How To Deal With My Fear of Confrontation

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Specializes in ICU.

Okay, here's the deal. I have a problem confronting people. I am a very nice person and for some reason it scares the hell out of me to think that I have to confront someone or set someone straight.

Here's what happened..... I have been the charge nurse/house supervisor of this med/surg unit for a while. I wasn't suppose to have this job when I started working here, I was suppose to be in ICU, but that's another story. There is an LVN that works with me who, I think, is upset that she is not the charge nurse. She is smart but has problems focusing and doing her work in a timely manner. She might have ADHD, who knows. I don't care. Anyway, the other day I was talking to a member of our management (it was a meeting sort of) and she comes in the room to tell me that she has been doing ALL MY WORK for me ALL DAY and that she can never find me and that I was not doing my job.

Now, she has NEVER came to me with this before, and she has NEVER asked me for help. I am busy ALL DAY helping the nurses that ask me for help.. I can't read your mind and if I ask you if you need help everyday for a month and you never need help.. you seem to function well on your own,,, then I will leave you alone and help the nurses that ask me for help. I take pride in my work and try my best to be there for all of the nurses. I told her in front of this manager that I had been helping nurses all day, drawing blood, pushing IV meds, wiping poop, etc.. and that maybe if I wasn't at the desk it was because I was helping the other nurses... I am not a float nurse, I also have other charge responsibilities too... like this meeting for example.

Then she leaves the room. I look at the manager and she says to me that she knows that I bust my butt up there and not to worry about it. By then my face was red and I was sooo upset.

Anyway, the next day, more than one person came to me and told me that she was talking to everyone at the desk about me. About how I am always gone and never help anyone, that I am a bad charge nurse etc... She was doing this ALL DAY, with case managers, and even a doctor. So,, I was SOOO MAD when I heard this...

I wanted to pull her into a room and ask her just what her deal was, but I couldn't get the courage up to do it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!? Why can't I confront her and make her realize that what she is doing is counter productive and unprofessional to say the least?

I need some advice on how to make myself fix this. I am looking for another job, not really because of this, but because of so many other reasons... But, I still need to figure out how I can get past my fear of confrontation.

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Specializes in Utilization Management.

Read this book, it's awesome: 51okactF-hL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA240_SH20_OU01_.jpgI had the same problem, but basically, it's one of attitude. Proof: all day long, you're telling patients difficult, unpleasant things that they need to hear, but somehow, you have trouble having that same type of conversation with that difficult employee or coworker. I get it.

But after reading this book, I'm learning to deal with it and get past it.

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Specializes in ICU.

Thanks, I will check that out... right now.

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Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.

I guess I'm not sure why you feel like you need to confront her. You know what her deal is. With people like this, I don't let them have any power over me. I do my job to the best of my ability, and those that are reasonable can see that. If you can see that she's just sucking on some sour grapes, don't you think others can see it too? Don't give her more power than she deserves.

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Specializes in ICU.
I guess I'm not sure why you feel like you need to confront her. You know what her deal is. With people like this, I don't let them have any power over me. I do my job to the best of my ability, and those that are reasonable can see that. If you can see that she's just sucking on some sour grapes, don't you think others can see it too? Don't give her more power than she deserves.

That is very true. But will she ever stop? Sometimes I want to just shake her and tell her to shut her mouth, just shut it.

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Specializes in CTICU.

If she felt that way and didn't say anything, I'd be happy to leave it. If she felt that way AND is going around telling other people untrue things about me that are damaging to my reputation, you better believe I'd be calling her in for a little talking to.

I have more problems NOT confronting people like that.. but what are you worried about? If you can figure out what reaction it is that worries you, it's easier to get over. Can you role play a confrontation with a friend or family member to get comfortable? Sounds stupid, but it helps.

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Specializes in ICU.
If she felt that way and didn't say anything, I'd be happy to leave it. If she felt that way AND is going around telling other people untrue things about me that are damaging to my reputation, you better believe I'd be calling her in for a little talking to.

I have more problems NOT confronting people like that.. but what are you worried about? If you can figure out what reaction it is that worries you, it's easier to get over. Can you role play a confrontation with a friend or family member to get comfortable? Sounds stupid, but it helps.

Thanks. I don't know what I'm scared of. It's just been a deal that I've had for a long time. Maybe I'll blame it on my mother and the way she raised me. She was sooo mean. She would almost have a cow if I looked at her wrong much less spoke my mind to her. So, here I am, about to get ready for work, and this woman is going to be there. I am going to have to make myself do it today if she doesn't stop.

Management knows that I work my tail off, so do the other nurses. What I am worried about is when she runs her mouth to other people who don't work with us all day. How do they know the truth? They wouldn't because she's telling them I'm horrible, when I really am not. Thanks you guys for helping. :)

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Thanks. I don't know what I'm scared of. It's just been a deal that I've had for a long time. Maybe I'll blame it on my mother and the way she raised me. She was sooo mean. She would almost have a cow if I looked at her wrong much less spoke my mind to her. So, here I am, about to get ready for work, and this woman is going to be there. I am going to have to make myself do it today if she doesn't stop.

Wow! I was just browsing your thread and when I came across your reply I had to let you know I empathize. My mother was the SAME EXACT WAY. Not only would my mom have a cow, she would be physically abusive on top of it. Any perceived sign of disrespect and she'd be all over me. I know people are not supposed to blame their parents for their flaws, but it was the way I was raised and I struggle with it all the time. I was basically beat into submission and now as an adult I find myself in situations where I need to stand up for myself yet I do nothing.

Anyway I hope things get better for you and I will also read the book Angie O'Plasty recommended. Let me know if it works for you.

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Specializes in ICU.

yeah, my mom would slap or choke me.... But thank God for the invention of zoloft. I finally have the mother I always wanted. But I still can't talk about it with her. It seems to still affect me some.

Anyway the nurse is not here at work today and all is well so far.

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Specializes in ICU.

yeah, my mom would slap or choke me.... But thank God for the invention of zoloft. I finally have the mother I always wanted. But I still can't talk about it with her. It seems to still affect me some.

Anyway the nurse is not here at work today and all is well so far.

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I find that most nurses that I work with will not confront co-workers with issues. We don't want to create animosity and yet we go around back stabbing each other. ( I have been guilty of venting my frustrations against people I work with to my other co-workers) For me it is a way to get it off my chest but I know it is not healthy or productive. At my work place people love to tell others what is being said about them and I pretty much know what I say will get back to the person I am complaining about.....can you say passive-aggressive?:wink2: We have a huge problem with tardiness. I am on time 98% of the days I work and I will hear the night staff b**** and complain that so and so is late again yet when that person arrives its all smiles and jokes like they are best friends forever. I generally will speak up when I have a problem with something or someone and then one gets percieved as a b****. It really can be a no win situation. But perhaps you tend not to help that particular person??? Maybe you should go out of your way and offer some help to her, she could be the type that looks like she has it all together but is sinking and could use your help. Some people just don't know how to ask for help.:banghead:

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Specializes in Pain mgmt, PCU.

early post!!!! How do i delete this thing???

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