How Do I Help Them?

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My classmates who are in peril, being them. And, themselves being what they need to help.

We are three semesters in now, and I'm doing great and loving it. However, it's not the same for some of my classmates. At the end of the semester, there are those who sit on the fence. At the end of the semester, I get a stream of folks who need help. I don't know if it's out of panic, trust, or the recommendation of my teachers (for some reason, the teachers do say "Go ask her for help".)

At the end of last semester, there were quite a few that were about to fall out of the boat after a few fiascos of tests that only a few of us passed. For the final exam and simulation, I hustled and created some online study guides. As what I view as a result, my grades on the final and sim were not up to par with my other grades.

Now, here were are with the final test of the semester looming. I am conflicted by wanting to help the stream of people who want to study with me and wanting to continue making the grades I covet. It's more than grades to me though and it's more than classmates that need help.

It's like a battle at ethical odds. I want to be the compassionate, kind nurse who gives of herself when someone needs her. I want to be the excellent nurse who has the means and knowledge to solve any problem. I want to be a team player and a friend, but years of disappointments in that arena have lead me to be a lone wolf.

Please advise.

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My classmates who are in peril, being them. And, themselves being what they need to help.

We are three semesters in now, and I'm doing great and loving it. However, it's not the same for some of my classmates. At the end of the semester, there are those who sit on the fence. At the end of the semester, I get a stream of folks who need help. I don't know if it's out of panic, trust, or the recommendation of my teachers (for some reason, the teachers do say "Go ask her for help".)

At the end of last semester, there were quite a few that were about to fall out of the boat after a few fiascos of tests that only a few of us passed. For the final exam and simulation, I hustled and created some online study guides. As what I view as a result, my grades on the final and sim were not up to par with my other grades.

Now, here were are with the final test of the semester looming. I am conflicted by wanting to help the stream of people who want to study with me and wanting to continue making the grades I covet. It's more than grades to me though and it's more than classmates that need help.

It's like a battle at ethical odds. I want to be the compassionate, kind nurse who gives of herself when someone needs her. I want to be the excellent nurse who has the means and knowledge to solve any problem. I want to be a team player and a friend, but years of disappointments in that arena have lead me to be a lone wolf.

Please advise.

I was in the same boat.

I dont mind helping a FRIEND. But I tell ya, people claiming to be my friends as test time approached seemed to increase dramatically....

I detest being used. Eventually I told them listen, the only time you ever want anything to do with me is when you want something. Basically I told them sorry, I just dont have the time to tutor people.......

So anyway, thats my story but you must follow your own heart......

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Specializes in Med/Surg/Tele.

It's like a battle at ethical odds. I want to be the compassionate, kind nurse who gives of herself when someone needs her. I want to be the excellent nurse who has the means and knowledge to solve any problem. I want to be a team player and a friend, but years of disappointments in that arena have lead me to be a lone wolf.

Please advise.

First off, this is not an ethical battle and you are not a nurse. You are dealing with a moral dilemma and you are a student. Here is my advice.

You want to be the compassionate, kind nurse? You need to pass your nursing classes to do so!! You need to look out for #1 before you can help your fellow students. If you are not feeling confident in your own knowledge base right now then you are not a good candidate to be helping others. In order to assuage some of your guilt you could set up a group study session where all students that choose to attend are required to participate. I would not recommend that you "tutor" your fellow students if your grades are not up to par as you said.

Now that I have voiced my opinion, good luck to you! The fact that you want to help your classmates is a good thing and you should be proud that you are doing well.

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cally,

I want to be that nurse, as in the future tense, future aspirations. Become would have been a better word there. Also, ethics are governed by morality! :) Every code of ethics sprang from a moral dilemma. I see this situation as predictive of future problems and reflective of past struggles, where I have given to much of myself. I'm struggling with trying to set boundaries, which has always been my token challenge.

My grades are up to par (as far as the school is concerned...but me, I want to get every question right). I am confident in my knowledge base and my grades reflect it, but I still need to study for tests. A lot of my best studying is done alone.

I tried the participation thing, but some people just don't contribute. Why pay for the milk when you can get it for free?

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mindlor,

Want to stand in for me this week? The pay sucks and the work is hard!

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Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.

If you cannot maintain your own grades while helping others then you are suffering. Empathy and compassion only go so far....think about epwhen you are on an airplane mom's are told to give themselves oxygen before helping their children. Or as I learned when I was an EMT " a dead EMT does no one any good. "

You are under no obligation to help your classmates or even your friends if it at the expense of your own grades. This is NOT an ethical dilemma. You have no responsibility to help anyone else pass, whether or not it at your own expense.

When I helped others study (I do not succeed in group study session) I was more of a tutor. I'd review the material on my own first then 'teach' the others reinforcing my own knowledge. I did well whether or not I tutored classmates.

You are it yet a nurse. Whether or not you help your classmates studying has no relevance as to whether you will be a compassionate nurse. Nurses have no obligation to give of themselves if it puts them in harms way. Just like in mass casualty triage, resources must be used efficiently...ysome people just cannot be helped or saved

Plus if the online presentations you created for the last exam at your own expense (time and grades) was the only test prep.methid your classmates I used to try and pass there are bigger issues that you cannot help with. It is NOT your job/ethical obligation/ responsibility to help them pass or succeed. Your ONLY responsibility is to yourself YOU need to pass, to understand what you are learning, to develop your practical and clinical thinking skills, and to graduate with sufficient knowledge and skill to pass the NCLEX and become a licensed nurse.

Good luck

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JBN,

Thank you!

As part of the whole growth that results in nursing school, I am starting to learn that I am not obligated to help that asks. The next leap for me is realizing that even if I did help, it may do no good.

What should I do about the instructors referring people to me? It just keeps happening and it's not just one instructor. Next year, it's a new set of instructors so maybe they won't do the same. I don't want to confront them. Is the best option just to say "no" when someone asks?

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Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.

"I'm sorry I'd love to help you personally but I don't have time right now. However have you tried using the online resources that we got free access to from the text. They have some great practice tests and tutorials on there.". (personally I've found the online resources that were linked with my texts to be awesome and great prep not only for my exams but also for the NCLEX)

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That's perfect! I obviously need some assertiveness training. And the online resources for our book (Lewis, MedSurg) are incredible. It's true that many don't utilize them enough.

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Specializes in Hospice & Palliative Care, Oncology, M/S.

That's a tough one. I see that with some of my classmates, too. People will go running to them right before a test. While they invite me to study with them, I usually don't because their methods and my methods don't mesh. lol

There is some wonderful advice here... my mother always tells me that you can't save someone if you're drowning, too. I take that to heart. Your grades took a hit because you were helping everyone else. This is fantastic of you to sacrifice, however we can see how much it bothers you. I like the quote above, saying that there are great resources out there". On the job, you aren't going to be able to cover everyone on a shift. :)

If the teachers do instruct the students to go to you, I would quietly ask the professor not to do so, simply because you would like to maintain your own learning.

I wish you the best. You have a kind heart. :)

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mindlor,

Want to stand in for me this week? The pay sucks and the work is hard!

LOL tell me!!! I have my last two 12 hour shifts of my preceptorship where I have PAID to bust my RUMP/BACK....

Working for free is very unappealing to me lol.....

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Specializes in Oncology/hematology.

I have tried the group study thing and also ended up being the group's tutor. I learned nothing. I had a teacher once tell me that if I could teach it, then I knew it. Not true. I can tutor for free all day long, but it only sinks in for me when I focus on me.

I recommend telling people the truth. You need to focus on you, and you learn better on your own. But, you'd be happy to recommend the study guides and systems that you use to them. People get the hint. It's nothing personal against them. Plus, you're actually doing them a favor. If they can't learn the material, they'll never make it as a nurse.

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