Published Jan 20, 2015
nurse1990
93 Posts
Just joined a nursing unit where the group is very tight knit and close. They all seem to be great friends and the atmosphere is positive. However, when I make attempts to join in on conversations I either get a one word response or ignored. I know this should be the LEAST of my worries as a nurse but I was wondering if you guys have any techniques you use to get acquainted with other nurses? I have never been the best socially, but have always been able to make friends.
I am a new grad and have been working here for a month. I feel nervous cause this is my first job and I did not think it would be so hard :/
ORNurseCOS
127 Posts
Are you a man or a women?
vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN
2,717 Posts
I would just be nice and friendly. If you try to push your way into their "clique" or circle, you might not be well received.
I think that if you just try to fit in and be nice, (kiss orifice) eventually, they'll come around.
And if they don't, forget about trying to be their friend, and just do a really good job as a nurse. Be helpful and upbeat and friendly. It worked for me.
Gooselady, BSN, RN
601 Posts
I disagree that it 'shouldn't matter' if you feel frozen out by the other nurses. It does matter. Your co-workers are people you need to be able to rely upon and vice versa. I don't understand that clique mentality at all, you'd think that a new nurse would be a positive thing on your unit, maybe you'll be able to get your exact vacation request now that staffing is par!
You're right that you aren't there to play with your friends, but unfortunately this does happen on some staffs and I would feel just like you. I am probably a couple of decades older than you and less easily intimidated by snark and cliquishness but I wasn't always. I'm still not loving that attitude at all, and would feel just like you do.
I agree with the above comment about being positive, friendly, polite, respectful and -- do a little favor for someone. Nothing huge! Just a little thing. "Want me to flush your IV in rm 304, it's beeping" or buy some candy in the gift shop and pour it in a bowl for everyone. Some nurses collect together in cliques out of pure self defense. Fears of being 'written up' for not crossing every t is common, unfortunately. Just know this has NOTHING to do with you, your qualities as a person or a nurse. If you have giant boogers hanging out of your nose though, that might account for some of it but if that isn't the case, consider the source. Act like you are JUST FINE with whatever one word reply, thank them, openly appreciate them without over doing it, and they'll see that you are 'safe' soon enough :)
Thanks for the responses! I am trying to be as nice and friendly. And they are nice back, just not very inclusive. Hopefully this will wear off over time :)
vanilla bean
861 Posts
Be patient and give it some time. As PPs have said, try to stay positive and be helpful. Try to make individual connections with some of the nurses and show some interest in them and possibly their hobbies or families. If you can find a common thread with some of them, they may start to warm up a bit. Even a few brief conversations over time can help. If you can get one or two on your side, they may make an effort to include you when together in a group.
StarShineRN
1 Post
It's a lot harder to make friends with a group than it is individuals. Look to make friends one person at a time, when the group dynamic isn't turned on and people are feeling defensive of their territory and their friends. Until you are a friend, you will be perceived as a threat (for whatever reason) when they are all together. But separately, that won't apply. Show interest in the individuals. Be nice. Ask to help. Compliment compliment compliment!
HolyPeas
86 Posts
Dont press too much. Keep your head down and work hard. This is sort of natural, unpleasant as it is. Offer a hand when you are available, take care of the patients, give it time. If things on the unit are generally positive they probably just need time to get to know you.
Libby1987
3,726 Posts
They're probably not so great at making friends themselves. Who knows what it took for them to become tight.
I tend to be careful around new nurses, it just takes awhile to build that comfort and familiarity. And trust. I can't get friendly with new employees before I know things like their work ethic amd such. Not that I'm unfriendly, but there's a guard there.
Just keep at it with the normal amount of nods and smiles.
jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B
9 Articles; 4,800 Posts
I am not sure you want to be inclusive. If they are being nice and kind, there's a sense of teamwork, just not getting you in on their conversation--I would just let it go.
Make sure your life outside of work is full. Inside work, polite, professional and team-work oriented is the goal.
I have gone into evaluations and have had positive comments regarding my non-participation in the chit/chat stuff--there's many surveys that come back with patients who say "the nurses where chatting and laughing at the nurse's station and I was ignored!" perceptions of care issues--I will say hi, I smile, nod, and go about my day. There can be great teamwork without the personal connection. Your personal connections should be outside of the workplace.
Best wishes!
LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN
8,429 Posts
I am not sure you want to be inclusive. If they are being nice and kind, there's a sense of teamwork, just not getting you in on their conversation--I would just let it go.Make sure your life outside of work is full. Inside work, polite, professional and team-work oriented is the goal.I have gone into evaluations and have had positive comments regarding my non-participation in the chit/chat stuff--there's many surveys that come back with patients who say "the nurses where chatting and laughing at the nurse's station and I was ignored!" perceptions of care issues--I will say hi, I smile, nod, and go about my day. There can be great teamwork without the personal connection. Your personal connections should be outside of the workplace.Best wishes!
THIS-well said.
There are ways to socialize outside of your job, even with fellow nurses; you don't necessarily have to socialize with those nurses, only except for clinical reasons.
I'm in the camp that another poster stated-don't press it.