OK, Mario's thread about cheese, and Zhakrin's coke bottle post made me think up this one for fun. We've all had them, or heard about them. What is the most interesting thing you have had a person insert into an orifice, on pupose (forget the moldy baloney sandwiches between fat folds.)
I would imagine ER and OR/PACU nurses deal with this the most. My ER nurse friend told me this one. On survelience camera, they saw a woman come in with a large blanket wrapped wrapped around herself. They were naturally curious, when they got her inside, she opened the blanket to show her nipple caught between her boyfriend's teeth!
One anesthesilogist said on his ER rotation in med school, they had a guy come in with the John Travolta spandex flare pants. They were so tight, they could not get them off, and he had arrested. They cut off the pants and found a huge salami taped to his leg.
My only personal PACU story is having to go in on call for a guy who got hamburger tongs stuck up his butt. Another PACU nurse said he favorite was a jean nate bottle.
Female psych pt. with a roll of $300 stolen from another pt. hidden in her lady parts. After removal, we had money floating in pans of disinfectant all over the nurses station for the rest of the shift.
28 year old pysch patient decides to kill himself so he grabs a butcher knife and cuts of his member..
..the pain is so bad and guess what? he is not dying fast enough so he grabs a bottle of BBQ starter fuild and pours it all over himself and light himself on fire...
well this hurts even worst so the moron throws himself out the 3rd floor window...not over yet...
he does not die... a street sign saves his life when he become impaled on it. Enters at the armpit and exits the shoulder.
This guy was a mess....and very clueless
I hate to admit it but I have to write a humor book called "Suicide, getting it right the first time"
Forgot about my piercing fetish guy...stuck a upholstery needle filled with cocaine up his urethra to numb up his member to pierce it. Shot orajel and neosporin up there the next day b/c it started looking infected. Came in to the ER when he started "peeing gravel."
Lets see in my two years as an ER tech I saw a psych pt with a stomach full of rocks (he was in twice for this in about a 6 month period). A member ring(use your imagination) that was WAY to small had to be cut off with a cast saw. And we had a guy zip his member up in his zipper he was way drunk and didn't realize he had done it until his buddies pointed it out to him. And I took a call from a man who had but those chinese ball that you roll around in your hands for relaxation in his butt, and couldnt get them out!! I 'll never forget what the nurse told him.....Like everything else this too will pass.... thought i would fall over laughing.
I have no personal orifice stories but have heard lots. I did have a patient who started singing songs about gerbils crawling around when the CV surgeon pulled her mediastinal tubes out.
I got pulled to MICU a few weeks ago and cared for a lady who was post PTCA. She refused to have her Foley removed because she said it gave her "mini-orgasms".
bagladyrn, RN
2,286 Posts
Female psych pt. with a roll of $300 stolen from another pt. hidden in her lady parts. After removal, we had money floating in pans of disinfectant all over the nurses station for the rest of the shift.