Have you ever been bullied by someone who had seniority over you?

adhazelett, ASN, LVN, RN · Mar 26

I cant honestly say this person has seniority over me but day shift nurses where I work sure seem to run the place.
Anyway, I have noticed, unfortunately, that the day nurse that comes in and takes over for me has a special attitude. And it isn't a "good" attitude but everyone just smiles and goes on.
First, she acts like she knows EVERYTHING and shes only been a nurse about two years. I'm not saying I know it all cuz I know I don't but I've been a nurse over 30 years and have seen A LOT.
Second, she lies. And then she lies about lying and does so loudly and in front of an audience. This isn't exactly something I can counter professionally. I have attempted to let our manager know without it coming out like being a tattletale.
I am so burnt out in nursing. Am I just being overly sensitive? I feel like this day nurse is just doing whatever it takes to get ahead, no matter who it hurts.
Specific patient details I have documented so even if she does lie in these cases (& she has), I should be covered. But it is disconcerting to know the turn nursing has taken. I am more convinced than ever to leave the profession- soonest rather than later now.

stargaze · Mar 26

It is very sickening to see older nurses bully newer nurses, or certain group of ethnic group bullying a minority nurse. The problem isn't you, it's definitely them. Confident isn't display by belittling others! It is by supporting the ones that you see need a little help. To the bully nurses: be a better human being. Life is too short to be so petty and angry.

Oliver Cruz · Mar 26

I experienced my first days as a hospital nurse under a seasoned professional who regularly demeaned me before patients and staff. My hard work to succeed only brought endless vitriolic criticism from her regarding the smallest errors I made. I experienced shame while losing my self-assurance but understood I needed to continue forward. An older and more experienced colleague stepped in one day to support me after yet another insult by my critic. She confirmed that beginning your career as a first year nurse is common so no person can legitimately destroy your self-assurance. The discussion with my colleague let me regain my confidence and I went on to feel stronger in my abilities. The senior nurse displayed different behavior because I maintained my resolve against her negative comments. I understand from that experience why resilience stands crucial when facing challenges at work.

Hannahbanana, BSN, MSN · Mar 26

It's so important to have a balance between your sense of self, humility to realize that as a new nurse you have SO much to learn, and as the otherwise reprehensible Dr Phil points out, most people would be shocked if they knew how little other people thought about them at all.

If you feel bullied, start by asking yourself what inside yourself makes you feel that way. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

So do you secretly feel insecure about your lack of knowledge? Honestly? Turn that around and ask your coworker to show you how to do it better. Grit your teeth, smile, and say thank you.

Is it something personal they're digging at you, like age or ethnicity-based snidery? If you've been honest with yourself and eliminated anything that might trigger it in a professional setting (my personal snark triggers are Care Bears scrubs, nail art, and long hair on young'uns) then hey. Eh, any older person can tell you from lifetime experience that there are always going to be people like that. Grit teeth, smile, say thank you for the feedback, and turn away. Channel your inner Elsa and let it go.

Do you feel unsupported? Ask for support from somebody you trust, even if it's only standing near you mutely as a witness. That's often enough to make a real bully back off. And if your support might take the position that perhaps there's something to the criticism, remember that an open mind allows things to fall into it.

Expect escalation as your confidence begins to succeed, and do not ever let them know they're needling hits a mark. They'll give up and move on to someone else, the next new hire or transfer. And then what? Your reward will be to be the support to that person, the witness, the sounding board, the ally. And then prepare that person to join you in allyship for the next victim. Be the change you want to see.

I've seen a whole unit culture change over 15-18 months with this approach, as the newbies gain maturity, friendship and professional support grows, and the bullies lose their power.

beachynurse, ASN, BSN · Mar 28

I have been an RN for 40 years, and in that time I have had 2 bosses that were bullies. The first one was when I worked in home care. She had a hard time keeping managers directly under her. She would call a group meeting in her office and just berate the 6 of us until someone started crying. A colleague and I refused to let her see us cry or become upset. We kept trying to tell the 4 that always cried that they were giving her way too much power over them, and she actually enjoyed watching them cry. If she was upset about something, you prayed she didn't see you or she would just walk up to you and start yelling at you and poking her finger in your chest. Most of the time, you had no idea what she was talking about. She just happened to see you first. I left there with hypertension.

The 2nd boss that has been a bully is my current boss. I am managed by an individual that is not medical, and that often causes issues due to our practice. If a parent complains that I won't take an order, she will insist that I take it anyway even though it is an invalid order. We have had some very loud interactions due to her not understanding the profession, and our nurse practice act guidelines. It took time, but we are finally able to talk about things rather than have a shouting match. It's no good for anyone.

NurseZandra · Mar 30

When I was younger in nursing school, we were warned how the seasoned/experienced nurses eat their young. When I started out as a new nurse, I saw the same thing happening to all the new graduate nurses. On one specific day when the med room was full of nurses, new and more seasoned nurses, I took the opportunity to make a difference. I quickly reminded the "more experienced nurses" how it seems they have forgotten how it feels to be a new nurse. You already unfairly compare oneself as a brand-new nurse with the more seasoned nurses and the feeling of personal inadequacy. Instead of the seasoned, more experienced nurses remembering how those first days felt and taking you under their wing they carry you in their sharp talons and drop you in harm's way. I challenged the new nurses to NEVER forget how you are feeling RIGHT NOW so when they are one day as a seasoned nurse, they will not eat their young.

allnurses Guide · Mar 30

Except for in grade school. I've never been bullied.

Medic2RN72, BSN, RN, EMT-P · Mar 31

Naw, I'm not the "get bullied" type. I came into nursing with vast medical experience, plus being a veteran, so I have a very low tolerance for stupid people LOL. I've seen others, like new grads, go through it. I think people can read me and know what they can get away with. Bully culture exists in all disciplines. I've seen residents, seasoned nurses, new grads, younger physicians, PA's, paramedics, you name it, get bullied! We are all humans with a "perceived" pecking order. Sometimes, weak prey on people they "perceive" as weak. Those individuals know who they can bully and whom to stay away from.

NurseRN07BSN, BSN, RN · Apr 1

My first supervisor at my first nursing position was a true bully!! She got off on making her "stupid LPNs" afraid of her and belittled LPNs. She treated me horribly initially and tried to bully me. As new nurses were hired on for my shift, I watched her treat them the same exact way. I finally went to HR about her. She was reprimanded and she made it know that if she found out who reported her, she would make sure that nurse hated her job so much that she would quit.

I later learned from a coworker that this "bully" was in a very bad relationship and was mentally and physically abused. After hearing that, it all made sense but, that still is no excuse to pass on judgement and treatment to another human being.

It's very sad that seasoned nurses eat their young. Nursing is not for the weak.

JKL33 · Apr 1

Medic2RN72 said:

I think people can read me and know what they can get away with.

Ditto. Well, except for this one more senior nurse who apparently had been terrorizing others for years and decided to try some fun stuff with me. I made a strong point of appearing not to notice, while keeping tabs on all of her attempts. Apparently this frustrated her and she upped the ante into the realm of directly sabotaging my patient care. It was over after that. One of us did not remain working there, and it was she who did not. She picked the wrong person to mess with.

I take all attempts to bully me seriously, though how much I care and what I choose to do about it is decided very purposefully based on the specific situation.

Now, that's not to speak of administrative group gaslighting and bullying. I have my way of handling that, too, but it has caused me infinitely more personal distress than peer staff nurse bullying.

DavidFR, BSN, MSN, RN · Apr 11

Medic2RN72 said:

Naw, I'm not the "get bullied" type. I came into nursing with vast medical experience, plus being a veteran, so I have a very low tolerance for stupid people LOL. I've seen others, like new grads, go through it. I think people can read me and know what they can get away with. Bully culture exists in all disciplines. I've seen residents, seasoned nurses, new grads, younger physicians, PA's, paramedics, you name it, get bullied! We are all humans with a "perceived" pecking order. Sometimes, weak prey on people they "perceive" as weak. Those individuals know who they can bully and whom to stay away from.

You hit the nail on the head. Agree 100%. You need to stand up yourself and show you won't take any old rubbish from anyone.

I experienced some bullying behavious in my early career. Then I toughenend up and for years now I've become someone who won't tolerate it. I think it shows, hence now nobody tries it.

I realise it's an easy thing to say and it may not be easy for shy or gentle personalities to start standing up for themselves. In some cases assertivenss training or therapy may be a help. Personally I just noticed that once in a new job when a supervisor tried to put me down with incorrect facts, I just answered back very forcefully with the facts and told her she was downright in the wrong. I noticed it works. This woman backed off, and as I observed her over time I came to realise that like all bullies, she was very insecure and not at all knowledgable.

Stand up for yourself, document, and in case of the worst be unionised if you can be. Forge links with the nicer nurses - despite our very catty profession there are enough kind nurses around.