Twas the Night before JCAHO...

  1. I think I've finally lost it...:imbar

    Twas the Night Before JCAHO and all through the place
    Staff tried to remember to "PASS" and to "RACE"
    The employee files were reviewed with care
    In hopes that all 6000 papers were there.

    The patients were sparkling and tucked in their beds
    With neatly fluffed pillowed placed under their heads.
    The nurses were writing, as busy as bees
    Charting Oral care, Toenail Care, Plan of Care, Pee!

    The doors all few open; with faces quite grim
    Six people with business suits, clipboard and pen
    Filed purposely forward to the nurses' station!
    One picked up a Coke can: "TYPE I VIOLATION!"

    They rummaged through cabinets, Pyxis and shelves
    More industrious than old Santa Claus' elves!
    They ripped through supply carts until they perspired.
    "Did you know that your toilet paper is expired?"

    They went to the patient rooms! "How do you think
    I can reach the call light if I fall at the sink?"
    They talked to the patient in 12 with DT's
    Who thought that the nurses were all giant fleas.

    The Hemorrhoid pt's site ID went fine
    Til they asked him to reach his own rectum to sign.
    Then they asked for a demo of evacuation
    Of a 400 lb. man from the 19th floor station.

    "Are your salt packets new? Is your pepper too old?
    Are your cold dishes hot or your hot dishes cold?
    Did your cordon bleu chef train in Europe a year?
    And what would you do if your pt. wants beer?"

    Code pink and code orange, code black and code blue!
    Code yellow and purple and mulberry too!
    They hopped on the Hippa and pounced on the Pain!
    Talked of cultural needs til the staff wracked their brains!

    "That confused, naked man who is roaming the hall...
    You can't restrain him, but he's risking a fall!"
    "And your Plan of Care doesn't address body image
    For that 90 year old there whose nose has a blemish!"

    "Are you licensed and certified? Tested? Assessed?
    Competencied and religiously blessed?"
    "Are IV tubes labeled? Name bracelets applied?
    Are allergies tattooed both front and backside?"

    At last they all smiled and said, "We are DONE!
    And we've only found two hundred seven type One's!
    But we'll be back soon to see all is perfection.
    In the meantime we leave you with greatest affection."

    Twas the night AFTER JCAHO; the staff all collapsed
    And drank Margaritas in a bubble bath!

    (Just get me through next week...) JeannieM
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    About JeannieM

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  3. by   tattooednursie

    Thats me after the state is at my facility.
  4. by   sjoe
    Cute. And very creative for someone so young.

    JCAHO = Just Coming Around to Help Out.
    Last edit by sjoe on Nov 13, '02
  5. by   Sleepyeyes
    I love it!!

  6. by   Stargazer
  7. by   night owl
    Another one for the bulletin board! Thanks JennieM, that was great......
  8. by   BadBird
    A poet who doesn't know it? So cute !!!!
  9. by   spineCNOR
    Jeanne-- you are GOOD!!!
  10. by   JenKatt
    Thank you sooooooo much... JCAHO is making a surprise visit in less than a month, we got 1 months notice.. since we're military, the JCAHO equivalent is also coming.. talk about psycho!!!
  11. by   fab4fan
    Thanks for the laugh!
  12. by   adrienurse
    Yay! Jeannie's back!
  13. by   sanakruz
    You need to publish this, girlfriend, I mean it. Awesome!
  14. by   SandyB
    How many JCAHO surveyors does it take to change a lightbulb?
    25 - One to change the light bulb and twenty-four to write the standards and tell her what she did wrong. Unknown

    What's a JCAHO auditor?
    Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. Unknown

    Found these looking up info on JACHO. Note they are by unknown.
    Publish your poem. It's GREAT!