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carpe_de_em

carpe_de_em

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I have been a "Jack of all Trades" in my 25 years of nursing. I always go back to LTC and geriatrics.

carpe_de_em's Latest Activity

  1. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    sphinx--i'm glad you are getting something done about one of your problems. my heart goes out to you. your hurt, emotional and physical pain are a lot to bear. younda--I thought your reply to sphinx about possible physical problems was really good. you are a thoughtful and caring person. sjoe--lol at your "all in the head" comment. That one goes straight to my sister, who struggles w/ depression but has a wonderful sense of humor. psychnurse--what is a "blunted affect?' i cannot understand my moods and their changes. yesterday i slept all day. this am i fought a panic attact. pulse 160, resp 44, throat tight, etc. tonight i feel pretty good, just don't ask me to go out of the house. that leads to panic attacks. it never gets better. i've struggled w/ this stuff for 20+ years and am sick of it. sick of going to doctors. sick of not knowing how i am going to feel the nest day, let alone the next minute! it's never going to end and that is what ticks me off. i feel cheated out of so much. i haven't enjoyed a holiday in years. and now christmeas is upon us. my only strengths are: sheer determanation to live, a healty relationship w/ my significant other, and my faith in God. but, boy, i'm tired.
  2. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    I am excited to be back. I was off for a few days changing servers so I have missed out pages 16-18. I have printed them in hopes of cathcing up. I'm begining to wonder. I am on some of the heavistmeds for depression/anxiety made. I feel like ****. My depression/anxiety is as bad if not worse than it's been in two years. I think about tapering off. I mean if they aren't doing and good. I can be just as depressed w/o meds as w/ them and be free of side affects.
  3. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    I am excited to be back. I was off for a few days changing servers so I have missed out pages 16-18. I have printed them in hopes of cathcing up. I'm begining to wonder. I am on some of the heavistmeds for depression/anxiety made. I feel like ****. My depression/anxiety is as bad if not worse than it's been in two years. I think about tapering off. I mean if they aren't doing and good. I can be just as depressed w/o meds as w/ them and be free of side affects.
  4. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    I am excited to be back. I was off for a few days changing servers so I have missed out pages 16-18. I have printed them in hopes of cathcing up. I'm begining to wonder. I am on some of the heavistmeds for depression/anxiety made. I feel like ****. My depression/anxiety is as bad if not worse than it's been in two years. I think about tapering off. I mean if they aren't doing and good. I can be just as depressed w/o meds as w/ them and be free of side affects.
  5. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    Sphinx--I don't know where you live, but my mom had terrible GI distress. One day she was talking to a friend who worked at the water plant that supplied her area. He told her he didn't care what tests and standards they had to meet--they met them-- but he said, he said not under any circumstances to drink the water. She went to distilled water and the only time she's had GI trouble since, was when she told herself it was crazy--water couldn't do that to you-- and she went back to tap water and her sx returned. Just a thought.
  6. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    my depression is till out of control. i only leave the house when i have to or if sig/othr is w/ me. i want to sleep all day, i don't want to talk to anyone. I wish there was no tomorrow. I cried again last nite. i see my doc today--the one that asked for resourses to prove Adderol use in treatment resistant depression. I only have three articles. I tried mdzine, nursezine, medscape and veritasmedicine. Either they had no info or they wanted money for it' I could still use some help from research hounds. I can provide e-mail address (which is also in my profile) or a fax # if anyone can help. since it finally accepted my previous post i am sending this b4 it changes it's mind. I have tried 8-10 times in the last 3-4 days to post but run into rejection everytime. you all have become a sourse of strength for me. i hate not being able to respond when you hurt. i try over and over and cannot get through. if this message doesn't go i'm going to throw something!!
  7. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    i have been trying to post a reply for days i geta 'vbulletin' that says i cannot access the site i go to the bottom of the box, delete 'unregistered' and type in my name and pasword. sometimes i get the same box again i repeat the above and get the same responce again sometimes i get a reply page full of goodies i don't know how to use but it has my name 'carpe_de_em' on the top and says i am logged in i scrool down and type heart and soul and when i submit the reply, i get the same box. i have tried contacting allnurses but get no responce this is the third time this am i have tried to post this reply can anyone help???
  8. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    SPHINX: you and i are in the same boat. i went to the local hosp ER last night d/t severe depression. they set me up w/ a social worker to see today who would take care of everything (lol) i guess you know how that went. I can go 45 miles to nearest psych unit. but i've been there/done that. multiple hospitalization have taught me they accomplish little. After the intake on tues, I will get to see a Psychiatriast in november. So much for emergent care. No one cares how i feel. i sat in the bathroom floor and cried for a half hour last nite, them fought thoughts of suicide all night. I recently moved here and have no friends. I have no one to talk to. I hate to dump this on my significant other. it's not his responsibility to fix it. plus i'm afraid he will turn out like other boyfriends--dump at the first sign of distress. So I hide it from him as much as possible.
  9. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    Depression is engufing my life. I make myself get up, shower and put on make-up. Sometimes I have to go out. Everything exhausts me. I am trying to walk daily while the fall weather is nice. So many chores await my attention, they will have to keep waiting. My lkife is unmanageable and I fee powerless to change it.
  10. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    HELP! I NEED SOM HELP FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO RESEARCH AN UNCOMMON TOPIC ON THE PROFESSIONAL (NOT LAY-PERSON) LEVEL My previous psych doc gave me Adderel for severe Treatment Resistant Depression. Now I've moved and my new psych doc will not prescribe it unless I can come up with documentation for use of Adderel in adults. Can anyone help?
  11. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    HELP! I NEED SOM HELP FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO RESEARCH AN UNCOMMON TOPIC ON THE PROFESSIONAL (NOT LAY-PERSON) LEVEL My previous psych doc gave me Adderel for severe Treatment Resistant Depression. Now I've moved and my new psych doc will not prescribe it unless I can come up with documentation for use of Adderel in adults. Can anyone help?
  12. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    SmilingBlueEyes: my heart goes out to you, I can't imagine the loss you must feel. I can understand depression. It is a serious illness and a real threat. Life threatening. Hope can be hard to find when you have a disease that's sole purpose is to rob you of hope. Sphinx: Are you my double??? Been on every antidepressant known to man. Been (and am) on anti-psychotics Been on Lithium (tried to tell them I wasn't bi-polar but would take a manic day every now and then, just to get some things done.) Been to a dozen or more therapists Hospitalized for psych illness 5 times Suicide attempts, too. Add in a General Anxiety Disorder, Treatment Resistant Depression, PTSD, panic attacts My previous doctor put me on Adderal for the depression, it saved my life and made me functional, now I've moved and my doc wont prescribe it. I can feel I am begining to sink into the deep.
  13. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    As the summer sun shortens the days, so my hope begins to fade. crying is the only constant. the "cancer of the soul" is coming out of remission. i cling to my God, not knowing why this sickness has haunted me for 20 years. i want no part of life. i walk through each day blindly, hiding fear with a mask of bravado--after all, it's not brave if you're not scared. there is a shadow that clings to me, trying to overwhelm me with it's with it's dark clouds of shame. to fight takes energy, but the battle has been long and the fear of lost battles haunt me. extreem fatigue, hopelessness are aching deep within me.
  14. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    ABOUT THE QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW THE MEDS MAKE YOU FEEL. MANY PEOPLE WONDER IF WE GET A 'HIGH' OR 'BUZZ'. THE ANSWER IS NO. THESE MEDS HELP ME FEEL NORMAL. I KNOW PEOPLE WHO USE XANAX AS A STREET DRUG AND SAY THEY GET A HIGH OFF OF IF. BUT FOR ME IT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I DON'T TAKE IT. MY HANDS AND LEGS SHAKE UNCONTROLABLY, I GET TEARFULL AND CRY CONSTANTLY, I CAN BECOME SUICIDAL. I HAVE A MAJOR PANIC ATTACK. THE CELEXA IS THE SAME WAY, I DON'T GET HIGH, I FEEL MORE NORMAL. WITHOUT IT I WOULD FEEL LIKE I WAS SINKING TO THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN, WITH ALL THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ON ME. THERE IS NO ENERGY OR REASON TO TRY TO FIGHT MY WAY UP. I JUST CONTINUE TO SINK. AS I SAID BEFORE, THE BEST DEFINITION IF DEPRESSION IS "CANCER OF THE SOUL" IT ROBS YOU OF ALL HOPE, YOU SEE NO OPTIONS, NO REASON TO LIVE, NO POSSIBILITY OF THINGS GETTING BETTER. YOU SEE ONLY FAILURE AND FEEL ONLY THE PAIN OF NOTHINGNESS. IT IS A DEADLY DISEASE!!!
  15. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    I,TOO, AM ON CELEXA. I THINK IT HAS HELPED A LOT. MY OPINION ON TALK THERAPY IS MIXED. FINDING A TRULY GOOD THERAPIST IS NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE. THEY CHARGE OUTRAGEOUS FEES, YOU TELL THEM YOU ARE EXTREMELY DEPRESSED, MISS A VISIT B/C YOU AN'T GET OUT OF BED. AND INSTEAD OF CALLING TO SEE IF YOU ARE OK, THEY JUST CHARGE YOU FOR THE MISSED APPOINTMENT. I HAVE ONLY HAD ONE GOOD THREAPIST IN 20 YEARS. WHEN I LEFT HER OFFICE EACH TIME I FELT LIKE I HAD OPTIONS IN LIFE AND THE STRENGTH TO ATTEMPT THEM. MY BEST "THERAPY" WAS A GOOD GIRLFRIEND WHO HAD BEEN A HERION ADDICT. SHE HAD ETREME ANXIETY AND UNDERSTOOD WHEN I TOLD HER I WAS AFRAID TO BE OUT AFTER DARK, SHE KNEW WHAT PANIC ATTACKS WERE LIKE, SHE, TOO, LIVED WITH DEEP DEPRESSION, WE DRANK TONDS OF COFFEE, AND LEARNED TO LAUGH AT OURSELVES AND THE STUPID, IRRITATING EMOTIONAL TURMOIL WE LIVED WITH. SHE HAS MOVE AWAY NOW BUT WE STILL FEEL CONECTED AT THE HEART. I DID MORE HEALING DURING THAT TWO YEAR FRIENDSHIP THAN I DID IN ALL MY YEARS OF THERAPY! IF ANYONE NEEDS AN UNDERSTANDING SHOULDER, LET ME KNOW!
  16. carpe_de_em

    Nursing & Depression

    IT'S NICE TO SEE SOME MAJOR HONESTY HERE, IT WOULD BE NICE IF COULD OCCUR SOMEWHERE BESIDES BEHIND A CLOSED MED ROOM DOOR. I HAVE HAD SEVERAL SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, SEVERAL PSYCH ADMISSIONS, BEEN TO MORE COUNSELORS THAT I CAN COUNT. I AM ON AN ANTIDEPRESSANT, ANTI-ANXIETY AGENT, ANTI-PSYCHOTIC, AND A MOOD ELEVATOR. I HONESTLY BELIEVE I'VE BEEN ON EVERY ANTI-DEPRESSANT EVER MADE. (REMEMBER, I'VE BEEN FIGHTING THIS FOR 20 YEARS,) ALSO ON LITHIUM FROM ONE UNCARING DOC THAT SAW ME ONCE AND WROTE ME OFF AS BIPOLAR...WHAT I'D GIVE FOR A DAY OR TO OF MANIA!!! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I HAVE FINALLY FOUND A SURPRISING PLACE WHERE I FEEL I AM GETTING REAL HELP. BELIEVE IT OR NOT IT IS ALCOHOLICS ANOMYOUS. I AM NOT ALCOHOLIC, BUT A FRIEND OF MINE IS. I STARTED GOING TO OPEN MEETINGS. REPLACE THE WORD ALCOHOLC WITH DEPRESSION/ANXIETY AND IT FITS ME TO A TEE. JUST LOOK AT THE FIRST 3 OF THE TWELVE STEPS: 1. WE ADMITTED THAT WE WERE POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL (DEPRESSION/ANXIETY)--THAT OUR LIVES HAVE BECOME UNMANAGEABLE. 2. CAME TO BELIEVE THAT A POWER GREATER THAN URSELVES COULD RESTORE US TO SANITY. 3. MADE A DECISION TO TURN OUR WILL AND OUR LIVES OVER TO THE CARE OF GOD AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM. I'VE TRIED TO TELL THE SERIOUSNESS OF MY DISEASE THAT I REFERRED TO ABOVE TO PEOPLE I THOUGHT WERE CLOSE FRIENDS AND BELIEVE ME, THEY DROP LIKE FLIES. PEOPLE IN AA JUST HUG YOU AND SAY "I'VE BEEN THERE." SOME OF THEM HAVE STORIES THAT MAKE MY LIFE LOOK LIKE A WALK IN THE PARK. FOR THE FIRST TIME I HAVE HOPE. THESE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND UNMANAGEABLE LIVES AND A NEED TO BE RESTORED TO SANITY. I SEE SOMETHING IN THEM I WANT.