How long should one grieve after losing job?

[purplegal]

Last Friday, I made the very difficult decision to leave an awesome nursing position--my first nursing position--as a cardiac progressive care nurse, to both adult and peds patients, and return to my former role as an ECG Technician, as placement office at my current employer was not willing to recommend me to another floor/unit. I have been devastated ever since. Family and friends have encouraged me to look for new positions, but I don't feel that I'm ready. I'm feeling so negative and depressed that I do not feel I could make a new position work at this point. Yet, I don't want to give up on using my license and nursing degree that I worked so hard for, forever. How long should I give myself to grieve before I need to move on?

[Ubi Quity]

It is difficult to adjust when you are in a new environment, because expectations are high from both sides: you, with your integration and skills application to your new environment; them (new boss/department) your strength to apply the nursing process with complete autonomy. Let's face it, it is an added task to train someone on top of your assignment. Many of us have been there, as a trainee and a trainer. But this how it is in the real world. Now is the time to apply that coping mechanism you have learned from nursing school. In this brutal world of multi-tasking, one has to prepare psychologically before you embark on something new.

This is a step back. It happens to many of us. I know a lawyer who studied her head off while in law school and while preparing for the bar exam; not even a year of practice after she passed the bar she realized that the profession was emotionally draining her, so she quit her profession for good. She now work as a scuba driver instructor.

Don't let this emotional hurdle deter you. Keep the spirit and think about your patients. Find a neutral zone to cope with the situation. Find a support group. Or perhaps start a less demanding nursing job (YMCA now use nurses as instructors) to help you build some strength as you climb up the ladder to work in a more challenging nursing area.

I thought I was never going to survive when I was a new ER nurse. I joined the ER team with full credentials: ACLS, PALS, CEN and a tenacious personality. Well, little did I know that there was more to it than what I had prepared for. Most of the nurses were snappy, doctors were impatient, clerks and technicians were "clicky" and they would ignore me when I need some help. On top of that the patients personalities were as colorful as their illness....I am being polite on this....at least when the floor nurses received the patients they have already been alerted what to expect before the patient arrived. It is a different story in the ER.

Many moments on those times when I was new in the ER I had declared on quitting. That's it. I have had it. In fact there was one time when I was actually heading for the door until, the ER supervisor stopped me and gave me this advice, which has become my mantra since. She told me to use the three months rule. Stick with it for three months and if after that time nothing has changed, then move on. So each time I went to work I dreamt of completing the three months. There months came I found out that I was okay. That I became acclimated with the whole scenario. I made it. And that was 26 years ago!

Don't give up. Give yourself sometime to learn everyday: personally, professionally and emotionally. Best of luck.

[Kharahlyn]

I have to admit, I'm confused. Your credentials list both an ADN and a BSN, but this is your first nursing job?

Ultimately, there has to be more to the story here. Without that story, it's hard for us to give advice or even be as sympathetic as we should be.

For your own benefit, consider the exit interview and what was said/written. If no exit interview, what kind of information was given when they withdrew your offer of employment during the orientation phase?

Take that information, and turn it around. And find another job OUTSIDE of that facility as soon as you can.

[ednurse17, BSN, MSN, RN, NP]

3 months of orientation isn't enough. Our new grads are in orientation for 6 months. It takes a little time to develop those critical thinking skills. You are being too hard on yourself. Forget them... dust your britches off and move on to another RN position that will make you happy! I am sorry this happened to you, but you earned that degree!!! Make it happen for you!!!!

[O9eleven]

The hardest part of falling is not the fall itself, it's having the courage and strength to get back up. It is easier said than done but it CAN be done. You'll get there. Good luck.

[KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN]

I am still grieving my first and second jobs (from both of which I was bullied out), and it is over a year since the last one. I cannot do anything with these feelings, just hope that eventually life will take over.

But I do not think I'll ever forget the experience. Or forgive those who did it.

[Flopadopilus]

Take this as a learning experience and move forward towards your next interest. Grieving is fine, but that's the great thing about nursing so many options and everyday is a lot of learning, be open to the process. It's not personal unless you choose to take it personally, we are all different and flourish in different environments. I know from my past experiences what interests me and where I can fit in, and they do t always match up. Now as a new RN it's starting all over fresh and new. Good luck!

[wingding]

Every nurse - new or old - makes mistakes. Every nurse - new or old - wonders if they are not needing a change, new job - different venue. Every nurse - new or old - comes up against stuff that is new, scary & difficult. Every nurse - new or old - must remember that they need to sometimes take a deep breath, forgive themselves for yesterday & move onto a different day.

If you are wondering "how long should I grieve" then the answer is you have "grieved" long enough - you were grieving before you left that job. Now it is time to take deep breathes, forgive yourself for yesterday & move onto a different day! And seriously think of leaving that facility.

[ED Nurse, RN]

Screaming for hours bc you were removed from an email list from a job you voluntarily left, is possibly indicative of a deeper issue. Take some time to focus on you with the help of a licensed mental health professional. To be successful as a nurse you need to be able to separate your personal life from your professional one- if not you are destined to be miserable. Getting therapy for yourself and then returning to the profession healthier, may be a better solution for you.

[bgxyrnf, MSN, RN]

How long should I give myself to grieve before I need to move on?

Personally, I consider that 'grieving' a job loss to the point that it inhibits me 'moving on' is a luxury that I've never had. My attitude is "grieve in private, move on in public."

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

Once you mourn your dreams of what you thought things were going to be try again. It is worth it!

Great advice. I mean, honestly, how many of us went in to nursing in the first place to do L & D or midwife, and then ended up as far away from that as is possible? From reading the student forums, I'd guess a lot.

It's important to have an open mind. You never know what path you'll find yourself on that turns out to be a blessing.

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

It's really sad that you were pushed out after 3 months. For a new nurse, you should not have been expected to hit the floor running after 3 months in a specialized unit like PCU. How ridiculous, but this is typical behavior of how it goes in the nursing profession... no compassion for new nurses (let alone an experienced CCU nurse like myself) as evidenced by some of the callous remarks to you from others here.

I just re-read the whole thread after reading your sentence above (in bold). I completely disagree with that assessment. The OP has had almost universal support on this thread. Some have disagreed with the concept of grieving overlong but have still added encouragement and positive comments. Others have discouraged her from stepping backwards to take a non-nursing position, and have provided wise rationale for their opinion, which was given with her best interests in mind. Some have proposed counseling after the OP revealed that she has taken her disappointment to a dark place. Based on her comment, I agree with those sentiments. However, even the dissenting voices have done so with compassion and have spoken up FOR her future, expressing care and concern for the OP. I honestly don't understand how easily and quickly some posters take offense to advice that was requested on a hugely popular internet forum.

The OP has gotten a lot of great advice and sympathy. I hope she feels better soon.

[XNavyCorpsman]

Cardiac Progressive Care nursing is a fast paced, very demanding job. It is not an easy place to start as a new nurse. Your assessment skills need to be top notch and you need to be able to make quick decisions. I started on a PCC unit and love it. Maybe you should try a med-surg unit, sharpen your assessment skills and time management.