Guilty Mom

chenoaspirit, ASN, RN · Oct 27, 2008

I think you and your husband need to sit down and discuss/agree on parenting. You two need to find an agreement. Your children will adjust to your schedule, as long as its always the same. Dont wake them up one day at 5 am and then let them sleep til noon on other days. As far as help from your parents taking them to school, my mom does that for me. There is no harm in letting grandparents be involved. My mom doesnt work, so she comes to my house to sit with my little girl in the early mornings so she can continue to sleep. But there have been times that I took her to grandma's and she went back to sleep. Kids adjust. Its hard, I know. But I think alot of the problem with you is between you and your husband. You both have different parenting styles, which I dont agree with yelling to get a point across. Maybe he is stessed. Maybe you two need counselling to allow each to see the other's point of view and to help each of you to understand the consequences of your parenting actions. You and your husband need to be able to rely on each other and trust each other to have your childrens best interest at heart. After all, the child does have two parents. Good luck.

Thankful RN,BSN · Oct 27, 2008

yup, that's why i work nights. i can get my kids off to school and home from school.

lunden · Oct 27, 2008

hi there, i'm kind of n the same situation where my kids prefer i get them off to school. basically all he does is take them to school. i call my daughter every morning, they get themselves up, get themselves ready and half the time my daughter had to wake him up. he does a lot of yelling 2, so i tell the kids to just do what they r suppose 2 do and don't set him off.i have 2 b at work at 5am and my only other option would b 2 drop them off at 4:45 at the daycare, but sometimes they aren't there until 5am, so 4 now i just do the best i can with the current situation until better hours come available.

racing-mom4, BSN, RN · Oct 27, 2008

Night shift was made for moms....I get home in time to make sure the clothes match and teeth are truley brushed!!!

I can go to field trips and dentist appointments because I can adjust my work/sleep sched to do so.

If I have a sick kid even though I may be sleeping, I am home with them.

I am able to eat dinner and help with homework.

SICU Queen · Oct 27, 2008

Yep, night shift worked best for me when the kids were little. I got home in time to get them off to school, slept while they were in school, and was up for homework, dinner, etc. There was only a couple of hours between me leaving for work and bedtime.

If you can do two nights a week and get away with it financially, then that's even better.

As to the husband, well... he sounds like he needs a swift kick in the butt. No mom should ever have to worry for her children while she's working - especially from the other parent!! That's a bunch of BS.

(The frownie face up there to the left is for your husband.)

catfish1 · Oct 27, 2008

Thanks everyone (moms) for your replys. It's tough being a parent and I know there are no perfect jobs. Yes, me and my husband are booth stressed,especially while I'm looking for work. We've always had issues about parenting and we've been married 14 yrs. I'll keep everyone posted.Thanks again!

catfish1 · Oct 27, 2008

Thanks SICU Queen. I agree with you about my husband. It makes it very difficult. I love my kids (We also have a 14 yr. old son). Sometimes, I dont think we give our kids credit. The last thing I want to do is break my childrens "spirit". Well, think I'm getting off track with my original question. My mom is close by and can help,but she is 78 and my daughter can be a handfull so I dont want to stress her out too much. Thanks for your reply.:nuke:

Dinsey · Oct 27, 2008

My mom was a nurse who worked, days, nights, 12s, 8s, everything under the sun when I was little. My brother and I were both in daycare at very early ages. One of my parents would drop us off around 6:30am and pick us up by 6pm. We adjusted - we had to, and it was all we knew after a while.

We were fortunate to have two parents who were dedicated to us. My dad was laid off when I was around 6 and he was home with us during his unemployment.

A family is a team. You have to help each other and trust one another. I've never had harsh feelings towards my parents for so much daycare time. It's what they had to do to make enough money for us to have our needs met.

pagandeva2000, LPN · Oct 27, 2008

You cannot predict what the 12 hour shifts will do; sometimes, you may work 3 shifts in a row, other times, it may be two on, one day off, sometimes, it is every other day, or part of the weekend. Many hospitals do have self scheduling, though, where you can basically put down what days you wish to work or have off within reason and supervisor approval. Maybe this would be what you need in order to make your decision. Keep in mind, however, that in most cases, the last one on the totem pole gets what the senior nurses don't want until they become more established. Best wishes to you, and yeah, nights may be what the doctor ordered for mothers.

mama_d, BSN, RN · Oct 27, 2008

For me, twelve hour nights are far more beneficial than days. I have time to get home and get kids on the bus, stay up with the baby for a few hours before we both nap, and be there for homework and to make dinner sometimes. My floor self-schedules and there are usually few changes made; I work as many as four in a row. I do have to make sure that errands and laundry are caught up on before doing four in a row however b/c I'm usually too drained to do that kind of stuff.

Not sure what to tell you about your husband. After nearly twelve years of raising kids together, my hubby and I still have disagreements about how we handle the kids. I tend to be a "drill sergeant" (his words) in the morning, but when you've got uncooperative kids to get out the door in a hurry it can be hard not to be. He tends to be too hard on them sometimes (I think). But we're two different people who grew up with different parenting styles, so it's natural for there to be some disagreements sometimes; we just try hard not to undermine one another in front of the kids and save the parenting discussions for when they're at school or in bed.

pattymac · Oct 29, 2008

Your kids will adjust to whatever your work schedule is as long as they see that you are ok with it. Don't let them see how guilty you feel and actually, don't fell guilty. you do what you have to do in this world. They will adjust. However, they won't adjust very well to the relationship you and your husband have. That would be my first concern. For their sake, you may consider counseling together to become more consistent with discipline. Just my 2 cents. I really do feel for you and definately remember the guilt....and it was 21 years ago! I have learned that kids adjust and adapt much better than we give them credit for. They rarely remember the goofy work schedule mom had, but they darn sure remember how their parents got along and behaved! Best of luck to you.