Nursing & Depression

cargal · Nov 7, 2002

Originally posted by carpe_de_em
my only strengths are: sheer determanation to live, a healty relationship w/ my significant other, and my faith in God. but, boy, i'm tired. [/quote
Carpe,
I am so glad that you have these three strengths. I hope that it will all come together soon so that you may have some quality of life. As for the holidays, I don't place to much value in the expectations that our society has created for this season. If my family is all together and we have heat to keep us warm - the decorations and presents can wait for another day or another year. The holiday will come and go whether I am ready or in the mood or not. When I have up all the expectations I was much calmer and happier. I see people actually whining because they have 28 trees to put outside lights on, when they should just be happy that they have 28 trees to decorate.
I also gave up the notion that as a mother that I should want to make the holidays memorable for my children. Nonsense. What they will remember is a warm loving mom who is always there for them. The "magic holiday" atmosphere just sets them up for disappointment when they are older. This is not to say I am a humbug, I just don't set myself up for failure- for my expectations or theirs. I try to show them that happiness is made in moments, not a commercial holiday.
Any one else have thoughts to share on depression and the holidays?
Blessings

mattsmom81 · Nov 8, 2002

Sphinx, good luck in surgery Friday...I will pray this will be the start of positive things for you!

I found as my pain eased and I felt better, the depression also lifted. I'm hoping for the same for you. (((HUGS)))

sanakruz, ADN · Nov 9, 2002

Carpe- havent been here for a few days.

What I mean by blunted affect: inability to experience pleasure, slowed movements, slowed responses to stimuli- not laughing or smiling readily,feeling sluggish or that you may have "missed" something others "caught." This is a term you will find in psych 101 and on mental staus exams- it is often used to describe a negative symptom of schizophrenia- It really is a way to describe to others a symptom/behavior that is observed. In my clinical experience I have seen this often- very depressed people, someone over-medicated or even intoxicated, and yes, a person with schizophrenia. Some people have described to me feeling "zoned out" My response would be "time to revisit your med regimen"

sphinx, BSN, RN · Nov 10, 2002

Hey all, surgery went fine.....I feel like I was beaten up inside, all bruised like. Also a lot of gas still inside, but it's gotten better in 24 hours. i was done early and checked into a unit, but doc said I could leave after supper....at first I wasn't gonna, but my roomie was pretty ill and had several family members and getting to the potty was a treat with my fanny hanging out so I came home and slept great. One thing surprised me, I didn't realize they gave heaprin injections with a lap chole. hmmm, now that I know they kind of sting I'll be more empathetic, haha. My throats been real sore, more so than in any other surgery....and it feels like the top of my throat or back of my tongue must be a little swollen or something. It's quite odd. I also am not having an easy time peeing....took 3 tried yesterday, and they let me go after I went 3 time about 300-400 cc each time to make sure I was doing ok. Anyway, I *am* sore, so I am out of here for a bit. Thanks for everything.

Heather

cargal · Nov 10, 2002

Heather,

Thanks for the update. Hope you feel reeaalll better soon. How are the kids taking all this? How many do you have?

Will be watching for updates :)

sphinx, BSN, RN · Nov 10, 2002

I'm wiaiting for the doc to call me back, cuz my uvula is so swollen it touches the back of my tongue. It's just gotten worse. I can breath and swallow, but I feel it all the time. My husband looked in my throat and his inexperienced eye says he saw "white stuff".

sphinx, BSN, RN · Nov 13, 2002

I was hoping I could come on here by now, and say that with the pain gone, I was seeing a ray of hope. Wrongola.. Well, here's the real deal. First, the big bad gallbladder pain is gone. I still feel beat up and bruised from surgery, but not bad, tylenol does a good job on it mostly.....(oh, and to answer your question, my 2 boys, ages 10 and 13 are taking it pretty well. My youngest was crying the night beforehand, but turns out he just didn't understand it was gonna be a real minor surgery and was kinda worried I wouldn't be around for a while, like when I had my hyst in May)......But you know, nothing ever is "normal" with me, nothing ever goes "by the book".From the get go, my throat felt more sore than I ever recalled. i figured, well, it was maybe just a little more rough intubation, just irritated....then my throat just started to swell, my uvula swelled up so big it rested (oh, and still does) on the back of my tongue. See my above post, where 2 days after the surgery I called the on-call doc to tell him this as well as the fact that my husband saw "white stuff" (hmmmmm, now what could that be??????)....his answer...it's nothing, give it time, it'll go away. I think, now, I think it's yeast, but I didn't see it with my own eyes, so I'll wait. The next day, Monday, my mom visits. My throat is way worse. She looks in my throat, as an expereinced mom (I always had strep as a kid) and a nurse......at that time my glands weren't swollen, but I did have swelling inside my throat and uvula, and (surprise) what appeared to be yeast in my throat. I called the surgeon's office yet again.....BIG MISTAKE.....thinking, they caused it, they should fix it.......and talked to their NP. She tells me, get this now........try SUCRETS and call in 2 days if not better. I'm like Uh, I don't think that will help......she's like, just try it-click. The next day I wake up feeling worse than ever (and BTW, sucrets numb your tongue not your throat), and my mouth tastes like garbage. I go in the batroom and roll out my tongue which is just coated (thickly) with white goo. Yup, I've looked into enough babies' mouths to recognize thrush when I see it. Plus my mouth (tongue, lips, gums) burn. So again I call this NP back to tell her, uh, yeah, like I said I have thrush, I am 99.9% positive, can I please have a perscription? Well, left a message with the receptionist for the NP to call. The receptionist calls and says the NP wants me to come in so she can see my throat. So I drag myself in, along with my son, wait forever, and then the surgeon himself strolls in. He says "let me see" so I stick out my tongue". He says "what, don't you want to show me?" and I realize he's talking about my incisions so I hike up my shirt and show him (the 1 good thing to come of this, I won't have to go back next week), then stick my tongue out again. He says "nice bit of thrush you got there, are you being treated for it?" I'm like "that is why I am here! Your NP told me to come!" He's like "oh, I'll get you something, but if it's not better in 2 days you should see your pcp" (I'm thinking, wish I had along, doofus). So he writes me for Mycelex Troches. Now, you might not agree with me here, but I sort of am not sure if this is appropriate for *me*.....I know it is used for thrush, I know it works, yadda yadda.......I know that, yes it does go down your throat. But my thinking is, when I suck on these foul things, I feel most of it soak into my tongue, and wonder just how much does trickle down my throat? And this infection most definatly started in my throat and is most likely worse there (but who knows, cuz the Dr never LOOKED)......so, is it really getting where it is needed adequately? I'd thought Diflucan would be more likely, or a combination of the 2, hitting it on both fronts (systemic and topical). So, instead of waiting till tomorrow, I only waited one day and called my PCP today. It took more than half the day to even get them to call me from the machine. My dr is on emergency family leave, so things are crazy there, but geez! Then I played pass the message between the receptionist and some nurse. At first they said to call back the surgeon and I told them he'd basically said he'd basically said to leave it to my PCP anyway, plus he pretty much signed off on me......so then they are like, well, the office is closed right now, we are just doing paperwork.....can you maybe wait till tomorrow? Or maybe you can go to the ED? (holy moses!, for thrush!, just call in a damn script, I know there is an NP there, and a covering doc!......and I am WELL known there!!!!)or I could go to an after hours clinic (uh huh, another brill idea).

Can you tell I am kinda pissed? Well meanwhile I am being good and sucking on these nasty tasting troches and not noticing a damn bit of difference, except perhaps maybe right dead center in my tongue. My throat is still a mess. I have eaten practically nothing in 2 weeks. I have an average of a bowl of soup and some jello each day. whoopie! NOt like I'll waste away, but.......

anyway, of course I am moody and tearful throughout.....my husband has noted I am more "angry", ie quick to temper than normal, as well. This is such a fun ride, but can I puhlease get off now?

Thanks for listening to yet another wild rant! (bad spelling and all)

sphinx, BSN, RN · Nov 15, 2002

Well, I've been venting all over the place lately.......btw, got the above all taken care of after seeing the NP at my PCP office who agreed that the troches weren't adequately treating my throat, esp after the initial several days of being blown off...am now on nystatin swish and swallow, and had a dose of diflucan. But enogh of THIS!

My MOOD!!! I have been so ERRATIC this week. I have been having wild extreme mood swings, all within a day, each day. I can be extremely depressed and tearful, or insanely angry, snapping off at people at nothing at all (irritable doesn't describe it), the be laughing hyterically at some totally stupid thing, like ready to wet myself laughing, meanwhile, I am exhausted, it's been exactly one week from surgery and the past several days I have not rested during the day at all (heck, since Tuesday, maybe Monday!)...I get stuck, esp with this damn computer, sit here all day on the couch with it on my lap, even though I know I need to stop and lay down, I don't, it's like an obsession, I just can't STOP until I have to pee bad or something, then I say I won't get back on the computer, but I'll see I have a mail, so I think oh I'll just check it then I'll lay down, but one thing leads to another and I am trapped, or my mind gets stuck, anyway......and it's not like I am feeling good, I am tearful half the time it happens, beating myself up, angry with myself, frustrated. I sleep well at night, but am waiting till 11 to go to bed and getting up at 7 with the kids. Let me tell you, I feel like I am going totally INSANE.

I never see anyone else around, and I feel like I have chased everyone away with my incessant ranting and babbling. that makes me sad, and I really apologize. This isn't the only place I come for support, although it might appear that way. I have 2 other places online, both set up for support, my husband, friends,and also my psychiatrist. I was supposed to see him yesterday but postponed it till next week cuz of my surgery (thought I wouldn't be up to it, not knowing I'd be like I am). So I am not like totally depndent on you all, I don't want you to think that, if that is why you are shying away. Or, of course, you all have lives of your own, busy lives, your own problmes, etc (leave it to me to blame everything on myself). OK, I really will shut up now.

RN2B2005 · Nov 15, 2002

I'm just a lowly pre-nursing student, but on this topic, I have to say, senior member 'teeituptom' is definitely off base and a discredit to the nursing community.

Tom, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was 22. The funny thing about depression is, when it actually hits YOU, self-diagnosis is (contrary to your statement about "alledged (sic) depression") almost impossible...you can't imagine feeling any other way than what you're feeling now, you literally can't remember being happy, or if you can, it seems like it was some other person's happiness, not yours. Severely depressed people are the least likely to commit suicide primarily because when you're severely depressed, you can't even contemplate showering, let alone getting it together to kill yourself--too much effort.

At any rate, I was diagnosed five years ago. I've been on Zoloft and Wellbutrin SR with occasional doses of Xanax ever since. Not being the talk-therapy sort, I find medication alone works well. I stayed on the meds through my pregnancy (even though at least one ill-informed prospective pediatrician advised me not to) and bore a healthy baby boy. The key thing for you to understand, Tom, is that depression (or any other mental disorder) is as real as any other disease process, and is not something 'made up' (to paraphrase) or something that golfing or any other distraction will cure. Both my grandfathers were well-educated and loved golf--but both suffered untreated depression and both died from self-inflicted gunshot wounds.

Do nurses suffer more depression than others? I don't know. Perhaps we are more likely to be around people who can help us or recognise signs of distress, and therefore more likely to be diagnosed. I just hope patients who need help, and your colleagues looking for help, don't run into you.

Youda · Nov 15, 2002

sphinx, I think we've just run out of ideas and suggestions; there are many excellent ideas and viewpoints on this thread. Have you tried them all yet (rhetorical qustion)? With depression, as hard as it is, you aren't going to get better until you start to help yourself. If it were me, I'd have sure tried to keep my appointment with the shrink. We all know how hard it is to deal with depression so please take that in a friendly and caring context.

sphinx, BSN, RN · Nov 15, 2002

ummmmm, I suppose I'd come to feel a sense of support here, not that I wanted answers most times. At sometimes, yes.....but others, most posters, like the nurses we are, offerred up advice readily on their own (you know, that " I want to help", kind of thing). A lot of the advice given specifically yo me has been in regard to my medical complaints, which I have indeed done things about, hence seeing a GI specialist, was tested, now know I have gastritis (think I mentioned), and of course the gall bladder problems, which frankly I shouldn't have anymore now that I am sans gallbladder (I no longer have the pain, only a slight bruised feeling, and that doesn not even require tylenol) Some of the suggestions were to try a certain med or another....of course I couldn't have tried them all yet, as that is not my decision alone, but psychiatrist's as well, and he is, as I've mentioned, quite cuatious and conservative. I actually quite like that in him, as in the past I have had at least one, who was switching meds faster than I could blink an eye! Of course I realize your question was rhetorical, but the feeling you seem to have that I am not trying to help myself is not true. Like I tried to point out, I do have other sources of support. I do have a psychiatrist. (which is more than a lot of depressed people have, some are managed by their pcp, who are not experts in mental health), I take my meds religiously, even when I feel they are not working, I have contracted with my psychiatrist that if I have a plan, I will call him first, and have kept to that plan. (this was made after my last incident). As for my appointment with my psychiatrist, I postponed it a from Thursday evening to Tuesday morning, hardly a long gap, and at least I didn't just cancel it. At the time I made the change, the day before my surgery, I was anticipated that at a day shy of one week after my surgery, I may be tired (I am), still on painkillers and unable to drive (I take only as needed, and hadn't needed since yesterday, and then only once, but I had no way of knowing that then......)

I know you are just trying to be, as you say, frinedly and caring, but it has been said more than once, ealier in the thread, what a supportive thread this has become. Thus my thinking of it as supportive, rather than informative. I'll have to remember that for the future. I'm sorry if I've been doing it the "wrong" way.

sphinx, BSN, RN · Nov 15, 2002

ummmmm, I suppose I'd come to feel a sense of support here, not that I wanted answers most times. At sometimes, yes.....but others, most posters, like the nurses we are, offerred up advice readily on their own (you know, that " I want to help", kind of thing). A lot of the advice given specifically yo me has been in regard to my medical complaints, which I have indeed done things about, hence seeing a GI specialist, was tested, now know I have gastritis (think I mentioned), and of course the gall bladder problems, which frankly I shouldn't have anymore now that I am sans gallbladder (I no longer have the pain, only a slight bruised feeling, and that doesn not even require tylenol) Some of the suggestions were to try a certain med or another....of course I couldn't have tried them all yet, as that is not my decision alone, but psychiatrist's as well, and he is, as I've mentioned, quite cuatious and conservative. I actually quite like that in him, as in the past I have had at least one, who was switching meds faster than I could blink an eye! Of course I realize your question was rhetorical, but the feeling you seem to have that I am not trying to help myself is not true. Like I tried to point out, I do have other sources of support. I do have a psychiatrist. (which is more than a lot of depressed people have, some are managed by their pcp, who are not experts in mental health), I take my meds religiously, even when I feel they are not working, I have contracted with my psychiatrist that if I have a plan, I will call him first, and have kept to that plan. (this was made after my last incident). As for my appointment with my psychiatrist, I postponed it a from Thursday evening to Tuesday morning, hardly a long gap, and at least I didn't just cancel it. At the time I made the change, the day before my surgery, I was anticipated that at a day shy of one week after my surgery, I may be tired (I am), still on painkillers and unable to drive (I take only as needed, and hadn't needed since yesterday, and then only once, but I had no way of knowing that then......)

I know you are just trying to be, as you say, frinedly and caring, but it has been said more than once, ealier in the thread, what a supportive thread this has become. Thus my thinking of it as supportive, rather than informative. I'll have to remember that for the future. I'm sorry if I've been doing it the "wrong" way.

Nursing & Depression

Nurses and Depression/Anxiety