Helping Classmates

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I am a very serious, hardworking student in my first semester. Thus far I have done very well on all of my exams. I make it a practice to study alone as my past experiences have shown, I usually wind up teaching instead of studying. Recently there were a couple of people in my class that seemed to really want my help prior to our last exam. They were always very friendly towards me. Against my instinct, I met with them. I showed them not only how to study, but also tried to advise them about how to deal with their stress. I truly opened myself up to them to help them. Well, not only did I not receive a simple "thank you", but a couple of days after the exam I ran into them and said;"so...did it help, did you do ok"? One was not polite enough to even look up from what she was writing to acknowledge me. The other one said she did well as a result of my help...reluctantly. I did not need to help them, nor did I do it with any expectations. I have a very high average. They told me they were struggling and needed help. They took everything I taught them and showed their study group. Now they don't even speak to me. I have pulled way back from everyone. I am not in school to win friends and influence people. That experience really showed me a giant hole in not only the heart of humanity, but in the human psyche. I feel their behavior is bordering on a mental disorder...:redbeathe Have any of you had similar experiences? I would appreciate your thoughts.

There are many scholarly journals and articles written on the subject of pathological domains in which personality expresses/displays itself unconsciously or consciously. Perhaps you may wish to peruse a few. I read many such journals in my graduate program when I received my Master's degree in Psychology.

I'm sensing a pattern...when folks don't act as you'd like, you suggest a mental health pathology? Wow, tough crowd.

Best of luck in your educational endeavors.

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Specializes in Emergency/Cath Lab.
Many people out there will see your kindness and interpret it as weakness. You're already aware that not everyone is going to appreciate what you've done for them.

There is no better shinning example of this then the "friend zone"

I had that problem too for a little while until I realized that teaching others helped me learn. Made me realize that I knew the stuff and that I could help the other people do that as well. Sure I was used a few times, but they never got my help again

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Specializes in Oncology/Geriatrics/Holistic.

The nursing classes are easy compared to the group dynamic "stuff".

Learning opportunities everywhere...

Thank you.

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OP - I was in this exact same position in my first semester. I've never done study groups before because, in the past, they were worthless for me.

But, our first day of classes, the instructor got up in front of the class and stated, "These people will be like your family. You will not be able to get through nursing school if you are not in a productive study group".

So, I formed one, we met at my house once a week for three weeks and I feel like I taught most of the information (much to my dismay because I could have spent extra time getting ahead). When two people in my study group failed the first test, who was it they blamed? Me. I haven't been involved in a study group since and won't again. One of those people have failed out of the program. I don't really regret it, but do look at it as a learning experience. I'm not, and have never been, in nursing school to make friends.

Good luck with your schooling and your new career!

I have been in the same, exact position. When I tried to help out and people still failed, like in your case, I got blamed and bad mouthed. Even worse is when I get the highest average on tests and the professors feels like announcing the highest average score and who got it. 9 out of 10 times it has been me and they always have something to say about it. I can't win, the only person on the planet I brag about my grades to is my husband. I get picked on for being the quiet girl with good grades. I am friendly with everyone but I keep to myself. I am in nursing school for me and apparently helping the team gets you no where.

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Sorry you dealt with this. I would NEVER compromise my gut feeling. Don't get me wrong, I can point out and 'help' but I would never study with anyone because I'm blunt and matter-of-fact that I'm an independent studier and can't study in groups. I do like to study by myself, but also, I have great grades that I work for...

Try not to take offense of these people. Seriously, it's their issue, not yours and I'm wondering...what kind of nurse are they going to make when treating fellow students this way? They will find out the hard way that the healthcare areana is overlapping and you can't burn bridges because you just never know who might be your boss tomorrow ;)

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Specializes in Oncology/Geriatrics/Holistic.

I can not express fully how much all of your wise, compassionate, and professional feedback means to me. I have rarely posted on this site...I tend to try and solve my own problems quietly. Your comments and directives have made me feel a support from peers I did not think was possible while attending nursing school.( I too have my husband and daughter, thank god!)

I am not just learning voluminous amounts of medical /clinical information at a computer's pace, I am trying to assess my own behavior and the part I play in any communication misunderstandings. I am trying to role model myself. There are so many stories of nurses not supporting each other. School seems like the perfect place to break the cycle and not participate in all of the "unhealthy" group dynamic. We all of us just want to become the best nurses we can be. There is no need to add the extra stress. We are now in a third war in Lybia....that war does not have to extend to people we work with or attend school with...again, many, many, thanks to you all.:redpinkhe

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I have been in the same, exact position. When I tried to help out and people still failed, like in your case, I got blamed and bad mouthed. Even worse is when I get the highest average on tests and the professors feels like announcing the highest average score and who got it. 9 out of 10 times it has been me and they always have something to say about it. I can't win, the only person on the planet I brag about my grades to is my husband. I get picked on for being the quiet girl with good grades. I am friendly with everyone but I keep to myself. I am in nursing school for me and apparently helping the team gets you no where.

Yep. Sounds like we are running parallel lives here! I do participate in class with the correct answers to instructor's questions and I, too, get really good grades on all of the tests and have been complemented in class and clinicals several times by the instructors. I also don't brag about any of it but I am proud of my accomplishments!

Some people don't talk to me either, except to ask what my test grade was. I get dirty looks from some of the other students everytime I'm in class. It doesn't really bother me, most of the time, but there are a couple instances where I can't believe how much like high school nursing school is. Most of the people in my class are over 30 years of age and I believe they have a rude awakening coming if they walk into work with that attitude.

Oh well. I'm not in school for a popularity contest and after December won't see many of these people again!

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Specializes in Acute Rehab, Progressive Care.

This thread is interesting to me, because I got very high marks in my pre-reqs. I have been accepted now, but don't start lab/clinical until Fall 2011.

In the process of completing my pre-reqs, I have learned a lot of the same things you guys have, fwiw.

First, if I am in a study group, I participate at the same level as everyone else. I stay out of the teacher/advice-giver role, even if someone tries to put me in it. I don't like giving advice ever, anyway, and no one likes a know-it-all, even when they are studying for an exam. I have found that if you are a good student, certain people will want to label you a know-it-all, no matter what you do. So I attend some study groups, and they're not completely unhelpful - but its just a supplement to the studying I do on my own.

Second, I signed up to tutor the subjects that I am qualified to tutor. One on one. For pay. That keeps the teaching to the tutoring sessions. Yes, it does help me remember things - it also keeps the teaching to a business relationship. I am not allowed to give anyone advice about anything - its in the tutoring code of conduct. Also, I expect nothing from the student but a minimal level of politeness. After all, I am getting paid. And if the student doesn't think my tutoring is helpful? They can just switch to another tutor, no harm no foul.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, NICU.

In my pre nursing classes (I'm not in NS yet), I had a problem similar to this. I find it better just to study alone and if you have any questions, ask a teacher. I have been able to do very well, and what is the point of studying with people/tutoring people when they do not know as much as you do? You aren't benefitting...only they are.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Academics.

I get very good grades in school, but we don't have study groups, per se. However, we do study together about an hour or two before a test to top off our knowledge and understanding.

To the people who are getting good grades, have helped others, and got negative feedback on it, I have a question: during the study group, was there ever anything that you didn't understand or know and did you ask your study group for help? The reason I ask is because nobody knows everything (in my experience) and if you treat a study group like a two-way study session instead of a one-way study session, the group dynamics usually go much better.

I'm not saying that you should make up questions to ask just for the benefit of group dynamics, but I just can't imagine that there is never a question in one's mind about the material that another student (regardless of grades) can't help you with, you know?

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Academics.
In my pre nursing classes (I'm not in NS yet), I had a problem similar to this. I find it better just to study alone and if you have any questions, ask a teacher. I have been able to do very well, and what is the point of studying with people/tutoring people when they do not know as much as you do? You aren't benefitting...only they are.

Have you ever thought that maybe someone DOES know something you don't know, even if the total amount of subject matter knowledge you possess may be greater?

I think THIS (bolded) is what makes group dynamics fall apart into back-biting and sniping at each other. Walking into a study group thinking that you're all that shows, whether one thinks so or not.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Academics.
This thread is interesting to me, because I got very high marks in my pre-reqs. I have been accepted now, but don't start lab/clinical until Fall 2011.

In the process of completing my pre-reqs, I have learned a lot of the same things you guys have, fwiw.

First, if I am in a study group, I participate at the same level as everyone else. I stay out of the teacher/advice-giver role, even if someone tries to put me in it. I don't like giving advice ever, anyway, and no one likes a know-it-all, even when they are studying for an exam. I have found that if you are a good student, certain people will want to label you a know-it-all, no matter what you do. So I attend some study groups, and they're not completely unhelpful - but its just a supplement to the studying I do on my own.

Second, I signed up to tutor the subjects that I am qualified to tutor. One on one. For pay. That keeps the teaching to the tutoring sessions. Yes, it does help me remember things - it also keeps the teaching to a business relationship. I am not allowed to give anyone advice about anything - its in the tutoring code of conduct. Also, I expect nothing from the student but a minimal level of politeness. After all, I am getting paid. And if the student doesn't think my tutoring is helpful? They can just switch to another tutor, no harm no foul.

I didn't see this post until I had posted my own responses. Very well-written and good advice.

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