Hardened emotions from nursing?

[schmakker]

I have been a nurse for over 3 years now. I have lost many patients in those three years and in the last year my grandmother and my brother passed away. I am having a hard time feeling any emotion either at work or at home. I never used to be this way and I was wondering if it is just the nursing profession. Am I just hardened to the world because of all the sad stuff that I have witnessed or have I just not learned to turn my emotions back on when I leave the hospital? Has anyone had this problem? I haven't even been able to cry at all since the day we buried my brother 8 months ago. I used to be a totally different person and if this is what nursing is going to do to me I'm not sure if I want to be a nurse anymore. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[Jaguar Boy]

anyone had this problem? I haven't even been able to cry at all since the day we buried my brother 8 months ago. I used to be a totally different person and if this is what nursing is going to do to me I'm not sure if I want to be a nurse anymore.

Gosh, my heart goes out to you, it must be so difficult to have lost 2 family members in such a short space of time. Perhaps some "me" time to work through your feelings regarding your grandmother and brother might help. It must have been a very stressful time for you.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

I'm sad to admit that I have been feeling jaded lately, too. I felt more enthusiastic regarding work when I first entered nursing not too long ago, but I currently feel as if I'm caught in a vortex. It happens to the best of us, I suppose.

I'm far more emotionally detached than most people regarding family ties, friendships, romantic connections, coworkers, and other relationships. I wish I could feel more warmth in my heart for other people, but I fear my heart has become icy.

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

I've been going the opposite way. Patients and family members and their situations affect me more than they used to because I can relate so well. I used to be unable to cry because deep down inside, I was afraid that if I started crying, I'd never be able to stop.

I think that the problem is, like you said, schmakker, we learn how to turn our emotions off at work and sometimes we get "stuck" there.

Does your employer have an EAP? If so, you might want to see someone and talk in a safe environment about your feelings (or lack of feelings). Sometimes it takes another professional to really understand.

:icon_hug: Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved grandmother and brother.

[deeDawntee, RN]

Please give yourself a huge break. What you are experiencing is common in our profession..

I think what you have done is suppressed some feelings that needed to be talked through and expressed. Subsequently, you have shut down emotionally. It is a normal defense mechanism that we all have. I do think that seeing a therapist for as long as you need to would be extremely beneficial and I have used their services in my life with great results. However, if that isn't something you can see yourself doing, I would start by journaling, writing down details of a situation that bothered you will help facilitate recovery of those feelings. Then writing about those feelings and hopefully talking to a friend should help free you up slowly but surely.

It is very possible to see that awful things that we see and remain emotionally present. Let yourself feel and have someone who will listen to your feelings.

[Guest717236]

First, my sympathy on the passing of your grandmother and brother.

You and your family have experienced major life changes over

a short period.

It may be that you are still in the grieving process. One year of time

is not enough for many of us to fully grieve and continue in our path

of everyday activities. Your EAP program or a group for dealing with

loss may be a place for you to talk about these recent events.

Nursing is a stressful job, it places us in situation where we see

patients very ill and at time pass on. Give yourself the gift of time to

heal.

You sound like a wonderful caring nurse-please do not leave nursing

during this time of reflection and discovery.

You are not hard hearted, but may be protecting yourself by not

crying or reacting as before.

It takes courage to face each day in nursing, and you are giving

your best. Please pursue the group or individual counseling.

This will help you feel supported as your journey through time

to heal from these events.

Big hugs to you,

Jahra

[proud2b1]

I am so sorry for your losses.I have been going through the exact same thing. I do think you need to work through your feelings.Alot has hit you,and at a young age.Please dont think your wrong to feel this way.I think as things change,sometimes we cange{we grow}.Try to find strength in what you do.I am sure your two loved ones would never want you to doubt yourself.I am here for chat any time....

hugs to you!

[psalm, RN]

Hugs as you deal with it all. And it seems like it is time for you to take a break, a mini-vacation. Doesn't have to be grand, just get away for a couple of days at the beach or ski or whatever you enjoy.

Are you eating properly and sleeping okay? Are you excercising? Do you ahve a feline or two? These will help. If you haven't had a physical, now may be a good time, to rule out any pathos. We care, and we'll help ya.

[WanaBdun]

Funny how others give suggestions of EAP and talking about it. Aren't you talking about it now by writing it out?

I think I am in your shoes, and trust me the EAP thing doesn't work. All it did for me was remind me of all the stuff i am trying not to remember. That may sound dysfunctional but it gets me through the day.

My dad died in the hospital where I work after almost 9 months of being in and out. My managers then hounded me and breathed down my neck about my schedule after not allowing me time off to grieve then made me feel like sub-human for even requesting time when their crappy nurses took such poor care of my dad. In fact they didn't take care of him most of the time as I ended up doing it because I was tired of getting a call that my dad had been waiting to use the bathroom for an hour or more, or that he had been unable to hold going to the bathroom and then nurse would have him sitting in it for more than an hour. I was thankful when the managers were asked to leave. The new management is even worse. I can't wait to leave that dysfunction unit, but my emotions, or lack thereof, will follow me to wherever I go.

I cried the first two days after my dad died, and then that was it. I then turned to anger and that is far worse than crying and yet the anger can get one in trouble real quick. You can only deal with so many patients dying, so many people demanding your attention, so many co-workers complaining about stupid little things like their car payements or their house, before you feel like you are going crazy and run the risk of blowing.

Don't take my suggestions as I am in the middle of it. If talking works for you, then make sure you are talking to someone who won't lead you astray. If blogging works for you, then blog here and wait for a real answer from someone on the other side. Just remember that eventually you will have to deal with the lack of emotions. We all have to. Just be careful you don't replace emotions with bad habbits like drinking, smoking, spending $$, anger... you name it. Because then you will have to undo all the habbits you pick up. Let the lack of emotion run it's course and evaluate the reason why you feel like you are not feeling.

To tell you the truth, my dad has been gone for almost 2 years now, and I am just starting to regain my composure. I was watching a show on the internet... Eli Stone... this last week and it had an interaction between a father and son... and I lost it for about 5 tears. That was a first, but it is a start. There is, most of the time, a root to what causes us to shut down. Sure we can blame all the peripheral things such as work, co-workers, poor management, too many sick patients, traumatic deaths of our patients... but it is something we keep at a distance. Any loss close to us compound and makes our emotions larger because we have been showing others how to cope, so why can't we? We shut down, and that is how we cope. It is what our mind does to protect us, and sometimes our mind will not allow us to work through it until there is enough time or safe distance to do just that.

[mouse_42]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I worked for almost two years at a lab that did preclinical trials (tested potential medications on animals). My job was to care for the monkeys' behavioral health. We were understaffed, worked long hours with tons of overtime, and many times I was unable to help the animals. I saw a lot of very disturbing behavior problems, and lost my "patients" frequently.

I went through a similar thing with both pets and with people, where I felt detached and as though I was unable to care. I had avoided getting a pet because I was afraid I wasn't able to care enough for them, but my boyfriend ended up getting me a pet fish as a Valentine's day gift. One night, that little betta got sick, and I ended up sitting up with him half the night. It was like I ended up pouring all of those caring emotions that I had to turn off in order to survive at work into that little fishy, who got waaay more attention than most of his type from me.

Things that helped me overcome the feelings of numbness were volunteering at a low-kill animal shelter, someplace where I knew that unless they were very sick, I could help animals who I knew would be going on to be happy and healthy for a long time. They were safe to care about.

I don't know if it would help you, but maybe volunteering or spending time with an organization that can be rewarding without being emotionally draining might help you with finding and using all those wonderful caring emotions that we have to limit sometimes in order to survive our jobs?

[zuzi]

Sorry to hear about, hugs honey!

Ofcourse that everyone of nurses fell overhelming of emotions professional or personal in her nursing life! I remember one night when one of my good friends coming open the door of facility and entered crying in a big style. Her life was more than she could carry out in that moment, so she coming in her day off, because she kew it that there we are for her and she cried and I fell her pain and we stay toghter couple of minute and next day everythink was just past. In another day one of my coworker call me in a way that remember me somenthing not very pleasent from my emotional life so I start cried, I was just me and I explained them what was happend and why I would like not call me again like that and was ok till then!

We are humans, honey, nurses and humans, after I patient die, I need 2 days to become myself, so honey in your case, give yourself time...is normal what is happen with you.... give yourself time, time will heal your burning hurted soul. Let me to give you another hug! With all my heart close to you Zuzi! :heartbeat:heartbeat:heartbeat

[Ginger45]

I am very sorry for you losses. I think that it took Guts to start this post. This happens to alot of nurses because you could not get the job down without shutting down emotionally. I would talk to someone about it. You obviously have alot of hurt inside you.

I myself have never been able to stop caring and it is so hard at times. But I can see how it could happen. I wish you the best of luck. (((hugs)))