How do you do well in nursing school and keep your spouse happy?

BSNbeauty, BSN, RN · Aug 13, 2015

If he leaves you due to the demands of nursing school , then I question the type of man you married. Nursing school don't break up marriages, people break up their own marriage.

Trauma Columnist · Aug 13, 2015

Moved for more answers

Miss Infermiera2b, BSN, RN · Aug 13, 2015

I am not married, but I have been sharing a home with my boyfriend for the last few years, and therefore we share household responsibilities. Normally, he does a lot of the cleaning and I do almost all of the cooking, but while school is in session he has taken the bulk of the cooking and cleaning. It's definitely difficult because I can tell he wants my attention and is getting a lot less of it, so I try to take one day or half day per week to spend a little quality time.

heb06004 · Aug 13, 2015

Definitely try to have set times where your family knows you will put down the books and spend time with them, same goes for hubby. I'm in an ABSN program currently (one more semester to go!) and Saturdays are the day for family and my boyfriend without any homework distractions or scheduling work on that day. It'll help you distress and help to make sure your husband and family know they're still just as important to you. It's an adjustment, but it'll be okay. :)

Cakelady1 · Aug 14, 2015

I worked full-time while my husband also worked and went to school at nights while he was getting his Master's Degree. We had one child at the time.

I was a single, working mom 5 days a week for 3 years. I went through infertility treatments for two of those years. 9 of those months, I was also pregnant. My husband finished his MS about a month after our second son was born.

I figure it's my turn now. We always planned on my going to nursing school. It's been what I've wanted for our entire 15 years of marriage. When I decided it was finally time, we knew what we were in for. I sacrificed for him, now it's his turn to sacrifice for me.

Naedejesus · Aug 16, 2015

I did not find nursing school bad at all even while working a full 40 hour per week job and commuting an hour 1 way to work/school.
Was it tiring? yes. If I did not have to work full time it would have been pretty easy for me though.
Some of my classmates also worked full time jobs and did it too. Some of my classmates also found it interesting and easy. Then some of my classmates did not work and struggled to make it.
It really depends on how well you retain information and how good you are at practically applying knowledge. I've seen some really intelligent people who couldn't do a catheter placement for the life of them and I've seen others who aren't the most book savvy but can do them on anyone.
Just know that you will be frustrated several days and your husband will have to put up with you being busy. A lot. Just remember this is not permanent. 2 years is a blink of an eye when you think about it the grand scheme of things and it will all be worth it.

Thanks for posting this. It's nice see a post with encouraging words instead of one that can scare students.

edmia, BSN, RN · Aug 16, 2015

As mentioned above, it's not about nursing school; this is really about how your marriage will hold up in any stressful change of routines. I think this is an excellent time for you and your husband to sit down and have an honest talk about your expectations of each other in the marriage. Then, talk about how your schedule will change and how those expectations will need to adjust.

I went to nursing school when my kids were young but in school. That helped a lot in terms of not really having to worry about childcare too much. My husband did have to take them to school as I was out of the house before them most days of the week, but we had talked about it and it worked out. He actually appreciated the opportunity to be the more hands-on parent for a bit as it helped him to create a more intimate relationship with the kids. He loved that time with them as main go-to guy.

I saw several marriages break up during school, but in reality, those relationships were already on the brink of ending anyway.

If you take honest stock of your relationship and are willing to talk about all this before you start the crazy schedule, you will know if there are areas that need work or if you're set to go with a supportive partner who sees your education as part of your joint life journey.

Lots of luck and congratulations!

Sent from my iPhone -- blame all errors on spellcheck

littlepeopleRNICU · Aug 16, 2015

You have to make school a priority in order to do well. In order to get out, make yourself happy, and provide for your family. And he has to understand that. If those guidelines are truly understood at heart, the rest will fall into place.

The biggest piece of advice I can give you, is set aside a time each week to do a family activity together. Try to add small times together in there as well like breaking away for 30 minutes to eat together or watch a favorite show together. Other than that, focus on school, but you need you/family time in order to keep you ALL happy and sane. Studying makes a good student, but if you are miserably unhappy, it equates to more stress than is necessary and you run the risk of a breakdown and/or not doing well. If you spend literally every second away from clinical or class with your nose buried in a book, you won't do well because you won't be in the right state mentally.

The tips you were given about having made ahead meals, etc. were really good for time management! But don't take it on yourself to have to prepare all those things. He needs to help. How old are your children? Could they help with things like meal prep too?

Glycerine82, LPN · Aug 19, 2015

Your husband needs to be on board with this. He will need to help out with the kids and dinner and housework. I just finished my first semester and I can't even begin to tell you the sheer volume of material we covered. You WILL study EVERY DAY, you WILL neglect your husband and kids, he MUST get on board with this or one of the two won't make it.

We lost over half our class my first semester. It's crazyness. but if you want it badly enough you can do it.

That being said, be SURE this is what you want, because you absolutely have to make sacrifices.

mrsboots87 · Aug 19, 2015

-+My husband and I have been married for 35+ years now. We have weathered military careers (both his and mine in different services), deployments, multiple degrees (for both of us). Believe me, nursing school is not the hardest event. Get a plan in place beforehand. Some tips that helped me:
1. Freeze meals ahead of time so that they can be reheated - keep it simple.
2. Get all car maintenance done ahead of time
3. Same with well-child and health maintenance appts - do it now
4. Realize that your house might not be as neat and spiffy as you would like it to be during this time.
5. Look to the future and plan something cool to do as a family when you get done.

This. Especially #5. We pre cook meals. Or I leave detailed instructions for hubby to cook easy meals. Its cute that he tries lol. We get healthcare appts done before the semester and pray for no illness. Of course in the middle of block 2 my kids got back to back croup and one ended up hospitalized in respiratory distress, but I made it through. I dont aim to please the hubby right now. Hell, I never base my marriage around pleasing him and keeping him happy. We are a team and support each other equally.

But back to #5. This is what truly is getting us through. We live just fine on my husbands income. Not rich, but the bills get paid and the kids have everything they need. So our plan is to use the first couple months of my paychecks and save them for a Disney vacation. Then become responsible and pay back my loans and put some money in savings for a down payment on our first house in a few years.

Make a plan for what you are going to do after you graduate and get a job. Let your husband support you and keep you happy for 2 years. Then enjoy each other and your family after you graduate. Its such a short time in your life for you to worry about mostly you.