I have been out of compassion for years.

Published

Specializes in ER.

People outside healthcare just don't understand it like we do. How can you leave that poor 80 year old lady lie there in the stretcher with "excruciating" stomachache, how can you not promptly give dilaudid or morphine to these people in pain? How can you not do all these for 3 patients? We know in our hearts that is because we have one patient who is septic, one patient who has stemi or stroke, one patient who is hemorrhaging and going down fast or a pediatric code..... and you have patient and family members complain to you as you're passing into that one critical patient's room 17th time in last hour to save him/her, saying "when is the xray result showing?" or "when is the doctor coming into see my nausea/vomiting?" or "I called the call light twice and no one came to get me a blanket."...... I have no compassion to give, I have no love for humanity left in my heart. Patients don't register to me as human beings anymore, but they only seem like numbers or a head count.

Bring compassion back to healthcare, harp all the hospitals across the nation, but we know that is a lie as we see the administration and management punch in stats, numbers, and data in order to save money instead of focusing on providing quality care with good staffing. You want to take care of people, but in reality, you can't because you're taking care of Mr. Documentation.

I am sick of healthcare, hospital administration and bedside nursing. I don't even know why we need to save peoples' lives anymore. In the world where charting and reimbursement is more important to healthcare, I guess that trickles down to burnt out and bitter nurses. I am paying my dues now... but I pray to Lord that I can leave the bedside soon for patients and myself for the person it is turning me into. It is not for me. I also pity those who are as miserable as I am.

Thank you for listening to my rant, I have been keeping it for many months.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.

Wow. That is rough. You need a change of scenery big time. Seek an outpatient or non-hospital job and your soul may recover and you can get your heart back to where you want it to be.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I feel for you. I was facing the same type of burnout. So I retired. It was 2 yrs early, but I knew I couldn't do what was asked of me, and give my patients the care they deserved; be the kind of nurse I had always been. You probably don't have that option. A medical leave prescribed by a psychiatrist might help you gain time to sort out your options. Sounds like you could use some help anyway; I did. Good luck

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Medsurg/ICU, Mental Health, Home Health.
A medical leave prescribed by a psychiatrist might help you gain time to sort out your options. Sounds like you could use some help anyway; I did. Good luck

I agree, and also, when was the last time you had a vacation?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER.

I thought a brief vacation of few weeks would relieve this but unfortunately, I gained it right back as soon as I returned to bedside. I am just not fit for patient care and I know it. I think the best scenery for me is typical business setting with phones and computers.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I felt exactly as you describe after working in a busy Level 2 regional trauma center for a couple of years. I took a break and did a complete 180 and did outpatient nursing for a while. It really helped. Of course, I got bored with that and went back to the ED, but in a small community hospital. I've been there for a few years and have been loving it up until recently, as I've become more burnt out on the minor complaints. I'm finding it more difficult to mount a compassionate response unless the person is emergently ill. I'm thinking it's time for a change of scenery again, but I'm going on vacation soon, so I'll re-evaluate when I get back.

Best of luck to you. I completely understand. It does not in any way mean you are a bad person or a bad nurse. This business can chew you up and spit you out if you're not careful. Take care of yourself!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

I took 9 weeks one year, traveled and volunteered in a small nursing school in a 3rd world area, had my youngest daughter with me. Went back sooo much better off. Still there 5 years later.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I feel exactly the same. I hate giving 110% of myself working 12hrs shifts that are actually 14hrs shifts since documentation and shift report takes up your last 30-60min and you're forced to punch out on time or risk losing your job because of "unapproved" overtime.

I've lost my empathy. We've all held out bladders for entire shifts, not eaten or even taken a sip of water and there's patients, family members, staff, doctors that make pithy remarks that you didn't "do-it-all."

Nursing isn't nursing anymore period. It's all about patient satisfaction so that TJC, Medicare/Medicaid pay out the monetary deficits the hospital is in. Those white collar pencil pushing big-wigs that sit in offices and crunch numbers and create more and more unrealistic rules for jobs they haven't a clue the in's & out's so that once they hit those number they so illegally desire get big monetary kick backs, and so do the physicians....but not the nurses, we sometimes get free coffee coupons at jazzmans cafe for becoming top 100 hospital or becoming a magnet status hospital.

I never signed up to be a stepford nurse, I signed up to be a registered nurse that uses her intelligence to save lives and help heal the sick. Flip this "hotel" hospital push with concierge nurses.

Patients can be very satisfied one moment and dead the next, just sayin!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I've lost my empathy. We've all held out bladders for entire shifts, not eaten or even taken a sip of water and there's patients, family members, staff, doctors that make pithy remarks that you didn't "do-it-all."

Yup, I've worked with migraines, ovarian cysts, URIs, held my bladder for 8+hours, gone without food or drink for 8+ hours, all while expected to provide service with a smile.

Kinda hard to smile when you're starving and your patient's family member is mowing down on McDonald's fries while you get Momma up to pee (yet) again while holding your own bladder and keeping your hypoglycemic anger down and reciting "Is there anything else I can do for you? I have the time..."

I don't do it anymore. I refuse. I'm polite, and professional- but no, I won't sacrifice my own health and well-being so the corporate bottom line doesn't suffer. I'm a human being with human needs too- and now, as an RN that finds myself in a position of administration, I don't expect the direct care RNs to sacrifice either.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Another thought; I know several nurses who have moved into working in prisons! Far from ideal, but definitely less draining. Worth a thought

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU.

When I get short tempered to the point that I am thinking why are you bothering me instead of how can I help you then I am no good to anyone.

I take at least one or two mental health days every two months. The max that I can along with two vacation days per schedule.

I am indifferent AF to the needs of this employer

because that's how they are towards us.

Mike Ehrentraut said "It's a job. That's where it begins and that's where it ends."

Compartmentalize. Stop being a martyr for your corporate overlord. Seriously.

I dont do any extra shift for less than double time plus incentive pay. I stick it to them and I enjoy it.

No one would suspect how much I despise the crooked administration of this medical center.

Just watch how fast middle management staffs

it up when they are forced to work just one shift as bedside nurses.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I felt the same way after many years in acute care. I am now a school nurse and feel like I am really making a difference in kids lives. Maybe you need to find a different area. One thing about nursing, there are many options. Good luck!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion