Having a hard time deciding what on to do with my life

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I am a city person 100% even though I am from a rural area. I lived in a major city, 4 hours away from my hometown, until this past spring. I moved back home because I accepted a top-notch gov. job (still in nursing), but it was retracted after I moved back because of the budget. I put in numerous applications around here (my hometown) and in Chicago (the city I moved from and loved), but I got nothing, no calls, no hits - and I have 5 yrs experience. I couldn't get my old job back because the hospital policy states no rehires until after 1 year. Being stuck in this rut, I decided to go back to school and complete a BSN program that I started a few years ago. In hindsight, there was NO way I could have passed the accelerated BioChem last summer if I had a job, so in a way I think that all of this happened for a reason. I recently found a hospital job in the same town as my university and I love it.

Ok, here is my "big" calamity. I am going to be done with my BSN in a year. I LOVE this uni. And the great thing is, if I complete my BSN through them and rock a high GPA, I can get into their MSN program and not take the GRE. My current GPA is rockin', and they have a MSN program in clinical leadership, which is right up my alley. The MSN program is an accelerated 18 month program and I've heard rave reviews about it from my coworkers. So when I do the math, I can either get my BSN, and in a year I can move back to CHI and move on with life. I'll hopefully get my old job backm, and later I'm sure I'd try to get into a Chicago university for my MSN. With that said, I'll probably have to take the GRE and commute across town for classes in heavy traffic or on the el - yuck to both!

Option 2 - I can stay here for *almost* 3 more years and finish my MSN here.

The latter makes the most sense. But....I love the city and long to be back in a way. Oh, and, wouldn't you know, I am still in love with my ex boyfriend, and he is reclaimning his love for me again and can't wait for me to move back next year. Arrgh. Ok, Ok, he is the main reason I want to move back after my BSN. I am going on 32 years old, so my *clock* is starting to tick. It would be nice to move back, be content with the BSN, and settle down with him and put MSN on the backburner. BUT...there is a chance we won't work out, and then I'm sure I'll be kickin' myself. We broke up last winter because he was diagnosed with a severe case of hemochromotosis and he freaked out on me and a lot of people because his liver is pretty damaged from his 7500 iron level, and he is a social drinker, which probbaly hasn't helped. He simply wanted to be alone, I can't say that I blame him. He was getting phone call after phone call of bad news, he said he felt like he was going to drop dead soon and he didn't want to putme through that, hence, he dumped me.

We are back on, he is doing much better, and we are doing the LDR thing right now and it's working out OK, but he thinks I'm moving back in a year after I graduate, assuming that I can find a job (man, it's rough out there). I know him well, and I know he won't go for a LDR for 3 more years.

If I do stay here and finish the MSN at this uni, I will definetely move back to CHi when I'm done. and with a MSN, I will probably be able to find a nice job with many doors opening. But that is a LONG way off. It is the wisest thing to do, but at my age, settling down is pretty important, too. I just don't know what to do.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Go with your heart!!!:redpinkhe

Up Vote Up Vote ×

No brainer!

You've got a ticking clock and a ticking boyfriend with physical and emotional issues. Get your BSN, go to work, see if you can work it out with Mr. Wonderful then go back and get your MSN at your convenience.

You don't really give any reason to stay and do an MSN immediately other than taking a test and dealing with traffic. Can you imagine this conversation, "Gee, Mr. Wonderful, I would really like to see if we can make it work and start an exciting life and family together, but I would have to take a test and possibly spend a lot of time in traffic."

If you can easily imagine that conversation, then DTMFA.

Good luck!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I feel ridiculous for unwinding like this on a forum, but I'm really conflicted. I LOVE this univeristy. It is extremely organized, the classes are very small, my advisor is the best and she'll be my advisor during the MSN, too. Another *advantage* is, I am currenlty living with my folks. Ok, it sux, but it's really a great help. I am saving money and it takes a burden off me. When I was in Chicago and tried getting my BSN, I ended up dropping because I could never make it to my class on time. I was always getting off my shift late - 45 minutes on average, up to 1.5 hours on a bad day, then I'd hit traffic and it was all over. Here, I am 5 minutes away from everything. And since I'm living with my folks, I can cut back on my work hours if I need extra study time for finals, or whatever, and not worry about making ends meet.

When I talk to my friends, they dont' know either. Half of them tell me to stay here and finish my education - that he shouldn't have dumped me to begin with and I can't count on him. Others tell me to move back, ONLY, if I have a ring on my finger (which I doubt is going to happen between now and 1 year). I get him and his reasons for dumping me. He had himself and this terrible disease to hone in on, but it did stink for me majorly. I was love sunk badly for a couple months before it got any better. The pain didn't really ease for me until I moved back home. And then he called me a couple months ago, apologized, explained, cried. I love him more than ever and I want things to work out for us if I move back, but I am just not sure they will.

Uggh!!!! I just do't know what to do!! I still have time to think about it, I just want to make sure I'm making a wise decision.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Hmm...Ms. City Girl is complaining about traffic again. In detail. Details about wonderful life with Mr. Wonderful are noticeably missing.

I officially now think that you really don't want to be with Mr. Wonderful (for whatever reason) and that you are determined to use the "City Girl Hates City Traffic" as a method of getting away from him. You also seem to want someone - apparently anyone - to point this out to you.

When someone is really determined to be with someone, they put up with anything to be with them. Nothing else matters - the other person can abuse drugs/alcohol, run up joint credit cards, cheat on them with their friends/family, beat them, be from another species, steal, whatever.

Your guy is, what? - Sick and indecisive with, in your opinion, reasonable excuses for his past behavior? And traffic is still all you can talk about?

Dump this guy already and get your MSN. It's obviously what you really want to do.

Sorry to be so glib and deconstructive about your intensely personal issues, but, hey, you posted em!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Derm/Wound Care/OP Surgery/LTC.

I spent a lot of years letting "love" dictate what I was going to do with my life. A lot of wasted years. If this love of yours is true and real...then he will love and respect you for going after your dream. He wouldn't want to hold you back. He'd want to see you excel and succeed. I would stick to pursuing your goal of getting your MSN. His reasons for letting you go were selfless...and that was very kind of him. But, you need to do this for you. You'll spend your life wondering what could have/would have been if you don't.

My husband now wouldn't dream of letting me put my career goals on hold. He knows how important they are to me. If your man really loves you, he'd want you to spread your wings...

If he loves you, hon...a three year LDR is a drop in the bucket. He'd wait for you no matter what.

Do what's best for YOU. It's okay to be a little selfish now and then.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Derm/Wound Care/OP Surgery/LTC.
Hmm...Ms. City Girl is complaining about traffic again. In detail. Details about wonderful life with Mr. Wonderful are noticeably missing.

I officially now think that you really don't want to be with Mr. Wonderful (for whatever reason) and that you are determined to use the "City Girl Hates City Traffic" as a method of getting away from him. You also seem to want someone - apparently anyone - to point this out to you.

When someone is really determined to be with someone, they put up with anything to be with them. Nothing else matters - the other person can abuse drugs/alcohol, run up joint credit cards, cheat on them with their friends/family, beat them, be from another species, steal, whatever.

Your guy is, what? - Sick and indecisive with, in your opinion, reasonable excuses for his past behavior? And traffic is still all you can talk about?

Dump this guy already and get your MSN. It's obviously what you really want to do.

Sorry to be so glib and deconstructive about your intensely personal issues, but, hey, you posted em!

Wow. That was warm and compassionate. *sarcasm*

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Life is about decisions, decisions, decisions. I am old enough to understand that I have to look out for myself, just as he did when he dumped me. The way he dumped me was brutal. He said some very hateful things, and it all came from nowhere. When he called me a couple months ago to explain and apologize, he said he was hateful b/c of the stress he was under from his diagnosis, and because he just wanted me to go away. He didn't want me around, so he thought if he acted like a jerk, that I would just leave him be (which I did). He thought that if he expalined to me that he didn't want me to go through this with him, that I wouldn't accept that and that I would not let him go, which is just what he needed/wanted.

I am (thankfully) past that age/stage of the girl you just described. I love him, but I also love myself a lot more and I never want to go throught that pain again of being dumped by him so rash. I like to believe that it will all be a fairytale if I move back to be with him, but I am also a wise woman who knows that failrytales don't always happen. I do love the city and I'll be back in wither 1 year with the BSN... or in 3 years with a MSN.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER, ICU.

cherrybaby is correct. and do the thing that will make you happy. life is short, enjoy it...

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Wow. That was warm and compassionate. *sarcasm*

Thank you. I'm all about giving!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC- as CNA, L&D, Current- Oncology.

"When someone is really determined to be with someone, they put up with anything to be with them. Nothing else matters - the other person can abuse drugs/alcohol, run up joint credit cards, cheat on them with their friends/family, beat them, be from another species, steal, whatever."

This quote seems a little nutty to me!! No offense man but being with someone I loved "no matter what".....including he BEATS ME and CHEATS on me with a FAMILY member! That would be a big ADIOS and I hope (for your sake) to never see your sorry ass again to Mr. Boyfriend! geeez :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Hmm...Ms. City Girl is complaining about traffic again. In detail. Details about wonderful life with Mr. Wonderful are noticeably missing.

I officially now think that you really don't want to be with Mr. Wonderful (for whatever reason) and that you are determined to use the "City Girl Hates City Traffic" as a method of getting away from him. You also seem to want someone - apparently anyone - to point this out to you.

When someone is really determined to be with someone, they put up with anything to be with them. Nothing else matters - the other person can abuse drugs/alcohol, run up joint credit cards, cheat on them with their friends/family, beat them, be from another species, steal, whatever.

Your guy is, what? - Sick and indecisive with, in your opinion, reasonable excuses for his past behavior? And traffic is still all you can talk about?

Dump this guy already and get your MSN. It's obviously what you really want to do.

Sorry to be so glib and deconstructive about your intensely personal issues, but, hey, you posted em!

:chuckle:smokin: That was interesting to read!!! Nice psychoanalitic criticism!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment