heartbroken needed to vent

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Jul 21, 2012

Welcome to these forums! :hug:

I have no advice to offer. I simply wanted to let you know that you can find support through many of our members. Good luck with your future endeavors.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Jul 21, 2012

if it really is your fault because you never said anything, then that perhaps points you in the direction of how to handle it next time. good luck in your next job!

dudette10, MSN, RN · Jul 21, 2012

My advice for your next job: Don't take anything personally. Recognize that its is a stressful environment for a new grad, even with a preceptor whose methods are questionable. Address personality and conduct conflicts in a professional manner privately the first time they happen.

I had one preceptor early in my orientation who had a shrill voice when she corrected me, and she often did it in front of my coworkers (never in front of patients, though). I didn't take it personally, but because I was so hard on myself in combo with her shrill voice and choice of place for correction, I often went home down in the dumps. One time, I just bawled for five minutes one my sofa because I needed to let the stress out.

The CONTENT of her criticisms was right on, though, so I could never really fault her, so I never felt the need to address it with her. In fact, I heard through the grapevine that people were questioning my friendliness because I had a "mean" look on my face all the time. That same preceptor (I heard) defended me to everyone saying, "She is nice, but she takes her job seriously. Give her time to get comfortable."

Over time, that "mean" look has left my face (for the most part!), and questions about my friendliness are no longer an issue.

Possibly, my experience and the intentions of my preceptor don't match your experience. However, I hope you can take my experience into account when you start a new job. Good luck to you!

tyvin, BSN, RN · Jul 22, 2012

Sounds familiar...nursing is intense. If you don't speak up and defend yourself you won't last. I didn't mean for that to sound harsh, it's just how it is. Are you going to use them on your resume? Think about it; what could you say to a future employer to justify leaving a good job position after only 6 weeks. If you tell them people were mean to you well... then again it is experience.

WildOne · Jul 22, 2012

I think everyone can relate to this story.

As a new grad I just got off orientation. My last preceptor sometimes would correct me in front of pts which I found embarrssing and mortifying. Sometimes she would take off the BP cuff and reapply it or criticize me in front of patients

The worst was when I admitted a patient from the pacu. I tried giving my preceptor report that when the pt came to pack she had a very low no in the range of 80's but now it was in the low 105's. She wouldn't listen abd was too overwhelmed with having 2 pts admitted at one time

She accused me of taking report without her permission and "banned" me from taking report alone. ( I am registered). She then said to mr X2 in front of the patient while I kept trying to explain to her that on transfer the pts bp was not in the 80's.

However she went off on me infrint if the pt and their family asking me why I though it was appropriate to admit the patient. This was only a month ago I still have not gotten over it.

I work a lone now off orientation and eveytume I have to take report I think of that incident. DO NOT let certain people get you down. Remember what goes around comes around.

The best thing I found would be to mentally remove myself from that person like I'm watching them from far away. I think you gain more insight like that and never take their bait. Just let them have their moment and remember it reflects badly on them not you

Hang in there!

iamgabrielle · Jul 22, 2012

I too just resigned after a couple of weeks due to being treated badly by my preceptor.. i guess nurses do eat their young. hopefully we could get another job

amzyRN · Jul 22, 2012

after 6 weeks of training I resigned. My preceptor gave me hell. literally hell. Even my coworkers agree on that. I told my manager that I'm not clicking with my preceptor but she said stick with her coz she's the best. and so I followed her advice. as a nurse se maybe good but as a preceptor she sucks so bad that I couldn't handle the stress anymore. it was so hard. so now I'm jobless again. I love med surg I loved it that I learned alot in a short span of time but like one of the nurses who cried coz I left said, what happened was not fair. She said I was working under avery stressful environment and having that lady as a preceptor jut made it worse. I really want to work in a med surg dept just the preceptor and other haters made it so hard.pls don't judge me I just needed to vent. Most if the nurses said that they hate to see me go coz they really liked me. I just couldn't work in that kind of an environment anymore. Stress caused by work work I can handle but stressed induced coz I was bullied that I couldn't anymore. I don't think anybody deserved this kind of treatment. to be yelled at in front of other people to literally shame me in front of my pts. It's my fault too coz I just let it all happen, I never said anything. I just let her walk all over me. A lesson that I learned the hard way. never again will I let anybody treat me like that. Now I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to find another job on med surg :,(

I had a preceptor like this before and I couldn't stand it either. This was a nurse with about 5 years experience that got off on bullying newer nurses. She was the type that gave no positive feedback what so ever, never smiled, never asked if I had questions, but was just a very negative person all around. She was a skilled nurse in a technical sense, but her attitude sucked. My inability to work with this preceptor cost me a job, but I have a new job now. I think one mistake I made in this situation was not following all of the proper protocols early on (like insisting on a different preceptor) and instead went along with the flow. Didn't work. It's best to try to find someone early on who you click with, trust your gut. From the moment I met my preceptor, I knew that this was not the preceptor for me. A preceptor should be someone who you model your practice by, this includes technical skill and attitude. Also, a preceptor should be someone who you can trust to help you grow as a nurse. I've had some very tough preceptors in the past who helped me learn my limitations and areas I need to improve, this is different from bullying. Anyway, don't try to work with this preceptor any more unless you feel entirely comfortable talking to them directly and you work it out. Also, it's perfectly fine to get a different preceptor, sometimes people don't mesh and it's okay.

amzyRN · Jul 22, 2012

Sounds familiar...nursing is intense. If you don't speak up and defend yourself you won't last. I didn't mean for that to sound harsh, it's just how it is. Are you going to use them on your resume? Think about it; what could you say to a future employer to justify leaving a good job position after only 6 weeks. If you tell them people were mean to you well... then again it is experience.

She could use this experience of how to deal better with this kind of situation in a better way, like getting a different preceptor or trying to communicate with the preceptor in a more effective way. In my case I wish I would have talked openly to my preceptor and told her how I was feeling and then explained how she might improve my learning, etc. If this didn't work, then go up the chain of command, then if things didn't work out, you tried to remedy the situation and openly communicated your needs. Every "failure" is an opportunity for growth and there is room for something positive to come out of it, even if it doesn't seem that way in the beginning.

seekerskeeter · Jul 22, 2012

I'm not going to be able to work with her that's for sure thank goodness.. but the sad part is, like you it cost me a job too. hopefully like you again I would be able to find another one :)

Zookeeper3 · Jul 22, 2012

THe hard truth is that you will come across people like this your ENTIRE career and you just can't keep quitting!!!! I have told my kids and all those I have precepted for 17 years, that you DON'T have to like the person educating them, as long as they are competent and you can learn from them. THis is precious advice.

I learned skills from hard nosed nasty nurses, I learned how to interact with the caring ones. I learned how to stand toe to toe with a screaming doctor from those nasty nurses. I learned how to drop everything and hold a hand and just listen from the caring ones.

Each peer you encounter in your career has the potential to teach you something each and every shift. You can't run from the hard ones, but you can figure out what you need from them and what they need from you. ex. the hard a$$ nurse gets assigned the difficult needy on the call buzzer patient. I offer to take that one from them, and tell them I need the patient experience. The trade off is that my lab draw skills stink and I want her to help me improve my skills with the morning lab draws.

This is about knowing how to work and work with people. It is a skill to be learned that will serve you well as you slowly become proficient in dealing with a wide breth of patients. It starts with our peers, please don't let ANYONE drive you out of a job, unless you are going to be fired, there is always wiggle room to work out a compromise.

May I finally suggest, in the future, you immediately pull this nurse away in private and discuss how you prefer these situations be handled. It sure as heck is uncomfortable, but I've been pulled in for doing a few of the things you mentioned and quickly adjusted my precepting verbage and actions...

... we all learn from each other, you need to put in the difficult actions by stating what you need, like and dislike. I wish you well.

Zookeeper3 · Jul 22, 2012

One more suggestion.. when a preceptee and I are having a difficult relationship, I make a contract to meet with them after report and allow them to give feedback as to how the shift went and what I was expected to do different.

If it was reasonable, and usually always is, I would listen until they were done and pointed out three things that needed to be worked on the next shift and asked them to pick one. We agreed on it. The next shift I would reaffirm our teaching plan and adjust my praise, correction based upon the feedback.

Not every preceptor has the people skills to do this, but you should DEMAND it upon your next hire. Make a contract with your next preceptor and give feedback. All too often, preceptors are chosen for their excellent clinical, NOT people skills. We need you newbies to give us feeback in an appropriate setting to teach us too! We are always evolving and learning. Give your next preceptor the chance to adjust to your needs, BUT you NEED to STATE them, as well as how you like to learn for us to know!