I start my ABSN program in January...it is coming so soon. I am so excited but super nervous. I like to prepare, I am very organized and enjoy some order in my life. My husband however, is the opposite. I have been trying to go down the list of to do's with him to prepare the family for the big changes and also to just have some sort of order in the household while I am gone. One of the items on the list was food/dinner prep. We DO NOT have any extra money this next year to eat out or grab dinner at all..we will be living on a very strict budget. That being said I am a stay at home mom now and have dinner planned every week ahead of time so that everyone gets dinner at 6:30. We have the schedule so tight in the evenings because my daughters have activities they do after school and then they come home and have homework to do and so dinner has to be cooked and ready by 6:30 or we eat soup. We are too busy not to have a schedule. My husband does not know about all the details and work that goes into this schedule...he just knows to go here and there and when to be where. I am the one behind the scenes orchestrating it all if you will.
Okay so here is my point...I tried to talk to him about meal prep and schedules once I start school. His answer? "I don't need to know the details...we will be fine. I will take care of it my way." OKAY...his way is they are late for everything and dinner (chick-fil-a or something quick) is not eaten until 8 at night and they don't get to bed until 10. NOT cool. My kids are going to before school care this next year and they will have to be up by 6am. They need sleep to function and we cannot afford to get quick dinners...not for a family of 6.
I love my husband dearly, we balance each other out. That being said, we have never switched roles before...he has never had my job. He thinks "his way" is going to get the job done and I don't doubt it will but I know that his way is the harder way and more stressful way- I have left him alone for a weekend here and there in the past to fly out and visit family and I have seen his way. I am only trying to offer him tips as to how I do things- I have been doing this for 8 years..I have worked out the kinks and I know what works and what does not. I only was trying to speak with him about dinner and maybe scheduling crock pot meals a few days a week and freezing meals for the rest and he did not want to hear it. Oi vey. I did not push the issue but I am feeling a bit panicked thinking about how things are going to go this next year for my family.
Maybe I am being a bit neurotic but I really just want this next year to be as low stress as it can be on everyone. So many people tell me to just let it go...I don't know why I can't. I have never had to hand over the reigns before completely so that is probably why. Should I bring this up with my husband again or just let it go?
I had those same plans and everything planned out when I started my first semester. Truth is you have to learn to go with the flow or you won't make it! Live day to day! I know that's easier said than done but you literally have to when you're in nursing school! Order goes out the window and survival mode kicks in! Good luck!
You husband probably doesn't have any idea what you do, I know I didn't. However, he will learn. Give him time to learn it his way.
I was in a similar (but worse) situation that your husband. My (now-ex) wife went on what my daughter euphemistically called "mom's vacation". It was a "vacation" that lasted exactly three years, involved her wearing an orange jump suite and when it was over required weekly visits to a parole officer.
So with very little warning I went from having a stay at home wife to being a single father working a full time job. But I learned, "my way". It took a while, there were some bumps along the way, but I managed. I learned that I love to cook and am very good at it. I learned that I am very good at cleaning (but I still do not love that so much).
But if I can learn to cope in that situation, I am sure your husband can manage, just give him some time, some trust and some encouragement. He may not even do it they way you do, but if you show a little faith in him, he will, I'm sure, do much better than you think he will.
I don't know what your money situation is, but is it at all practical to do one of those make and take meal things (if they still exist?) And I agree that he's trying to help you. Maybe it's time to decide that one or two nights a week you will make dinner, and make it be simple. Tacos do not take that long to make, neither does spaghetti, neither does a crock pot full of chili. Surely you have 15 minutes per day to do dishes or something. Maybe it's time to involve the kids and reward them for taking on more responsibilities. Kids like to be helpful, and gaining the confidence knowing that they have new skills and responsibilities is extremely valuable. Even if it's something like emptying the house trash into the big trash every day, or run around and pick up all the toys you can pick up in 10 minutes. And if the money is there, maybe this is one of those times where it would be worth hiring a cleaning person 1-2 times a month for your sanity and to give him a break.
I agree with other posters that letting him get his own groove going is the best way to handle this. You told him what works for you, you've made the helpful suggestions, and now you need to step back and let him handle it. No, things will not be the way you are used to them being. No, things are not going to run quite as smoothly as they have been. But that would happen even if your family followed your instructions to a T. Your husband sounds like a pretty relaxed person, but he is going to figure out how to get things done! And you both will still be a part of a team, working together to get your family what it needs. At the end of the day, as long as everyone is dressed, fed, and safe, you've been successful, right? :)
Hubby had to take it all on too I'm not a super picky woman, but I want the carpet vacuumed every day. Everything else can wait, just vacuum. Took everyone a while to get that, but now laundry is done, carpet is vacuumed, dinner is cooked, teams are coached and the kids are alive. I figure they get to see two ways to do things, and that can be good for them!
It's been a long time since I was in nursing school, but I can relate! Cooking Light's Fresh Food Fast is great. I wish this book was around when I was in nursing school! All the recipes can be made quickly with minimal ingredients. Also, a slow cooker is your friend. I also cut up lots of carrots and veggies and put healthy snacks in snack sized sandwich bags. I have recently started making the mason jar salads from pinterest. My husband and I do this on Saturday afternoons. The kids study, we cook. It only takes a few hours and is a good way to spend time together. Then on weeknights, we just reheat.
I was in the same boat 4 months ago. You do need to let go a little. My hubby still hasn't picked up the cooking, I made 30 geezer meals before I started and they are gone. We had sandwiches or something when I couldn't cook. Honestly though, there's time most weeks to spend an hour cooking/cleaning. It's busy, but not impossible! (I have 8 kids and my hubby works full time). I am getting all A's, and one B. no one is dead, and the house still stands. That's all that matters, right?
8 kids? wowzers! and I thought I had a lot of kids (4). Good for you making such awesome grades and being a busy mommy of 8!
I have been talking with my husband a bit since I posted this and he and I both agreed we needed to have a talk about at least some of the logistics. Now, I know once we actually do this I am not going to push things being done my way but if he wants to know then I will share. I just am glad he agrees that we do need to make sure we are both on the same page in January. He knows I will not be around to help most of the time and I think he is okay with that...well he is now but you know once you jump into reality that may change. However, I know he will not make me feel bad for not being there to help. I am in an Accelerated BSN program for 11 months so I will be lucky to even sleep, lol. We will figure it out- I just need to let him do things his way. As long as he knows what needs to be done and gets them done I am going to have to accept that it is all that matters.
Give him time and have some patience. He is probably stressed out too, trying to adjust. Each semester everything changes and together, you will have to work through the bumps along the way.
lol my wife and i are the opposites of you guys. I'm more the detailed organizer and she is like your hubby, more laid back. I also start in January and I am constantly trying to plan how this is going to work, while she plans her weekend out. Its frustrating at times but you just cant change some people.
Specializes in Cardiology, Cardiothoracic Surgical.
Welcome to being a nursing student! You will learn 'flexibility' is your new way of life. Everything outside of schoolwork, getting to classes, remembering to sleep and eat sometimes, and waving hi to your family will pale in comparison to anything else you may worry about.
The house may be dirty, the kids may eat mac n cheese and boiled hot dogs and skip a few after school activities, and your husband may do things his way and suffer the worse for it, but it doesn't last forever. You will all survive.
In all seriousness though, focus with your husband on getting the most essential things done: laundry, kids fed and clothed, the garbage taken out, you quality study time and sleeping when you can.
Mrs.Priss
126 Posts
I had those same plans and everything planned out when I started my first semester. Truth is you have to learn to go with the flow or you won't make it! Live day to day! I know that's easier said than done but you literally have to when you're in nursing school! Order goes out the window and survival mode kicks in! Good luck!