Gossip Girls... (And boys)

Hoosier_RN, MSN · Jan 3, 2016

The other day, the younger aids on my hall at the beginning of shift, came up to me and said "did you hear about..." and started in on a story about a coworker. I stopped them and said "really? I'm getting 2 admits in about 10 minutes, just got report on both. WE have better things to worry about". I got the 'how dare you' attitude. Was even told I was mean because I wouldn't listen to their story of another aid who got drunk, yada yada, the night before. OK, if that's mean, then I fill the bill. If its not relevant to my work, I don't want to hear it. I'm way to busy to have to try to process that garbage on top of the real info that I need to do my job!

AJJKRN · Jan 3, 2016

I admit that I catch myself on occasion but I would certainly put my tail between my legs and tell whomever exactly what I said! So in a sense, I don't gossip about anything that I wouldn't say straight to someone's face if they were there, but yes, I am absolutely human like everyone else!

Graduatenurse14 · Jan 3, 2016

We have them as well. Interesting thing about gossiping nurses and nursing assistants is that they tend to be the ones you want to stay on their good side too.

I'm an older 2nd career (some would say 3rd career) nurse who has worked in a lot of other places and I've found that nurses and nursing assistants tend to have both negative traits of being a gossip and not that nice if you get on their bad side more often than I've seen elsewhere in other fields- they ARE there just in smaller numbers.

Not_A_Hat_Person, RN · Jan 3, 2016

I've worked in a few places where the grapevine was the only way to find out about things like staffing changes, policy changes, and office moves. I listen to gossip, but I don't contribute.

Hoosier_RN, MSN · Jan 3, 2016

I've worked in a few places where the grapevine was the only way to find out about things like staffing changes, policy changes, and office moves. I listen to gossip, but I don't contribute.

This is what I meant in my previous comment. If it doesnt pertain to my job, then I don't give it too much thought. Things that effect my job, I'm all ears!

ProgressiveActivist, BSN, RN · Jan 3, 2016

If the OP is working in a unit where the culture is for the core staff to openly trash their coworkers, stay out of the drama, bide your time and then transfer to another department with a higher level of nursing asap.

This behavior is found where you have weak or no leadership.

The problem with nurses such as you describe is their immature belief that everybody has to be

- or pretend to be - "friends."

They haven't a clue what a work friendship is.

At four months in, you do you. Good luck getting out of this toxic craphole.

OBwonKnewbie · Jan 4, 2016

Small minds discuss people, average minds discuss events, smart minds discuss ideas.

I love this! I'm going to write it down :-)

OBwonKnewbie · Jan 4, 2016

They don't think highly of themselves at all. They just want you to think that. So many "adults" go through life emotionally stuck in high school. Very sad. Any higher-functioning individuals who can help you gradually change the culture?

I wish, but the problem lies with the 2 passive aggressive bullies being in associate manager positions. The floor is also very seniority driven, with the idea that if you haven't done the time on the unit then you best shut up and go with the flow. And we have a quite few newer people, so there is not enough "senior" adult minded people who feel like what they say will be taken kindly too. Upper management is clueless and also unhelpful. We don't even bother with them. Those of us who are friends find it best to be quiet, supportive of one another, and stay out of "their" way

ProgressiveActivist, BSN, RN · Jan 4, 2016

Healthy boundaries and staying out of the petty drama is your best course of action during your tenure in this bullying unit.

BHRN85 · Jan 4, 2016

I would want to get out of that unit, but even if you go elsewhere you might just find the same problem bc the gossip culture is pretty common, sad to say. I try to stay out of gossip. Of course this means I'm usually the last to know if someone is quitting, someone is going on maternity leave, etc. But at least I can sleep at night knowing I haven't been perpetuating mean spirited gossip

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jan 4, 2016

Nursing is supposed to be a profession.
That would lead one to think that nurses are professionals.
I've been on my unit for 4 months and the gossip is just ridiculous.
Just like women continue to tear each other apart, nurses (which, you guessed it> are mostly women!) tear each other down instead of build each other up.
If my coworkers are gossiping around me, and I can move, I will.
If I can't move, I zone out into my own world, and sometimes, I am sure to make a positive comment about the person that they are gossiping about.
I hate feeing like I have to shy away from my coworkers.
â€¢Are you a gossiping nurse?
â€¢Do you wonder what they are saying about you when you are not around? (I do...)

Nursing is a profession. Like most professions, it is filled with a mix of people -- some who are classy and behave in professional ways, and some who are not.

I am concerned about your level of misogyny. Blaming the fact that nursing is a predominately female profession and that "women continue to tear each other apart" and "nurses (being mostly women) tear each other apart instead of building each other up" is a misogynistic comment and those values may be getting in the way of you being able to connect with your co-workers.

Zoning out into your own world while your co-workers are chatting among you is not the way to assimilate into your work environment. I'm not asking you to participate in nasty gossip, but to understand that all gossip is not inherently bad. Furthermore, men gossip just as much as women, and my husband assures me that it's much WORSE among men.

Gossip is a way of getting to know your colleagues, and of them getting to know you. You don't have to participate in tearing anyone down. In fact, you can set the tone for a positive chat fest. "Did you see how easily Thibadeaux was able to get a large bore IV into that guy with no visible veins?" Or "Wasn't it awesome how Brunehilde got such a great time in the Marine Corps Marathon?" Or "Clyde's kids are so cute! Did you see the latest pictures of their Christmas?" But failing to participate in gossip at all sets you apart from the group, and not in a good way. Shying away from coworkers is a bad thing. When your colleagues don't like you, a small mistake can get you into BIG trouble. If they DO like you, a BIG mistake can get you into a LITTLE trouble.

Yes, I am a gossiping nurse. I've found it facilitates colleague to colleague relations and helps in team building. I try to keep my gossip positive, but I know I have participated a time or two in the less positive chatting . . . especially when one of our colleagues went to jail for rape or a DUI, and the time one of the RTs had a meltdown and was stopping traffic by firing his handguns at cars. I know people are talking about me when I'm not around, but being part of the team and having them LIKE you keeps that to a minimum.

chacha82, ADN, BSN · Jan 4, 2016

If people say something to you to try and get you to talk bad about another person, I have always said "I like so and so. She's always been nice to me." And leave it at that. At the end of the day I try to remember that everyone is loved by someone else and they don't deserve to get talked bad about at their job. It hurts to hear people talking crap on you. That is jr high stuff and should not come into the workplace but it does. I also keep coffee close by and take a big sip when people start talking. Keeps me literally out of the conversation.

And I would agree with what Ruby posted above. You can always spin it into a positive. If people are ganging up on someone unfairly for no reason, you can smile and say "You know, they make the best tacos though...blah blah blah" or some other positive way to bring it back to good feelings. While people may gossip, it is also important to get a reputation for being a good sounding board. There is a way to be a good listener and receive lots of information without spreading it like a wildfire. And being someone others can trust goes a long way at work. So you don't have to be backbiting and nasty but still keep an ear to the ground.