Help a new RN please

[aheartsaverrn]

Can someone please give me some helpful hints and maybe a peptalk?

I'm a new RN and I'm really struggling.

I never thought it would be this hard. I thought: I graduate, get my RN, get a job and everything will be great because I'm finally doing what I love.

A preceptor has really done a number on me.

I was on a busy and difficult unit where I had done a few other shifts with a tough but fair preceptor. On one of my last shifts my preceptor was floated to another unit and I was shifted to a nurse who had been very harsh and rude to me previously. She was relentless in making me feel inferior because I didn't have the same knowledge base as she did. Relentless questioning about things that a new grad wouldn't know, expectations for me to document things I didn't know how to do, and when I asked for help she would make things harder on me by continuing this behavior and raising the stakes each time, even yelling at me at one point. I was honestly trying my hardest.

Another RN(not a new grad just new to this hospital) pulled me aside and told me that it wasn't me, it was the preceptor and that the same things had happened to her. Then she told me try your hardest not to cry or show weakness because she'll only make things harder on you. I don't know how I would have made it without that nurse's peptalk.

I'm done on this unit, but that preceptor's comments have really stuck with me and I'm hurting because of it.

One of her comments was basically how she knew I'd fail on my home unit because I was so terrible on this one and that I'd probably kill someone.

I have no self confidence after 12 hours of absolute hell with this nurse. I don't even want to go back to that hospital. How do I get through this?

Most importantly, this isn't an old-school nurse. This is a nurse who is only a few years older than me. I can see a new cycle of being "broken-in" in her.

[FLArn]

My best advice to you would be to focus on the comments you received from your original preceptor and to examine those made by the last one to see if any of her remarks were justified. If so, remember those and file the rest under "consider the source" and move on. When you work on any unit, ask questions about anything you are unsure of and stay open to learning because NOBODY knows everything no matter how long they have been licensed. Everyone can teach you something even if it's how not to do something. Stay positive and open to new information and you will be fine.

[newRN_NY]

dear aheartsaverrn,

i am so sorry that you are having such a terrible experience and were made to feel this way. as new rns we have to brace ourselves for the criticism that inevitably lies ahead...but while there are people out there that want to bring you down, there are also others that want to see you succeed (like that nurse who took you aside and spoke to you). we are new, and we are not perfect, and we have a lot to learn, that is to be expected. sometimes i feel that the best way to deal with negative people is to just "kill them with kindness". whenever someone has a "comment" for you, good or bad, thank them for their input and move on. don't let others take your focus away from your real goal, which is to gain as much knowledge as you can and to provide your patients with the best possible care. be confident and do the best you can and others will notice. best of luck :redpinkhe

[Marshall1]

many years ago there was a nurse I worked with who was very much like the one you are describing..to add to it she was a religious fanatic (think Westboro church type). Like you, I was intimidated by her, had never met anyone like her (and to this day still haven't thankfully), but what I realized it this: she was not born knowing all she knew..she was a good nurse clinically but her reason for being in nursing was almost perverse in the sense it was to "serve God" but she did so in a mean spirited and cold way - even to patients. Many patients accepted this because they too I think - were a little afraid of her. The management wasn't going to do anything because she was, if nothing else, dependable and efficient. My advice to you is to realize this nurse sees everything and everyone through a critical eye and, though difficult to understand, her behavior is about her - not you - though it's directed at you. Take from the experience what you can and use this as an opportunity to grow into being a nurse that can figure out how to handle someone difficult like this. For me, I continued to work on the unit this person was on, sometimes she was in charge. I did my job, offered to help other nurses on the unit but never her. I spoke to her only if she spoke to me or if I needed to. I wasn't rude, though she always was, but I wasn't going to go around begging this person who, at the end of the day, meant nothing. What meant something was how I did my job and if I did what I could to help those around me while I was there - patient or coworker. We spend too much time in our lives - professionally and personally - concerning ourselves or worrying about people that really do not matter and no amount of our trying will change how they are or what they think of us. People believe what they want to believe and act how they want to act.

YOU are getting your legs about you...that's normal for where you are. Move on from her and in the future, you will know better how to handle someone like her.

[aheartsaverrn]

Thank you so much!!!

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

Sweetheart, don't let a jackwagon take up rental space in your head.

Seriously, people like that are MISERABLE. She spreads her toxicity to everyone just to make herself feel better. My guess is that she was a terrible nurse herself when she first started out, and wants to exact her revenge by slathering on as much verbal poop as she can on new nurses. I have seen it happen many times.

As difficult as it may seem right now, you MUST rid yourself of her words. It helps to know that SHE is the problem, not YOU. This rationale has already been validated by the nurse that kindly pulled you aside.

DO NOT OWN HER HURTFUL WORDS.

Continue to focus on your patients. And honey, be ever so grateful that you are not the miserable person that your preceptor is. I suspect that she can't even stand herself.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

:hug:.....When others need to make people feel bad and have to put other people down....they don't feel very good about themselves. They lack in self confidence and the only way to feel they are superior at anything is to make everyone around them feel inferior. They are the "mean girls" we've all known i high school that haven't grown up nor grown out of their bad behavior....their immaturity and feelings of inferiority stunts their growth as a professional and an adult. They are bullies plain and simple.

Anyone who really has knowledge isn't afraid to share it because they aren't afraid to lose it. A good nurse tries to elevate those around her to greatness though sharing experience and knowledge. Don't let her(or him) pull you

under the surface with her. Consider the source. Turn a deaf ear and smile.....never let people like that see you sweat, or cry.....it gives them power they crave. Misery LOVES company.

The proof was in the nurse pulling you aside and giving you the heads up about the kind of nurse she really is....:hug:

[n.u.r.]

Some nurses are truly not "nursey"

To shut these unbecoming nurses = do the best you can, maybe show them you can do better by being nice to your patients, smile when not treated nice, and the best, ignore them. Of course, as long as you know you are doing the right thing.

Or maybe, you can learn something from them, who knows, they might have a good message. besides, if you survive this phase of your career and learned from it, then you might survive New York as well. lol :mnnnrsngrk:

[Orange Tree]

OK, so one nurse was a *&^%$, but what I can't get over is how wonderful the other nurse was to you. Pep-talk nurse, if you are out there somewhere, thank you for being you. :)

[merlee]

No one, NO ONE, deserves to be yelled at or humiliated. If this ever happens to you again, say "STOP!" and then "When you can speak to me in a professional manner, I will listen to you." Then WALK AWAY.

Unless someone's immediate safety is involved ( about to get hit by a bus, give an oral liquid thru an IV site, etc) there is just no call for behavior like this.

This person needs to be reported by everyone who has had this type of interaction with her.

YOU are most likely exactly where you should be in terms of your professional growth.

Take care of yourself, don't let the turkeys get you down.

Best wishes!!!

[llg, PhD, RN]

Most of the people you meet in this world are going to be decent people. But no matter where you go, you'll meet a couple people are not. Don't give those nasty people the power to ruin your life.

That's something only YOU can do for yourself. You have a choice to either pay attention to the majority of people you have met who have treated you well and given you positive feedback and constructive suggestions for needed improvements -- or you can choose to let yourself and your thoughts be dominated by the jerks.

The choice is yours.

[leslie :-D]

i despise preceptors such as these kind.

what i could do in a dark alley with her. (oh...am i supposed to wink?):lttang:

what others have stated are true.

my concern is if you can learn under these circumstances.

if not, i wouldn't hesitate to report her to the nm...

even sharing what she told you, followed by your concern in learning in such an environment.

if you can learn, then just look at her with pity.

keep what's worth keeping, and blow the rest away.

i'm sorry, sweetie.

leslie