I have a drinking problem, how do I get help?

allnurses Guide · Jul 28, 2017

Hello and welcome to the nurse in recovery forum

Never at any point was I intoxicated while in clinical or class. Hungover, definitely, but never intoxicated.

I have been sober for almost 15 years after drinking alcoholically for over 20 years. I was pretty young when I started around 13/14 and just never got around to putting the bottle down. Like you I drank every day slept it off and went to work each day hung over. If you don't think people have any idea what's going you are lying to yourself.

I have anxiety and depression to begin with and my drinking is still bad but I don't know how to get help. Again, I have never been under the influence while at work. I've never had DUI issues or any legal troubles because of drinking.

I never had a DUI or any legal troubles either I wish I had because I might have stopped sooner. While I can repeat that I was never intoxicated at work I do have to say that looking back, coming to work hung over definitely impaired my ability to safely care for my patients.

The only thing that has been happening is me hurting myself by doing stupid things. Earlier this week I fell and hit my back and have a giant bruise and abrasion and bruises on my arms from where I tried to break the fall.

I had so many bruises at one time that when a co-work saw me changing in the locker room she asked if my husband was hitting me. Once I fell with my new born baby in my arms but managed to hold him is such a way as to keep him from hitting the ground. A therapist that I was seeing remarked to be that my clumsiness might be an act of passive suicidality.

I've tried AA meetings in the past and they didn't seem to work for me. I never felt like I could relate because it seemed like everyone there had "hit rock bottom" while I'm still "functioning."

I am what is known as a high bottom drunk and considered myself to be functional. Every AA meeting is different and the stories in the Big Book of AA talk about people like us and how we often wait until it's too late to seek help. Why do you feel that you have to reach rock bottom before trying to get well. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant and it will only continue to exacerbate your anxiety and depression. I never did seek help voluntarily. What happened to me was that I became overwhelmed by the mind storm of depression and anxiety and attempted to take my life with a overdose of Benadryl, Ambien and a whole lot of vodka. The rest is history. I would not be alive today without the benefit of AA.

Have any of you ever sought help for alcohol abuse while working? Did your employer find out? What was the reaction? How did you learn to deal with the stress of nursing in a positive way?

Depending on how much you are actually drinking you will need to have a medically supervised detox in an in-patient setting. I have seen people have seizures while detoxing. When it all came to a head my employer fired me (and black balled me from ever working with their hospitals again), my husband almost left me etc... Still all of those things had to happen before I realized how bad my life had become. Today I am happy, sober and free. I have achieved this by working a strong program of recovery following the principles laid out in the twelve steps. One of the promises that AA teaches us that our anxiety and uncertainty will melt away and we will know a new freedom and a new happiness and that we will not regret the past or wish to close the door on it.

Please reconsider seeking help. Take some time off and go into treatment - keep you recovery anonymous if you can it's hard enough to do without the BON breathing down your neck - but if you do get reported the monitoring will keep you on the straight and narrow.

Peace and Namaste

Hppy

caliotter3 · Jul 28, 2017

Look at it this way: if you are able to seek help now and do it without getting the nursing board involved, not only will you get your recovery quicker, but you will have the added benefit of being able to keep your career free from the trials and tribulations of those who are forced to do it the Board's way. You can read post after post in the recovery forum from people who are very frank about what they have to do in order to meet the requirements to get their careers back. Skipping that, if you can, is definitely worth it. Best wishes on a complete recovery. You are taking the first step.

mississippiRN71 · Jul 28, 2017

Have you considered an outpatient treatment program? They are usually anonymous , the one I went to here in Mississippi is and the counselor I had was wonderful. The group meetings were great , similar to AA. There were people in my group who hadn't had rock bottom yet . Oh how I wish I would've sought treatment before I almost overdosed . I went to inpatient treatment then outpatient afterwards .

Since I had to go inpatient,t treatment wasn't anonymous. I'm waiting on my board order as we speak. I'm so thankful to be sober a year and 7 months :-)

Please seek help . Praying for you ,

Wish you the very best!

ChryssyD · Jul 28, 2017

There are options other than AA--do some research online: many churches offer support groups, or you can simply ask your therapist about local groups.

First of all, alcohol is a depressant and will only exacerbate any depression you have. Second, have you considered seeing a psychiatrist or even your primary physician about anti-depressants? They can be life-savers. Finally, rock bottom is different for everyone. The important thing is that you are suffering, you want to change but can't, and know that you need some sort of help. My instinct is to say, suck it up and go back to AA, get yourself a sponsor (ie--someone who understands what you're going through and won't BS you about how hard but necessary it is to change your life), and find a new path. Many people are initially put off by AA/NA--that's not me, I'm not like them, I'm not that bad off, etc, etc, etc.. It's called denial, and it will protect your disease while it ruins your life.

Please use all resources available to you to get help. You know you need it, you want it, yet you clearly feel helpless. That is your depression at work--helpless and hopeless. But you are neither. You CAN overcome this! I believe in you! The fact that you are reaching out here tells me that you want to change your life. Please rest assured that you absolutely can! If you do nothing else, please communicate your distress to your therapist and ask for some direction. It doesn't seem that therapy itself is enough. Don't be afraid to point this out. You have needs and your therapist is not currently meeting them. You deserve better--demand that you get it.

I feel your hurt and I want you to be happy. Please get yourself some help and don't be choosy; when you're drowning, you can't insist on a bone-fide life vest--you grab whatever you can. Whatever you can find, reach out and grab it!

I love you and I believe in you. You will be OK. Hugs!

YANA67 · Jul 28, 2017

Thank you all for your posts. I'm thinking I'll give AA another shot. In the past the meetings I went to were mostly older males so it was hard to for me to relate as a young female, but I just checked and there is a group geared towards younger people which might be more relatable for me. I've definitely brought it up to my therapist before and she says she doesn't know much about local resources for this, but she has someone she could refer me to. I should probably pursue that.

It was good for me to read this and to reread my own post to call myself out on my BS. I need to stop giving myself a pass because nothing horrible has happened or I'm not as bad as other people.

caliotter3 · Jul 28, 2017

AA has meetings for women only where you might feel more comfortable. Someone there might also be able to assist you with resources for outpatient treatment.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Jul 29, 2017

The fact that you've admitted you need help is half the battle won. I'm glad you're open to the idea of starting with AA all over again; they gave me a kickstart when I began my sobriety odyssey over 25 years ago, and though I didn't continue past the early days, I benefited from my limited exposure to the Twelve Steps.

You are smart to get help before anything really bad happens to you. You don't want the BON to get wind of it, and of course you don't want to endanger your patients by coming to work hung over out of your gourd. You also don't want to keep injuring yourself; next time you may not be so lucky.

Wishing you all the best. I know you can do this.

Career Columnist / Author · Jul 31, 2017

Thank you all for your posts. I'm thinking I'll give AA another shot. In the past the meetings I went to were mostly older males so it was hard to for me to relate as a young female, but I just checked and there is a group geared towards younger people which might be more relatable for me. I've definitely brought it up to my therapist before and she says she doesn't know much about local resources for this, but she has someone she could refer me to. I should probably pursue that.
It was good for me to read this and to reread my own post to call myself out on my BS. I need to stop giving myself a pass because nothing horrible has happened or I'm not as bad as other people.

Please do check out the younger group. You are not alone. You are Soooo lucky not to have had a disaster yet, but it's only a matter of time.

SpankedInPittsburgh, DNP, RN · Aug 3, 2017

I'm glad that you recognize that you have a problem. Do yourself a favor seek help in a way that does NOT involve your board of nursing or you will be stuck in a punitive, hellish, one-size-fits all program administered by a case worker you will likely never see and only cares about keeping your paperwork in order. Start with AA. It's free. It's not for me (way too much God stuff) but it helps millions and you can actually talk to somebody that gives a damn there. If you decide that you need to check into rehab make sure that this agency won't report you to your local board of nursing. Of course your medical records are confidential and should not be shared with anybody but I've been in weekly, mandatory, expensive group sessions who swear this exact situation happened to them. This is an unfortunate side effect of these inept programs. Nurses who need professional help are afraid to seek it and for good reason.

YANA67 · Aug 3, 2017

I have the same issue as you. I'm agnostic at best and a younger female. I've read the big book and it didn't resonate with me. I have been to meetings with women that were helpful, but my area only has a weekly women's meeting. It's hard. I've known that I have a problem for a while, but I've been terrified to get help because of the consequences. It kills me that the system is set up this way.

allnurses Guide · Aug 4, 2017

I have the same issue as you. I'm agnostic at best and a younger female. I've read the big book and it didn't resonate with me. I have been to meetings with women that were helpful, but my area only has a weekly women's meeting. It's hard. I've known that I have a problem for a while, but I've been terrified to get help because of the consequences. It kills me that the system is set up this way.

You know there is a whole section of the Big Book that is directed to the agnostic. There is even an off shoot group called AA agnostica. there are also some other groups that you might seek out if the traditional AA Model does not resonate.

4 Ways Atheists and Agnostics Recover | AA Agnostica

Peace Hppy