoop

I'm so sorry.  I'm seriously upset that leap year is this year and it's an extra day, not kidding.  I'm in a state where the average sentence is 3 years and worry they will extend it to 5 years for everyone. 

They have all the power and if we want to keep our licenses we have to jump through the hoops.  It's ridiculous. 

[Erin1984]

Thank you. I was so devestated and upset for weeks about it. My family doesn't understand why I was so upset about the extension. they just don't get it. That's why I'm so grateful for this forum. It makes me feel not so alone and everyone understands. 

[Healer555]

Erin1984 said:

Thank you. I was so devestated and upset for weeks about it. My family doesn't understand why I was so upset about the extension. they just don't get it. That's why I'm so grateful for this forum. It makes me feel not so alone and everyone understands. 

I know, right? People think this is just inconvenient.  I'm jumping through every hoop so I don't get an extension. Really came close to saying eff this but I make a nice living 

[Big Blondie, ASN, BSN, MSN, APRN]

OK, I didn't read all the posts, but I don't know a soul who liked or likes monitoring.  It blows.  For me, I had to check my attitude daily while in monitoring.  I was actually afraid to go there.  Just put one foot in front of the other.  Eventually you will be done.  Just ask me!  I'm a two time graduate!  Life is better after monitoring, and for me it is awesome being free of the worries of active drug addiction!  

 

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

dancinginthedark said:

To protect the public. My case manager pushed for short term monitoring (6 months), but the board of nursing has the ultimate say so and they said 3 years. It isn't punishment because it's "voluntary". I can either agree to 3 years or have my license suspended. The choice is mine 

So, I feel the need to say this. It isn't voluntary. If you are threatened with losing your license, that's not voluntary.

What we have here is systematic abuse. To call it mental health care is Orwellian. Everyone involved is experiencing moral injury including the clinicians who are providing "treatment".

This is discrimination, and it's wrong in every way. It is not appropriate for the board to intervene when you seek mental health treatment. Should the board intervene if you break your ankle, get cancer, have IBS? Of course not. You are either well enough to work at the moment or you aren't and this is not a concern for the board.

The public is not protected by this. This is abuse.

 

[Healer555]

FolksBtrippin said:

So, I feel the need to say this. It isn't voluntary. If you are threatened with losing your license, that's not voluntary.

What we have here is systematic abuse. To call it mental health care is Orwellian. Everyone involved is experiencing moral injury including the clinicians who are providing "treatment".

This is discrimination, and it's wrong in every way. It is not appropriate for the board to intervene when you seek mental health treatment. Should the board intervene if you break your ankle, get cancer, have IBS? Of course not. You are either well enough to work at the moment or you aren't and this is not a concern for the board.

The public is not protected by this. This is abuse.

 

It's coercion 100%. I'm doing this without a sud but a fake diagnosis of a SUD. It reminds me of the movie minority report where people were convicted of crimes  they may commit in the future. 

As part of my monitoring agreement I have to participate in group therapy with other providers and it's actually quite damaging to have to go and in no way therapeutic.  

The powers that be are so drunk with power it's sickening. 

 

[Healer555]

Big Blondie said:

OK, I didn't read all the posts, but I don't know a soul who liked or likes monitoring.  It blows.  For me, I had to check my attitude daily while in monitoring.  I was actually afraid to go there.  Just put one foot in front of the other.  Eventually you will be done.  Just ask me!  I'm a two time graduate!  Life is better after monitoring, and for me it is awesome being free of the worries of active drug addiction!  

 

Just curious, how did you end up doing a second rodeo? I was reported in a very odd inappropriate way for a substance use disorder I don't have and I don't post detect because I'm so paranoid the powers that be read things here.  You have a substance use disorder and were caught intoxicated at work twice? Just curious