Helping Classmates

chicagoing, ADN, RN · Mar 30, 2011

If you helped them "against your instinct," what were you hoping to gain by helping them? I find that "teaching" other students (we are talking pre-reqs. here, not nursing courses) actually reinforces what I've learned, so it's a win-win situation. It would be natural for these students to in turn, teach other students the material.

I'll play armchair psychologist here: I think your feelings may be hurt that they did not act friendlier toward you, want to be your friend, etc. It seems as though you may be a loner (?) and for once, chose to invest some of yourself and your time in others.

It is completely natural to feel turned off, hurt, or miffed....after all, you gave something of yourself to them, and what they give you in return?

Try not to take it personally. People will do what they want to do, and sometimes we will understand why, but most of the time we won't.

I am a very sensitive person, and someone gave me some good advice years ago: to put my big girl panties on and grow a thick skin.

That was some of the best advice I ever received!

ETA: If they start asking for help when the next exam rolls around, politely decline. Perhaps they'll learn someday that common courtesy is the very least they can show to someone like yourself.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Mar 30, 2011

Many people out there will see your kindness and interpret it as weakness. You're already aware that not everyone is going to appreciate what you've done for them.

I know this is frustrating, but it only gets acutely worse when you are actually working as a nurse. Patients can be cruel and demanding, family members can be verbally abusive, coworkers can be bullies, and doctors can be downright rude. I would simply treat this as a learning experience to avoid getting used again.

nursegc · Mar 30, 2011

Thank you both for your kind replies....I almost did not post the story. Having insightful, compassionate feedback is exactly what I needed. Another nursing school learning experience indeed. Again, many thanks.

anon695 · Mar 30, 2011

I had gotten myself into a similar situation in previous semesters. It's best to stop the tutoring now, before it balloons to more students wanting to be in your sessions and faculty finding out that you're tutoring (and making it more awkward for you to stop tutoring!) Nursing school is stressful enough without taking on unpaid tutoring and then being blamed by those students when they don't pass anyway. Just worry about yourself and get through, because you aren't responsible for any other students.

caliotter3 · Mar 30, 2011

I would not accuse them of having a mental disorder just because they proved to be ungracious. Avoid putting yourself out to people in the future. You can't expect even a simple thank you. Continue to worry about, and take care of, yourself. You will not feel that you were taken advantage of.

newRNstudent02 · Mar 30, 2011

So because they don't like you they must have a mental disorder? That's obnoxious. If you didn't want to help then you shouldn't have. It's really that simple.

nursegc · Mar 30, 2011

There are many scholarly journals and articles written on the subject of pathological domains in which personality expresses/displays itself unconsciously or consciously. Perhaps you may wish to peruse a few. I read many such journals in my graduate program when I received my Master's degree in Psychology.

Piglet68 · Mar 30, 2011

Nursing school can bring out the best in people and the worst in people. It's very stressful. It was nice of you to help when asked. Putting yourself out there is what we do as nurses. Think of it as a way of practicing your teaching skills. Nurses spend a lot of time with patient teaching and this is not unlike that. Although it would have been nice for them to say thank you, not everyone is going to do that....including the patients and families that you teach. Some people may need the help but see it as a sign of weakness and don't want to be reminded that they needed help to do better in class. Chalk it up as a practice session for you in your teaching skills and don't shut down. As a nurse we can't afford to shut ourselves off from those we help and for those we work with.

nursegc · Mar 30, 2011

Thank you...

newRNstudent02 · Mar 31, 2011

That's funny that you fail to see your own self-serving bias. How's that Master's degree treating you? I guess we all can't be popular and well-liked after all! And no, I will not be revisiting this tread. Thanks though :) :) :)

CBsMommy · Mar 31, 2011

OP - I was in this exact same position in my first semester. I've never done study groups before because, in the past, they were worthless for me.

But, our first day of classes, the instructor got up in front of the class and stated, "These people will be like your family. You will not be able to get through nursing school if you are not in a productive study group".

So, I formed one, we met at my house once a week for three weeks and I feel like I taught most of the information (much to my dismay because I could have spent extra time getting ahead). When two people in my study group failed the first test, who was it they blamed? Me. I haven't been involved in a study group since and won't again. One of those people have failed out of the program. I don't really regret it, but do look at it as a learning experience. I'm not, and have never been, in nursing school to make friends.

Good luck with your schooling and your new career!