I feel so alone

Mergirlc, MSN, APRN, NP · Feb 26, 2020

Sorry you're feeling this way. It's tough when you move from another place, even if it were to be from within the same state, to somewhere else where everything is new. Have you ever thought that perhaps these other folks knew each other already and that's why they all formed bonds quickly?

First off, the one thing you must remember is you are there for you. While it is nice to know your fellow classmates and have them as study buddies, the only person that will get you through this program is you. You need to be your own strongest supporter/cheerleader because nobody else can do this for you.

Another thing to keep in mind, once you graduate, you may not ever see these people again. That may be good, it may be bad. Regardless, study your tookus off and get that degree. That's your goal.

Now, you can always try to make friends by initiating conversation. Ask them about something in class. If you see them all sitting together eating lunch, ask if you can sit down w/ them. Sometimes you just have to invite yourself into the circle if nobody else will. Their reaction to you reaching out will tell you whether it's even worth it to make friends with them or not.

I think what you're feeling is actually a normal reaction to moving somewhere new and not knowing a soul. Try to get out there. When you have some downtime, visit the surrounding city and areas to get to know the place. you can also keep in touch w/ people back home just to have people to talk to.

It will get better. Give it some time.

Good luck!

BagelBomber, ASN, BSN, RN · Feb 26, 2020

I am far from a social creature, and I can completely understand where you're coming from. I have a very dark, dry, and crass sense of humor, so most people simply don't "gel" with me, and that's fine. While things like group projects and clinical presentations are a group effort, you are there for YOUR degree, like Mergirlc mentioned. My classmates are often going to grab a few drinks after exams or chatting before class, while I go home after exams and am usually trying to shove some semblance of dinner in my face before class starts. I don't concern myself with making friends, mainly because the likelihood of you really relying on your network of nursing school friends after graduation is slim (in my opinion- I'm sure there are plenty of folks who made lifelong friends in nursing school).

That being said, I think your being a true "outsider" in the sense that you're coming from out of the area makes things more difficult. Do you have a support system beyond school? Someone/some people you can just vent to even if they aren't totally understanding the ins and outs of the program? I vent to my supervisor at work all the time, just to blow steam off (you will discover there is a lot about nursing school that seems to be stupid busy work with no real payoff).

JKL33 · Feb 26, 2020

16 hours ago, Futurenurse836 said:
I moved from another state and just started the program.

That alone is bound to have you feeling a little bit like an outsider and more prone to believing people have formed cliques fast. It's more likely they have tried to quickly become familiar with others because they actually didn't know that many more people in that particular nursing cohort than you do.

Just be friendly with people and get down to focusing on your class requirements above all else. Your (or their) friend count is not what is going to take you/them forward for the most part.

good luck!

VetmedtoRN · Mar 5, 2020

I was new to my school while I was doing prereqs and the pool of people for “pre-nursing” was surprisingly small. I had a hard time making friends that had good study habits and actually stuck with school. The only thing that worked for me was reserving a “group room” in the library while I was studying and I wrote it on our white board in Phsyio as an open study group and it worked! There were quite a few “duds” that only showed up to study for exams but I ended up meeting my best friend and study partner rockstar! Sometimes it hard to put yourself out there socially in an academic environment but your people are out there, maybe they’re just feeling alone too.

caliotter3 · Mar 5, 2020

One way to break the ice is to turn to your classmate, give your name and number on a slip of paper and ask for theirs in return so you can rely on each other for info and notes should one of you miss class. Do this with a minimum of two or three people. This is a tactic all students should employ anyway. I had an instructor one time who, first thing, as part of her first class orientation, made us turn to our neighbor and exchange contact info for this very reason. Nobody had to worry about being too shy to ask, as she made us do it.

Stressed.Student.Nurse · Mar 5, 2020

I am in my late twenties, still living in my hometown and decided to attend my local community college for Nursing. A lot of my friends that I knew in high school have moved away and I'm just really focused on finishing school. I agree with a lot of the responses that you are going to school for YOU. Try not to get caught up on being alone, use this time to really focus on school and completing your goals. I feel that just being friendly and asking questions to peers during class helps to facilitate organic relationships. I didn't start the Nursing program to make friends, it's nice that I have friends now in the program that I've met, but the goal is to become a Nurse - friendships will be formed along the way. Don't put too much pressure on it.

HandsOffMySteth · Mar 8, 2020

Here is something that may help.

https://medium.com/@EssenceVour/what-to-do-when-you-feel-lost-and-empty-inside-and-the-reasons-why-ab9b6e8b1977

I found it helpful.

Guest1142305 · Mar 8, 2020

Focus on asking other people how there weekend was at first. People love to talk about themselves. Note the things that each person talks about, then in a future conversation bring up those topics and again let them blather on about themselves. At some point they will develop a false sense of comradely with you as the "listener" and will begin to implicitly trust you. At that point spend no more then 10-25% of the time talking about yourself, and always deflect back to what’s going on in their lives. Use the time taking about yourself to bring up topics that are slightly more personal each time as an impetus for them to share about their personal lives. In time, they will trust you as though you were their best friend.

guest1141431 · May 19, 2020

On 2/26/2020 at 8:12 AM, Mergirlc said:
Sorry you're feeling this way. It's tough when you move from another place, even if it were to be from within the same state, to somewhere else where everything is new. Have you ever thought that perhaps these other folks knew each other already and that's why they all formed bonds quickly?
First off, the one thing you must remember is you are there for you. While it is nice to know your fellow classmates and have them as study buddies, the only person that will get you through this program is you. You need to be your own strongest supporter/cheerleader because nobody else can do this for you.
Another thing to keep in mind, once you graduate, you may not ever see these people again. That may be good, it may be bad. Regardless, study your tookus off and get that degree. That's your goal.
Now, you can always try to make friends by initiating conversation. Ask them about something in class. If you see them all sitting together eating lunch, ask if you can sit down w/ them. Sometimes you just have to invite yourself into the circle if nobody else will. Their reaction to you reaching out will tell you whether it's even worth it to make friends with them or not.
I think what you're feeling is actually a normal reaction to moving somewhere new and not knowing a soul. Try to get out there. When you have some downtime, visit the surrounding city and areas to get to know the place. you can also keep in touch w/ people back home just to have people to talk to.
It will get better. Give it some time.
Good luck!

Thank you so much this really did help.

On 3/8/2020 at 3:46 PM, anewmanx said:
Focus on asking other people how there weekend was at first. People love to talk about themselves. Note the things that each person talks about, then in a future conversation bring up those topics and again let them blather on about themselves. At some point they will develop a false sense of comradely with you as the "listener" and will begin to implicitly trust you. At that point spend no more then 10-25% of the time talking about yourself, and always deflect back to what’s going on in their lives. Use the time taking about yourself to bring up topics that are slightly more personal each time as an impetus for them to share about their personal lives. In time, they will trust you as though you were their best friend.

The art of winning friends and influencing people.

this is a great tip and I really appreciate you!

Guest1142305 · May 25, 2020

On 5/18/2020 at 7:20 PM, Futurenurse836 said:
Thank you so much this really did help.
The art of winning friends and influencing people.

this is a great tip and I really appreciate you!

I can’t say that it’s healthy to approach all societal interactions that way, but it’s a helpful tool for your situation. Learning to get along with people who o don’t interest you is very helpful. Truthfully, I based my advice on how most people with antisocial personality disorders use conversation as a tool for their benefit.