Hardened emotions from nursing?

[schmakker]

I have been a nurse for over 3 years now. I have lost many patients in those three years and in the last year my grandmother and my brother passed away. I am having a hard time feeling any emotion either at work or at home. I never used to be this way and I was wondering if it is just the nursing profession. Am I just hardened to the world because of all the sad stuff that I have witnessed or have I just not learned to turn my emotions back on when I leave the hospital? Has anyone had this problem? I haven't even been able to cry at all since the day we buried my brother 8 months ago. I used to be a totally different person and if this is what nursing is going to do to me I'm not sure if I want to be a nurse anymore. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[aussiemags]

Hi there. Clearly you are still grieving - give yourself lots more time. Be gentle with yourself. Grieving never really 'ends'. Just when you think you are dealing with it a random song, phrase, sunset.......... whatever, will set you off again. And this is healthy - little brief moments of grief are valid too.

With regards to your nursing, the emotions you are dealing with match those experienced by many if not all your patients and their families. Look to the future and realise that all this will help you enormously, not just as a nurse but as a healthy human being. You know first hand how grief can feel, how it can affect you physically, spiritually and so on. You truly know that grief is a personal thing but one which we all share to some extent. What a wonderful gift to be able to share with your patients and their familes. No, I dont mean that you should sit down and tell them your troubles or share your experiences, but in the manner that you deal with people it will show. They will see it in your eyes, in the way you treat them. You may find patients saying

"it's like you really understand" and guess what? They'll be right. You will understand their feelings and be able to show true respect and empathy.

But hey, you might not be there just yet yourself. And why would you be? You've had a rough time of it and that will take some time to resolve. But please, please dont leave nursing. We need as many nurses with true feelings and true empathy as we can get!

I agree with others who have suggested you find someone to talk things through with. Be aware that 'hardening your heart' is a protective measure and we've all got those. It's meant to protect you until you can deal with it. But now that you've felt the need to start this topic - maybe you're ready to drop a few defences?? That's great!

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

I have also found that after dealing with a stressful shift when I should be sad I'm just angry with everyone and everything around me. There are so many damn roadblocks to getting patients the care they need. You can be working all shift and still come out behind- in my case it's an administration issue. Paperwork and "correct" practice comes ahead of all else.