How to confront a disrespectful professor

chare · Feb 1, 2018

OP has not returned.
Telling

Likely due to all of the NETY involved in this thread.

Just saying.

FullGlass, BSN, MSN, NP · Feb 1, 2018

I'm just curious if everyone here is so desensitized to innaproriate language being used in this feild that they dont even deem certain agressive, cursing, yelling or condesending tones as unprofessional and iapropriate. I read the OP as saying the response she got was unprofessional and unessasary when a simple "Sorry, it's late no exceptions" would have sufficed. It seems like she was trying to convery that she is typically a responsible student and wanted her instructor to know that she had what she considered a family emergency and requested an extension. There shouldnt be harm in asking the question. It seems like a bit of an agressive response, but obviously we dont have all the details. I have witnessed culturally insensitive behavior and innapropriate cursing when it just wasnt necessary. Do you agree that the tone and language used in a response should be professional and appropriate? I would never get away with yelling at people in the pharmacy industry like that.

There was nothing in the OP's post to indicate the instructor engaged in any insensitive or inappropriate behavior, or used any bad language. Guess what? We don't always get what we want. Get the giant chip off your shoulder or your career and schooling will suffer.

ThatChickOmi, ADN, RN · Feb 1, 2018

I don't honestly think anybody here is using a condescending tone toward to OP at all. It's the truth unfortunately. Life keeps going, it doesn't slow down or stop no matter what happens. I had a pretty rough 2017 but I managed to do fairly well in my first semester. Granted, it had nothing to do with kids, but my mom went through stage 3 breast cancer and one of my beloved pets went through cancer and recently died after choking up thousands in vet bills. Money was a big issue. Had to cut my hours back at work (still managed 25-30 hours), and paid for school out of pocket (not eligible for financial aid at my school). I sucked it up an dealt with it. Handed all my assignments in on time. I didn't ask for favors, and many fellow students dealt with sick kids, spouses, struggles, and made it too. (Unless it was a legitimate life-threatening emergency or a death in your immediate family, or something extremely traumatic, then maybe I'd understand your frustration) **** happens. Everyone has their struggles. You just need to make it work. Prioritize. Other things will suffer unfortunately, it's inevitable. But keep an eye on the final destination. People who matter will understand the sacrifices you made.

ThatChickOmi, ADN, RN · Feb 1, 2018

That being said, I do hope you were able to just really crunch it and finish your care plan on time. Wish you the best.

KelRN215, BSN, RN · Feb 2, 2018

I don't really see how you being 37 with 6 kids is relevant to your professor. You chose to have 6 kids and then you chose to attend nursing school while parenting them. I am 33 with no kids, a boyfriend and 2 dogs. What makes your situation more special than mine or anyone else's? Everyone has a life outside of school or work. Time management is a skill that is crucial to nursing.

The ONLY time in 4 years of nursing school that I asked for anything (taking a makeup exam) was when my Grandfather died unexpectedly. I still turned in my clinical homework on time too, after being up awake all night in the ICU waiting for him to die. One time I chose volunteering at a program that was very important to me over turning in a care plan on time and accepted that the professor marked it late because, well, it was late.

I would strongly advise against "confronting" your professor. It won't turn out well for you.

Code Caffeine · Feb 4, 2018

Hmmmm ... Maybe I am "so desensitized," because I don't read anything in the original post that I consider particularly unprofessional or inappropriate. The OP says nothing about any "yelling" (which would certainly be inappropriate, as would cursing, but there's no mention of anything like that). Also, on this site, we always only have the poster's version of the story. As you note, we don't have all the details. It may well be that this isn't the first time the poster has sought special treatment and the instructor is getting fed up.
Not liking the answer you get is not the same as the other person being inappropriate or "disrespectful."

I also said "condesending and innapropriate language", which I think fits the language the OP's instructor used. I added cursing and yelling because I was explaining that it my experience in witnessing it happening in clinicals to other students. For example: Many ESL students or students with disabilites are told they have the ability for accomodations by school polocyy and the LAW, but clinical instructors on the floor don't care, don't ask, don't apply cultural sensitivity etc. My point there is a dissconnect between college policy and what happens on the floor during some of these clinicals. I am seeing more and more offical complaints filed by students (Many ESL and disabled) and an increase in clinical instructors being fired. Sorry to say that accomidations is a part of the professional work world. Many companies accomodate people with disabilites and treat them with respect.

Obviously we are not taling about a disability with the OP, we are talking about a family emergency. If I had to guess based off my own experience, this was there first time she had a problem with instructor, OTHER students may have asked for an extenstion and the instructor is annoyed but the statment "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness." seems innapropriate. I have worked for large companies, this isn't how they talk to people who come to them with "family problems".

There is a culture of verbal abuse and mental abuse in Healthcare as whole and the next generation is going to make that a thing of the past. We need healthy, safe work enviorments, not cesspools of agression, anger and dysfunction.

The instructor has every right to say NO, she has every righto run her clinical how she wants, but she doesn't have the right to express that in a way that is unproffesional.

ItsThatJenGirl, CNA · Feb 4, 2018

I also said "condesending and innapropriate language", which I think fits the language the OP's instructor used. I added cursing and yelling because I was explaining that it my experience in witnessing it happening in clinicals to other students. For example: Many ESL students or students with disabilites are told they have the ability for accomodations by school polocyy and the LAW, but clinical instructors on the floor don't care, don't ask, don't apply cultural sensitivity etc. My point there is a dissconnect between college policy and what happens on the floor during some of these clinicals. I am seeing more and more offical complaints filed by students (Many ESL and disabled) and an increase in clinical instructors being fired. Sorry to say that accomidations is a part of the professional work world. Many companies accomodate people with disabilites and treat them with respect.
Obviously we are not taling about a disability with the OP, we are talking about a family emergency. If I had to guess based off my own experience, this was there first time she had a problem with instructor, OTHER students may have asked for an extenstion and the instructor is annoyed but the statment "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness." seems innapropriate. I have worked for large companies, this isn't how they talk to people who come to them with "family problems".
There is a culture of verbal abuse and mental abuse in Healthcare as whole and the next generation is going to make that a thing of the past. We need healthy, safe work enviorments, not cesspools of agression, anger and dysfunction.
The instructor has every right to say NO, she has every righto run her clinical how she wants, but she doesn't have the right to express that in a way that is unproffesional.

Perhaps I'm being dense, but where did she mention a family emergency?

Code Caffeine · Feb 4, 2018

There was nothing in the OP's post to indicate the instructor engaged in any insensitive or inappropriate behavior, or used any bad language. Guess what? We don't always get what we want. Get the giant chip off your shoulder or your career and schooling will suffer.

"Get the giant chip off you shoulder". Well aren't you very presumptuious? This isn't about me, I have never asked to turn in anything late, but I have witnessed innapropriate behavior plenty of times. If the original poster only had the one encounter with that instructor it was unnessasary for her make the statements reported above. No other college professor or instructor speaks to students or colleagues that way, if you would like I can go ask my Economics professor how he would respond, I could ask my Chemistry professor, my Ethics and religion professor, I could ask all the pharmacists I work with and they will all tell you the same thing, their answer would be "Unless there was a death in the family, or you were hospitalized this will be graded as late, no exeptions." I couldn't imagine my Chem profesor saying "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness." who says that? It's a strange response.

As far as the foul language, I was speaking to experiences I've personally witnessed, preceptors/ instructors cursing, preceptors publicy humiliating ELS students and students with diabilites because they are not as tech savvy or as privilaged as others or don't have access to color printers so their paperwork isn't "As pretty" as wealthier privlaged students. Telling them in post confrence in front of everyone that their paperwork sucks never speaking to them in private, is uneccesary, why only berate them in public? Never using assessment skills to check if there was a language barrier with some of the terminoligy used (there was). It's not about the OP, it's about a culture of tradition in healthcare that perpetuates innapropriate behavior and language, I'm glad that there is a national movement happening to change that.

Code Caffeine · Feb 4, 2018

Perhaps I'm being dense, but where did she mention a family emergency?

In my original post, I wrote that the OP probably considers her situation to be a family emergency. I don't necessarily think it is, nor do I think she should get the extension. Let me make that part clear, what I do think is the clinical instructor's response was strange and unprofessional. She antagonized a very stressed and overwhelmed student who could have probably used some support, and then the truth that if it's late it will be marked late, no exceptions.

These schools take tens of thousands of dollars of people's money, offer very little support and then shoot themselves in the foot because once these students become alumni they aren't going to donate money, or contribute at the level they would if they were treated better, the way students in other majors are treated. There is a mentorship, a supportiveness that people in other fields receive that is non-existent in healthcare training, it's a shame and everyone knows it.

ItsThatJenGirl, CNA · Feb 4, 2018

In my original post, I wrote that the OP probably considers her situation to be a family emergency. I don't necessarily think it is, nor do I think she should get the extension. Let me make that part clear, what I do think is the clinical instructor's response was strange and unprofessional. She antagonized a very stressed and overwhelmed student who could have probably used some support, and then the truth that if it's late it will be marked late, no exceptions.
These schools take tens of thousands of dollars of people's money, offer very little support and then shoot themselves in the foot because once these students become alumni they aren't going to donate money, or contribute at the level they would if they were treated better, the way students in other majors are treated. There is a mentorship, a supportiveness that people in other fields receive that is non-existent in healthcare training, it's a shame and everyone knows it.

I understand your point of view better now, thanks for explaining.

I've heard the phrase "don't mistake my kindness for weakness" lots of times, so maybe it's a regional thing? I don't find it disrespectful, but I do agree that the instructor could have used more professional language.

elkpark · Feb 4, 2018

I also said "condesending and innapropriate language", which I think fits the language the OP's instructor used.

Yes, and I said "I don't read anything in the original post that I consider particularly unprofessional or inappropriate." We can agree to disagree.

KelRN215, BSN, RN · Feb 4, 2018

In my original post, I wrote that the OP probably considers her situation to be a family emergency. I don't necessarily think it is, nor do I think she should get the extension. Let me make that part clear, what I do think is the clinical instructor's response was strange and unprofessional. She antagonized a very stressed and overwhelmed student who could have probably used some support, and then the truth that if it's late it will be marked late, no exceptions.
These schools take tens of thousands of dollars of people's money, offer very little support and then shoot themselves in the foot because once these students become alumni they aren't going to donate money, or contribute at the level they would if they were treated better, the way students in other majors are treated. There is a mentorship, a supportiveness that people in other fields receive that is non-existent in healthcare training, it's a shame and everyone knows it.

Someone I work with has a sign hanging in her office that says "poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." The OP's situation sounds more like poor planning than an emergency to me.

She wrote:

The week the careplan was due, I had simulation along with its prep, a school nurse clinical along with it's prep, normal prep for class, my bachelors program (I'm in the concurrent enrollment program) work. (And if that weren't enough my kids seemed to be all falling apart at the same time and with my husband working 60+ hours a week, I had to handle stuff at home.

Having normal scheduled classes/clinicals and prep and having to take care of your kids who are always your kids is just life, not an emergency. An emergency is that your mother suddenly died or had a stroke or your spouse got into a serious car accident or one of your kids was diagnosed with cancer. Those kinds of things. Presumably the OP knew in advance when her care plan would be due and could have finished it on time with proper planning. I think a lot of people who commented were put off by the OP pointing out that she's a 37 year old mother with 6 kids, as if that qualifies her for special treatment.

I don't find anything that the professor said offensive but perhaps it's because I'm from an area of the country where people are pretty blunt.

I was treated very well in college and I still don't donate to my alma mater. 11 years after graduation, I'm still paying for my degree. I save my charity donations for organizations that help children in the developing world or the ACLU or cancer charities. Not my university that has a multi-billion dollar endowment.