How do I avoid the drama and cliques?

blt99 · Oct 26, 2012

You learn to stand on your own two feet. Be confident in who you are. Don't rely on holding someone else's hand.

zoe92 · Oct 26, 2012

Don't isolate or avoid everyone because I'm sure you will have a couple people in there who are also avoiding drama. Usually within the first few days of class you can tell who is a queen bee or a bully, so that is someone to not become close to. And if you are assigned a project other them, just do the assignment and move on.

Oraelo · Oct 26, 2012

I agree with the PP. lay low in the beginning and watch. You will soon figure out the people who should be avoided. But don't be too stand-offish because in that same time period you may also meet someone, who like you, wants no part of the drama and is there to learn.

malamud69, BSN, RN · Oct 26, 2012

Observe, do your job(work), keep your mouth shut and avoid the cutthroat bit$%#@...Never ever give in to mediocrity or take place in gossip or whining...its only worse on the job in the "real" world with the plethora of insecure morons that somehow pass an NCLEX exam...good luck.l

rei-chan · Oct 26, 2012

I hate the drama as well. You will figure out those with Histrionic personality disorders (the Scarlett O'Hara's of the world, or busy bodies) from those in the same boat as you. It won't take long. Just trust your instincts and do your own thing. I also agree that you shouldn't worry about holding someone's hand. I've seen so many students in my program literally put their next semester classes together based on what their friends are doing. It does get boring having clinicals and lectures with the same people over and over.

This semester, I've avoided a lot of classmates because the gossiping and cliques seem to have gotten worse, plus I'm much older than all of them and can't relate since (according to Erikson) I'm in a different life stage. In the end, you will find a solid group that will grow over the course of the semesters who share your values and beliefs and also want to focus on what they are doing instead of everyone else.

Stephalump · Oct 27, 2012

Choose your friends wisely! I don't think I'd be able to avoid drama without going into complete isolation (extrovert, not happening) but I do my best to steer clear of the whack jobs, attention-seekers, and most importantly IMO...the negative Nancys and Neds. Negativity spreads like poison in a water system. DON'T drink the water. You'd be wasting your limited time to learn nursing on bashing teachers, classmates, assignments, and anything else in the world.

There aren't that many of us so we're all together a lot of the time, but I just keep a smile on my face and my head down as much as I know how.

I was hoping the rumors about NS cliques and gossiping we're over-exaggerations, but in my class's case it's all true.

PirateArrrNnnn · Oct 27, 2012

Try to stay away from those that give you a feeling of dread when you see them. I get along with most my peers but there are a few that just rub me the wrong way by being OVERLY boastful about their grades or anything else for that matter. Those that I feel are not respectful, I stay away from like CDiff.

bigsick_littlesick · Oct 27, 2012

I try to stay cordial with all of my classmates and I would say that I like everyone in my clinical group.

There is, however, one girl in class who makes it really hard to be the "bigger person" and bite my tongue. She will blurt out things in lecture like, "Oh you guys didn't know that?! I knew that! C'mon we're fourth semester, people!" You can almost hear everyone's eyes roll. She even said that she couldn't believe that our class is doing so well because she thinks we're a bunch of "jokesters." Mind you, this girl had to repeat a semester because she failed out so it kind of makes me feel like she has no room to talk.

Other than being subjected to her outrageous outbursts, she is the only person in class that I do not talk with. I don't know how I would deal with a person like that in the workplace.

As for group projects, just try as hard as you can to tolerate them and think to yourself, it'll be over soon!

If you're a good judge of character, you will quickly find out who to avoid. As others have pointed out, you will find a good group of people to bond with like I have. I have gone to one of my close classmate's wedding over break and we have brunches, dinners and get-togethers with each other periodically even though we aren't all in the same clinical group. These are a group of gals that I know will become lifelong friends.

rubato, ASN, RN · Oct 27, 2012

You're getting some good advice here. I'm experiencing something completely different in my school; no cliques and no drama. I'm shocked. We have one woman that's got an annoying personality and a man/woman combo that whisper during all lectures, but that's it. Pretty much no negativity at all. My clinical group is fabulous. They feel like my 2nd family. Maybe you can get lucky and get this experience and not have to worry about it.

mclennan, BSN, RN · Oct 27, 2012

I'll be the black sheep here and tell you, I was older than everyone in my class by 10+ years. 99% of them were fresh out of high school or 22-24. I was a married homeowner in my 30s working on a 2nd degree. I did NOT relate to any of my classmates at all and totally isolated myself from them whenever I could. I had a established social life outside school, and a husband & dogs, and I didn't feel it was important to hang out with a group or make friends in my program.

I was there for one reason only, to jump through the school's hoops, get my piece of paper and scram.

Honestly it was the best way for me to get through the program. I'd slip into class, sit in the back, keep my mouth shut, slip out. If I had questions I'd scribble them in the margins of my notes and email the instructor later. I did my labs when I knew no one was around. In group projects I was polite and did my share of the work but didn't go out for drinks with them or hang out.

I wasn't deliberately unfriendly - I was always nice. It afforded me a bird's eye view of others in the program and I can definitely tell you: the ones who got caught up in drama and cliques and juvenile BS were almost always 20-something women with something to prove to everyone else. And I saw many of them struggle, fail or drop out. I am certain it was because too much of their focus was on their social standing and trying to fit in, be popular or part of a group instead of on their studies. Too many young women buy into the Superwoman myth and end up sabotaging their own goals by trying to do and be everything perfectly. Eff that. I was like a ninja nursing student. No one knew I was there, and thank GOD. It's what saved my sanity.

rei-chan · Oct 27, 2012

McLennan, I feel the same way too. Then my classmates wonder why I always say to them, "I didn't get a 100 on the exam" everytime they asked (and for the record, I have gotten 100s on exams but don't share that since it isn't their business).

I spend a lot of time studying and ignoring most people in my family, although this semester I have found that balance, for the most part. Things just seem to make more and more sense the further I go into this nursing program.

I am also older and try to avoid the 20-somethings, although there are a few really mature one's, but I still cannot relate since I've already established who I am and ok with it. When I was that age, I too struggled, then one day, without you realizing it, you are fine with yourself and the world. I find that a lot of the students want to be popular and fit in, I want to learn as much as I can before graduation, and meeting a few really good people along the way is a bonus.