He doesn't want her to work. Is it fair?

Nurses General Nursing

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my friend's (ill call Vanessa) Fiancé just made partner at this law firm. she tells me he make big time money. She graduated from school to be a nurse anesthetist working in trauma surgery and makes good money. They met while she was in school.

Now that Vanessa is doing her own thing, he really doesn't want her to work because of the irregular hours. she sometimes have to get up at 2 am for work. She says its getting to him and he doesn't want her to work anymore; so when they get married he'll take care of her. Vanessa said that she worked hard to get where she is at (all that time and money). Do you all think its fair she has to quit her job because he doesn't like the crazy hours? he knew what he was getting into when they met. come on she saving lives here!

Specializes in Gyn/STD clinic tech.

there needs to be serious discussion as to what each of them expect, your friend and her fiance'. imo it is a red flag for anyone to make "demands". the only demand anyone should make is for respect.

i have been married for 6 years, so i am not exactly trying to give advice without any experience. he makes a lot of money, and incredible amount of money, and while our schedules do conflict a lot, we always make time for each other on a daily basis. he would never ask me to quit my job, he loves to see me happy, and nursing makes me happy.

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I don't see any reason why she should quit working. He has not right to ask/demand that of her. However, they are getting married, and I firmly believe that things like this need to be agreed upon by both parties involved. As a crna, she will definitely be required be some irregular hours, but i think she should look for a job with more regular hours. I am getting married next summer and I know that i wouldn't want my fiance working in the middle of the night (and she wouldn't want me doing it either) unless there was no other option. When you get married your life is no longer just about you and what you want. It's about you AND your spouse and what is best for you as a couple. If you're not willing to make sacrifices don't bother getting married. That being said, he has no right whatsoever to tell her to stop working.

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there needs to be serious discussion as to what each of them expect, your friend and her fiance'. imo it is a red flag for anyone to make "demands". the only demand anyone should make is for respect.

apparently, this scenario is stirring up a lot of women to the point where it's confusing things. lets consider an alternate situation. lets say a man is an expert in his field and say he's a scientist that does who knows what with rain forests and thus the only way he can continue his work and follow his dream is to be living in a city in brazil. his girlfriend is a performer/dancer/etc and has always dreamed of joining a troupe in venice and being surrounded by theater life.

does he have the right to demand that she move to brazil with him and give up her dream? absolutely. it's not about control as yet another man hater has chimed in. nor would i in any way expect her to submit. she has to follow her dreams the same as he does. and she has the same right to demand he relocate. if both refuse, then it just gives them an honest opportunity to start over with someone they can actually be happy with, without sacrificing their dreams.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho, ASC.

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document.png Re: He doesn't want her to work. Is it fair?

Originally Posted by Blackheartednurseviewpost.gif

I also dont understand why there is a constant flow of threads such as "Hospital romances,doc dating nurses blahaha" on this site,dont people have better ideas and nursing problems than that?

Yawn....................

The constant flow of "I don't understand why anyone is responding to this / this is none of our business" messages is equally perplexing.

It's a discussion board. Careers and relationships get discussed. "

Of course careers and relationships are discussed. What I find surprising is the interest in 2nd and 3rd-hand stories. I can't quite summon an interest in someone's cousin's sister-in-law's history....I would be much more interested in discussing issues with those involved. Involved parties tend to give straighter, more accurate first-hand histories. They are vested in the story, and I would find it worthwhile to respond to their questions/concerns.

However, when I see the 2nd/3rd party stories, I immediately assume them to be speculative, biased and not worthy of our 4th party speculation.

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document.png Re: He doesn't want her to work. Is it fair?

Originally Posted by Blackheartednurseviewpost.gif

I also dont understand why there is a constant flow of threads such as "Hospital romances,doc dating nurses blahaha" on this site,dont people have better ideas and nursing problems than that?

Yawn....................

The constant flow of "I don't understand why anyone is responding to this / this is none of our business" messages is equally perplexing.

It's a discussion board. Careers and relationships get discussed. "

Of course careers and relationships are discussed. What I find surprising is the interest in 2nd and 3rd-hand stories. I can't quite summon an interest in someone's cousin's sister-in-law's history....I would be much more interested in discussing issues with those involved. Involved parties tend to give straighter, more accurate first-hand histories. They are vested in the story, and I would find it worthwhile to respond to their questions/concerns.

However, when I see the 2nd/3rd party stories, I immediately assume them to be speculative, biased and not worthy of our 4th party speculation.

Eh, at the end of the day....all stories are speculative. Even people who post their own stories are only giving their biased opinions. It's not really about getting involved in these peoples lives, it's more of a hypothetical opportunity to discuss. Does it matter if it happened to the poster? or the posters friend? or some girl she heard about at lunch? Or if it never happened at all? It's just a prompt to think. The only difference is you don't have the benefit of getting the other persons perspective.

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This story made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. In my humble opinion, this "problem" has nothing to do with her having to go to work at odd hours, it has everything to do with him trying to control her. If it were me I would run like the wind from this man while I could, and I do speak from experience. He doesn't want a true partner, he wants a trophy.

God I agree so much with your statement,he wants a trophy wife or even worse a housewife..I admire housewives (it s the hardest job raise kids and take care of the household) but I think that it is totally unfair of him to ask a women who put so much effort,time,passion and money into educating herself to turn into a house wife..obviously this women wants to follow other path which is having a career something more of life than just being a wife and a mother so why the heck he would think that she should give up so much of her dreams for him? Love? Please not worth it...All I see is that he his love is painted with selfishness.

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Apparently, this scenario is stirring up a lot of women to the point where it's confusing things. Lets consider an alternate situation. Lets say a man is an expert in his field and say he's a scientist that does who knows what with rain forests and thus the only way he can continue his work and follow his dream is to be living in a city in brazil. His girlfriend is a performer/dancer/etc and has always dreamed of joining a troupe in venice and being surrounded by theater life.

Does he have the right to demand that she move to brazil with him and give up her dream? Absolutely. It's not about control as yet another man hater has chimed in. Nor would I in any way expect her to submit. She has to follow her dreams the same as he does. And she has the same right to demand he relocate. If both refuse, then it just gives them an honest opportunity to start over with someone they can actually be happy with, without sacrificing their dreams.

The only person that seems to HATE something..that is- another person's point of view is YOU!

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Sounds as if this is a major life style issue that must be worked out now or the marriage will not work. Better to deal with it before the marriage, than to be getting a divorce after a year or two.

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The only person that seems to HATE something..that is- another person's point of view is YOU!

No, dear. I've accomodated for both of the people in this situation's point of view. I've already gone on in great length about her responsibilities to herself as well as his. You're the one that's HATING another persons point of view, his.

I especially like the part about housewives being worse then trophy wives. What with trophy wives serving no emotional value or purpose other then to make the man look good. House wives devote their lives, their time, their energy, their emotions into their family and there's really no less selfless act.

See, I'm all for empowered women. Go out, have your careers, live your lives, be independant. I'm perfectly accepting of your point of view on this. It's when you go on to say that any man that chooses differently for his own relationship is an evil, abusing, controlling pig that shows just how "open" to others beliefs you really are.

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Is anyone else reminded of that friends episode where the girls are so caught up in wind goddesses and how men are constantly trying to steal their thunder?

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