Well, I knew I wouldn't nurse forever, but I didn't think I'd be quitting after less than 20 years. I have talked here before about some health problems and problems with my 16 year old stepson who never really accepted the fact that his dad and I got married, even though we will celebrate 5 years happily married in August.
I was diagnosed with HTN 2 1/2 to 3 years ago and started on meds for it. It didn't improve much and the doc played with meds, doses, that kind of thing. I finally started seeing a new doc that was very close to our house, and was one that a friend of my dh's - one of our local ER docs - suggested I see. She is just wonderful, really worked with me to get better results and some relief. She referred me to a cardiologist who I have been seeing for 2 years or so, and he started new meds, tests, that kind of thing.
He referred me to another cardiologist that performed the EP studies that he thought I needed. Did that, and was glad to get it done, but it the results we got did not help any. The EP studies were negative, but he did find the root of my problem. Turns out, I have the asd - atrial septal defect, and of course was sent to yet another doc. This one resides and works about 5 hours from us. He does travel up here to our city to see some patients every 2 weeks. Of course, he can't do what I need done here because the hospitals don't have and won't purchase the equipment to do so.
I am now in a holding pattern, waiting for the new doc from south Louisiana to get my films and all that and decide if he can fix my problem in his cath lab.
If he can't, then it looks like I will be having it taken care of here in our city. The thing is, it will probably require the open sternotomy incision (I think I'm calling it the right thing) and with it, all the yucky post op cardiac stuff, being on the vent post op, chest tubes, art line, and on and on and on.
That is enough to terrify me, but I have already gotten pulmonary HTN and some of the complications that the asd cause. I can't even walk to the mailbox some days to check the mail. I had been going to the gym and getting on the treadmill, but I can't do that now.
I did quit my nursing job when we started having trouble with my stepson. I kept up my license and CEUs to go back later if I wanted to when he got straightened out. I will be 39 in August, and I can't clean my house. Heck, I can't even take a shower at times without getting short and have to get out and sit and catch my bearth.
Hate to sound negative, but this is just getting me down by now. I've done some research online and I know some places do the minimally invasive surgery - robotic assisted surgery. They don't do that here either, I don't think.
Well, hang in there and know that thousands of us are pulling for you. Keep in mind the article I wrote about my (then) 4 year old niece Olivia. She went through both a heart transplant AND a subsequent valve replacement, and though she's still not 100% healthy, the last time I saw her she was running and playing with the rest of the kids, hunting Easter eggs. It wasn't easy for her, and won't be for you, but the potential for an excellent outcome is just so high that we have to be happy about it.
I wish you peace and comfort.
Thanks! I don't know what I ould do without all you guys here. Especially now since I am not working. My hubbie is so very supportive with all this. He knows that there's only so much I can do and helps me out with anything he can. Being an RN himself, he understands how bad I feel at imes.
Olivia sounds like such a special little girl! That is hard for someone that age to have to go through such physical pain. Hearing about people like that - that have gone through things like she did and survive -and do so well makes me want to think that maybe I can too. I know it will not be fun, as a matter of fact it will probably s___, but I'm trying to put those nightmares out of my mind and just not let them get back there in my head.
Am I just blowing smoke at myself, or do you maybe think I can actually deal with this??
Of course you can deal with it. You've already shown your backbone when you dealt with the problems of the past, and you also have a good support system in your husband (and here).
Of course you can deal with it. You've already shown your backbone when you dealt with the problems of the past, and you also have a good support system in your husband (and here).
Thanks - You're right about that - between you guys here and my hubbie, I can feel so much support and kindness and that makes all the difference.
I knew (or had a pretty good idea) that I would be facing something - not sure what. I was adopted at birth, and we have no medical history at all to go on. I did try to track down any info that I could, but the place burned and I didn't really have much luck.
I've tried to keep myself busy, working with my rose bushes outside, that kind of thing, since I can do that without getting winded. Dh has helped too, he can tell by the look on my face where I'am. I'm very lucky to have him.
I am going to try to keep your little Olivia in my head, and see if that can maybe push some of those cruddy images that have been haunting me. Neither dh nor I have really gotten a whole lot of sleep with all this going on, the nightmaress - dh says at times I'm moving in the bed like I'm running, guess I'm trying to escape.
My dh hasn't joined the site yet, but I've asked him to so he can log on and maybe post an update - if I'm behaving, or if the staff is having to chase me down the hall dragging my chest tubes behind me (he he, I guess you just have to laugh at yourself sometimes so you don't go nuts.
Mag and Turnleft -- Thanks guys, I feel like a big goober worrying and stressing but this is just SO much more than I think I can handle. As far as nursing goes, I haven't really taken care of many of the cardiac patients, especially the fresh ones. In the ER, we would have them roll in quite frequently, but that was if they were having trouble. I guess it just never fazed me before because they were in my comfort zone.
The very first case in OR I saw was a CABG, before I started nursing school. That had to have been over 20 years ago, so I didn't really retain some of the things I learned. And I know nurses can be some of the worst patients, or at least I know I am.
I hate being a baby about things and try to approach things in a certain manner to make sure my patients get good care with me maintaining a professional manner, but this has just kind of thrown my peace and composure out the window.
I haven't told my parents very much - they both live in south Louisiana, and I would rather know for sure what, where, why, ect before worrying them.
As far as working right now, dh helped me file for disability - we have been denied once so far, and appealed, just haven't heard much yet.
I just don't know if I'm a strong enough person to do this -I have not slept much at all, even after my PCP gave me a script for some Ambien. When I do sleep, I have vivid nightmares, being on the vent without sedation. I'm restrained and bucking the vent. Other ones I am in the OR on the table and the electricity goes off and the emergency generator doesn't kick in, the sternal saw quits working halfway through, and on and on...
I don't think I have EVER been this scared of something. I feel like a baby - I know there is a chance they can take me to the cath lab and plug the defect -I am praying and hoping - I just know I can't continue like this. I HAVE to do somethins.
Anne
One step at a time, Anne. Find out if they can repair it via femoral approach first. You can do this. :redbeathe
One step at a time, Anne. Find out if they can repair it via femoral approach first. You can do this. :redbeathe
Hey virgo - Thanks. I feel like such a freak or idiot. What grown woman stresses out so much about things like this, has nightmares about OR and things that could go wrong?
I don't know why I have always been the type to look at things and see what can go wrong. It does drive my crazy. I have to keep in mind that it is possible that the MD can get this fixed in the cath lab in a procedure that may take 1 to 2 hours and just have groin sticks instead of the big cut and the vent and all the yucky things that go with it.
I do know part of why I have thought like that. My father is not the best of patients, and never has been. I can atill remember when he was going to have the open GB surgery before they started the laproscopic type. He told us he was going to die and he wanted my mom to go pick out his coffin, that he wouldn't make it through the surgery. Needless to say, he did, but I can still hear them fighting about that in my head.
Well, BortaZ - it's kind of funny you ask. I'm in the hospital currently, and was brought in approx 2100 on Tuesday night. I had been vomiting for a few days prior and just got a little dehydrated and was still trying to keep up with the typical housecleaning and the like. That night, I was in the kitchen and had finished mopping and the floor was dang near dry, it wasn't slick. I reached over to one side and picked up 2 coffee cups by the handles and got a horrible feeling pain right about my right breast area that went straight through to my back and kind of exiting just under my left shoulder blade. I fell flat on my face, I guess from the severity mand the sharp onset of the pain. My dh was in the bedroom watching tv and messing around on his laptop when he heard the crash in the kitchen. I had grabbed for the edge of the counter when I felt the pain, and just landed flat on my face. He said I was there with palpable vitals and good respiratory effort but just couldn't be aroused.
The ambulance rig got me to the ER and they just did an assessment and sent me on up to the floor. Since then I've just been sitting here on the tele unit whjile the cardiologist made some adjustments to what I've been on, and keeping a close eye on it.
This am, I just found out that he scheduled me for a CT of the abdomen/pelvis w/out contrast. So, at this time, I'm just waiting on that, and hoping he'll let me bust out of here sometime today. He said if I need to f/u with a gastro MD, I can do that as an outpt status.
Thanks for asking about me, I do appreciate it! Anne, RNC
:banghead:
sissiesmama, ASN, RN
1,899 Posts
Thanks! I don't know what I ould do without all you guys here. Especially now since I am not working. My hubbie is so very supportive with all this. He knows that there's only so much I can do and helps me out with anything he can. Being an RN himself, he understands how bad I feel at imes.
Olivia sounds like such a special little girl! That is hard for someone that age to have to go through such physical pain. Hearing about people like that - that have gone through things like she did and survive -and do so well makes me want to think that maybe I can too. I know it will not be fun, as a matter of fact it will probably s___, but I'm trying to put those nightmares out of my mind and just not let them get back there in my head.
Am I just blowing smoke at myself, or do you maybe think I can actually deal with this??
Anne