Have I proceeded correctly?

[Persephone Paige]

I just had a positive test for Alcohol. I didn't drink.

I'm almost 3 years in to a 5 year contract in Fl's IPN.

I'm not a delicate flower. I didn't dissolve into tears, I was LIVID. Immediately upon hearing what she had to say, I asked for a pEth test. I was told 'no' and that the protocol for a positive etoh is to test specimen B of the split screen and go for an eval. I have NEVER in my entire LIFE tested positive for alcohol. Alcohol is just not my thing and never was.

I told her I would think about it and hung up on her! Immediately I got my own order for a pEth test and self urine tested, just for overkill. I have support systems in place and discussed all of this with my group, we met the same night for our regular weekly group. I kept raging and got a lot of good feedback on how to keep this in perspective and to remember that it was my actions that put me here. That helped me, because despite how angry I am, staying in a 'victim' spot is never a good choice for me.

I've been at this long enough so that although I do carry a degree of guilt and shame, I don't let it keep me from standing up for myself when I truly feel something is not right. One of the suggestions I got from my group was to go ahead and have the split screen tested. I was operating with the notion that if I hadn't drank, it must be contamination. And if they retested, would they use a second specimen to try and hang me. Then I learned about 'incidental' exposure. And I had taken Apple Cider Vinegar for joint pain and inflammation. There is no ALCOHOL listed on the label. A friend of mine in group had tested positive for etoh in treatment from red wine vinegar. I contacted my case manager who always very kind ( she's not the one I hung up on ) and deposited the additional $55 dollars in Affinity to cover the cost of the split screen. Spent $249 in less than 24 hours attempting to prove my innocence.

I was told later to do any test I wanted, no test result from this point on was going to negate a positive etoh. Which is fine. I'm not looking to negate the positive, I'm looking to establish a 'look back' through a pEth so that the time the specimen was submitted is surrounded by other days, before and after. If I didn't act then, that time would elapse and it would be easier for them to try and say I'm drinking. And, I'm in the process of setting up the eval. They will request a hair test, another pEth, fingernail and urine. That is all a ok. I am one of the fortunate that can withstand the cost of anything they throw at me. And I'm convinced that's what it takes.

I had an email war going. I asked them why it took 8 days to report a positive urine? Weren't they supposed to be protecting the public from me? I asked them what has my urine been doing for 8 days, fermenting? After that last message, I was given THAT day only to retest the rescreen. I didn't get the message till 6pm. So, I missed the window. What was my urine doing for 8 days? Why did it take them so long to notify a nurse who had a positive for etoh? I could've been on an 8 day bender! I wasn't, but that's beside the point. And, they wanted to retest the same urine. Something is weird about this.

I'm in the process of setting up the eval. I started calling THAT day, the person in my area has yet to return my phone call. So, I'll probably have to go a city away. It's impossible to do this stuff quickly. Then, once I get an appointment, I have to give IPN 72 business hours to fax the info to the person I selected. SO glad I had that pEth test done myself, mind you. Time is ticking away... Time to let them look back during the time the positive screen was collected.

Can you think of anything else I can do to be proactive? I do not mind being tested, I do not mind another evaluation. But I would be devastated if I lost my time in monitoring. I would like to say here that the person who is my full time case manager is very kind. Just the battle axe who covered for her on her day off was not and I gave as well as I got. The way I see it is, I'm required to comply. There is nothing in my contract that implies I'm a whipping boy. So, I stood up for myself and I always come out swinging.

[Eris Discordia BSN, RN]

This entire thread felt like watching the Titanic slowly sink...like, you're sitting there watching innocent people die thanks to the incompetence of others...you hate it, but you know that ship is going down no matter how unfair it is!!!

Only instead of smacking down on the ocean floor in defeat, Persephone here went and rewrote monitoring history, beat the depressing "destiny" she seemed fated to, and she bobbed right back up to the surface, sailing off into the sunset like the Greek goddess she is named after! Goddess and Queen of the Underworld indeed!

I now have a new role model in life!

[catsmeow1972, BSN, RN]

Queen of the Underworld indeed!!!! Thank you Eris!!, I had not made that connection. Sailing the river Styx of monitoring....oh geez, now I'm having a visual of Cerberus, the hound of Hades as a case manager preventing one from leaving monitoring/the underworld/Hades, same difference.

Oh I need to stop.....

But in all seriousness, I too have a new role model when it comes to standing up for myself.

Persephone, a standing ovation to you for standing your ground against these bullies.

[Eris Discordia BSN, RN]

Queen of the Underworld indeed!!!! Thank you Eris!!, I had not made that connection. Sailing the river Styx of monitoring....oh geez, now I'm having a visual of Cerberus, the hound of Hades as a case manager preventing one from leaving monitoring/the underworld/Hades, same difference.

Oh I need to stop.....

But in all seriousness, I too have a new role model when it comes to standing up for myself.

Persephone, a standing ovation to you for standing your ground against these bullies.

Greek mythology, gotta love it. Exactly why I chose my username...Eris is the Greek goddess of strife and discord...at the time, it seemed perfect to describe my place in nursing and monitoring :-)

[SpankedInPittsburgh, DNP, RN]

Way to go Perse!!!! You stood to the Nazi horde and you kicked butt. Way to hang tough and not cave. As far as processing this with you "support group" what garbage. I tell them nothing & nobody else has a real conversation either from fear of being reported by the "therapist". You guys are my support group & I can say honestly what's on my mind here. To hell with that weekly waste of time and money

[Persephone Paige, ADN]

Thanks everyone, I'm blushing. But mostly I'm just grateful, isn't that pathetic? Grateful I had nearly $1,300 to spend, to prove to IPN and my group what I already knew. I wasn't drinking... Grateful they didn't send me back to treatment, grateful I didn't have to start over. I was super down before this because I've had such a difficult time finding a job. THIS changed that. When I was in the middle of it, I was thinking OMG, what I wouldn't give to just be back where I was struggling to deal with unemployment. And what I wouldn't give for just the smallest human compassion from IPN. There was none to be found, it all came from you.

I've never ever fought a positive. Frankly, every positive I ever had was for Opiates and it was accurate. I've stood up for myself in other areas but this was completely different. It felt like fighting a Grizzly ( you go into it knowing you are probably going to lose, but you have to fight regardless ). I'm a believer in God, most times I feel like it's gonna be okay. He's my battery, he gave me a good and determined brain and a hard brain pan. I'm 49 and sometimes I feel too old to fight; too tired, too sad. But, this was the 19 y/o girl who fought my abusive 1st husband to get through nursing school.

This is what I've learned:

1. If you get a positive for anything get your numbers ( values ). Those values are everything. A free person ( we in IPN ain't free ) would get a call from an MRO, we would know those values up front. This tells you that it is or isn't incidental exposure. This lowers their suspicion immediately if it is with the incidental exposure range, but if they keep the values hidden from you they will put pressure on you to confess. Even if it isn't incidental exposure and you know you didn't drink/drug, still don't confess.

2. Go immediately and get some kind of drug screen. PEth worked for me because I had a positive for alcohol. Don't wait until the next day, do it then. Requestatest.com has labs you can order in the absence of a GP who can get you an order quickly.

3. Get in as quickly as possible to the evaluator. Their tests will speak for you when nobody believes a word you say ( and they won't ). Between your test and their tests being negative, you stand a chance.

4. I'm sober/clean almost 5 years. He tried to pick apart my program. But, the fact remains that apparently what I'm doing is working well for me. Don't go into that eval with your head hung low and ashamed of your program. Don't go in there with your head hung low about anything. Answer questions truthfully and look him in the eye.

5. Try not to cry. Crying won't do a bit of good and they may try and lock you up in the looney bin. Good grief... To the outside people, reading this stuff would sound crazy. But this is real life for us. Go in that room with your head held high and truth on your side.

I can't think of anything else. I'm so glad this is over. Again, thank you so much for your support. I was in such a dark space.

[rn1965, ADN]

I am 13 plus years clean and sober and I would lose my ever loving mind if I tested positive. You are a strong person.

I am 52 and I, too, fought my abusive first husband for the right to go to school. Were we married to the same man???? HAHAHA

[Babyj88, BSN]

So glad that they didn't make you start over. The least they coulda done was give you an apology since they won't give you your money back for they screw up. And for them to tell you to go to more group meetings.. what a joke I guess that's another way to get more money out of you if you have to pay to go each time.

[catsmeow1972, BSN, RN]

I do believe that you have vicariously made it possible for the rest of us (or at least me) to be able to walk around with our heads just a bit higher, knowing that there is someone out there that has fought the monster and WON!! And proved that are cracks in the machinations of this abusive system. Maybe this is the pebble that will start the mountainslide.....

[Persephone Paige, ADN]

Thank yall. I got the evaluation tool. The man was very fair and even favorable to me. IPN reported me as angry and defiant to him though. That was in my email to IPN on Friday. That every infraction from my contract 10+ years ago ( I wasn't ready to get sober yet ) was waiting for me, but nothing very nice regarding this contract. It was categorized as 'uneventful.' I'm sorry, but doing everything I'm supposed to do is pretty exciting in my book.

Anyway, I'm so grateful!!! And if my experience can help another nurse not get steam rolled, that will make me even happier.

[catsmeow1972, BSN, RN]

Angry and defiant? Gee I can't imagine why? I suppose 'uneventful' is the nicest thing they can come up with because to be complimentary would be well mind boggling because we are all 'bad nurses' who must be punished!!!

Whatever....I'm happy for you that it is over and the truth prevailed.....