I cry after I see a baby born-can you give me some advice

eriksoln, BSN, RN · May 21, 2011

First, let me put the almighty disclaimer here: I don't do L&D, background is M/S, and I am a male (might look at L&D differently, IDK).

OK.

With that said, I witnessed a student with the same issue you are describing. M/S unit, pt. on hospice for end stage CHF. Was comfortable enough to have short conversations with family (who stayed in the room for > 36hrs) and die with dignity. One day I was there, a student was assigned to the room. She did ADLs, I did meds (only med. was morphine IV and some other common comfort measure things). Pt. began to groan after having her foley emptied. Student nurse asked if I'd see if there was a need for pain meds. I entered the room, assessed pt., and after some TLC/communication with family decided to medicate.

Got the meds drawn up, went back, groaning had stopped. Pt. was, well........to me anyway, obviously passed away, but family and student hadn't picked up on it. I literally think she had JUST passed as I entered the room.

Before even giving the med., I auscultated for a heart sound. None. The family knew right away, but the student was staring at me, waiting for an answer (Guess she suspected it might be a prolonged period of apnea, which was not out of the question).

I said "I'm sorry" to the pt's daughter. Guess who started crying? Yep, the student. This was not a controlled/quiet/compassionate tear. She was BALLING, on the verge of screaming.

TBH, being a first year nurse, I didn't know what to do for her..........this was outta my league. I knew how to respond to the family, but not her. Thankfully, the instructor was close by and got her outta there in a jiff.

Instructor let her calm down then explained "We can't do this. As nurses, we must support the whole system of everyone under our care. You owe it to your patient to be there for their family when the patient passes. You can't be there for the family if you are emotionally distraught yourself." There was more, but the whole "Its about them, not you" part stuck with me.

With that said, hopefully some L&D nurses chime in. Thats my experience with it. They might have something to share that hits closer to home.

JuneBugFL · May 21, 2011

L&D is one of the areas I am most interested working in, but haven't had the opportunity to yet. That being said I had the same problem during my clinical in L&D. I wasn't all out bawling or anything but I shed a few tears for the lady partsl births, but not for the c-section. At the time I felt that it would be something that would go away with time. Good luck!

trauma735 · May 21, 2011

I can understand this problem. You probably are getting connected to patients.

AgentBeast, MSN, RN · May 21, 2011

I won't post the video again, but there is NO crying in baseball!!!!!!!

I'm a dude so take anything I say on the matter with a grain of salt.

I'm not saying you have to be emotionally dead, but crying to the point where you can't function isn't doing you or your patients any favors.

Maybe you should seek some sort of counseling to figure out exactly why you are balling when a baby is born. I really don't know what to say and am really just typing out my rear end here.

annabeap, MSN, APRN, NP · May 21, 2011

I bet with more exposure it'll slowly resolve. And as long as you are sincere, I'm sure the mom and family won't mind. Or, perhaps you ought to try some coffee before the birthing? Coffee lets me handle anything. :)

SilentfadesRPA · May 21, 2011

I also agree with Scott to think about therapy and explore what feelings and emotions are being stirred up so deep that you nearly loose control. Now I have teared up at many a birth and when my patients are dying or have died but this sounds like there are needs that should be assessed and considered professionally.

The other thing that comes to my mind is are you sleeping well, how are your outside relationships, are you getting a good aerobic work outs daily, and basic self care skills that reduce/ relieve stress. Hope this helps

Marc

lrobinson5 · May 21, 2011

I didn't really get the feeling that there was something wrong with the OP. Birth is a beautiful thing. The mother holding her baby for the first time is unique. I think you should accept that you are going to cry, instead of trying to keep it from happening, and just try to manage it and make it more controllable. Good luck :)

Teleflurry, DNP · May 21, 2011

Wait till you get a shot of blood squirted on ya.

eriksoln, BSN, RN · May 21, 2011

Wait till you get a shot of blood squirted on ya.

That doesn't make me cry, it makes me throw things.

Bbo.W · May 21, 2011

I think that all of the emotions and the beauty in the room, could very well make a person cry while witnessing a birth. The birth of another soul is so sacred, and so precious, that perhaps we should question if we are in the room and don't cry? I think you are bonding with your patients and their babies and are just overwhelmed at the situation...with time you will be able to control the tears but (hopefully!) the importance of that particular moment in time will never be lost on you. You sound like a lovely L&D nurse that truly understands what is is that you do each day...The birth of a mother, for that particular child is an awesome thing! Let us know how things develop! You sound like a nurse that I would love to have attend me during a birth!

madwife2002, BSN, RN · May 21, 2011

Moved to this forum where the L & D nurses can give you some help and advice

Plus have changed the name of your thread to be more specific