Nursing is my dream, has been since I was knee high to a grasshopper. I was presented the other day by my now ex, with an ultimatim, him or nursing school. Well, I don't think I need to tell you what I chose. It was nursing school. I waited a very long time to get here. Put my family first, worked hard my whole life and when I got laid off from my job of 10 years, I decided to go to school and accomplish my dream. I'm 36 years old, not getting any younger, and I'm in my ADN program which I don't need to tell any of you is a very hard thing to do. I made it through Nursing I with a B+ average, several thousand dollars in between tuition and books, not to mention time and energy, and most importantly, its my dream I'm not willing to give up. My children are not neglected, and are in fact, very supportive. My ex could not handle the demand and dedication involved with school. I know that it took a lot away from our relationship, but, with only 1 1/2 years left, I feel its a small sacrifice that will surely pay off in the end. I stood by all his decisions, why can't he stand by mine? When I got laid off, I went to him with my decision and explained how involved it would be, how much we'd have to sacrifice and asked permission. At the time, he supported it whole heartedly. Anyways, long story short, when he asked me to make a choice not only was I hurt and deeply offended, I hated being put in that position. But, I had to choose school. I have put everything and everyone in front of my self for my entire life. I've worked hard and now that I am doing something for me (and for everyone else when you think about it), its wrong and unacceptable. But, I chose school. I've learned in the one semester of nursing school that you learn a lot about yourself and a lot about the people around you. I guess the thing that is bothering me the most is that I learned that he just didn't care about what was important to me. Anyways, who here thinks I am being selfish? I'm not changing my mind, but, I wanted to know if anyone else has had this type of experience as well? I know I'm not alone, there were a few people whose relationships didn't even make it half way through Nursing I. Just wanted to get some opinions or experiences from the people I know can relate the best: fellow nursing students. Thanks.............
Most of the people I know who were married when we started nursing school....aren't any more.
Funny ... we only had three divorces that I know of in my class of 38. Most of us who were married are still married. Some people did break up with their boyfriends although, I'm not sure if it was nursing school per se since I know one of the boyfriends was cheating on one female student.
The biggest issue, actually, was that we had a relatively large number of guys in our class (8). A couple of the guys starting dating (i.e. cheating) on their wives with girls the class. One guy did leave his wife ... which was somewhat of a scandal ... but I'm not sure if the other one left his wife or not.
I'm not sure if you can blame that on nursing school ... since cheating is well ... cheating no matter where you go. Is cheating on your wife with another nursing student related to nursing school relationship stress or, it is more because they're hanging out with a large pool of females with more opportunity?
First time in nursing school we had 4 that got divorced. It seemed like those marriages had problems long before school, and school just aggravated it.
Maybe he is afraid you will be able to support yourself & children without anyone's help so it was threatening to him........
I have never personally had this problem..never even came into the picture with me & my spouse....and I have a severly disabled child to care for on top of it...plus he is not even my childs father but he helped me with her as if she was his while I was going to school....I just finished my program the week before Christmas......
The issues of school just never even came into play with us.....I think because I have sacrificed my life for 17 1/2 years caring for my child that now my time has come so he saw that ...heck on days when I didn't feel like going, as we all do, he practically kicked my butt out the door telling me that yes I AM going............and I am glad I listened.
Things have a strange way of working out so don't worry...just plug along and follow your dreams.......in the end it is all sooooooo worth it.
Never give up your dreams for anyone.....ever ............your kids will be very proud of you!!! Good luck...and the end will be here before you know it!!!
I don't think that you are being selfish at all! I think that maybe he needs to open his mind a little and try to see things from your perspective. Nursing school is hard on alot of relationships, already a few of my friends have broken it off with thier S.O. I go by the saying that what's meant to be will be. My hubby and I had it really hard for my first semester of Nsg school. He was stationed overseas last December while I was still doing pre-reqs and he comes home in 5 days. When nursings school started this past fall I had alot less time to chat with him on the phone and on email, and I found myself asking him to call me back so that I could study more that once. But, I just want to let everyone out there that may be going thru a rough patch that it IS doable, and that what's meant to be will be. Good luck!
First let me say that your ex was not only acting like a jerk but he must be a complete bonehead also. In the long run his sacrifices would have seemed so small compared to the huge payoff off earningpotential and job security.
Being a man I have had a little different experience through nursing school. With only four months to go I am suprised that it has seemed like an eternity and yet at the same time it has flown by so fast. (Does that make sense to anyone?) My wife has supported me and we have sacrificed many things together. But in all honesty Ive been home alot during the week. I see my liitle girl, we take vacations when possible. So life hasn't been bad.
One thing that has kept our marriage strong is belonging to a small group/bible study for married couples. In this group we have a rich resource of deep friendships. They support us like keeping our kids so we can have a date night.
That being said there are times when my wife gets tired of feeling like a single mom (having to take our daughter to birthday parties alone...ect.)
She has gotten mad at me and I have to remind her that I work on the weekends to free up my week for school and family. My wifes biggest gripe is living out in pOdunkville in a trailer (my parents own it so it is free) and an hour away from our friends/church/and good shopping.
Anyway sorry about the breakup. I pray that if possible your marriage can be restored. If not may God give you the strength and means necessary to continue on. You WILL do fine.
I was very blessed to have a very supportive spouse when I did nursing school (four years total). I also worked full-time and we had two small sons. Ten years later, I went back to school full-time for 3.5 years for an advanced degree and again, he is still supportive.
I think it is the basis of your relationship, not nursing school that is stressful. For me, having my husband in Greenland and me being here in the States with an infant and a 5 y/o was far more stressful.
I can relate to what people are saying. Although my ex never said "its me or nursing school" I know that my education was something that came between us. I'm a single parent of a 6 year old, and he could never understand why I wouldn't go out and party with him every weekend. It was hard enough on me to give up my time with my son due to the demands of nursing school. I always felt such tremendous guilt, even though I knew it wouldn't be forever. I was very, very fortunate to have a neighbor down the hall that would pick my son up and watch him for me, be if for overnight clinicals or to study for tests. To this day, she's one of my best friends. She's one of the reasons I was able to make it through school. My ex dumped me as I was beginning my last semester, and now I can look back and say, "I stuck it out, no matter how hard it was, and my life is much better now!" By the way, I've heard he's unemployed (again) and living with his parents (he's 37). So hang in there, and don't let anyone force you to do something you don't want to do. Completing nursing school was one of the hardest and most rewarding accomplishments of my life, and I learned that I can depend on myself and be a stronger person, even if it seems that the odds are stacked against you.
I don't think many of us got what we expected out of nursing school. I don't mean that in a bad way, I just mean that it was a lot more than I thought I bargained for in many ways!
I'm sorry this happened to you too. I do not think you are being selfish...but he is being a jerk..sorry....my relationship fell apart while I was in nursing school....3 weeks after graduation it all came to an end. I am glad you stuck to your guns and did not quit school. Do not let anyone take that away from you!! Good luck to you!!!
............your kids will be very proud of you!!! Good luck...and the end will be here before you know it!!!
dansamy
672 Posts
Most of the people I know who were married when we started nursing school....aren't any more.