I can't believe I stood up to one of the 'bullies'!!!

[raindrop]

I am always so quiet and reserved!!! But ever since I started this job (from hell) 3 months ago, one nurse who I'll refer to as Amy has been nasty to me since day 11. I said day 11 because I only had 10 days of orientation before I was by myself.

She works from 7pm until 7am. I have to give her report when she comes in and then when I relieve her, if we have the same patients. In report, she drills me. And if she finds one little error in a policy and procedure mishap on my part, she won't drop it. She goes on and on about my mistake. She talks to me like I'm 5, she makes snide remarks, acts as if this is only a 12-hour job and gets mad if she has to do something that was ordered on my shift - i.e., a dressing change, start a new IV, etc. And basically, she's just a all-around "beetch." One nurse "warned" me about her after my first encounter with her on day 11; the nurse that warned me told me how Amy does not like new people and she tests them. And that she made one nurse cry. Ever since day 11, I have grinned and taken her crap and it has made me very tired. The lackadaisacal management on my unit has made me very tired (new thread there). So the other night, I just had:

My 12 hour shift was approaching 14 hours after I gave Amy a 1 hour report and tried to finish my charting. I was having a difficult time concentrating on my charting because she was being so nasty to me. She was mad because I filled out the wrong medical record number on a "sitter" form and she had to correct it (not a big deal). But, typical of Amy, she wouldn't let it go. She just kept rambling, and making remarks about how little mistakes lead to big mistakes, etc. I HAD it. I stood up and sternly told her to drop it:

"Amy, I made a minor mistake. I am only human, so just Drop it. Oh, like, You are soooo perfect, you have never made a mistake, AMy? I don't think you should be worried about my mistake, instead, worry about your patients and start assesssing them! Your shift started close to 2 hours ago."

Needless to say, nearly a week later, she is now ignoring me. It just goes to show how petty she is. I was told that she doesn't want to come in and take any of my patients if at all possible, because she doesn't want report from me. I don't know how management can ignore this!! She went to management, I don't know what they had to say about it because I haven't gone to them. It is over. I dealt with it and I didn't need to run to them. I think that was professional of me. Management has not saud anything to me about it, but I overheard my manager telling Amy in a frusrated tone, "You guys work the same weekend, you are going to have to communicate with one another. You have to communicate." I don't know if they were talking about me, but probably.

Do you think I was right in my approach?

[DoeRN]

Wow so she can dish it but can't take it. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

I think it's good to stand up to bullies. From your account, it doesn't sound like you did it in the ideal way. Your account sounds a little childish, but nevertheless, at least you got her to back off.

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

P.S.

It sounds like management there expects the nurses to handle interpersonal problems like this on their own, so use that in your favor and keep standing up to her. She won't be able to run to them and get YOU in trouble. Don't let her ever get away with this again.

If she starts up, just say "I'd like to finish report, I'd appreciate it if you would not continue to nitpick like this, it is too time consuming." or "I thought we discussed this last week, I would like you not to continue to harp on me like this"

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

Another tactic that I've found really gets aggressive types like this off balance is to say "I've heard that many people have had a similar problem with you..." or "I was warned about you". I only use that as a last resort, but it's effective. It catches them off guard and makes you look like you have alot of allies. People like this pick on newbies because they consider them easy targets who aren't 'in the know'. If they think you have workplace allies, they'll back off.

[truern]

As a new grad finally on my own I too experienced a nurse much the same. I *dreaded* giving her report because she'd always find something to pick apart. Finally one morning I asked her to explain WHY so-and-so was important because as a new nurse I appreciated her experience and would love to gain from it. Funny thing: she couldn't tell me why, but she never picked apart my report again.

Sometimes you do catch more flies with honey.

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

This is bullying. And, it shouldn't be tolerated. I have been known to say less pleasent things than you did, so, I think you actually did well.

I had to laugh yesterday at work...we had a meeting, and it was told that management 'discovered' that there is 'actually bullying' happening in this facility. I wanted to shout "Oh, PLEEZE...!!!" And, we were told that "as soon as they have a written description of this term, strict policy will be enforced". Well, we'll see... but I do plan to take people to task if they actually do enforce something.

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

This is bullying. And, it shouldn't be tolerated. I have been known to say less pleasent things than you did, so, I think you actually did well.

I had to laugh yesterday at work...we had a meeting, and it was told that management 'discovered' that there is 'actually bullying' happening in this facility. I wanted to shout "Oh, PLEEZE...!!!" And, we were told that "as soon as they have a written description of this term, strict policy will be enforced". Well, we'll see... but I do plan to take people to task if they actually do enforce something.

What do they need, someone with a PhD to write a description of bullying? I thought management nerds were ALL bullied in grade school!

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

What do they need, someone with a PhD to write a description of bullying? I thought management nerds were ALL bullied in grade school!

Heck, Webster's Dictionary would have been good enough...on line dictionaries...why do they always think that it takes rocket scientists to make simple decisions?

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

Heck, Webster's Dictionary would have been good enough...on line dictionaries...why do they always think that it takes rocket scientists to make simple decisions?

Ha ha, I think they need to consult their team of attorneys, not rocket scientists...

[RN1982]

I think what you did was fine. Sometimes you have to put your foot down and say "enough is enough". Let her ignore you. Let her get report from other nurses. In turn, just ignore her and hold your head up high.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

Raindrop,

KUDOS for standing up for yourself

Previous posters have offered sound advice & observations. I would also suggest you invest in a copy of a book called "Crucial Conversations". We are using it for communication/conflict management classes & it is great! It has commonsense - easy to apply- principles for dealing with bullies, including case studies.

I am surprised that your manager has not stepped in. Workplace bullies in healthcare are an acknowledged source of patient safety issues.... failure to speak up may endanger a patient's life.

You Go Grrrrrl!!!