Nursing & Depression

Youda · Nov 15, 2002

sphinx, I sure didn't mean to make you feel that you were doing something "wrong" or that I was making a criticism. If my clumsy, klutzy approach offended, then I truly apologize.

sphinx, BSN, RN · Nov 15, 2002

geez, why did that post twice? I wasn't trying to get a point across by doing so, haha.

youda, everything offends me, it's not you. I take on the guilt of the world. everything is my fault and I do it all wrong. In my head I know that not to be true, but tell it to my heart. I think I just need a little break, is all. And that is *my* problem, not anyone elses. I own up to it.

Youda · Nov 15, 2002

Like I said, I think we're just out of ideas. We're depressives, you know? Don't make us think too hard! LOL!! There's some great nurses at allnurses. Why not start a new thread and ask for ideas about the physical stuff? Maybe you can get a new perspective on it.

sphinx, BSN, RN · Nov 15, 2002

Well, I guess I don't feel I *need* more ideas on the physical stuff........I mean, I had 2 things taken care of, plus earlier this year, another major problem was taken care of......the thrush is a result of the surgery (intubation) and is being treated.....and the other stuff (namely exhaustion) is likely related to my depression, although I am having a couple more blood tests squeezed in. And like I said before, in terms of the depression, at this point, I only need support (which is all I ever really needed), and I'm sorry I lead anyone to believe that I wanted someone to solve all my problems, because that was never the case.

GRNYCASSIRN · Nov 16, 2002

I, too, thought Tom's reply was a bit flippant. I remember having depressive episodes when I was a very small child. I've been on antidepressants for about 12 years or so and they have been a life saver for me. I only wish they had been available when I was in high school. I agree that nursing attracts a great many people from dysfunctional background. The old "wounded Healer syndrome" I've always called it. When things threated to be a bit much, I just tell myself "You've olny got two hands, there is only so much you can do, you can only do one thing at a time. And you've just got to decide that the guilt train will no longer stop at your station. The day I learned how to say "NO" and not feel guilty was one of the best days of my life. If anyone is so inclined to adopt my mantra, drop me a line and let me know if it helps. Goddess bless.

mattsmom81 · Nov 19, 2002

Sphynx I can't help but wonder about the oral yeast...it may be a symptom of systemic yeast overgrowth and a GI tract that is out of balance.

Just another thing to consider as I think I shared with you I had this problem and in treating it I began to feel better. Have you considered consulting a holistic practitioner who understands toxicities, liver dysfunction, and imbalance of normal flora and sustances in the body? When someone is run down and depressed antibiotics can really throw our bodies out of whack even worse...and the muliple drugs they give us in surgery (I had Vanco) don't help a toxic, out of sync body system either...

Please vent...we all need to for awhile...I found that when I was really down in the pit, I could choose to completely 'feel' my feelings and become overwhelmed and even immobilized. After a short time doing this to clarify how badly I felt, I found I needed to move OUT of that place. I could choose to move forward in my thinking...find a positive to dwell on...search for a comfort somewhere... and begin to 'move towards' thinking about and actively GETTING well...I think this is what Youda was getting at.

This is not a judgment or a guilt trip just a suggestion from someone who was there...and in sharing this I am hoping it may help you and others who are depressed.

I personally found a lot of positives in reading the scriptures and in light self help books like "Each Day a New Beginning" by the Hazelton Group ( recovery affirmations helped lead me from depression) Also "Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much" by Anne Wilson Schaef.

A concept I also found helpful was 'What I'm doing ain't working for me...so get busy...let's find out what DOES work'...the action itself was healing...(even if it was the WRONG action I felt somewhat energized) LOL!

Best wishes as always that your (and everyone here) depression begins to lift soon ...prayers for healing are sent your way.

(((HUGS))) All!!! :kiss

sphinx, BSN, RN · Nov 19, 2002

Hi Mattsmom....actually, the systemic yeast thing did cross my mind. I spent a little bit of time (before I pooped out) on line looking up info.......some things do match, but it seemed to be one of those vague things, where a lot of the symptoms of he system yeast "syndrome, or whatever whomever chooses to call it, could fit many other diagnoses as well. What made things difficult, is that I did a google search, and didn't run across many research based articles, so it was difficult to know how legit the information was. Now I'm not saying I have totally given up.....but I did give the search after a brief time, because I was tired, and depressed, and needed a break, Also, as far as antibiotics go, I haven't had any since directly previous to my last surgery in May. I do not believe they gave me any this time......you know how they usually hang a bag pre-op, well all I had was IVF, no abx. I also had none afterwards. They may have given me some while I was under I suppose, but it would seem like a pesky thing to have to do, that could have easily been done when I was hanging out in the holding area for an hour and a half. On the other hand, Prior to May, while I never had oral thrush, I was prone to lady partsl yeast infection, namely related to the birth control I was on. I had been on continuous birth control pills (with a break every 4 months or so) to control bleeding and severe pelvic pain. Now, I had problems, and tended to bleed straight through the month anyway, so I had my pill changed in ever increasing amounts, till I had tried 5 different types in all over a period of a couple years. By #5, I was yeast infection queen. The OTC stuff didn't work for me at all, only the diflucan. That, and other side effects influenced my decision to have a hyst back in May, because despite the side effects, even on the higher dose, I started the bleeding again, even after taking a break, trying all the tricks, etc. Anyway, I kept an ovary......for a week or 2 it was sound aslepp, I had all the nice menopausal symptoms, now I have my normal hormones back, whoopee, haha....as you can see, I still babble.

In terms of keeping myself busy, I am trying to be more active, knowing I'll be back at work next week, but I am still tried a lot. I found I was having a hard time with being on-line, would get sucked in, and would spend all day online. So my husband said, so get a game (a game I had for my PC and liked, but didn't have for my mac), so while I am still on the computer, my online time is cut, and it is easier to stop the game and be normal, than to stop other stuff, for whatever reason.

I've never read the books you mention, although I do have quite the library of self help books, haha! I'll have to look up the titles you mentioned.

I have an appointment with my psychaitrist this morning. I only hope I can explain everything about how I've been feeling recently. I have a hard time communicating with him. We walk in the room, and he just sits there and stares at me. It is very unnerving. Oh well, I will give it my best. I know I need to get back into therapy, but had been waiting to see if I could get into a new job first, so I can figure what hours I'd be available etc. But it doesn't look like that's gonna happen, so I suppose that'll be somthing I'll need to do soon, as well. I know my psychiatrist will push for a DBT group again, but the problem is, being a CHN, if I get stuck at a pt home, like if the pt is having a problem and I have to call the doc, or if I get called out to see someone, or whatever.....then I may be late...and they don't allow lateness at all. I was in a regular women's group, and they were more lenient, but I had some problems with the therapist.....anyway, gotta run or I'll be late..

Thanks for listening!

Anyway......

Sunnybrook · Nov 19, 2002

I agree with most of the comments in this thread. Nurses are natural, (or they should be!) caregivers, and one thing I have noticed is the incidence of co-dependency in nursing.

Having suffered from this disorder myself, I can understand why many nurses are depressed and seeking antidepressants to ease the pain of the disease. Co-dependency is a disease of over caring and having to solve EVERYONE else's problems singlehandedly. From this, comes the fallacy that you know how to do just about everything, even if you don't, and that you can find an answer for anyone who asks a question.

Giving unsolicited advice is also a major symptom of the disease. Does that sound familiar to any of you?

I think the first step to deal with feelings of depression is to identify that it exists. From there, I believe that you have to find the personal cause and try to work on that verses just covering it up with medications. The antidepressants may work to give teh energy to do the other work, but I don't believe that they are the solution to the problem.

mattsmom81 · Nov 19, 2002

"Giving unsolicited advice is also a major symptom of the disease. Does that sound familiar to any of you? "

Well at the risk of being called a bytch, we ARE ALL sharing here...and this is quite a rude comment to make, IMHO. And if this was directed at ME...well this IS a thread about nurses with depression and I have been there....just telling my story.

I guess I will refrain from further posting here since it has been suggested our sharing may be 'unsolicited advice'. Anyone wishing to correspond with me may PM me, as always. :)

Youda · Nov 19, 2002

I think Sunnybrook's comment about unsolicited advice was a characteristic, as she saw it, of co-dependent behavior, not depression (although a person can certainly be co-dependent and also be depressed, but one doesn't necessarily assume the other).

Every day that goes by researchers are finding that depression is not a "mental disease" but a physical disease no different from diabetes caused by chemical imbalances. Codependence, on the other hand, is a behavioral pattern that has, at least so far, not been known to have its roots in any physical cause.

As far as giving or taking unsolicited advice at allnurses, I don't see it as unsolicited advice. When someone shares their story or asks for advice, they are likely to get it here, including some not-so-comfortable responses. As soon as someone posts something, it is understood that they are going to get feedback or dialogue of some kind. A person can never grow or learn unless they get out of the isolation of their own thoughts and get some new viewpoints and perspectives, new ideas.

sphinx, BSN, RN · Nov 19, 2002

mattsmom, I hope you will not refrain from posting.....I can see where you may be upset by Sunnybrooke comment, but consider perhaps she didn't mean it the way it came across to you. I'm not her, so I can't say what her thought process was/is, but don't go on account of that.

Now, an update. As I mentioned, I had an appointment with my psychiatrist this morning. I left with plenty of time to get there, as I am a big worrier, to where I set all my clocks fast, so I won't be late. Well, I got on the express way near my house and ran into the traffic jam from hell. I sat there an hour before being made to turn around (3 rows of traffic turning around into 1 lane) and getting off a closed on ramp. By this time I was going backwwards, knew without the expressway it would take quite a bit longer to get there, so I called the office to make sure they'd see me (I recalled they have a "15 minute" policy), and of course, he could not/would not, as he was leaving earlier. I was sitting in my car, parked, sobbing over my cell phone saying I really needed to see him and all she could give me was 12/2. I asked to please at least have him call me. When I got home, they called and can get me in Friday. Of course I had to reschedule my son's therapy which I'd already scheduled because of my surgery last week as well, but that was no problem. So...hopefully Frdai will be better.

Lest anyone think I am avoid my doctor by changing my appointment last week post-op, and then this, I've included a link to the news story. I was very self centered and upset until I found out the accident was fatal, then I felt like a real s*** for even letting it bother me.

http://www.rnews.com/Story.cfm?ID=7062&rnews_story_type=18

bye, ya all have a good night

Youda · Nov 19, 2002

One thing about getting older is that you start to get an incredible amount of patience that would have been impossible in your teens, twenties, thirties . . .

I no longer expect to feel better "today" or this week, maybe not even next month or this year. A missed appointment, in the grand scheme of things, means nothing. The only thing that matters is if you keep trying. Because, us depressives, we all know what happens when you stop trying . . . So, hang in there, sphinx.

And, MattsMom, you get your butt back here! :):):):):):)

Nursing & Depression

Nurses and Depression/Anxiety