How to tell someone not to pursue nursing? Should I?

metricalpound · Feb 8, 2012

Quite honestly, I don't think it's in your place to tell her.

If she is willing to take courses multiple times, pay for that course multiple times, work through the frustration of learning something in a language that is not their mother tongue and on top of that work through it with a learning disability - god bless her, she must really want to be a nurse and it's not your responsibility to tell her otherwise.

RNsRWe, ASN, RN · Feb 8, 2012

Advice? Stay supportive of your friend, and if she ASKS you "do you think I should keep this up" then tell her that you're not sure that it was meant to be, whatever. If she DOES NOT ask, then leave it alone.

Honestly, if she CAN pass school after all the trials and tribulations, she just might surprise you in becoming a terrific nurse. And if not, well, you can still be there to support your friend.

I just hope that if she does get through it all, that her life evens out because what does not fly in the 'real world' of nursing is someone who frequently calls out of shifts because of the current or frequently occurring crisis in her life (or, known as The Crisis Of The Day with a former co-worker of mine).

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Feb 8, 2012

as dear abby (or was it ann landers?) would say, myob. if she asks for your opinion, tell her you aren't in a position to say because you aren't in her shoes, and whatever she decides is fine c you. if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

symphie · Feb 9, 2012

It doesn't sound like she's not cut out for nursing. It sounds like life's dealt her an unfair hand the past few years. Best thing you can do for her is support her in whatever she decides to do, not tell her to find a new dream. :twocents:

llg, PhD, RN · Feb 9, 2012

I'm only agree in part with the above posters.

I agree that you should not volunteer any advice. Keep out of it unless she asks you for advice. But if she does, you might be doing her favor by "giving her permission" to quit. Some people need permission to quit as the cultura ideal involves persistence and triumphing over adversity. Some people want to quit, but can't because they feel everyone would look at them as a "failure" and a "quitter" -- and that is socially unacceptable. Some people need someone to say, "It's OK if you quit. I'll still respect you if you quit."

So if she seems to be asking for your opinion... I would honestly help her think it through. I would tell her that I will support her regardless of whether she decides to change her goals or keep trying for nursing. I would ask her how she felt about her schooling. Does the material she has studied seem interesting to her? Is it the kind of thing she can imagine doing for the rest of her life? Does it "feel right" and natural to her to be reading and learning that nursing material? Or does it not feel comfortable to her to be engaged with that nursing material. Does she anticipate that she will be able to master it and work with it for the rest of her life? etc. etc. etc. If she seems hesitant, I would tell her it's OK to explore other options -- to take a look at some other roles within health care (or other fields completely) that might seem a good fit for her interests and talents. I might suggest that she start her health care career by becoming a CNA to see whether or not she really likes that kind of work -- and that maybe that experience will help her with her future nursing studies. etc. etc. etc.

But I would always tell her that it's OK to explore other options if that is what she feels is right for her. Then let her make up her own mind and support her as a person regardless.

Not everyone succeeds at their first choice career -- and some people NEED to switch directions. Don't push her in any direction, but let her know that it's OK to make a change -- and help her think it through.

MN-Nurse, ASN, RN · Feb 9, 2012

Can anyone give me some advice on this situation?

If she asks, you can certainly give her your opinion.

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN · Feb 9, 2012

IMO, it's not your place to outright tell her. How you would feel is she had told you that you shouldn't pursue nursing because you weren't smart enough or whatever other random reason (real or imagined) that she came up with?

Now, if she wants your opinion, she'll ask for it. And IF she does ask, then you can consider telling her what you think...but I'd suggest that for the sake of your friendship, phrase your opinion very carefully. Telling her "you're not cut out to be a nurse because..." will probably end your friendship, not her nursing career. Telling her "you may want to think more about continuing school because..." and reiterating that you're still her friend and will support whatever decision she makes just might have a better result.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Feb 9, 2012

My friend has tried nursing for three years so far.The first year she failed and through appeal she was allowed back in the program because at the time she was caring for her dying father who passed away just before final exams.The second attempt she was doing poorly and was given a incomplete/leave of absence or something like that because she had just lost her job and apartment.The third attempt she made it through the first semester (I think mostly because she had taken the courses twice before) and did relatively well the second semester but failed patho by a few points.She has been diagnosed with ADD, takes medication, and receives extended testing times for exams. It doesn't help that she came to this country when she was almost a teen and English is her second language, which really hurts her on exams since they require critical thinking.I don't know it is my place to tell her I don't think she should continue spending money on trying to attempt this career path so long. But at the same time she is putting herself in debt and I honestly feel she will not be able to pass the program. I don't feel she is not smart enough she just requires a longer time to learn material which is not possible in the nursing programs she has been in.Can anyone give me some advice on this situation?

What a friend you are! You want to tell your friend you don't think she should keep spending (her) money on trying to attempt a career path she's chosen because you don't feel she's smart enough?! Why not just tell her that. I'm sure she won't feel insulted or anything? After all, who would? Doesn't everyone want a friend who cares enough to tell them they're not smart enough to succeed? With a friend like that, she doesn't need any enemies, does she?

That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B · Feb 9, 2012

Sure tell her if you dont want her as a friend.

mangopeach · Feb 10, 2012

Not everyone is cut out for nursing, however I think some people that do poorly can be redirected. One has to do the analysis to see where they are going wrong. I think it would have been very hard for me to focus on school if I was caring for a dying parent and lost my job and my home!.

Perhaps she should step away from nursing for a while and make sure her life is on track and that she is in a good frame of mind to tackle nursing school. It takes tremendous mental fortitude IMO, and when you have distractions like she had to deal with, it makes it so much harder. If I said anything, that would be it. Make sure you are in a healthy frame of mind. I would not tell her she's not smart enough.

Wave Watcher · Feb 10, 2012

Mind your own business.