Visitors with no common sense!!

KaraLea, LVN · Jun 10, 2002

I like the ones who say "The doctor said we can have as many in the room as we want and we can stay as long as we want" My answer is always the same..."Then the doctor needs to write that as an order, until we have the written doctor's order the facility's routine policy stands"

thisnurse · Jun 10, 2002

i was in a car accident and hospitalized for two months ....in traction with a broken femur, my arm was also broken and my face was all torn up. and i was pregnant.

i HATED visitors other than my immediate family. i was not up to entertaining. i swear people came out of the woodwork to see me. relatives i hadnt seen in 15 years or more. people would come in and just stand at bedside and stare at me. they couldnt think of anything to say and that left me feeling like i had to maintain a conversation. sometimes i just pretended to fall asleep. they still wouldnt leave.

so often i felt like i was on display. other peoples visitors would be walking down the hall, see the traction bars and feel obligated to come in and ask me what happened .

some ppl wanted to take my picture.

my roomies visitors would stare at me and talk about me as tho i wasnt there or the curtain was soundproof.

the whole visitor thing became a nightmare. i had been to the OR a few times and HATED coming up from recovery to visitors.

one night there was about 6 ppl in my room, one was extremely drunk. i didnt even consider some of them friends. in fact two of them i didnt even like. i became so upset with the insanity of the whole situation, my mother threw everyone out.

NOT ONCE DID ANY OF MY NURSES CLEAR THE ROOM. and i wished they had.

im so sensitive to this issue now that im a nurse. i have no problem limiting visitors to two...im sorry you guys will have to take turns visiting while the rest of you wait in the lounge.

im sorry ...your mom needs some rest..could you come back later?

look...we have a problem here...your moms roomie is very ill, there are too many of you and its too noisy. we are either going to have to limit her visitors or you will have to arrange for your mom to have a private room.

and i have no problem telling them to leave either.

its usually the patients call but sometimes they dont even have to say anything, the look on their faces is enough to say they want to be alone. why cant the stupid family see that?

MHN · Jun 10, 2002

The psych unit where i work has visiting hrs 4pm- 8pm with some leeway,the med surg unit i worked in had visiting from 10am-8pm except 1pm - 3pm and that was nap time.

In the maternity unit visits by dads & partners (significant others) in am .visiting hrs in pm 3pm - 5pm and then 7pm -8pm.

when I was doing midwifery training had male visitor abuse us because we had lost his 3yr old son .The boy was found in the lower basement when the orderlies were transferring deceased patient to the morgue.

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Jun 10, 2002

YOU had lost his son??? I don't think so.

Huganurse- I am furious (and I wasn't even there) about you not being the very first one to hold your baby. And to think you had to get up and go find him yourself. I don't blame you for being angry at the nurses, and the family, and jeez, what was your husband thinking? But the baby should have been given to you right off, or to your husband to carry over to you. Arghhh.

OBNURSEHEATHER · Jun 10, 2002

I'm sorry for your terrible experience Huganurse. I always put moms first in every aspect of care. We always have visitors that say it's too cold in the mom's rooms. (The pt's all have individual controls in their rooms). I smile and tell them that mom is warm and mom comes first, and that they are welcome to go home and get a sweater.

When I've been in a mom's room, and she tells me to keep baby in the nursery so she can catch a nap. 10 minutes later the in laws show up and are themselves standing at the nursery door demanding that the baby be in the room, I tell them no, that perhaps they should have called mom to she if she was prepared for visitors before they came.

My least favorite is when a dozen people accompany a fresh c-section. What is that about?

I was involved in my unit having signs made for mom's door. DO NOT DISTURB UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE - PLEASE SEE NURSE.

Yes, it's inconvnient to me, but mom's have such a hard time being the bad guy when it comes to a little R&R. I tell them all the time, tell me what you need and I'll be the bad guy.

Heather

ubcnme · Jun 10, 2002

OMG! I can certainly relate to these situations. Once while working on tele, had a 80+ year old male, totally disoriented and total care with 6 family members that stayed around the clock....laying around in the recliners, in and out of the kitchen, asking me to give 'dad' a bath and 'can you turn him now'..like I didn't know my own job! Thankfully he had a private room but it looked more like a slumber party. Finally, I got so fed up with them that I told them only 2 at a time and there was a family waiting room down the hall. I explained as diplomatically as I could that he needed his rest and I needed to do my job without all of the observation/comments. They looked stunned, BUT they did what I asked them too without any nasty remarks. I had been bracing myself.

These situations do not only go on the in hospital, let me tell you. Now I work at a county health dept in immunizations. It just KILLS me as to how many people have to accompany mom and/or dad to 'see' baby get their shots! The parents will even bring the older siblings back and comment "Let's watch little Joey get his shots"! I think this is so cruel, morbid, or something...they actually like to watch the baby cry and get poked. Just last week mom had a friend with her who also had a baby (who wasn't getting shots) along with THREE other children anywhere from 5 y.o. on down and when I called baby they ALL got up. I said "I have very limited space in my room so I would really appreciate it if just mom and baby come back"....Ohhhh with looks of disgust on their faces! Tough! And this kind of thing happens on almost a daily basis here....I just don't get it....or they don't get it....or something!

whipping girl in 07, RN · Jun 10, 2002

All these stories make me glad I work in ICU! We have pretty strict visiting hours and we hand out a sheet to the closest family member when the patient is admitted spelling out the hours, number of immediate family members allowed at a time, under 14 not allowed above 1st floor, no cell phones, etc. We also give the patient number to the family member and tell them they can use it when they call to check on the patient, and only to give it to one or two people. When I add that if I'm spending all my time on the phone telling the family how Grandma is doing, I can't be taking care of Grandma. That usually limits the phone calls and then number of people with Grandma's hospital number. As for the visitors, we have people walk in with babies and little kids all the time. Whoever sees them first stops them and kicks them out. We have made some exceptions, though, like several months ago, we had this 41 year old mom of two who had been in the unit for over a month, had been at death's door on more than one occasion, was AAO but not yet able to go to a regular room, and it was her birthday. So we waited till after 1pm visiting hours and let the kids come up and have a little party for their mom. She had been missing those kids so much; it really brightened her day. It was one of those times that it was OK to bend the rules.

So for all you folks who work in units with limited access (ICU, etc), how often do you have visitors try to sneak in, as in stand by the door waiting for a staff member to walk in or out, then rush through while the door is open? It drives me crazy!! I had a patient last week whose family kept doing that. I know they meant well (pt was very confused and did much better when family was in the room) but it drove me crazy. After two nights, I had a long talk with them and explained that we weren't doing anything for Grandma in ICU that couldn't be done in a regular room. It was obvious they wanted to stay with her, but they couldn't in the unit, and she did better with them there with her. If she was in a regular room, she could have one of them with her all the time. If they told the doctors they wanted her out of the unit, they'd probably listen. They were in complete agreement with me! They also told me that her doctor had not wanted her transferred to ICU to begin with, and it was the doctor on call who gave the order, even though the answering service had been instructed to call the patient's doctor (not the on call doctor) for any concerns for this particular patient. Arrgh! The second night I took care of her, I had to call the doctor on her, and the answering service told me he wasn't on call, and I informed them that he had been very upset the night before when he was not called on this patient. She paged him and of course he called me back.

I haven't been doing this for very long, but I'm not afraid to step on anyone's toes! I've kicked out plenty of people who need to be, and if my patient is AAO, I tell them that I get to set the hours for visiting, and if they don't want anyone, or want just so-and-so, let me know. I'll walk out there and be the bad guy, never letting anyone know that the PATIENT doesn't want visitors. :devil:

semstr · Jun 10, 2002

wow, i can't believe that inlaws can hold their grandchildren, nephews or nieces before the mum does!

Would be a absolute no, no here. Since mum decides who is going to hold the baby after she has hold it. After a C-section, dad or whoever mum decides to, can hold, if not baby is in nursery till mum is recovered.

Dads are allowed 8am till 8pm, all others 2 till 6 pm, no more then 3 ppl in the room.

We have big problems with immigrants from Africa or the middle east, where it is normal that the whole familiy takes care of the new mother and newborn child.

When you explain, they don't have to bring the food and that the nurses show the breastfeeding, some of those old women can't believe it. Not until the new mum says it's the truth, then they leave and we (the nurses) get the food for doing our jobs.

take care, Renee

SmilingBluEyes · Jun 10, 2002

THEY ***DON'T*** WHERE I WORK, renee...I PROMISE YOU THAT....the ONLY time inlaws and any others would get to hold baby first would be in the case of an ILL mom who cannot for some reason hold her baby right away and NO father of baby is available. The PARENTS have that HONOR always in my care unless extenuating circumstances exist prohibiting this for some reason. And, That is rare. Of course, Cultural differences do make it a challenge at times, and if the MOTHER expresses preferences toward that effect, I honor them. But I take my cues from the new parents. :cool:

LasVegasRN · Jun 10, 2002

Hasn't anyone had the experience of the "distraught" family member DEMANDING medication from you because they are so distraught? When I was working CCU, that happened I don't know how many times! Screaming family members saying how terribly DISTRAUGHT their mother/father/brother/sister/Aunt/Uncle/WHATEVER is over the whole situation, CAN'T YOU PEOPLE GIVE THEM A VALIUM??!! Unbelievable!!

I have to chime in on my own OB experience. 70 hours into my high risk induction, the PHONE in my room rings. Keeps ringing. I'm thinking WTF? I answer, thinking this must be a wrong number, surely no one would be calling me in the labor room. It's my best friend in Toledo.."Hey? What's up?" I had to take a deep breath, as best I could during a contraction, and say, "Uh, let me call you AFTER I'M DONE DELIVERING". I still can't believe that.

BadBird, BSN, RN · Jun 10, 2002

I tell the visitors that no one under 14 is allowed period! The rooms are not child proof and we are not responsible if someone gets hurt. Many don't like it but if you stand firm they usually back down. If anyone gets nasty with me I give them the option of leaving before I call security.

kittyw · Jun 11, 2002