Children and Going to School

allnurses Guide · Apr 19, 2004

I did like you did, waited until my children were all in school before I started nursing school. I did not want to put them in daycare. My mother-in-law and my mom helped at great deal and my husband was a really wonderful supportive guy . . let me cry on his shoulder when I knew I was too stupid to do this.

Funny, we had another baby almost 3 years ago (unplanned) and are so in love with him that my goal is to be a stay at home mom again, as I was with my other kids. I refuse to work full-time and work 4 days a pay period. My son spends those days at his grandma and grandpa's ranch or with my husband and daughter. My kids are 21, 19, 14 and almost 3.

Best wishes,

steph

mitchsmom · Apr 19, 2004

If any of you have kids the ages of mine, how did they handle you being gone so much, how your husbands felt about helping out a lot more with everything and if it caused any problems on the "home front".

I have an almost 7, almost 5 and 2 y.o. I go part-time so that I have never been gone more than 2 days/wk. My husband's schedule allows him to watch the kids most of the time, but he only does it because he doesn't want them at a sitter/daycare even though he doesn't really want to watch them either. He would rather me not be in school, but I don't think I'm doing anything wrong - I feel like part-time was my compramise. For these reasons, it has caused a lot of problems on the home front with my husband, but not with the kids. I think they would definitely notice more if I were full-time, especially since I've been a stay at home mom. For summer my classes are all online and for Fall my 5 yo will start K and my 2 yo will do daycare (I don't feel too bad since it will be kind of lonely around here with both his brothers at school all day) on my 2 days on, so I hope that will alleviate alot of the conflict w/ dh from here on out. By the way, he doesn't usually take them anywhere, they usually just bide the time at home. I have told him the kids would be more occupied (and behave better) if they were occupied at the park or whatever. He has since gone a couple of times and I think those days were better for him. He really would rather just do his thing in the garage or whatever and that just leads to frustration of course. The house is also usually a disaster when I get home. If your husband agrees with your desire to go to school you probably won't have these problems, or on a much much smaller scale than I do. But honestly for us it is a huge daily struggle. Best wishes.

scrubs70 · Apr 19, 2004

I have an 8 yr old, 3 year old and 1 yr old, I have been doing my nursing externally, so that I can still be at home to take care of the kids. Although finding study time is not easy, but then sleep is an over rated past time anyway.

I wish you all the best in your future :)

JudithL_in_NH · Apr 19, 2004

Mine are 19, 17, and 10. I'm in my late 40s. Until nursing school I was a work-at-home SAHM, doing medical transcription and tutoring--so I was nearly always home, very available, ready to do things at the drop of a hat, and available as a chauffeur, coach, etc. My husband has always worked long and irregular hours and been only minimally involved in the kids' lives.

The older ones have finally sorted out that I am, indeed, a full time student. I did get the "aren't you a nurse already?" line from them after taking one prerequisite! If only it were that easy! They now do seem to understand that I'm gone pretty much four days a week.

At times they resent school--like when I'm not available to chauffeur (or lend my car) to the 17 year old. My 19 year old is home for a long weekend (college freshman) and asked me to go to a movie with him last night--I had to say, "Sorry, I have a test tomorrow." I really would have liked to go with him--but I just couldn't, I had to study and get my rest.

The little one takes it the hardest. Sometimes she tells me she hates me, or leaves me notes saying she does. I'm just not available the way I used to be, and she tells me she doesn't like it. We always spent a lot of time together and had fun together. I am home all but one afternoon when she gets off the school bus (and the 17-yo is there then), but I need to study or I'm typing up care plans on the computer. Often, she comes with me to study at the library or at a coffee shop, and then I take her out for ice cream after.

Her father has had to pitch in to help with her--driving her to ballet class, being home for her on delayed opening mornings, etc--and he does not do so with a smile on his face--so that adds to her discontent. I try to carve out time for her daily, but it just isn't the same. She really is a good kid and is adjusting, but it is hard on her.

My older ones are awesome kids--never cause any trouble, never in trouble, moral, good students--and at times I worry that if #3 turns out to be a more troubled adolescent, I'll feel very guilty for not being there for her because of school. I've enlisted the older ones to pay more attention to her, and they do. I like to think I've laid the right foundations for her, and that she's learning to be more independent--but you still worry what the effects of your actions are on them.

I've applied for an externship for the summer, but, because I want to be around for her and the rest of my family, I've asked for only 24h/week--they've said they may give the slot to someone who's available full time. If so, then so be it. I'm just not ready to give up the entire summer and not spend a good chunk of it with my family.

So, anyway, my kids are great--but it has been an adjustment and the kids are often annoyed that I'm not as available as I used to be. Nonetheless, they're supportive, and I think they'll turn out fine. I, too, really felt I had to wait until they were these ages to do this. Nursing school is a big strain on my marriage--my husband would rather work 18h/day than have to tend to his kids, but this has been a struggle with him for the last 19 years--so it isn't news---I knew going in that he wouldn't be all that supportive and that the kids and I would have to endure his ill humor over increased parenting responsibilities.

Best of luck to you as you sort all this out. Feel free to PM if you ever need to vent!

S.N. Visit, BSN, RN · Apr 19, 2004

I'm another mom/ new student. My girls are a bit younger than your boys, ages: almost 9, almost 6 and almost 2. The oldest two understand that I will be in school for a very long time. I told them they will be almost teenagers when I'm finished with school and become a nurse. I can relate though to your boys thinking! My girls think every test I take is my entrance exam. :chuckle

As for the husband's support, I'm also afraid that when I do start working, their Dad won't quite know what to do with the kids. He's a terrible supervisor when watching the kids. That's why I go to day classes and have the baby in day-care 2 hours 4 days a week. He's glad that I want to earn an income, but he also ******s about me not keeping up on the housework, and being able to be at his beck and call. I suppose I'll have to do part time work, like my part time schooling.

Congrats on starting this fall!!

( hopefully I'll take & pass my entrance exam this fall and be able to start my program next summer.)

JudithL_in_NH · Apr 19, 2004

Just an additional, "funny" note about husbands being unsupportive.

The DH does dinner on Sunday evening (his ONE scheduled cooking day, although he does sometimes cook during the week when I'm overwhelmed). Last night I was studying for my test, and it was getting later and later. The teens had gone out to a movie, so it was just me, the DH, and the 10-yo, and he says to me, completely seriously:

"Do you think you two could skip eating tonight?"

Skip eating? Because he didn't feel like cooking? Sure, 10 year olds don't need dinner on school nights! I gave him "the look," and he went and made a frozen pizza.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

luckyladyore · Apr 19, 2004

Just an additional, "funny" note about husbands being unsupportive.
The DH does dinner on Sunday evening (his ONE scheduled cooking day, although he does sometimes cook during the week when I'm overwhelmed). Last night I was studying for my test, and it was getting later and later. The teens had gone out to a movie, so it was just me, the DH, and the 10-yo, and he says to me, completely seriously:
"Do you think you two could skip eating tonight?"
Skip eating? Because he didn't feel like cooking? Sure, 10 year olds don't need dinner on school nights! I gave him "the look," and he went and made a frozen pizza.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

That was funny and sounds like my household when I tell my husband the same Im not cooking tonite so he loves chinese noodles so now mykids love it too makes my life easier! Im currently in school obtaining a nursing degree LPN/ RN

krissypoo · Apr 19, 2004

I have an almost 7, almost 5 and 2 y.o. I go part-time so that I have never been gone more than 2 days/wk. My husband's schedule allows him to watch the kids most of the time, but he only does it because he doesn't want them at a sitter/daycare even though he doesn't really want to watch them either. He would rather me not be in school, but I don't think I'm doing anything wrong - I feel like part-time was my compramise. For these reasons, it has caused a lot of problems on the home front with my husband, but not with the kids. I think they would definitely notice more if I were full-time, especially since I've been a stay at home mom. For summer my classes are all online and for Fall my 5 yo will start K and my 2 yo will do daycare (I don't feel too bad since it will be kind of lonely around here with both his brothers at school all day) on my 2 days on, so I hope that will alleviate alot of the conflict w/ dh from here on out. By the way, he doesn't usually take them anywhere, they usually just bide the time at home. I have told him the kids would be more occupied (and behave better) if they were occupied at the park or whatever. He has since gone a couple of times and I think those days were better for him. He really would rather just do his thing in the garage or whatever and that just leads to frustration of course. The house is also usually a disaster when I get home. If your husband agrees with your desire to go to school you probably won't have these problems, or on a much much smaller scale than I do. But honestly for us it is a huge daily struggle. Best wishes.

I am on the same page!!!! i have a 6 mos old and i started w/ 9 credit hours this spring. It is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard. i have no problem with my classes because they are basic pre-reqs but finding time to study OMG, right!

I tell my boyfriend, my daughter's dad, that i need weekends to study. he always says fine but when the weekends come he always has something he has to do. Like my studying is less important then his erronds, give me a break! it has been so frustrating, thought i was alone here. what do i do though? To mAKE things even more frustrating i am planning on transfering to a tougher school. the school i am at now doesn't have a bsn program- only RN......anywho, just wanted you to know i feel ya sista!!!!!!

best of wishes to you!!!!!!!!!!!

-krissy

studentnurse74, LPN, LVN · Apr 19, 2004

Just an additional, "funny" note about husbands being unsupportive.
The DH does dinner on Sunday evening (his ONE scheduled cooking day, although he does sometimes cook during the week when I'm overwhelmed). Last night I was studying for my test, and it was getting later and later. The teens had gone out to a movie, so it was just me, the DH, and the 10-yo, and he says to me, completely seriously:
"Do you think you two could skip eating tonight?"
Skip eating? Because he didn't feel like cooking? Sure, 10 year olds don't need dinner on school nights! I gave him "the look," and he went and made a frozen pizza.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Laugh, just laugh! :chuckle It has nothing to do with your husband, he's just a man, and that's a man thing! I could see my hubby saying that.

mitchsmom · Apr 19, 2004

"Do you think you two could skip eating tonight?"

LMAO!!! :rotfl:

Also, thanks for comiserating Krissy.

I never really get used to it & some days it feels even harder than before... my husband and I are at what you call an 'impasse' on the matter. I'm really hoping my arrangements for the summer and fall will help things a bit.

Stick to your guns ladies - you know the guys would, right?! But do continue to make time for the babies (no matter how old they are) :)

RNSuzq1, RN · Apr 23, 2004

Just an additional, "funny" note about husbands being unsupportive.
The teens had gone out to a movie, so it was just me, the DH, and the 10-yo, and he says to me, completely seriously:
"Do you think you two could skip eating tonight?"
Skip eating? Because he didn't feel like cooking? Sure, 10 year olds don't need dinner on school nights! I gave him "the look," and he went and made a frozen pizza.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Judith, almost fell out of my chair laughing over this one - MEN!!!! Seems that even with most women in the work-force these days - we are still supposed to be the ones that taxi the kids around, cook, clean, etc. My husband will help if I ask him (sometimes asking several times) - but just the fact that I have to ask him is what gets me. Just once I wish he'd do something that needs doing without me Nagging him about it. :angryfire

He had the last 3 days off of work. When I got home from work today found that he'd washed and dried "1" load of his clothes and tossed them on the couch all in a pile (I'm assuming they were left for me or the clothes fairy to fold). Also seemed to ignore the pile of dishes in the sink - we have a dishwasher - how hard would it have been for him to open it up and put the dishes in? Good Grief!!!! I would kill to have 3 days off without the kids under my feet, I'd have this place spotless.

My Dad was a huge help to my Mom, so I know not all guys are like little boys that need to be asked or told what to do - but a lot of them are. For some reason "Us Mom's" are the only ones that realize the kids have to get to school, eat, have clean clothes, the yard needs weeding, bills need paying, house needs cleaning - on and on and on, never ends...

Just hoping if I start school full-time in the Fall that he'll realize he needs to pitch in and help a lot more without me asking. Our Boys have sort of gotten used to "eating" on a regular basis :chuckle - maybe he'll catch on to this and cook once in awhile when I'm not at home.

Oh Well, maybe it will all work out somehow and the guys will realize all that we do and finally appreciate us. By the way - what part of NH are you from? Take Care, SusanNC