HELP! Nosy pt family member driving me crazy

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Specializes in Hospice, ER, Telemetry.

Bear with me while I try to explain this.....never encountered anything like this before and not sure how to deal with it. My hospice covers several very small rural towns that are all about 8 - 10 miles apart. In these little towns, everyone knows everyone and probably knows folks from the surrounding towns as well. I have 1 patient in particular that makes me insane. Well it isn't really the pt but rather his wife. She is very nosy!! I call her "neighborhood watch". The neighbors on either side of these people are on service as well as their daughter and the daughter's mother-in-law. When I arrive the wife always asks if I've been to the neighbors or if I'm going to the daughters etc. I've explained until I'm blue in the face that I can't discuss it with her. She just looks at me like I'm being mean or lying and continues to ask. Tuesday one of my co-workers had a very serious car accident on her way home from work. Yesterday, I had to call this patient and the wife was asking me about my co-worker's accident (not sure how she found out about it unless it was from the front page of the local news paper......they showed a lovely picture of the accident with my friend being cut out of the car!!) I told her I wasn't able to discuss it with her and she continued to gossip about it. I am to the point that I hate going to this home!! What would you/should I do?? Any ideas on how to handle this would be great!! Thanks!!

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Specializes in Med Surg, Hospice, Home Health.

when she asks about the neighbor, or where you are going say "i'm sure you are concerned about her/him/them, etc....." "but i'm not at liberty to discuss."

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due to HIPPA.........................

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Specializes in Hospice, ER, Telemetry.

That's exactly what I say but she persists. Any other ideas??

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Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.

Broken record technique. "I cannot give you that information." Repeat. Repeat again.

Something I learned as a student was, "For what purpose do you need this information?" Usually makes them back off.

Whatever you say, keep it short and simple and repeat it over and over. With luck, they'll get the message.

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Next time stick your fingers in your ears and sing, "LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

She might stop from sheer astnishment.

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Specializes in Hospice, ER, Telemetry.
Next time stick your fingers in your ears and sing, "LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

She might stop from sheer astnishment.

LOL!!! That just might work.......but may get me fired!! I have tried telling her that I can't discuss any other patients with her........she knows that. I think she just wants to test her boundaries. But its very frustrating. Like I said, I've never encountered a pt or family member that was SO nosy!! I hide my care when I go to the neighbors homes so that she can't see I'm there otherwise she'll call them on the phone during my visit!! She's amazing!! Loves to gossip and claims to be a Christian......it really disgusts me. And her poor husband can't get a word in edgewise (he's the one I'm there to see). Nothing else has worked so far so I'm going to continue to try diversion and if that doesn't work then I'm going to start changing the subject when she starts to ask. Thanks for the great ideas and if anyone has anything else they'd like to share, please feel free!! You guys are a great sounding board!!

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Specializes in critical care; community health; psych.

You're not going to be able to change this one. I have a patient who is focused on her bowel patterns (she has IBS) to the exclusion of everything else. It drives me crazy though I try to change the subject. I very gently point out to her that we have discussed nothing else during our visits and wouldn't she like to use the time to talk about something else. It usually works. You can set your boundaries. It's often not what you say but how you say it. You know, little smile on your face, twinkle in your eye and a maternal "Now you know we can't talk about that. Let's keep this time about you and your husband and let's not bring it up again please. OK?" And get her agreement. Another tactic might be to ask her if she would want you discussing what goes on in her household with her neighbors.

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Get a social worker or some other member of the team to go with you and repeat the same mantra. Maybe it will sink in better if it's repeated by someone else.

:nono:

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Rehab, MRDD, Home Health.

As a fellow Hospice nurse, I'm empathetic with your situation, psychosocial

issues are challenging. Sometimes it's difficult to distinguish if someone is

being nosy or genuinely concerned. Once I establish a boundary, I usually

use diversion/humor, eventually the boundry is respected. Good luck!

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Specializes in Cardiology, Oncology, Hospice,IV Therapy.

I live in a small area just like you described, where everyone knows everyone and I love it but would not like to work aound my home for those very reasons. My territory is at least 20 miles from home.

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Specializes in hospice, pediatrics.

I ususally add in besides the normal "I can't discuss this information with you....blah, blah, blah" "I don't discuss my other patients just as I don't discuss [Name] and all of the private details of what goes on when I'm in your home." Most people are understanding and if they choose to be mad, so be it!

Angie

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