I hate being in a monitoring program

Nurses Recovery

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Can I say that? It feels taboo to say. My therapist gives a report to the board. I can't tell them or give any less than a smile and positive vibes in support meetings. I'm constantly worried I will blurt out one day: I hate it here. 

I hate monitoring. It sucks. It gets on my nerves that I should feel grateful for the one size fits all approach. I wouldn't resent it if I wasn't constantly told that I am being given a second chance, the not-so-subtle pressure to look at the bright side of things. 

I self-reported. I didn't read the fine print. I didn't have a court case, or a referral from my employer, but wish I did. In a moment of weakness, I called a hotline and before I knew it, I signed away 3 years of my life. Yes, that's right. 3 years. The flowchart that makes all the decisions said I needed 3 years. 

I hate so many little things about this program.

Check in everyday between 4am-4pm - Why not just call me on the day of? 

Weekly support meetings - Why not have weekly office hours in case of questions/concerns instead of another support group on top of everything else?

Random drug screenings - Why not limit this to participants with substance use disorders? 

Night shift - It is so hard to get a day shift position! Is every participant a night shift nurse or something??

Overtime - At some point, monitoring ends, so why not allow participants to make the same choices that they would make when not in monitoring? Why not allow people that chance to make ends meet?

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I hesitate even posting this on here. I feel this urge to defend myself against the people who will be quick to say how it saved their life, we should be grateful, you wouldn't be here if you didn't have a problem, etc. And listen, you saved your life, OK? You made the choice to get your life in order. And while most days, I can delude myself into seeing the glass as half full, I feel often like I'm going to burst because I always have to give some preamble about how this is a great opportunity. It feels like groveling, and if I don't get this out then I am going to end up bitter. 

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!

Everybody there with a brain hates it and just pretends for the powers that be. The ones who don't hate it are lying to themselves or genuinely believe they were going to die without the oversight of monitoring. 

I evaded a monitoring contract but still had to do quite the song and dance for two years getting evals and working with a lawyer, and that, on top of an extremely rigid sobriety court for my DUI, basically made me develop OCD. I am a better person now IN SPITE of them, not because of them. Did I deserve to be punished? Absolutely. But just call it what it was - punishment with a side of monetary shake down, not rehabilitation.

They taught me what I was made of and I thank God and myself for that. Everybody else who had a hand in making that time in my life so much more miserable than it needed to be can kick rocks. I had a few friends in nurse monitoring and sobriety court (they were dual "enrolled”) and they said sobriety court was technically worse in the hoops we had to jump but monitoring was scarier because every breath they took got back to the board of nursing.

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Erin1984 said:

You are not alone. I hate monitoring too. Everyone I know in monitoring/probation that I've met from nurse support group hates it too. It's definitely given me severe anxiety and I count the days until I am finished. I just do what I have to do to finish. But yes, I HATE it and I don't think it's rehabilitative in any way. It's strictly punitive

That's what gets me. It is NOT rehabilitation. We can't even get insurance to cover the costs because, this is NOT treatment LOL.

It is a win-win for the board. Making it so burdensome is a way to keep "problem" nurses out of the field. 

I just hate having to attend and pay for the peer meetings so much. The best part of any day is when I forget that I'm in this program and these weekly meetings are such a bummer for me. 

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Oh and the worst part is if you need longer than a week for interruption, they extend your contract. You can be critically ill in the hospital & they will still make you serve more time. It makes absolutely no sense. One nurse had to start her contract over because she was in hospital/rehab 4 months after being hit by a car. 

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dancinginthedark said:

That's what gets me. It is NOT rehabilitation. We can't even get insurance to cover the costs because, this is NOT treatment LOL.

It is a win-win for the board. Making it so burdensome is a way to keep "problem" nurses out of the field. 

I just hate having to attend and pay for the peer meetings so much. The best part of any day is when I forget that I'm in this program and these weekly meetings are such a bummer for me. 

That's so true. I didn't have any documented history or drug screens or diversion and I ended up in a monitoring contract. It was over failing to scan a vial of versed. I had proof that it was administered to the patient but it wasn't enough. It does feel punitive but I try to focus on acceptance. There is nothing I can do other than play ball

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Specializes in Psychiatry.
dancinginthedark said:

Oh and the worst part is if you need longer than a week for interruption, they extend your contract. You can be critically ill in the hospital & they will still make you serve more time. It makes absolutely no sense. One nurse had to start her contract over because she was in hospital/rehab 4 months after being hit by a car. 

I don't think every state is like this.  I'll try not to get hit by a car. I can't imagine doing an extra year let alone starting over....

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Specializes in Psychiatry, Community, Nurse Manager, hospice.
dancinginthedark said:

Wow how long do you have to do it? In our program, you can't work if you're in group therapy. I just had to do an IOP and thankfully the therapist just recommended individual therapy. I don't think I have to go to therapy at all. At this point I have done a year and never once messed up so I am going to ask my therapist to discharge me. I got through my first six months by going on anti-depressants to suppress basically any emotions so I was on autopilot. But now I'm off them I really feel the boredom and I think he does too 

Mental health issues. It was ***ED up though because I was recommended to call by a coworker thinking it was a helpline. It's not obvious from the way it's set up, like the website and the number are not to the board of nursing. It's run through the nurses association

That is so outrageous and toxic. I'm honestly flabbergasted. Why in the world does a system like this exist? Why would a nurse be punished for seeking mental health treatment? It makes no sense and seems to be in violation of your human rights.

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FolksBtrippin said:

That is so outrageous and toxic. I'm honestly flabbergasted. Why in the world does a system like this exist? Why would a nurse be punished for seeking mental health treatment? It makes no sense and seems to be in violation of your human rights.

To protect the public. My case manager pushed for short term monitoring (6 months), but the board of nursing has the ultimate say so and they said 3 years. It isn't punishment because it's "voluntary". I can either agree to 3 years or have my license suspended. The choice is mine 

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Specializes in Psychiatry.
dancinginthedark said:

To protect the public. My case manager pushed for short term monitoring (6 months), but the board of nursing has the ultimate say so and they said 3 years. It isn't punishment because it's "voluntary". I can either agree to 3 years or have my license suspended. The choice is mine 

From what are they protecting the public? You were a danger to patients? I think it's coercion.  If you want to keep your license you jump through their hoops. 

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Healer555 said:

From what are they protecting the public? You were a danger to patients? I think it's coercion.  If you want to keep your license you jump through their hoops. 

They may help some people get back on track and maybe some are a danger to patients unless they get some help first before they get back to work.

But mainly this is just a big money maker for them.  For the board, monitoring agency and their "approved" rehab sites, partial hospitalization program, therapists etc.  There's those lab fees, monitoring fees, and it's endless.  It's such a racket.

And yes, hopefully those monitoring agencies are reading these messages now and how we know how ridiculous they are.  But have to just play the dumb game.

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Universe93B said:

They may help some people get back on track and maybe some are a danger to patients unless they get some help first before they get back to work.

But mainly this is just a big money maker for them.  For the board, monitoring agency and their "approved" rehab sites, partial hospitalization program, therapists etc.  There's those lab fees, monitoring fees, and it's endless.  It's such a racket.

And yes, hopefully those monitoring agencies are reading these messages now and how we know how ridiculous they are.  But have to just play the dumb game.

 I think it helps nurses like that keep their license. Does it help them to recover? I mean if the alternative is losing your livelihood altogether, sure it helps. 

I will say that my state forces you to go to their people for an evaluation (~$1,000) but the treatment can be through your insurance. I think they used to make people go to their approved providers, but now you can go to anyone you want. 

It is such a racket. Everything is through subcontractors that have the most absurd rules. Birchwood forces you to make up every meeting, even if you have a monitoring interruption. Why do I need to make up a support group meeting?? It's so dumb. 

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Specializes in Psychiatry.
dancinginthedark said:

 I think it helps nurses like that keep their license. Does it help them to recover? I mean if the alternative is losing your livelihood altogether, sure it helps. 

I will say that my state forces you to go to their people for an evaluation (~$1,000) but the treatment can be through your insurance. I think they used to make people go to their approved providers, but now you can go to anyone you want. 

It is such a racket. Everything is through subcontractors that have the most absurd rules. Birchwood forces you to make up every meeting, even if you have a monitoring interruption. Why do I need to make up a support group meeting?? It's so dumb. 

In my state you see  their people for the evaluation and every 3 months, definitely a conflict of interest.  Hopefully their faux providers don't find a reason to keep me longer. We can miss the occasional group therapy and I am so relieved when the weekly faux group therapy gets canceled. I couldn't be one of their faux providers.  It's so corrupt 

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I've been in California's monitoring program since December 2020. I was supposed to be done in April and have been working in dialysis for 2 years. In January I got a call from my case manager saying the California BRN that in order to 'graduate' from the program you need to have at least 6 months of passing narcotics. Why, I don't know. I was devestated. I went out and quickly got a job in a snf. So ridiculous. So now I'm not getting out until July. The hoops they make us jump through....

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