How should I go about going to job interviews having two little kids?

estrogen · Jul 3, 2005

You asked our opinions and we gave them to you. You do not have to like them. But if you were looking for an excuse to bring your children to job interview, you came to the wrong place.
That said, please do not lash out against the "childless people" or the ones with grown children...that is just as unfair as you see the bias towards you bringing your children to an interview. You CHOSE to have children (or at least chose to keep them), therefore it is to you to behave responsibly with regards to them. Those with "grown" children raised them, and had to find coverage for job interviews. "Childless people" have obligations such as elderly parents to care for. I can guarantee that if I took my elderly mother to a job interview, the prospective employer would wonder how I could manage my home obligations and work.
And theoretically, if you have children by birth, there was another parent that should be at least partially responsible for their care....that is not necessarily true for the single "childless" person.
"Childless People" will often be expected to work holidays more often than those with children, otherwise, we are being selfish. We have to field numerous calls from little "Bobby", "Suzy" and "Katie" and cover our coworkers when they take them. Our fellow coworkers need off at the last minute for Talent show, and solicit funds for Band Candles, and Boy Scout Projects.
And we do not have that beautiful child to come home to. Not to mention that if we are childless, it may be because we are infertile. Our hearts cry and bleed when we see a picture of your lovely children. We are happy for your joy but it makes us feel our loss each time.
Please kill the "us moms just have to bite the bullet" bit. Everybody has to bite the bullet, just a different one.

Wow, I'm amazed. I'm just trying to have a civil discussion and I just happened to have a different opinion. Yet, I am "playing the discrimination card" I am lashing out and "I came to the wrong place" ....hmmm, interesting... but at the same time, I am thrown into the same pot with sick leave abusers, breast pumpers, those who take their earned vacation days to attend their kids recitals and little league games (God forbid), people who don't take their share of holiday duty, people who are lazy and disorganized and I don't know who else I have been associated with in your reply only, not to speak about the whole thread. ....Talking about lashing out. But I guess it's OK when it is in agreement with the majority's opinion.

I didn't mean to offend anyone by having a different opinion and I'm sorry if I did. I am not going to bring my children to any interviews, as I in fact indicated in my first post ("I can't take them with me, can I?") However, I have to stick to my opinion that mothers are discriminated against and they are victims of prejudice. And that if I was a manager, I would not draw the immediate conclusion that everyone is suggesting, before I would check the job applicants real employment history and references.

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Jul 3, 2005

Wow, I'm amazed. I'm just trying to have a civil discussion and I just happened to have a different opinion. Yet, I am "playing the discrimination card" I am lashing out and "I came to the wrong place"

I see nothing "uncivil" in this discussion.

And you were the one that initiated the "discrimination" issue in post #3.

estrogen · Jul 3, 2005

I see nothing "uncivil" in this discussion.
And you were the one that initiated the "discrimination" issue in post #3.

"Playing the discrimination card" has a derrogatory an disregarding connotation just as "playing the racism card" etc. It might be appropriate when someone is unjustly trying to gain something by "playing the discrimination card", but it does not apply (at least in my opinion of someone for whom English is a second language) when someone is pointing out something that they genuinly finding discriminatory. Believe me, I'm not gaining anything by pointing this out...

Oh, and I'm really sorry for your burden of infertility.

Trauma Columnist · Jul 3, 2005

I think that maybe there is a communication problem here. As Estrogen pointed out, she is not a native English speaker and perhaps doesn't understand that discrimination is looked upon very negatively here in the US. I truly hope Estrogen that you are able to resolve your problem with child care and get the job you desire. Most of the posters on this thread have suggested very concrete ways to meet your need of child care as well as balancing the needs of the employer. I wish you the best.

gauge14iv, MSN, APRN, NP · Jul 3, 2005

As for being a being victims...

I have been a mother since 1982 - I was a single mother of 4 kids for 9 years - my 5 kids range in age from 2 to 23. I NEVER - NOT ONCE - pulled the "But I'm a single mother!!!" Both being a mother and being single were MY CHOICES! I chose to have children and I chose to have them with someone I could not stay married to.

Being a victim may absolve a person of perceived responsibility, but it takes away your power over a situation. If you are not a victim to it, and you choose to be responsible for it then you have power over it! Responsible does not mean to blame - it only means able to respond. Choose your response to your situation instead of choosing powerlessness.

Being a mother is tough whether you are single or not. Being a nurse is tough. Being a spouse or a student or a child or a sibling is tough...Life is tough, but don't give up your power to a chip on your shoulder! You made it through nursing school, you are obvioulsy a strong, intelligent and resourceful woman. You can do this too.

mstigerlily · Jul 3, 2005

Definitely don't take them with you!

You might ask if you could interview on weekends or evenings on your nights off. Tell them you work nights and this is more convenient for you. Plenty of managers are there on the occasional Saturday and until 7pm some nights. At the very least you could interview at 5pm (bring scrubs with you and change after interview) and still have time to get to work by 7pm - assuming the hospital you are interviewing at isn't far away.

BTW, I have three kids: 13, nearly 5 and 15 months and interviewing was a real pain in the butt for me too. I work night shift too, but I am lucky to have my mom nearby and my husband in school so he has flexible hours. I know how tough it can be.

Melissa

I would like to find a new job and there are plenty out there in the local newspaper, but I have no idea how to go about going to all the job interviews... I am currently working night shift, so I don't really have any day care for my 5 y.o. and my 11 month old except one day a week and that's when I absolutely need to sleep and not run around doing job interviews.
I can't take them with me, can I? I don't have any family close by to watch them either and my hubby is at work all day.
I need some serious advice. Any experiences?

rn2binca · Jul 3, 2005

I agree, that they do expect you to do that. But is it right? Is it really necessary? I don't know. Interesting discussion though, don't you think?

My personal opinion is that you cannot take your children on a job interview. Honestly how productive would it be? You wouldnt be able to give your full attention to the interviewer. I have done things like go to my own doctor with my children in tow and I know that I am not able to give my full attention to my appointment.

It is what it is. If you want to change to a new/different position, you must make the sacrifice (which may be financial in order to pay for childcare) to gain new employment.

Tracy

Mother of three, been there, done that.

llg, PhD, RN · Jul 3, 2005

[quote name=caroladybelle

Please kill the "us moms just have to bite the bullet" bit. Everybody has to bite the bullet, just a different one.[/quote]

So true ... So true.

llg

Mulan · Jul 3, 2005

Where do you live?

I'll babysit while you go to job interviews.

estrogen · Jul 3, 2005

Definitely don't take them with you!
You might ask if you could interview on weekends or evenings on your nights off. Tell them you work nights and this is more convenient for you. Plenty of managers are there on the occasional Saturday and until 7pm some nights. At the very least you could interview at 5pm (bring scrubs with you and change after interview) and still have time to get to work by 7pm - assuming the hospital you are interviewing at isn't far away.
BTW, I have three kids: 13, nearly 5 and 15 months and interviewing was a real pain in the butt for me too. I work night shift too, but I am lucky to have my mom nearby and my husband in school so he has flexible hours. I know how tough it can be.
Melissa

Now THAT's some real advice. Thanks for that :)

estrogen · Jul 3, 2005

As for being a being victims...
I have been a mother since 1982 - I was a single mother of 4 kids for 9 years - my 5 kids range in age from 2 to 23. I NEVER - NOT ONCE - pulled the "But I'm a single mother!!!" Both being a mother and being single were MY CHOICES! I chose to have children and I chose to have them with someone I could not stay married to.
Being a victim may absolve a person of perceived responsibility, but it takes away your power over a situation. If you are not a victim to it, and you choose to be responsible for it then you have power over it! Responsible does not mean to blame - it only means able to respond. Choose your response to your situation instead of choosing powerlessness.
Being a mother is tough whether you are single or not. Being a nurse is tough. Being a spouse or a student or a child or a sibling is tough...Life is tough, but don't give up your power to a chip on your shoulder! You made it through nursing school, you are obvioulsy a strong, intelligent and resourceful woman. You can do this too.

Thanks for the encouragement. I don't see myself as a victim, but a victim of discrimination. ....I don't know how to explain it now off hand, but I think there's a difference. I am a proactive and resourcefull woman and I know for a fact that I can do it.

estrogen · Jul 3, 2005

Where do you live?
I'll babysit while you go to job interviews.

Oh really? Tacoma, WA. Can I ask for some references please? (just kidding now)