How Important is it that your patients and their families like you?

Nurses Relations

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When I started nursing two years ago, I wanted everyone to like me and think I was a good competent nurse and easy to talk to and I wanted my coworkers to like me and talk to me all the time. I wanted everyone's approval. Two years later, and I'm kind of sick of it. I don't want to spend 2 hours in my patient's room talking and laughing and joking with them and having their families say, "you're such a good nurse" *rolls eyes*. I remember when I use to relish that kind of thing

Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

Since I do PD cases which tend to be rather long-term,and 12 hour shifts, it's pretty important the patient and family feel comfortable with and like me being on duty. I don't turn myself inside-out or anything, and I don't reveal very much about my personal life other than the basic basics: married, two doggies, two grandkids, been doing this work for years and I really, really like it....that kind of stuff. I am friendly, confident and competent and that takes me a long way.

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Specializes in ORTHO, PCU, ED.

Sound just like me. When I started nursing I was the same way. It does change over time doesn't it? I still want my pt's to be happy with their care, but do I care what management and all the big bosses think anymore?! No way. I've got a job to do and they can just get over the fact that I had to clock out 20 mins past and the fact that I could not manage to make it to last weeks staff meeting...

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

I'm 34 years old. When I reach my 40s I'll be entering the second half of my life. At this point in my life I do not have the time or inclination to be liked by all people.

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I actually think it's very important that my patients like me. This need to be liked isn't for self-esteem purposes. I don't judge my own value by how well liked I am at work.The reason is more practical in nature. I need my patients to trust me and have faith in my competence and the way most people are wired, they seldom trust someone they dislike or someone they can't relate to/connect with.

I find that some sort of positive attitude towards me from my patients is necessary to form an therapeutical relationship of some sort. Also, having a patient who is hostile or distrustful is a giant pain in the behind, the workday becomes a struggle I can easily do without. So, yes I will invest a little time and energy to get my patients to "like" me or rather, trust me.

Coworkers on the other hand.. I'll always lend a helping hand when possible and try to always be polite and kind. If that isn't enough to gain their approval, too bad. Some people just love drama and I'm not willing to play that game.

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I actually think it's very important that my patients like me. This need to be liked isn't for self-esteem purposes. I don't judge my own value by how well liked I am at work.The reason is more practical in nature. I need my patients to trust me and have faith in my competence and the way most people are wired, they seldom trust someone they dislike or someone they can't relate to/connect with.

I find that some sort of positive attitude towards me from my patients is necessary to form an therapeutical relationship of some sort. Also, having a patient who is hostile or distrustful is a giant pain in the behind, the workday becomes a struggle I can easily do without. So, yes I will invest a little time and energy to get my patients to "like" me or rather, trust me.

Coworkers on the other hand.. I'll always lend a helping hand when possible and try to always be polite and kind. If that isn't enough to gain their approval, too bad. Some people just love drama and I'm not willing to play that game.

Good point! :) That said, I don't think breaking one's back is necessary in order to be liked. But yes, building rapport is important.

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Specializes in OB.

It's always nice if they like me, but not necessary.

If doing things that seem "mean" such as barring visitors from the room or making my postop pt. get up and walk is in my pts. best interest then so be it.

in fact with some pts I will offer to be the heavy and take the heat if they don't want visitors or phone calls. I just tell them "I don't have to go home with these people, you do!"

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I am the same way. I find it important for patients to like me, especially since I work in subacute rehab, where patients here often stay longer than in the hospital, so I may have the same patients for weeks (even months for some) so being unliked would make my job torture. One important thing to emphasize though is that what really matters is why they like you. I used to have trouble with this. You can easily waste time chatting with them in their room about the news or their family, or going to the vending machines for them, etc. Even though they may like me more if I do that, I am hurting myself by using up time that could be spent charting, checking on my other patients, doing treatments, etc. and risk running late. I have learned to be assertive (in a nice way) so that I can maintain the balance of being liked by patients and getting all my work done on time, which for me, was harder than I thought. But simply, I just learned that I should focus on how they like me as their nurse, by doing my best as their nurse. So while it is still very important to me that my patients and their families like me, I make sure it is because I am polite and professional, attentive to their needs, educate them and answer their questions thoroughly, give them their pain meds in a timely manner when they ask for them, take their concerns seriously (if they are serious) and do my best to try to help or fix the situation, if possible, etc. If I do come across that talkative patient, I might tell a co-worker beforehand that I'm going into the "black hole" room as I call it (you go in and never come out!) so they can rescue me if I'm not back in 5 minutes, because sometimes I still find it difficult to tell the cute, sweet old lady (who also has candy!) that I don't have time to chat.

I also heard about the whole thing with them being less likely to name you in a lawsuit if they like you. I've seen a lot of patients/families who keep a notebook with a list of names of the staff, always seem to be looking for any little thing they can complain about, make it escalate into something ridiculous, and then start using all these legal terms and even threatening to call the health department. By doing the things I mentioned above, I can usually "defuse the bomb" and even have those patients/families like me, even the most difficult ones, like those who have "banned" nurses from being assigned to them. Yes, this has happened on several occasions where I work, and I know I'd be really upset, and probably take it too personally, if it happened to me. One patient, who was seriously a witch lady who never smiled, banned 3 nurses and even "fired" the MD who was first assigned to her (who was actually a good one). I'll admit that I was initially scared of the witch lady, but after a week of being "nice" (but not a pushover) as defined earlier, I felt at ease around her, and she was actually nice back, and even *gasp* SMILED! I would often offer to take her if she was assigned to another nurse, because NO ONE wanted to deal with her. I find that I am more confident and comfortable at my job when my patients like me. But again, you don't want to get to a point where you're sacrificing precious time with non-nursing things.

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Specializes in ER, Med-surg.

It's not "important" to me in the sense that I prioritize it over making sure the job is done correctly and safely (and yes, I have seen nurses who do place pleasing the patient/family above safe care, and in fact as long as they're lucky enough to avoid being caught in errors, that seems to be an effective advancement technique- patients usually don't know about the nurse who didn't report their critical labs, but they'll always remember that she ran down to the gift shop to get them a puzzle book!), but it does make life easier. So I go in trying to be pleasant and personable, without getting deeply emotionally invested in whether they like me. For most people, it works.

I have stock answers and a couple of jokes for common interactions that seem to put most people at ease and make it easy to set limits on what I'm sharing/avoid frustrating or overly personal conversations. For instance, "No" is not a good enough answer for "Do you have children?" in the south, people will keep prying, so I always say "Just dogs who think they're kids!" and then ask them if they have pets, and that short circuits a whole line of inquiry I'm not interested in pursuing with strangers.

Similarly, I've learned that if someone is pissy right off the bat, a strict policy of killing them with kindness and not taking anything they say to heart will smooth the shift along nicely. Not everyone will like you, and although being cheerful and friendly will make the majority of people warm to you, it will piss some people off, and that's just life. Don't expend a lot of energy trying to win over the minority of nasty people, and don't take what they say personally.

"I'm sorry to hear that" and "I'm sorry to hear you feel that way" are highly useful calm responses to free-floating and inappropriate rage.

Remember, most of a patient's emotions during a hospital visit are not really about you. You're just the most convenient target.

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The hospital I work at takes it seriously since patient satisfaction scores can effect reimbursement, so I try to take it seriously or at least seem like I do. I am with you though. When I was new to nursing if a patient paid me a compliment it made my day. Now if I hear I compliments I'm just like "eh". I still make an effort though, hopefully that's what counts!

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Thankfully I don't have to give as much of a crap about patients and family liking me. For one, the PACU restricts family visitation barring extenuating circumstances. And the patient's themselves are doped up from the anesthesia that they won't remember me, my face, or my demeanor. Not that I have a less-than-pleasant demeanor, but it does take the pressure off to be a Stepford wife.

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I care about the respecting me because what I do improves their quality of life. If they like me, I appreciate it but it makes me nervous. I'm afraid if I don't live up to their expectations, they won't like me anymore. Even when they say they like me it is because I have done something that makes them feel good. They use the word like but it's usually about my professional approach, not my personality.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

It's important to me mainly because my hospital places huge emphasis on customer/patient satisfaction. A patient is more likely to "like" me for emotional reasons (personality, chatting, tone of voice), than they are for my nursing skills (caught early signs of sepsis, finally got a blood pressure down, encouraged post op ambulation).

When my patients like me, they are more likely to listen to me and be open with communicating. They ask more questions and respect my answers, are more likely to follow their medical plan of care. That's another good reason for me to want them to like me.

There are some people who will never like me for various reasons. In those cases, I do my best and don't take it personally. This is my job, my patients impression of me as their nurse doesn't define me as a person. My friends and family love and know me, and that's enough.

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