Hospital that bans family members

Tenebrae, BSN, RN · Mar 30, 2016

I know family members can be annoying and demanding, but...
Picture your loved one being in a hospital bed, especially critically ill, and now imagine that you could not visit them at all or if so, only for a half hour. You have a half hour for every close family member to say their I love you's AND to ask questions of the medical professionals.
Now... picture that family member going into cardiac arrest and not coming back. You only got to spend a half hour with that person, and only 5 minutes talking to them directing because all the other family members wanted a turn. You won't get to see or talk to them again alive.
Now... Imagine you are the one IN the bed. You have been in ICU for days now and are a bit disorientated because of the medications and setting. You are unsure if your family has been present because during their half hour visit you were to snowed to hear or see them. You wonder if they even care about you since they aren't even visiting. Why should you get well if no one cares?
I realize family members can be a nuisance, but remember they are vital to patients healing and well being. They are the familiar face in the room when the patient is experiencing an uncertain time. When I have a high maintenance family member I tend to put them in their place sooner rather than later. I am not rude, but I also am not a door mat for them either. You would be surprised how well it works! I will say if my family member was in an ICU and the hospital said I could only visit a half hour or hour a day I would have them moved! It is our job as nurses to educate family members, especially if they are over visiting and not letting the patient get rest, but you can't shut them out totally that is not good!
Annie

Visitors get around 9 hours a day in our hospitals just saying.

And patients in the ICU get visitors as long as the medical staff arent needing to do treatments so pretty much any time within 24 hours. Visitors can and are asked to wait outside while procedures are being done

And it works. Visitors get to spend time with their nearest and dearest. Nursing staff get done what needs to be done without having to pander to the needs of the NOK

Tenebrae, BSN, RN · Mar 30, 2016

My opinion may be controversial...do I believe in visitation hours? Heck, yes!
I, too, have been the family member of the critically ill patient. My mother was in a coma while awaiting a liver transplantation and my father and I didn't know whether she'd live or die. In spite of our emotional states, we did not menace the staff or dare to ask them for refreshments. By the way, I was a factory worker back then, not a nurse.
A sick family member is no excuse for deplorable behavior toward nursing staff. The public needs to be kept in line and made to behave with common decency.

:yes:reposting cos its so well said

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · Mar 30, 2016

The last time my wife was in the hospital the staff was great. She was in the ICU for 2 weeks and I was allowed to stay the entire time. They were wonderful. But, being a nurse I stayed out of their way, I slept in a chair in the corner. I helped her up to the BR as she was private and didn't like the nurses or CNAs seeing her naked, and they were ok with that.
This was at Jewish Hospital in Louisville, KY. I did let them know how great they were.
My wife died after 14 days there, it was Thanksgiving 2012 and she was 36. I'm so thankful that I got to stay with her until the end. I never asked the staff for anything but maybe a blanket. I went and got my own food and drinks, but generally I wasn't eating too much anyway.

Wow, that's so very sad. My condolences.

Rexie · Mar 31, 2016

Recently I've been saying that I wish we could ban family members. To be honest, some of them are wonderful and there presence is such a comfort to the patient. The others are a pain in my backside - they are a nuisance, asking for all sorts of things we aren't supposed to give them (i.e. food from the kitchen, toiletries). At worst, they get the patient agitated.

When they upset my patient, I so wish we could eject them. It's not fair to us and it's not good for the patient.

SmilingBluEyes · Mar 31, 2016

I am so very sorry for your loss.

The last time my wife was in the hospital the staff was great. She was in the ICU for 2 weeks and I was allowed to stay the entire time. They were wonderful. But, being a nurse I stayed out of their way, I slept in a chair in the corner. I helped her up to the BR as she was private and didn't like the nurses or CNAs seeing her naked, and they were ok with that.
This was at Jewish Hospital in Louisville, KY. I did let them know how great they were.
My wife died after 14 days there, it was Thanksgiving 2012 and she was 36. I'm so thankful that I got to stay with her until the end. I never asked the staff for anything but maybe a blanket. I went and got my own food and drinks, but generally I wasn't eating too much anyway.

Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN · Apr 1, 2016

To those snapping their fingers fo coffee I usually just said "I'll tell your waiter." Snarky? Of course! But they usually never tried to pull that crap again.

Love it!! :inlove:

Anonymous865 · Apr 1, 2016

Our policy is to not allow visitors to bring food or drinks into the patient rooms, especially when the patient is NPO, that's just cruel. If we start giving them juice and crackers, then what's next? A full breakfast tray, a buffet, getting a pizza delivered? I'm a very compassionate person but I just want to be allowed to follow the rules and not be a waitress for everyone else in the room because I need to spend my time titrating the multiple drips to keep the patient alive, not fetching snacks. We don't have CNAs in my ICU, so they can't do that either.
Pleasant visitors that don't get in my way and don't impede my care, I'm happy to have them stay all shift. Especially if they'll help me feed the patient or keep them entertained and off the call light. The nightmare visitors we've had these last few months have got to go. One visitor called our rapid response nurse because the IV beeped as it went from abx to the flush bag. This same visitor was caught trying to inline suction the vented patient with NO medical & ventilator background. This person would also walk into other patient's rooms looking for the nurse instead of just hitting the call light. And would go into rooms clear on the other side of the entire unit, while walking around in just socks, no shoes. Security was notified about this visitor but management said we had to let the person stay because we have open visiting hours. It's just becoming completely insane.

Regarding the policy about not allowing visitors to bring in food or drink -

On the face of it, it seems a reasonable policy. Unfortunately it is counterproductive for patients like my parents.

When my mom is a patient, she will not eat unless dad has something to eat. Either we "kids" bring a meal to the room for dad, or mom will insist dad eat half her hospital provided meal. If dad doesn't eat, mom won't eat. Even if mom is NPO, she gets upset if dad doesn't have something to eat at meal times, and dad won't leave mom to go to the cafeteria. He insists he doesn't need anything.

If dad is a patient, it is the same thing.

I have heard from friends that their parents are the same way. People who have spent 50+ years taking care of their partner won't stop trying to care for the other just because they happen to be the patient.

Fortunately when either of my parents have been the patient, the nurses have been wonderful. They have told us how touched they were by my parents devotion to each other and that they wanted BOTH of them eating. I explained to them that if they asked dad if they could get him anything, he would say no. If they just brought him something, he would eat or drink it. After that when anyone came to the room to check on mom, they often brought dad some juice or ice cream or peanut butter crackers and told him to eat/drink it. Their thoughtfulness meant a lot to our entire family and we managed to get mom home w/o either one of them losing too much weight.

DWelly14 · Dec 13, 2016

I've been on both sides. On the patient side. My father in law had a brain aneurysm rupture and spent 2 months in ICU after. My mother-in-law stayed with him the whole time as he was mostly out but randomly he'd have lucid moments and would be terrified if his wife wasn't there. My mother-in-law stayed out of the way of the nurses, insisted on taking care of herself, and was always polite and I truly believe that her being there with my husband's dad was vital to his full recovery (if you met him today you'd have no idea he'd had any issues).

conversely, I work L&D and there are times I want to quit because of family members. I will never understand why primips bring their entire families with them for their inductions which are scheduled to start at 9pm at night. And even after I tell those family members that the baby won't be arriving that night and they can go home and rest up, they get mad at me that there is no room for them all to lay down and rest when nothing happens immediately. Which inevitably leads to 10 family members laying on the floor meaning getting to the patient is like an obstacle course. Cue the decels and fetal distress and now we have an emergency on top of upset family members who are now being told they have to get up and leave because their sleeping space is needed by medical personnel to take care of the mother and baby. My unit has a policy that states that the patient can have 4 people in the room for delivery (which is too many if you ask me ... the sterile field pretty much ALWAYS gets contaminated) but the number of people allowed during labor is not addressed and it needs to be.

Family members can absolutely be a key part of the healing team but they can absolutely be a hinderance as well. I think in light of this, policies can be helpful but can not be strictly enforced across the board without taking the patient into consideration.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Dec 14, 2016

I've been on both sides. On the patient side. My father in law had a brain aneurysm rupture and spent 2 months in ICU after. My mother-in-law stayed with him the whole time as he was mostly out but randomly he'd have lucid moments and would be terrified if his wife wasn't there. My mother-in-law stayed out of the way of the nurses, insisted on taking care of herself, and was always polite and I truly believe that her being there with my husband's dad was vital to his full recovery (if you met him today you'd have no idea he'd had any issues).
conversely, I work L&D and there are times I want to quit because of family members. I will never understand why primips bring their entire families with them for their inductions which are scheduled to start at 9pm at night. And even after I tell those family members that the baby won't be arriving that night and they can go home and rest up, they get mad at me that there is no room for them all to lay down and rest when nothing happens immediately. Which inevitably leads to 10 family members laying on the floor meaning getting to the patient is like an obstacle course. Cue the decels and fetal distress and now we have an emergency on top of upset family members who are now being told they have to get up and leave because their sleeping space is needed by medical personnel to take care of the mother and baby. My unit has a policy that states that the patient can have 4 people in the room for delivery (which is too many if you ask me ... the sterile field pretty much ALWAYS gets contaminated) but the number of people allowed during labor is not addressed and it needs to be.
Family members can absolutely be a key part of the healing team but they can absolutely be a hinderance as well. I think in light of this, policies can be helpful but can not be strictly enforced across the board without taking the patient into consideration.

I've been a patient, a family member and a nurse and I firmly believe that we need more limits of visiting hours. From a nursing perspective, it's obvious. Ten people lying on the floor in a patient room makes a real hazard when you have an emergency to care for. Even one person who cannot seem to just get out of the way and be quiet when we're cracking the patient's chest is detrimental. One staff member has to watch the VISITOR at all times. They gather round Dad, who just wants to sleep but now feels as though he must entertain them . . . Small wonder his chest pain just came back. Extra points for the visitor juggling the nurse's arm as she tries to treat the chest pain, notify the provider and chart.

As a family member, I can testify that if you tell family they can visit any time, they hear that has "I have to be at the bedside ALL of the time." When my Dad had his big MI, Mother was in the early stages of Alzheimer's. You couldn't reason with her, you couldn't change her mind and you couldn't throw up your hands and say "You go pester Dad. I need some SLEEP". Mom with early Alzheimer's can (and did) get into so many inappropriate situations even when she WAS watched. But that's a story for another time. Kick the family out at a reasonable hour so that they can all go to the hotel (or home) and get a meal and some rest. If Dad's dying, that's a different story altogether. (And please, PLEASE when I BEG you to tell Mom that visiting hours end at 9:30, please tell her that so we can pry her away from the bedside and let Dad get some rest and let ME get some rest!

As a patient, 24/7 visiting annoyed the hell out of me. The only person I wanted to see was my husband, and I certainly did not want to see my roommate's tween children, their various baby daddies, baby daddy's mothers and friends. Nor did I wish to smell the vast quantities of fast food they were consuming.

Bring visiting hours back, enforce them. Unless there is a special reason not to. If you need to stay with granny because she has dementia and she's scared, wake up and hold her hand when she needs it. Don't tell me it's MY job to hold her hand. You're there to support her. Support her.

BadwomanM · Dec 19, 2016

I had a really awkward situation come up some years ago... a middle aged woman who was in ICU and dying of heart failure... DNR... still somewhat awake and could nod yes and no, and DIDN'T want her family in the room. I managed to shepherd them to the waiting room because we closed for shift change... she passed just a few minutes later. She still had a miniscule agonal rhythm, so I hustled her family back in as quickly as I could and tried to make it seem like she was on her way out, not already gone. They were too upset to really notice. I was glad they thought they were at her bedside as she passed on, and that she was in reality gone before they came in..but it was a potentially sticky situation.