How will I juggle school and family - advice?

Tweety, BSN, RN · Apr 5, 2010

It's good that your husband is committed to you going to school and taking care of the kids. That's going to remove about 99.999% of your issues. He's human too and let him know how much you love him and appreciate what he does, and do so often, rather than expect it.

Just take one day at a time, leave the guilt at the door when you come home and know that what you're doing will benefit your family in many ways to come. The kids are young enough that they won't be traumatized at all, and early bedtimes help.

Don't forget to take care of yourself.

Good luck!

amarilla, RN · Apr 5, 2010

OP,

First things first: congrats for returning to school, (the nerves are normal!). Kudos for thinking this out and wanting the best for your family; lots of people have walked in similar shoes and I'm sure you'll get some great advice here.

I don't have children but I do have a husband, several furkids and a number of folks who rely on me via professional and non-profit commitments. I was working full time in another field through the first year of a 2 year ADN-RN program; needless to say, I had a lot to do with very little time to do it. I am nearing May graduation and have a few thoughts, looking back:

For the relationship: get a day planner and USE IT! Write in all of your school commitments as soon as you know them. Print a free monthly calendar and fill it out to stick on the fridge. For me, things were easier with DH when he knew how heavy the schedule would be that week, (he'd make other plans, help out more, know to make his own dinner, etc.) Tell him when you need help, and what you would like him to do, (men aren't the best mind readers, as you know.) Thank him for helping, (and mean it!), and pepper those thanks with lots of hugs. Try to make time every week for something together - whether it be a walk, casual dinner, barbecue on the weekend. Smush up the kids and push the guilt aside; you are acting in the best interest of your family in the long run by sacrificing right now.

For the household: less trips to the store = more time at school/home. Make your list, clip coupons and buy in bulk! Do a little laundry a few times each week, (don't let it pile!). Fill the car with gas once (or twice) each week; I think it better to get in and go, rather than stopping constantly to put in another $10 worth on the one day you're late! Don't chide yourself to make time to clean the whole house; whole days off will be a treasure and should be enjoyed outside with your family! Instead, split the chores with DH and do one thing (each) at a time. Example: one day, straighten up the kitchen. Next day, DH vacuums and tidies up the toys in the living room. Etc.

Think ahead for easy meals. I used to make homemade gravy on Sunday afternoons to freeze for later; DH and family ate the sauce with pasta, in manwich sandwiches, over ground turkey for tacos, spread over (frozen) eggplant with melted cheese, spread over (frozen) chicken cutlets, so on. I know you might not like the thought of 'frozen', but if you can buy a big bag of frozen chicken cutlets, patties or the like, they make easy meals (oven for 20 minutes, no defrost necessary), with salads or veggies. Same thing goes with browning ground turkey in a pan for tacos or sloppy joes. You aren't left with just PB&J and hotdogs!

For school: be creative and know that all learning doesn't take place in the classroom. You can tape lectures (if permitted) and listen to them in the car or on your iPod while out and about in-between. You can watch demos on CD-ROM or via a multitude of websites to better 'see' the procedures described in your clinical prep. There are memory books with visual depictions of patho, meds and assessments, (Mosby's), which can simplify things if you learn better by looking. Speaking of study material....

don't buy (or trade to) the college bookstore! Try asking other nursing students, going on ebay or amazon or the like before paying full price! You'll have many books to buy, but always take a good, in-person thumb through 'recommended' or optional texts. You might find another book which works better for you without wasting the money on the impulse buy.

Re wasting money: of all the things you will need, try on the nursing shoes you want to buy. Doesn't matter that they're cheap when you're going to spending 8+ hours on your feet! They should feel good so that you feel good!

Go to sleep every night. Yes, really. You need your sleep.

Find someone supportive to talk to about school. There will be lots of folks who don't understand the time commitment and stresses of nursing school; ignore them and call/text your support person with your gripes. Whenever you want to quit, (and you likely will since we all do), remember that lots and lots of people went through the same thing you are...

and graduated.

You will too. Hang in there, and time will fly by.

Best,

Southern

jrsmrs · Apr 5, 2010

It's not a cake walk, but you do what you have to do, make sacrifices where you have to, etc. You won't always be eating like you're used to (I fill the freezer with frozen lasagnes, shepherd's pies, etc in the late summer when I'm off for those times in winter when I have no time or energy to cook), and your house will be messy more than it's clean. Not fun, especially if you're a bit of a neat freak like me, but this IS temporary.

Spend your time doing what's truly important. I do almost no textbook reading during the school year until test or exam time, and I am at the top of my class. Lots of textbooks are a waste of money. Find out on the first day of each class if the prof tests from the book or from their own notes. Probably close to half of classes only use the textbook as a supplemental resource. IMO, that is a huge waste of $150 and HOURS of reading time. Now, you may want those textbooks later on if they help you in your career, but save yourself some cash now if you're strapped, because you can always buy them later when you're working (ie, in my OB and peds classes, both profs tested only from their own lectures and notes, and neither textbook even has the spine cracked. Total waste of a good $300.).

Good luck! You're doing the best thing for your family in the long run, and a few small sacrifices now will pay off in the end.

pharmgirl · Apr 6, 2010

In addition to all of the above, couple tips:

1) I took one day and just cooked. I bought those plastic seperator plates and made up all kinds of homemade meals. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Pork chops and mac and cheese. I then plated them all in individual servings on these plates, wrapped them, labeled them and froze them. It helped my husband and daughter eat a homecooked meal when I wasn't home. It saved the money from fast food and it also was "comfort" to have Mom's cooking when Mom was at clinicals late.

2) I am about to graduate in 39 days. My house is a wreck. This is the first semester that my house looks like this. To be honest?, I wish I had come to this realization 4 semesters ago. NO ONE CARES!! If anyone comes over unexpectedly, I might throw the soda cans in the garbage and say "sorry, this is nursing school clean". They laugh and move on. Cleaning is not my priority now and if someone comes over and doesn't like it, they can not come over anymore. Obviously, I've done the usual straightening up, scrubbing bathrooms, but to really clean??? ummmmm......christmas break? maybe. I wish I had stopped my OCD a long time ago. It wouldve made life a lot easier.

3) When you graduate you will feel like this is just as much your familys graduation as it is yours. No one can do it alone. Its hard and its a sacrafice and its all worth it in the long run. Nursing school isn't forever but your family is. It will be over soon enough and will be worth it. Keep your eye on the prize and your chin up. Know that there will be days you want to cry, scream and jump for joy. Know that no one will TRULY understand what you are going through besides your fellow classmates.

Good luck to you and I sincerely wish you the very best. Its hard but with support and love, you can do absolutely anything.

httamli · Apr 6, 2010

I needed to read this also. My hubby has a very demanding career and he's all but refused to do housework when I was working full time before. (Now I'm a SAHM to a 4 and 1 year old, waiting to get into NS). So this will basically all be on me, but if a single mom can do this...so can I !!!

DayDreamin ER CRNP · Apr 6, 2010

I'm a single mom but I will give my ex major props for stepping up and making sure I have very few worries on the home front. For me, that is KEY. My 10 year old dd is one busy little girl and it sure makes me feel better about not being home as much.

I do have a friend that is old like I am but she has younger kids. She has mentioned to me on several occasions that her kids are being needy and are missing her so that does take time away from her studying.

A few thing that work for me....

planning. Get a good planner (i like the Mom Agenda) that isn't too big but has room for a lot of info on there for me and my child.

Hire a housekeeper. Yeah, it sounds indulgent but it has been the best check I write every other week. In between I do some light cleaning. I had to let go of a few things but that is part of it. I am much more relaxed when I come home which goes a very long way.

Right now I have two days off each week. I just finished one clinical so I have an extra day. When I had just one day off, i made myself stick to a schedule for that day. This is the day for hair cuts, doc's appointments, etc. More than anything else thought, it is a big catch up day for me. If I have a clinical journal or SBAR or care plan due the next week, my off day is my day to get it all done.

Food. As someone mentioned, buying in bulk and cooking once a week is great. I can't do it every week but I at least prep some chicken or other meat - trim, etc. It does save some time and is easy to just grab a bag out of the freezer for that night's meal. I have to admit to also eating out more and/or relying on Hamburger Helper. Save the flames for someone that really cares but at least we have a meal at our table at home every now and then.

Even if I cannot get around to my once a week cooking i at least plan my menu for the week and try to get to the grocery store on Sunday after church or whatever. I always try to include my dd in the meal planning too which kills two birds with one stone. 3 really; we get some good conversation and can look at our week as team, she is learning to prepare and plan meals, and it sets some "guidelines" for our week.

Friends. It is important to me to still maintain my friendships by having a dinner or a drink out with my friends every now and then. It is also important for my dd to have a lot of friends that can come over here or she goes to their house to play for an afternoon. Even if it is just for 2 hours it is frees up some time for me too.

Let go. Say it with me.... "LET GO" That is essential for my sanity. Yeah, i love making an A in a class but I've also decided that no one will ever ask me what my GPA was so Bs are totally fine for me. I decided during my first semester that I can work/study 50% less and still make a pretty high B on tests. I have yet to make a C and I am pretty sure I won't this semester but I'm ok with a B. Don't get me wrong, I'm still working hard and putting in a lot of study hours but letting go allowed me to stop obsessing about my grades and spend a little more quality time with my family. I can't get this time back so it is worth it to me.

It is all a complete balance and I have had to make some sacrifices. My family has too. In the grade scheme of things, this is just a few years and the time spent will definitely pay off and be so worth it!!!

congrats and good luck!

meredith

httamli · Apr 6, 2010

I can't stand the thought of being away from my kiddos and family that many hours (with studying!), but I keep telling myself the payoff in the longrun will be worth it. Though I'm not sure my heart is believing it right now! I'm only taking one class right now and to say its been difficult is an uderstatement-but I also have no child care (2 small kids) and my husband works crazy shift work to barely make ends meet, so we really have no choice but to plow through and take one day at a time!

CBsMommy · Apr 6, 2010

Well, congrats on getting into school!

I'm a single mom to a 3 year old and if I can do this, you can too!

I echo all of the thoughts above. I've let go of the housework. I focus on laundry, the kitchen and the bathrooms to make sure they are clean. If you can, clear out some clutter (if necessary). Have a garage sale before school to make a little extra money. I know a lot of people bought $200 nursing shoes. I bought my shoes from Wal-Mart and got those foot pads specifically for my feet and they work the same way. I haven't had sore feet/back yet.

Stay on top of the assigned reading. It's a LOT of reading which takes the majority of my time. Yes, I do ALL of the reading. If you can, I would get a book on how to take tests in nursing school. I use one by Saunder that is called Test Taking Success for Nursing School Students, or something to that effect.

Once a week, make a date with your hubby, even if it's just sitting on the couch and watching a movie for 2 hours. I have a "date night" with my son on Fridays where we order pizza or something and I let him pick a movie and we lay out blankets on the floor (like a slumber party). He gets my undivided attention and usually falls asleep which is when I pick up some homework or books and start reading.

I love my crockpot! There are many students on here that use their crockpot and there are several super easy, cheap meals that you can do that are ready when everyone gets home!

This is a big one! I leave my kiddo at daycare all day! Even if I get home from school at 2, he is at daycare until 5. That lets me get some studying done without interruption for 3 hours. That's huge. Occasionally I will pick him up early, or take a day off, and we go do something fun. But, for me, school is my full time job right now. He has his "friends" at daycare anyway so he loves being there and it's not that big of a deal.

Also, I would start your kids out at daycare maybe two weeks prior to you going full time. Start them out two days, then go to four. Go pick them up early. That way, when you get into the program, they are used to going and you won't feel as guilty or sad!!!

You will get through this. It does go very fast! Good luck to you and your family!

Nurse2bESK, BSN · Apr 6, 2010

All of your advice has been so thoughtful - thank you so much for taking the time to write it down.

naenae1979 · Apr 6, 2010

I needed to read this also. My hubby has a very demanding career and he's all but refused to do housework when I was working full time before. (Now I'm a SAHM to a 4 and 1 year old, waiting to get into NS). So this will basically all be on me, but if a single mom can do this...so can I !!!

*my hubby has a VERY demanding career also (he is a farmer) so....i dont see him that often either. BUT... he tries so very hard to help! He cant do much considering he is home long enough to eat, shower, and sleep! We also have a 5 yr old AND a 15 month old! WE CAN DO THIS!!! LOL! thanks for the post! makes this mama feel better that I am NOT alone in this!

tlstudent · Apr 6, 2010

Ha! All of the above. I'm a single mom of two, ages 4 and 2 as well! I HONESTLY barely remember seeing my kids the first semester of Nursing school. But every chance I got I did something fun with them. Stopping at a park on the way home from the sitter, making PB&J sandwiches into fun shapes, dancing in the kitchen, taking pictures and making art together... anything you can muster up, do! But keep in mind that, at least in my program, the reading lists get smaller in the following semesters. Get the Fundamentals of Success book by Nugent (?). It shows you almost exactly how nursing tests are worded. Lots of rationales.

Also, I started my 4 and 2yos on a chores and sticker system. The 2yo really doesn't really do her chores that well, but it's a start! I'll have them help out by picking up their books, or toys, or shoes, shredding lettuce? Idk. Anything to keep little minds and hands busy. Ha!

And 3rd- find the other moms in your class, find the people who live close to you, and find the nicest people in your class. BEFRIEND these people. Try to get a list of people who can watch the kids incase one of them gets sick on your clinical day. Or if you're sitter gets sick/ day care closes down/ car won't start and you need to last min car pool. Have the back up list, cause anything can happen. (for ex: my mom was supposed to watch the kids one time my clinical day last semester and then their house burned down overnight. A classmate in a different clinical was up and ready to watch them at 4:30am. I returned the favor with 1 Saturday night and 1 study date sitting

You must get a planner and plan out your studying! Leave make up days too, incase you fall behind. Buy highlighters and use them. Orange means names, pink means key terms, yellow means general info, blue means procedures, ect. PM me anytime!