How long should one grieve after losing job?

mrsfcbones · Jan 13, 2016

i agree. get over it. there are so many things in this world that are so much more important than needing to find a new job: famine, war, lack of water, etc. my jobs have been meaningful to me but i haven't based my life on them either. maybe for me it was a matter of 'i have to get another job because i have to eat, pay the rent, etc.' so i had to get out there.

DrVen1 · Jan 13, 2016

I can sympathize with your grieving. I'm sure it's hard for more experienced nurses to relate or sympathize but I can. I'm not a nurse but my first hospital job after graduation went pretty much the same way...I tried but I was too green, inexperienced and insecure. I really didn't know how to fight for myself so it was very devastating to face the fact that it may not work...it's your first job outside of Nursing school. Never mind that you worked in the hospital before, this is different...yes you shouldn't grieve too long because like the others said, this is definitely not the end. Chin up and use as a learning experience. When I look back at that first job, even though those first few years were a nightmare, I actually got valuable skills and work habits that benefit me to this day. Try to find the positive in this situation and please don't give up.

SherronMm · Jan 13, 2016

No worries, just dust yourself off and try again. You will find a job that's right for you!

chrystinp · Jan 13, 2016

I didn't read all the comments, so something similar may have already been said. One of my last nursing jobs (after 20+years of being an extremely successful nurse) was with a bunch of the nastiest nurses I've ever worked with. I resigned after six months, and even called the last day I worked to ask if I could terminate that day because I just couldn't stand it. Thankfully, the university agreed and I was out of there within 30 minutes of making the call.

The point is sometimes it's not you, it's who's surrounding you. When I worked with new nurses, I made sure they were supported, and that they never, ever took the "blame." Nurses and other professions "eat their young." If a new nurse is not being successful, then it's the leader's job to try to identify what the issues are and see if they can be fixed. For all you know, you had somebody on the unit who was gossiping in a negative way about you and affecting other co-worker's perceptions of you. At one job, I found out that the people who smoked were talking their entire smoke breaks about the people who weren't out there with them.

It's hard not to take this personally and as a failure, but it really doesn't sound like that's what the problem is and their not allowing you to move to another unit is unconscionable to me. Get another nursing job ASAP and be sure when asked why you went back to a lesser position to make it a positive, "I realized that my initial position was not a good fit, so I went back to my former position to give me time to locate a new challenge."

Emmyjeanb · Jan 13, 2016

I'm not even a nurse yet, but this isn't a struggle that's exclusive to nursing and if I were you, it would help me to be reminded that whether or not someone is successful at their job is decided by MANY factors other than the individual (you). It's like a marriage - it goes two ways, and there are many things that influence the relationship.

When I first started in advertising as an associate, I was paired with an AE who was nice enough, but not a good trainer. For three months, I spent every day feeling like I was doing everything wrong, and never once left work feeling good about myself or my job. I learned next to nothing and was constantly overwhelmed and underconfident. Then she quit, and I was moved to work with another team - and we clicked immediately, I thrived with them. I worked with them for five years, learned a TON, loved my job, learned I was actually good at it and my career advanced. I'm still with that company while I attend school - that was ten years ago.

Imagine if my company had refused to move me to another team and had simply terminated me after my negative experience with the one AE...my perception would be completely different. What I'm saying is, work on your weak points, but don't put all the blame on yourself for this not working out. You just need to find your niche. Hope this long-winded story helped! :)

Desert Lady · Jan 13, 2016

This employer set you up to fail, then turned around and blamed you. Perk up, Buttercup, doubt yourself no longer. 2 years of medical surgical nursing and you will be ready for a higher level of care. Practice, practice and more practice is the answer. Get back into nursing and start at a lower level of care. Learn all you can and study all you can for your specialty unit. Then when you have an intwrview you can blow them away with your knowledge.

JenFad · Jan 13, 2016

I'm sorry for your loss but take as long as you need for yourself. I remember that heartbreak experience but you'll get through this ordeal.

While all is still fresh, try to update y references because it's not the end of the world for you. (hugs)

lyoung403b · Jan 14, 2016

I'm sure this is really tough as you've probably worked very hard at your job.

Is there a way you can sit down with your supervisor and found out privately, what you can do to improve or what it is they are looking for in order to help you advance, (after you finish your grieving). i understand grieving well. I'm still prepping for the NCLEX because it's taken me a while to get through the program and I got flunked at clinicals which was devastating to me at the time. Now it's a year later, and I'm back on the wagon again. studying hard, passed all my classes and hoping I can get my NCLEX exam with a pass in a six months in order to make a difference. I would recommend you definitely not compromise your nursing license that you worked so hard to earn. Keep your chin up and pray. You can do it!

Foley6 · Jan 14, 2016

I do not understand. You are working as a nurse, but now you have to go back to being a technician? This does not make sense to me. Anyway, it is tough to leave a job that you like. I love the job I have now, but it does not pay well. However, it is low stress, and some of my co-workers, including my boss are like family to me. It would be really difficult to leave.

JenFad · Jan 14, 2016

It's really sad that you were pushed out after 3 months. For a new nurse, you should not have been expected to hit the floor running after 3 months in a specialized unit like PCU. How ridiculous, but this is typical behavior of how it goes in the nursing profession... no compassion for new nurses (let alone an experienced CCU nurse like myself) as evidenced by some of the callous remarks to you from others here.

It sounds like you got a bad deal. If those ppl wanted you to be able to take patients based on their timeline and needs, I'd say that's unfair. Where' the mentorship?!

I can tell you the unit sucked and the nurses stunk. Pediatrics an Adult heart patients, puhleeze You'd have to know ACLS plus PALS as well as drug dosing for both populations. Most heart units wouldn't EVER mix the two!

Please don't take what some of these nighteningales are saying to heart. If anything, you should have been allowed to move to med surg or pediatrics at least.

Take as long as you need to sort yourself out.

Good thing you had something else to fall back on (as a TECH). I wish I had that experience to fall back on when at times, I get fed up with all the bullying that goes on in the field.

Take heart, at least you got out with your license and those idiots didn't frame you up and call the Board. I you passed the NCLEX, you are smart enough and good enough to learn workflows and learn any skill like you have as a TECH.

frankrn · Jan 14, 2016

I think there the unanswered question of why you left.

If you just get another position you may fail again. Being a new nurse can be incredibly hard. As they say, nurses eat their young.

You need to assess yourself and find out what was the issue. Otherwise you be setting yourself up to fail at the next position. I have seen this happen. I did not read the thread, maybe you already told us.

Take stock of yourself and find your strengths and weakness. Find what you can deal with and what you cant. Accept who you are, and your limits. Yes, work on positive changes, but be realistic also.

I see that your name includes ADN and BSN... that is confusing, as you say this was your first nursing job.

I feel for you...

Eschell2971, BSN · Jan 14, 2016

Hi:

Without sounding like I am pounding you, let's get some things straight. First, you didn't 'lose' your job, you left, voluntarily chose, to leave your job. Now, it sounds like you're not only grieving, but, possibly, regretting your choice.

I don't know if you can go back to that former employer, and if you can, please do so. I think you may have neglected to do a few things and reacted too emotionally, too soon.

Secondly, whether or not you can go back, I would ask that you consider the following:

1. Did you ask your former employer WHY you were not being recommended?

2. What other possible assignments could you have taken in the interim?

3. What were some of your strengths & weaknesses?

4. Why did you not go to the other unit/floor for overtime and that way, you would have started to build skills, credibility, etc, on the unit you wanted?

5. Did you seek advice, counsel, wisdom, guidance, from anyone else before resigning?

6. How/why did you decide to fully leave nursing and return to a former job/job category?

There may be more considerations, but, I am still struggling with how you went from A to Z in seconds, seemingly. In my opinion, and with what you've presented, it seems that you acted hastily, immature, and made an emotional decision because you didn't get your way, when & how you wanted. That seems quite toddler-ish to me. I don't understand that behavior in a professional.

At any rate, whether or not you return to nursing-degree & licensure which you worked so hard to obtain and achieve- is secondary to the soul searching and personal growth and reflection you must embark on now. Again, I'm not attacking you, I just don't want to use this time to give you fluff, which won't benefit you in the long run.

No matter where you work or what you ultimately do, always, always, remember that there will be problems, disagreements, conflicts, and other issues that will arise; and in life, there will always be circumstances where we don't get what we want, when we want it, how we want it, if we get it at all; but, the correct response is NEVER to make major life decisions based on our emotional outbursts. We all have emotional moments-that's part of the human condition-but, as adults, we should have learned or should learn that even a toddler throwing a tantrum becomes exasperating and at some point, is not cute, and the adults/parents must begin to teach and train their youngster that some behaviors are not acceptable in public and/or at all.

As adults, our emotional outbursts should be in the company of trusted family and friends, and only last as long as it takes for us to vent and emote-never used as an excuse to hurt someone else. We all need a 'safe place or person' to whom we can confide, express, emote, and just be transparent and real concerning the circumstances in our lives at any given moment. But, as adults, we do well to distinguish between our emotionalism and our logic or decision making skills, never to mix the two. As adults, morality and society demand that we have and employ wisdom in our decision making and, perhaps more importantly, because the next generation is watching.

I am assuming that what I've written may be difficult for you to read, but, again, I am not attacking you at all. I just want you to be clear and have good, useful information and tools as you continue in your professional and personal growth.

I wish you well and I hope you do come back to nursing.