So, I am a relatively newer ED nurse, started in Feb 2010. I generally don't have problems when psych pts or older pts with demetia are mean and hateful because, obviously, they have issues. But yesterday, an older man (who was totally alert and oriented) was not satisfied with his care (I wasn't even his nurse, I answered his call light) called me a "fat ***** and when I stood there stunned he said "Yeah you, the ugly one". Why do people think that when they walk through the doors of the ED, all of the rules of general society and common decency, morals, manners, etc go flying out the window? I mean, it really hurt my feelings and I don't know how to grow that thick skin to make it possible to deal with these people. I am embarrassed to say I shed a few tears (I have had 2 babies in the past 3 years and my body image sucks right now). It also just irks me that afterwards the man just gets coddled by the charge nurse to make HIM feel better.
I've generally just said something like, "Well, aren't you charming!" as sweet as I could and walked out. And take comfort in the fact that I'm not related to the person.
A fun story to make you better. Way back when, we had a frequent flier who was schizophrenic. She'd often talk to the voices and we'd have the pleasure of hearing her end of the conversation (like listening to someone talk on the phone.) I was very happy the day she told the voices that they shouldn't get together and kill me because I was nice. A coworker though walked in to hear, "Don't call her fat! That's not nice! No, that's not nice! Don't call her fat!"
Specializes in Quality Control,Long Term Care, Psych, UM, CM.
Being sick and in the hospital is no excuse to be verbally abusive. Even being in pain is no excuse. There were times I was in mega pain and I was polite to the nurses trying to help me. I worked in psych for a long time and they were more polite than the A&O patients. I personally never had a situation like that, for some reason even the difficult patients didn't give me too much trouble. But I would have corrected him in a heartbeat and told him how rude he was being.
I sometimes don't understand why people think they can behave so badly tithe people trying to help them. I was once helping an elderly man go to the bathroom - I asked him where his walking stick had gone and he said "How the **** should I know you stupid******* *****!" I was only 18, on my first ward and it totally floored me - I was so upset. These days I don't put up with it and I give them a damn good telling off - even when I hear a co-worker being given a hard time. People don't like to hear they are being a nasty rude individual. It's not about thick skin - its about standing up for yourself!
You cry a lot lol. I work on a neuro floor so often I deal with extremely confused and aggressive patients OR patients that are very sweet but have family members from hell. I've been called some horrible things before and someone told me I was the worse nurse ever even though she had only been in her fathers room for 5 minutes after a long day. She wasn't mad at me, but at a doctor, though unfortunately anger at doctors get taken out on the nurses too often.
When it happens though, don't EVER let them know they get to you. Experience is the best way to get over it though, you learn to just tune it out because it's not personal 99% of the time. As my mother says, kill them with kindness. And when that doesn't work, walk calmly out of the room, cry if you need to (I certainly have once or twice and you'd be surprised how many doctors and staff members make sure you are ok), and then brush it off and keep going.
I have to say that we wouldn't be expected to deal with that where I work. Not only would admin not back him up, but security and the other nurses would make sure he didn't have another thing to stay for the rest of his miserable visit.
OP, I am so sorry for the nastiness that individual spewed at you However, keep in mind that you don't take them home with you and be grateful! If they address you in such a manner, can you imagine how they must treat their loved ones when frustrated or angry? Yikes!!!
When addressed in such a manner, you can always say, "I am sorry you are unhappy w/my care. I will get the charge nurse for you. Maybe we can work on identifying a solution" and walk away. Kindly, but firmly, set acceptable boundaries. Leave the room if the patient seems to be escalating and alert your charge nurse to the issue. Often, the patient eventually apologizes. A good charge nurse will look to the patient's needs, but will also reiterate the POC and acceptable behavior in your clinical setting (our charge has done so on numerous occasions).
It is true, patients who are ill are more likely to be rude, mean, etc. However, we do not get paid to be abused, either physically or verbally. It is not OK to sink to the patient's level. It is OK to set boundaries and get backup if the situation is in danger of escalating.
Also, remember...you are an ER nurse. You care for those that most others won't even deign to touch, much less worry about. Value yourself, love yourself, and hold your head high. It takes courage and heart:redpinkhe to do what you do day after day and keep going back for more. Those that feel a need to belittle or insult you can't touch you (the real you inside)...unless you let them and most of them are not worth having hurt feelings over.
So, I am a relatively newer ED nurse, started in Feb 2010. I generally don't have problems when psych pts or older pts with demetia are mean and hateful because, obviously, they have issues. But yesterday, an older man (who was totally alert and oriented) was not satisfied with his care (I wasn't even his nurse, I answered his call light) called me a "fat bi*ch" and when I stood there stunned he said "Yeah you, the ugly one". Why do people think that when they walk through the doors of the ED, all of the rules of general society and common decency, morals, manners, etc go flying out the window? I mean, it really hurt my feelings and I don't know how to grow that thick skin to make it possible to deal with these people. I am embarrassed to say I shed a few tears (I have had 2 babies in the past 3 years and my body image sucks right now). It also just irks me that afterwards the man just gets coddled by the charge nurse to make HIM feel better.
So, my question is, how do you all deal?
What they all said!
On a slightly more serious note - in my case, I've been carrying "a few extra pounds" for some decades, and you don't have to be in a psych ward to run into that kind of crap. In the "outside world", I'll trade 'em insult for insult; when I'm on the clock it's "can I help you, sir?". A couple of things that may help: (1) I very seriously doubt that ANY of what was said was in fact true, and it's very important to remember that single point; he was WRONG!; (2) Just because someone appears to be "normal" doesn't really mean much; for example, my late mom looked (to an outside observer) like she was all there - but, I spent an inordinate amount of time explaining to people how much of what was coming out of her mouth was an internally-generated fantasy. She had mid-stage dementia & an anoxic brain injury due to complications from cardiac surgery - but, to talk to her you'd never know it.
Far as the "thicker skin" business, honestly to a large extent it just comes with practice - you just get desensitized to the abuse after awhile. What is important is to remember to rise above it, to be the professional you obviously are, and to care.
The only question I'd have is - didn't anybody talk to you about the incident after the fact? Charge nurse, co-worker, anyone? Seems like it would've been a perfect time for a little emotional backup for you.
I work in skilled LTC with no security like most LTC's. Tonight I dealt with an angry husband who has been in denial for some time regarding his wife's condition and continued decline. He was nasty; condescending and even a thick skin and kindness wasn't cutting it. After he was done being Mr Nasty scolded his wife for not wanting to eat. I lost it right there and tried to put him in his place. ( Before things escalated I already informed the Supervisor. I was left to handle this nut alone.)
So tonight I went to the 24 hour store to try and decompress before going home and tomorrow going to join a gym. Something's got to give. This work is stealing my peace. And the stress is making me fat.
The other night I had a family member charging towards the nursing station to TELL ME they're going to contact the state to report that her mother complained she was put to bed and was never dressed! (Requested to go to bed and yes she was dressed. She's also confused.) When I spoke with the resident with the daughter present she couldn't remember what she said. The daughter had a silent dumb moment- but continued to find another thing to complain about
Just remember that when a lot of people walk into the ER, their sense of civility or the normal rules of society can go right out the window.
When I was a student, I had a middle age women (no hx of psych issues), who walked herself into the ER and the bed, without any problems decide to defacate on herself in bed. I understand an acident is an acident and you are probably in an ER, becasue you aren't feeling well, but just wait... After the nurse and I cleaned her up (with the pt acting like she was bedridden, wouldn't even roll over to her side on her own), we offered to get her a bedside commode in case she felt the urge to go again. She tells us "no thanks, right here is fine" smiles and then procededes to ruin the new sheets.
Moral of the story... expect to get **** on and try not to take it personally...
You don't need rhino skin. In fact overlooking this type of behavior only encourages it. Do you think your charge did the pt. a favor? I'd have laughed and turned and walked away.
There's only ONE person in this world that you can control, and that is yourself. Try as you might you can't control anyone else, nor can you please everyone. Granted I'm still a nursing student until march, I have had plenty of experiences in other environments to know that the only outcome that truly matters is how you handle yourself in each situation. Pt in the hospital feel as though they have no control, we tell them when to eat, set their diets, often tell them when they are getting their baths, when their beds are made, when they go for tests, etc.........in the ER we tell them to sit here, wear that, now sit Here and wait until the doctor comes. They could wait ten minutes or two hours.......all of which they have no control over. The only thing they have control over at that point is their actions and their mouths. So I feel like they use them, often out of spite due to lack of control in the situation. I believe this is where the soiled sheets and rude comments from those alert and oriented, seemingly non psych pre come from. They express themselves because its the only thing they still have control over.
Most of those people under normal circumstances probably aren't rude and inconsiderate, but due to lapse of judgment and loss of control they lash out. And although it definitely isn't in any nursing policy that the nurse should be subjective to verbal abuse, we still have to care for those people to the best of our abilities. The tough skin comes when you realize at the end of the day, in a bad situation, you handled it professionally and to the best of your ability. The tough skin comes when you watch that patient get discharged knowing that even though they were rude, you did your part to see him through his care. Once that feeling has set in the negative xomments, the rude demands, though they still stun you at first, the sting isn't near as bad...
Live in the fact that you survived nursing school, passed boards, and work in an environment that is like no other. Continue working hard and focusing on your career and the care that you provide. And learn to accept that people can say anything they want, but at the end of the day feeling successful with yourself is the only thoughts that matter. Again, however, know that there is no policy that says a nurse should be verbally abused, and I'd a comment crosses the line, there is no harm in making the patient aware of the fact that the comment was not appreciated, nor is it acceptable. Be polite but stern. Set clear limits that offensive comments are not necessary, and in order to provide excellent care that you have to work together.
At the end of the day you are a competent nurse, a successful woman, and a mother. Nothing else really matters.
wooh, BSN, RN
1 Article; 4,383 Posts
I've generally just said something like, "Well, aren't you charming!" as sweet as I could and walked out. And take comfort in the fact that I'm not related to the person.
A fun story to make you better. Way back when, we had a frequent flier who was schizophrenic. She'd often talk to the voices and we'd have the pleasure of hearing her end of the conversation (like listening to someone talk on the phone.) I was very happy the day she told the voices that they shouldn't get together and kill me because I was nice. A coworker though walked in to hear, "Don't call her fat! That's not nice! No, that's not nice! Don't call her fat!"