My husband won't let me do bed baths

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I told my husband that we are doing bed baths in lab on Friday. He looked at me strange and asked me why on earth I would want to do that. I told him that it is just something you do as a nurse. He looked at me weird and I told him we would be in shorts and a tank top. He said "Your not letting some guy practice on you!" I told him that it was a medical professional think and that it was not like the male student would be turned on or something. He said that the guy could and that no guy was giving me a sponge bath. I asked, "what if I was in an accident and in the hospital and they had to give me a bath?" and he said "I would give you a bath":madface: Has any one hand any problems with this? I better not tell him that eventually we will be learning to do cathaters...on males...

This post really hits home for me. My ex-dh use to say that I was not allowed to have a male doctor. I bent over backwards to makes sure I had all female physicians. I even asked him what he would do if I was in an accident and in the hospital. His answer was that he would know if it was a life threatning emergency and he might allow one but if he felt it was not a life threat then he would not allow it. I did have to go to the ER once due to complications with a pregnancy once. It was a male doc and they wanted to do a pelvic. EXdh told me when he left absolutely not it was not necessary. I was crushed after that event. Later, I got tired of it and allowed a male doctor to perform an pelvic exam on me. Exdh stopped having sex with me. He told me it ruined him. That lasted 2 years.

Needless to say, I left him. He would not change and his insecurity and controlling nature would not stop. At one point exdh talked about going out and killing the doctor. He thought for sure this man was having dreams about me. Once we got divorced and I started dating again I learned that I would not allow a man to give me permission for anything. I have a very difficult time going to male doctors to this day. It is very traumatic for me. The irony of it all is that I am now getting married to a wonderful man that is not insecure and does not want to control me. He also happens to be a male doctor. Since fiancee is in the military once we get married I will receive my medical care through the army. I am scared to death. I will not have a choice of doctor. Exdh constant tormenting is still in my head. The hardest part is that the doctors will be people I know. It's a new thing for me but fiancee is very supportive and promises to be there for me if I need him.

I know that my exdh was on the extreme side, but I just wanted you to be aware of how out of hand it can get. Make sure you don't let it get there. If your dh loves you he will work through this insecurity with you and be willing to talk about how you can help him be more accepting. I don't think that it is right to not do it b/c he says so. Good luck, and I hope you can work it out.

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This post really hits home for me. My ex-dh use to say that I was not allowed to have a male doctor. I bent over backwards to makes sure I had all female physicians. I even asked him what he would do if I was in an accident and in the hospital. His answer was that he would know if it was a life threatning emergency and he might allow one but if he felt it was not a life threat then he would not allow it. I did have to go to the ER once due to complications with a pregnancy once. It was a male doc and they wanted to do a pelvic. EXdh told me when he left absolutely not it was not necessary. I was crushed after that event. Later, I got tired of it and allowed a male doctor to perform an pelvic exam on me. Exdh stopped having sex with me. He told me it ruined him. That lasted 2 years.

Needless to say, I left him. He would not change and his insecurity and controlling nature would not stop. At one point exdh talked about going out and killing the doctor. He thought for sure this man was having dreams about me. Once we got divorced and I started dating again I learned that I would not allow a man to give me permission for anything. I have a very difficult time going to male doctors to this day. It is very traumatic for me. The irony of it all is that I am now getting married to a wonderful man that is not insecure and does not want to control me. He also happens to be a male doctor. Since fiancee is in the military once we get married I will receive my medical care through the army. I am scared to death. I will not have a choice of doctor. Exdh constant tormenting is still in my head. The hardest part is that the doctors will be people I know. It's a new thing for me but fiancee is very supportive and promises to be there for me if I need him.

I know that my exdh was on the extreme side, but I just wanted you to be aware of how out of hand it can get. Make sure you don't let it get there. If your dh loves you he will work through this insecurity with you and be willing to talk about how you can help him be more accepting. I don't think that it is right to not do it b/c he says so. Good luck, and I hope you can work it out.

My Ex husband said that he would not allow me to see a male GYN Dr. Just one more reason why he is my Ex.

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Hearts, I'm going to give you a differnet perspective... I'm married and my husband says stuff like that too. We both think its funny and cute. And without saying it he is just say "I dont want you to leave me baby..." I totally understand that. I feel the same way too..We just love each other that dog on much..Making a husband an "ex" because he wants his wife is ummmm.... i dont know what to say about that... but try to see it from his perspective and put yourself in his place. Imagine the images that he is seeing right now.. some man rubbing his hands down your body... shorts or not.. thats a bad image for a husband.. now.. imagine someone rubbing there hands down your husbands body.. now.. how do you feel.. would it be wrong to voice your opinion about how you feel about another woman's hands on him in such a way. Even though we both know that it is not "glamorous" or its not the way it seems. Please know that you do need to try to soothe him the best way you can in the ways that only you know how to do. Taking on the attitude that "Im a nurse now I dont have to listen to you..." is the exact attitude that husbands are afraid of. Prove him wrong.

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Specializes in ER, Medicine.

It's just school. Besides doesn't he know you're going to get to see real naked people on an almost daily basis anyway?

When you start working on patients it's sooooo unsexual. Even the hottest person...it's still not sexy. It's work. It's bright lights, noise, wounds, blood, poop and drains with all kinds of colorful material...

No one goes to the hospital just to get bathed for the heck of it...

Your husband needs to take a chill pill!

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Hearts, I'm going to give you a differnet perspective... I'm married and my husband says stuff like that too. We both think its funny and cute. And without saying it he is just say "I dont want you to leave me baby..." I totally understand that. I feel the same way too..We just love each other that dog on much..Making a husband an "ex" because he wants his wife is ummmm.... i dont know what to say about that... but try to see it from his perspective and put yourself in his place. Imagine the images that he is seeing right now.. some man rubbing his hands down your body... shorts or not.. thats a bad image for a husband.. now.. imagine someone rubbing there hands down your husbands body.. now.. how do you feel.. would it be wrong to voice your opinion about how you feel about another woman's hands on him in such a way. Even though we both know that it is not "glamorous" or its not the way it seems. Please know that you do need to try to soothe him the best way you can in the ways that only you know how to do. Taking on the attitude that "Im a nurse now I dont have to listen to you..." is the exact attitude that husbands are afraid of. Prove him wrong.

I'm sorry but both you & your husband have a lot of growing up to do. Telling her she can't give a man a bed bath is not telling her he doesn't want her to leave him, "baby." No, it is telling her that in his twisted perverted mind that this is a sexual act. He needs to grow up too. You say it would bother you if another woman had her hands on your husband or if he touched another woman. I sure hope to God you didn't marry a gynecologist!

I don't believe for one moment that she is saying, "I'm a nurse now. I don't have to listen to you." She is saying "I'm an adult & you are not my father." If my husband ever had the audasity to say that I coudn't do something that I needed to do at work, yep, he'd be my Ex in no time, & by the way, I've been married 35 years.

Dixie

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Wow. He sounds super controlling. But anyways... do you do a full bedbath on each other? I can't even imagine that. At my school, we went through the motions of giving one, but we never took our clothes off and we definately did not touch each other in any "private area." Even with femoral pulses, we are encouraged to find our own and significant other's. So, it's kind of shocking to me that a school would have classmates basically be naked in front of each other.

(Btw, yes, I know we have to give bed baths to pts and that is fine. It is necessary to do that. But, I sure don't need some classmate I barely know cleaning my peri area to make me understand how the pt feels.)

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I'm sorry but both you & your husband have a lot of growing up to do. Telling her she can't give a man a bed bath is not telling her he doesn't want her to leave him, "baby." No, it is telling her that in his twisted perverted mind that this is a sexual act. He needs to grow up too. You say it would bother you if another woman had her hands on your husband or if he touched another woman. I sure hope to God you didn't marry a gynecologist!

I don't believe for one moment that she is saying, "I'm a nurse now. I don't have to listen to you." She is saying "I'm an adult & you are not my father." If my husband ever had the audasity to say that I coudn't do something that I needed to do at work, yep, he'd be my Ex in no time, & by the way, I've been married 35 years.

Dixie

Hi midcom, I don't believe she is saying that at all. (For one, she is not a nurse yet). I believe it possible to develop that sort of attitude after becoming a nurse. You are right, I have alot of growing up to do. So thank God i'm allowed to learn and make mistakes along the way. Let me repeat myself, I said we do this 'jokingly'. I also, in my immaturity, like to keep an open mind about the differences in people. Some people just.. dont.. see.. that as being overprotective, just concerned.. actually, it's critical thinking. Just not excepting what other people say, just because the majority says it. But rather, doing things based on facts. And it seems as though her husband is looking for some facts. And then again... he could be being sensitive, overbearing, jealous, and insecure... Just like someone can be having a heart attack, or just having heartburn.. My point, i'm not in her household, so i'm just being objective and introducing another "theory". Which is basically what everyone's comments are since we don't fully know her situation... Right? :kiss

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LET you?:uhoh3:

Might want to work on settling this now, though, or it'll just keep going on and get worse. He needs to get over the fact (and his insecurities with himself) that there's nothing sexual about any of the procedures.

(I wouldn't have problems with this, mainly because i wouldn't tolerate my huband acting like they're my father telling me what i can and cannot do, especially when it pertains to unavoidable aspects of my career, but that's just me.)

This is SO what I was thinking... I don't think I've disagreed with you yet...

And congrats on 15,000 posts!!! :monkeydance:

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My husband who is also very jealous was not happy when I told him we were doing bed baths on each other in school. I explained to him that my partner was a pregnate female and no chance of anything going on there. By the end of the year he had quickly over came the jealousy when he learned that I was going to be a nurse and seeing males privates was all part of it. The only thing he told me jokingly of course was the first time you come home telling me about the guy who was gigantic you will be dead.

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Hi midcom, I don't believe she is saying that at all. (For one, she is not a nurse yet). I believe it possible to develop that sort of attitude after becoming a nurse. You are right, I have alot of growing up to do. So thank God i'm allowed to learn and make mistakes along the way. Let me repeat myself, I said we do this 'jokingly'. I also, in my immaturity, like to keep an open mind about the differences in people. Some people just.. dont.. see.. that as being overprotective, just concerned.. actually, it's critical thinking. Just not excepting what other people say, just because the majority says it. But rather, doing things based on facts. And it seems as though her husband is looking for some facts. And then again... he could be being sensitive, overbearing, jealous, and insecure... Just like someone can be having a heart attack, or just having heartburn.. My point, i'm not in her household, so i'm just being objective and introducing another "theory". Which is basically what everyone's comments are since we don't fully know her situation... Right? :kiss

Skittlez, Thank you for not taking offense at what I said. To be honest, I think her situation hit a little bit close to home. No, my husband hasn't expressed this & at this stage of our lives, he knows better but way back when, well, his attitude prevented me from returning to school & even caused me to quit the one time I did get to go to nursing school. See, I am not yet a nurse. I start classes in a couple weeks. Over the years he got over his insecurities. He won't make those kind of remarks. He knows how important this is to me, enough that I am going from retiring from one profession to all the way back to being a student in less than one week.

Just yesterday he made a negative remark, one about him thinking I never could give a shot because I won't give one to an animmal. I let him know that wouldn't be a problem & even offered to practice on him,if he doubted. LOL

I truly believe that the OP's husband is "overbearing, jealous, and insecure" just like my husband was 25 years ago. My husband saw me becoming a nurse as a way to get out of our relationship. He knew that with 3 kids & no skills, I would stay where I was no matter what happened but if I could make a decent living, if I found that I wanted to leave, I would be free to do it knowing I could support my children. I did go to wqork & made a decent living, one that could support my children & me, if necessary. Once he realized that I had no intention of leaving him, that I was happy in our relationship, he calmed down.

I hope the OP gets things straight with her husband & has enough backbone to let him know that he has no right to call all the shots. This is not the 1950's.

Dixie

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Wow.. no I didn't take offense really. I hope this doesn't happen with us. I'm actually curious to see how she deals with this, just in case. Really I believe that telling your husband those kinds of details is to get a "rise" out of him. Also when you say your husband won't "let" you do something, it's because you "like" that kind of thing (being told what to do). Just my hypothesis, :chair:

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Specializes in LTAC, Telemetry, Thoracic Surgery, ED.

I think what some people are missing is the "that no guy was giving me a sponge bath" I don't think its the giving as much as the receiving from a fellow (male) student

That's what I got from the post

Either way ....issues, issues, issues

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